A Little Bit of Guilt: Little Bits #5

by Murphy, A. E.

  “Because I’m having twins,” I reply gently and her jaw hits the floor. I can see all of her back teeth.

  “Identical,” Dr. Bala adds, grinning at me briefly before returning her gaze back to the screen. “I’m very sure, but obviously even I can make mistakes.”

  “Really?”

  “Do you want to know their sex?”

  I nod frantically. “Yes. Please.”

  Marie still seems to be in shock, her eyes are shining with moisture, her fingers still touching her lips. Oh my God…

  “Are you crying?” I ask, trying to fight my smile but failing.

  She wipes her cheek on her sleeve. “I’m not crying, you’re crying!”

  “Mm-hmm.”

  “Shut up and let the doctor do her thing.”

  I bite my lip, grinning so wide my cheeks hurt.

  Dr. Bala raises her brows in question. “You really want to know?”

  “Yes,” Marie says for me, leaning even closer to the screen.

  With a few more clicks and some more rolling of the dongle, Dr. Bala tells me, “You’re having boys.”

  “YES!” Marie cheers, jumping up out of her chair. “FINALLY!”

  I throw my head back and laugh at her as she wiggles her butt, doing a peculiar victory dance. She sways her arms and turns, cheering quietly now.

  “She’s not all there,” I whisper, and Marie stops and smiles maniacally at me.

  “We have no boys in our tribe,” Marie explains to Dr. Bala who is eyeing her curiously. “And twin boys are going to make my brother’s life absolute hell.”

  “And mine,” I mumble, playfully grumpy.

  “Yeah, true, but still, years and years of torment at his hands is finally being paid back in kind. Plus, the fact he got twins means that I likely won’t because statistically that’s so rare for siblings to both get twins.”

  “That’s a good point,” I mutter, suddenly feeling as though I drew the short straw.

  Kidding of course.

  “These babies are going to have so much love, I can see it already.” Sally the receptionist puts in, having stayed silent until now.

  I look at the screen again and smile. “So much love.”

  After a couple of minutes that Marie and I spend whispering amongst ourselves, I am handed evidence of the sonogram, two tiny little square photos. Two more to add to my growing collection. The last time I came the boys were topping and tailing. I can’t believe how much they move without me feeling it. It’s crazy.

  “Same as always, Summer,” Dr. Bala instructs, bringing my and Marie’s attention back to her. “You’ve got me on speed dial, you take it easy. Take your prenatal vitamins, I cannot express how important that is with you having two babies and eat a balanced diet. Do your Kegels.”

  “Yeah, you don’t want a flappy vagina,” Marie puts in but we all ignore her.

  “I promise.” I wipe down my stomach and then drop my shirt back over it. “See you in three weeks?”

  “Definitely. Babies are still measuring at an equal size but that will change, and we have to keep an eye on the smaller one when the time comes, but I’m not worried and you shouldn’t be either.”

  “You got it, Doc,” Marie answers for me, a bright smile on her face.

  I finish up with Dr. Bala, get my phone off Sally, thank them and follow Marie out of the room. It’s not until we’re out of the office that she throws her fist up in the air and declares, “YES!”

  “I take it you’re happy then?”

  “Oh man, you have no idea how hard I’m gonna make life for y’all. My nephews are going to be my evil little minions.”

  I deadpan, “I will destroy you.”

  “Not before they destroy you.” She skips ahead, whistling happily, bobbing her blonde, evil head merrily. “Oh, Summer, this is such good news. You have no idea how happy this is gonna make my dad and gramps. These babies are the leverage I need to convince them to move closer.”

  I grimace. “Isn’t Mason on rocky terms with your dad?”

  “Exactly, babies fix relationships. The familial kind though. Not the lover’s kind. Babies just make shit messy in romantic relationships, no offense. Good luck with that.”

  I punch her arm and she wags her eyebrows at me, but then her face becomes serious and her eyes slowly drag to my stomach.

  “Seriously though, Summer. This is such a blessing and my dad is amazing with kids. Always was. He loved us more than the earth. If you can help convince my brother in some way to forgive my pa, I’d appreciate it. Dad’s a changed man, he’s in a good place, he’s got a decent job, and I know he’d adore these babies and help out every chance he can, but only if Mason lets him.”

  I take the hand she holds out to me and we share a moment, the kind which we’ve never shared before. Marie doesn’t often talk about her dad or any of her family for that matter. They make her vulnerable and she hates being vulnerable. “I’ll do what I can. Mason already said he wanted me to meet them when he gets back. He thinks Christmas is the perfect time.”

  “Great idea, your parents, my family, tell them all at once and watch the drama unfold.” She cackles evilly. She’s good at that. “Right, let’s go get pizza and take you home.”

  “Actually.” I chew on my lip and put on my best puppy dog expression. “Can we go baby shopping? I really want to get some things to coo over.”

  I clasp my hands under my chin for extra sympathy

  “Ugh… fine…”

  “Thank you, best friend.” I hug her arm and rest my head on her shoulder.

  “Don’t touch me,” she jests, gently pushing me away.

  “Frosty bitch.”

  “And you know it.”

  I sigh wistfully. “I’m having boys. I can see all of the matching outfits, little caps, little sneakers and jeans, and those cute little Spanish outfits that are all the rage at the moment.”

  “Sounds fun,” she grits, her eyes showing her horror. “Such fun.”

  “Shut up, you’re going to love every minute of it.”

  She finally smiles and winks at me. “I am. We are. This is awesome, Summer. Twins… can you believe it?”

  “Nope, I’m terrified. I’m never going to sleep again.”

  She chuckles, it sounds as evil as the cackle she did. “Nope. Definitely not.” Then she rubs her hands together and shakes her shoulders. “Let’s go shopping for boy things. Unless you’re raising them to be genderless or something?”

  “If they want to wear dresses when they’re older, whatever, but I’m dressing them in sailor suits and blue things until then.”

  “Right on.” She cracks her knuckles as though preparing for a fight, not shopping for outfits and bedding for a crib we don’t even have yet.

  Or cribs, even. Plural.

  “Do twins sleep together in the first year?”

  She shrugs. “Probably. I don’t remember that far back. I shared a room with Mason until we turned nine, but I always remember us having separate beds.”

  She taps away on her phone. “Maya wants to come. Does she know?”

  “Yeah, it slipped out in conversation a while ago.”

  Marie’s eyes pierce me with rays of icy gray. “Maya knew and I didn’t?”

  “Whatever, you made her your maid of honor. Cunt.”

  “Does this mean we’re even?”

  I shake my head. “Not by a long shot.”

  We meet up with Maya forty minutes later and stop for a quick bite to eat before we hit the mall. She has Evelyn in a gorgeous maroon stroller, looking so cute in a little mustard-yellow summer dress complete with matching hat that she keeps yanking off and frilly socks.

  “Look at those leggies,” I coo, my baby voice at full force as I pinch the little girl’s thighs, making her giggle and squeal.

  “This is exciting.” Maya beams. “I feel bad that I’m more excited to shop for your babies than I was my own.”

  “No, I get it,” Marie puts in thoughtfully, “I’d be
devastated right now if I found out I was pregnant.” She slurps her drink through a paper straw. “I’m not sure what I’d do to be honest. I’m getting married in February.”

  “Can’t you move it to May or something? So I can come to the bachelorette party?” I plead and Marie just grins at me. It’s not happening.

  “You’ll probably have already had them by then,” Maya suggests, leaning over to wipe yogurt from around Evelyn’s mouth with the bib hanging over her dress. “How’s Mason?”

  “We’ve been emailing a lot,” I respond with a happy smile. “He responds every other day at the moment and we’ve spoken twice since…” I let my words drift off. Marie knows exactly what I’m talking about.

  “Since?” Maya prompts.

  “He’s making more of an effort, that’s good.” Marie sips her drink and prods her salad with her fork. “Ugh. This sucks.”

  “Yep,” Maya agrees, poking her own salad with her fork.

  I pick up my greasy, sloppy joe and take a huge bite. “This is amazing.”

  “I hate you,” Maya grumbles and Marie nods.

  “Well, she is eating for three.”

  I roll my eyes. “I’m eating for one full person and two tiny oranges. I’m not about to get crazy. Besides, I have to eat a balanced diet.”

  “Milkshakes are balanced.”

  “So is cookie dough.”

  They look at each other and start giggling. I join in after a moment of rolling my eyes and Evelyn squawks at us all and starts babbling in toddler language. Maya seems to know exactly what she wants.

  When Marie’s phone rings, she raises a brow, glances at me, and then turns it screen down on the table. That’s kind of suspicious.

  “Who was it?”

  Maya’s phone rings a second later but hers is in her bag. She digs through it and then mutters a curse when she sees who it is.

  Her eyes go to Marie’s and then to me.

  “What?” I demand, brows pulled in, smile gone.

  “It’s nothing.”

  I give them both a pointed look. “Is it Chris? Has he not given up yet?”

  They share another look and I resist the urge to bash their heads together. “Tell me.”

  I changed my number again after that texting fiasco where it turned out that Chris has been cheating on me all these years. I had to because he wouldn’t stop calling me from other phones. It is a nightmare changing your number. Nobody ever tells you how much of a fucking ball ache it is.

  “He’s upset about what happened, he wants to talk to you, to explain.”

  I gape at them both, my eyes flicking from Marie’s stern gray gaze, to Maya’s sympathetic violet stare. “He’s kidding, right?”

  “Nope, I told him he needs to get the fuck over it and stop calling,” Marie proudly states and raises her chin.

  “I told him to fuck off and haven’t spoken to him since. To think I actually paid off his mortgage because I felt bad when he’s been fucking you over for years.” Maya’s bitter tone makes me feel a little better about it all. I know my friends have my back but seeing how upset they are on my behalf really brings it home about how much they care about me.

  “I love you guys.”

  Maya grins. “You too.”

  Marie sticks her tongue out. “Eww… mushy.”

  Evelyn yells, “CAKE!”

  I reach over and tap her little nose. “Good idea.”

  From: Mase-bro@email.com

  To: Sumshine@email.com

  Subject: You’re so big!! <3

  I wish I could feel them kick like you can. Marie said she’s worried about their safety in there because all they do is fight. My sons are gonna be badass like me. Which is good for when they come out ginger and other people’s little bastard children try to bully them for it.

  Were you bullied for being ginger? You’re too sweet to be bullied.

  How’d it go with your parents today? I haven’t heard anything yet. I guess you waited as long as you could to tell them. Sorry I couldn’t be there with you. Also not sorry because I don’t have to hear them yelling. That’s assuming they yelled.

  Only 14 weeks to go and I’m missing it all. I’m trying to get home to you, I promise. I really am trying.

  * * *

  From: Sumshine@email.com

  To: Mase-bro@email.com

  Subject: I’m a blimp.

  My parents took it better than I thought they would. A lot better. Mom is actually really excited. Dad wants to meet you. He’ll automatically respect you because of what you do for our country, but he might also give you shit because he still talks to Chris sometimes. I’ve told him to stop that. Chris is no longer in my life at all, they should respect that.

  I can’t wait for you to be here, I really can’t. I have so much to tell you and to show you. The apartment is… well, it’s totally different. I hope you like it. I’m terrified that you won’t because of how much money and effort has gone into it. But no pressure. I don’t want you living somewhere that you don’t like! We’ll change it. It’s not a big deal.

  I haven’t done the nursery, I thought maybe you’d like to help decorate that? I figured I’d at least give you the choice.

  You sounded so happy when I said we were having boys and I love that you talk about them.

  It makes me feel like you might be as excited as I am now. I can’t wait. I’m counting down the days. I am so ready to be a mom, readier than I’ve ever been for anything in my entire life.

  P.S. I’m ginger, of course I was bullied for it.

  * * *

  From: Mase-bro@email.com

  To: Sumshine@email.com

  Subject: You’re going to be an amazing mom.

  I mean it. No other mother will compare to my lover…

  I should quit my job and become a rap star. Pay for my brood that way. What do you think?

  Super glad your mom and dad aren’t giving you grief. It’s making me anxious to tell my family. They’ll be real happy, and they will love you I know this 100%.

  I’m sorry it has been a few days since I’ve checked in. I hate not seeing your emails or calling you.

  Not long now. I promise.

  I’ll be home before you know it. Though the size of you I won’t be able to get my arms around you. I’m still gonna try though, babe.

  Can you have sex? Is it safe? I don’t want to do anything else all night if it’s safe, but if it’s not, it’s cool. I can wait however long it takes.

  Still…

  I am fucking hard for you all the time, baby. You don’t know how badly I need you.

  * * *

  From: Sumshine@email.com

  To: Mase-bro@email.com

  Subject: Even while I’m this chunky?

  I was worried you wouldn’t find me appealing anymore. I figured because we aren’t in love or anything all my flaws will be visible. Seeing as there are no rose-tinted love-glasses to put a happy biased layer over everything.

  I’m covered in stretchmarks. I’ve never felt more unattractive. It sucks. I feel like such a troll.

  But yes, I can have sex. I’m so horny. All the time. I just don’t know if I want to do it while I look the way I do.

  * * *

  It’s two days later as I’m sitting in the gray and mustard-yellow living room, a hot cocoa between my thighs, noon sun spilling through the cracks in the drapes, that there’s a knock at the door.

  I’m not expecting company so I don’t know who it could be.

  I look through the peephole first and see a mail carrier logo on a dark cap.

  Swinging open the door, I smile at the dude with thick-looking glasses and a long beard that has been tied in the middle.

  “Package for Summer Smith.”

  “Smith?” I mutter but reach for it anyway. That’s Mason’s last name.

  I sign for it on the little handheld device and take the brown-paper-wrapped box. It’s not as heavy as it looks. I give it a gentle shake, but nothing seems to move around
inside.

  “See you later,” the delivery guy says and I give him a polite thanks before closing the door with my foot.

  I sit cross-legged on the glossy wooden floor and tear through the paper wondering what it could be.

  I fold back the cardboard lid which reveals another brown box. Laughing, I pull that free with difficulty and use the house keys to rip through the tape. Inside is another fucking box and the words “hehe” scrawled in black ink across the top and sides.

  This has Mason written all over it.

  I tear through that one too and finally get somewhere. I pull out layers upon layers of brown paper that has been scrunched up into balls and toss it on the floor around me. This thing is packed tight.

  I pull out a smaller box, brown like the rest, half the size of the first and give that a shake, still no rattling. What could this be?

  When I finally pull away the card, my teeth sink into my lip at the sight of a dark green velvet box. It’s jewelry. It has to be. Perhaps a necklace or something. The box is long and narrow and I almost daren’t open it.

  I read the little card that has been attached to the top via silver ribbon and tears fill my eyes.

  A gun for me, because I’m badass, an orange fire opal stone for you, because you’re ginger, and the others speak for themselves.

  I miss you.

  M x

  P.S. I’m sorry I was such an ass.

  I sniffle like a baby as I pull open the lid, revealing the most gorgeous golden chain, it’s a charm bracelet unlike any I’ve ever seen. The chain is a twisting of three different shades of gold and the charms hang from tiny clasps that you can weave into the chain yourself.

  There’s a tiny golden assault rifle, though small it is so very detailed in a beautiful way, it is so Mason. Beside it are two navy-blue pacifier-shaped charms, so small and perfectly identical, they’re for the boys. He was right, they do speak for themselves.