by Paige Toon
Chapter 27
We arrive in Dunster close to midnight after almost five hours of Christmas traffic. I dozed off on the way here but poor Nathan looks shattered. The house is dark, and as I search for my set of keys in my bag, Mum opens the door in her dressing gown.
‘Lucy.’ She gives me a tight hug before turning to Nathan. ‘Diane,’ she introduces herself.
‘We’ve met.’ He smiles. ‘Once or twice before. When we were kids,’ he explains.
‘Oh, have we? I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t worry, Mum.’ I grin. ‘He’s changed quite a bit since then.’
Mum offers to get us something to drink, but we just want to crash out so she leads the way to Nathan’s room on the first floor and goes back into her bedroom across the landing.
‘Will you be okay?’ I ask Nathan from the doorway.
‘Yeah, of course. I’ll see you in the morning, yeah?’
‘Bright and early.’
‘How early? Will you knock on my door? I don’t want to sleep in and make a bad impression.’ He nods towards Mum and Terry’s bedroom.
Ah, bless him. I assure him I will, before closing the door gently behind me and going upstairs to my room.
I wake up at 7.30 the next morning and my excitement about Nathan sleeping on the floor below cancels out for the moment the bad feeling I have about James. I have a shower, then attempt to cover up the bags under my eyes with make-up. I opt for dark blue Diesel jeans and a fitted black jumper and pull my hair back up into a high ponytail. Then I change my mind and take my hair down again. When I’m ready, I go down one flight of stairs and knock on Nathan’s door.
‘I’m awake,’ he calls from inside. ‘I’ll be out in a minute.’
‘I’ll see you in the kitchen!’ I whisper loudly.
Mum, Terry, Tom and Meg are already sitting around the table. Meg’s parents are abroad and she was going to be in the UK alone for Christmas. Tom’s overjoyed that she’s joining us.
‘Hey,’ Tom says affectionately and gets up to give me a hug, as does Terry. Meg smiles sympathetically from the table. I’m guessing Mum filled everyone in last night, which is fine by me. I don’t want to go through it all again.
‘Where’s Nick?’ I ask.
‘Still in bed. Big night down the local,’ Tom explains.
I pull up a chair. Moments later Nathan comes down the stairs and I jump back up again. Oh, my God, he’s here with my family!
‘Hello, Nathan.’ My mum smiles. ‘Did you sleep well?’
‘Yeah, good thanks,’ he replies, a touch nervously.
I introduce everyone and they’re all welcoming and friendly. No one mentions the bruise on Nathan’s temple.
‘Would you like a tea or coffee, dear?’ my mum asks, and we sit down and help ourselves to local farm-shop bacon, and eggs courtesy of our hens in the back garden.
After a while, Nick stumbles down the stairs. Nathan stands up to shake his hand as I introduce them.
‘Fucking hell, mate,’ Nick says when he clocks Nathan’s bruise.
‘Nick, don’t use that sort of language in this house, please!’ Terry admonishes.
‘Chill out, Dad,’ Nick replies and turns back to Nathan’s bruise. ‘That looks bad. Aren’t you going to say, “You should see the other guy”?’
‘The “other guy” is my boyfriend,’ I say mock-prudely, before adding, ‘well, ex boyfriend. And I think Nathan broke his nose.’
‘Shit!’ Nick exclaims. ‘Way to go, mate.’ He grabs Nathan’s hand again and starts shaking it. Nathan looks uncomfortable.
‘Nick!’ Mum exclaims. ‘Don’t be so tasteless.’
‘Sorry, Diane, but if I’d been there I would have done a fuck-load more than break his nose.’
‘NICK!’ Terry shouts, but Nick just grins as his dad raises his eyes to the heavens in despair.
Later that morning, after Mum and Terry have left for work and Nathan is showered and ready, I take him outside to see the goats.
‘You haven’t had a cigarette since you’ve been here, have you?’ I comment.
‘Nah. I really will give up this time. This place is awesome,’ he says as he gazes around at the green hills and over at the castle amid the trees.
‘We’ll have to go for a drive to Exmoor National Park sometime,’ I suggest. ‘Maybe tomorrow? You haven’t been out to the country much since you arrived, have you?’
‘No, not really. I haven’t done anywhere near as much as I meant to. Had all these plans to go for weekend trips to Europe but it just never panned out that way.’
‘Why not?’
‘Wanted to see you, Luce,’ he says, eyes meeting mine.
‘Is that your car?’ Nick interrupts, walking down the path towards us.
‘The Saab? Yeah,’ Nathan answers.
‘Cool car, man.’
‘It’s for sale; I’m going back to Australia in a couple of weeks.’
‘I want it!’ I interject, before Nick can say anything.
‘Hey?’ Nathan laughs.
‘I want it,’ I repeat. ‘I’ll buy it from you.’
‘I’m not going to sell it to you, am I?’ He grins, touching his hand to my cheek. I swear my heart skips a beat.
‘Why not?’ I ask.
‘You can have it, Luce. If you want it.’
‘No, I’ll buy it!’ I insist.
‘No way.’ He laughs. ‘It’s yours.’
‘Whatever…’ Nick mutters and heads off back down the path.
Nathan and I haven’t kissed yet. In fact we’ve barely touched. Not since last Wednesday, up against the wall of the flat. We both know it’s inevitable but we just need the right time without any interruptions. The anticipation is making me nervous.
‘Meg, Nick and I are off down the High Street if you guys want to come?’ Tom calls from the front door.
‘Sure…’
As we walk down the lane to join them I realise I should text Chloe, tell her I’m alright. But as I type a message my phone starts to beep and buzz, alerting me to various messages that have come in since I switched it off last night. Nathan and I look at each other, edgily.
‘I don’t want to speak to him,’ I say. ‘I’m deleting them all.’ I actually mean it.
We wander along the street and around the village shops until eventually we end up in a pub. The five of us pull up chairs in front of the log fire.
Just as I sit down, my phone starts to ring. I press divert. Seconds later it rings again. I’m about to switch it off when Tom pipes up: ‘You’re going to have to talk to him sometime, Lucy.’
‘Oh, for God’s sake!’ I shout at my phone.
‘What do you want?’ I ask coldly down the receiver.
‘Lucy! At last! Where are you?’
‘I don’t want to talk to you, James. Don’t call me again.’
‘Hang on! Baby, please!’
‘Don’t “baby” me, you tosser.’
‘Lucy, come on, this is all a big mix-up.’
‘Ha!’ I can’t believe he has the cheek to say it. ‘I mean it, James. We’re finished. You’ll be hearing from my lawyer about the flat.’ I look over at Meg, who’s trying to keep a straight face. I don’t actually have a lawyer. Well, not anymore anyway.
‘Lucy, wait!’ He’s desperate. ‘There really has been a mistake. Zoe was a nutcase. She’s been obsessed with me for ages!’
‘Oh, give the man an Oscar, for crying out loud.’ A thought suddenly occurs to me. ‘Were you shagging her on holiday?’ I ask. ‘In Spain? Is that why Jeremy said you’d all been having Sex On The Beach?’
‘What?’
‘Was that his pathetic little in-jokey way of implying what you’d been up to? Shit, was that why there was sand in the bed?’
‘Don’t be ridiculous, Lucy.’
‘Don’t you bloody tell me not to be ridiculous. Were you shagging her when her boyfriend was there? Did he even cheat on her? You sick bastard!’
‘I haven’t bee
n shagging her, for Christ’s sake!’
I let out a brittle, hollow laugh. ‘It’s over, James, it’s over. You are an astoundingly good liar, but I have NEVER trusted you. And there’s a reason for that. The least you can do now is be honest with me so I can still have a grain of respect for you.’
‘I am being honest with you!’
‘Bullshit! If you don’t respect me enough to tell me the truth–right now–then I never want to speak to you again. Ever!’ I wait, giving him a moment.
‘Lucy, I am telling you the tru—’ I slam the phone shut. Then I open the battery compartment and pull out the SIM card, Nathan, Nick, Tom and Meg watching every step of the way. Taking the tiny piece of plastic between my thumb and middle finger, I aim and flick it onto the fire.
No point in wasting a phone, but if I never want to speak to the wanker again, I’m sure as hell going to need a new phone number.
I turn and look at the faces around the table.
‘Fuck me, sis, way to go!’ Nick high-fives me. ‘Sorry, but I always thought he was a twat.’
‘I told you they never forgave him for the Big Feet debacle,’ I say to Nathan wryly.
Nick laughs. ‘Nah, it wasn’t just that. I didn’t trust him. He was a bullshitter.’
‘I can go and pick up some things from your flat when I’m back in London, if that will help?’ Tom offers kindly.
‘Yeah, me too,’ Nick agrees.
‘Thank you.’ I smile at my lovely stepbrothers.
‘I think I need a joke after that,’ I say, turning to Nathan.
‘I’ve got one!’ Nick interjects.
‘Oh, here we go…’ I groan.
‘What’s the last thing that goes through a fly’s mind before it splats on your windscreen?’ Nick asks, before continuing. ‘Its arsehole!’
‘Eww!’ I laugh.
‘How do you make a hotdog stand?’ Meg shouts. ‘Steal his chair!’
‘What do you call a deer with no eyes?’ Tom yells. ‘No idea!’
Nathan nudges me. ‘We’re in good company.’
After the pub I take Nathan for a walk around the castle grounds. The others sense we want to be left alone and don’t attempt to join us.
‘Those guys are great,’ he chuckles.
‘They like you too.’ And it’s true. My stepbrothers seem to click far better with Nathan than they ever did with James.
We climb up the hill towards the castle and are both huffing and puffing after a couple of minutes.
‘And you thought the hills in Manly were steep,’ I pant.
‘Yeah,’ Nathan agrees. ‘At least you got a view of the ocean from the top.’
‘What do you call that?’ I point over to my left.
‘Shit! Is that the…’
‘Ocean, yes.’ I laugh. It’s such a dark day that you can barely make it out, yet there it is, a bluey-grey expanse, stretching out from some of the greenest fields I think I’ve ever seen.
‘Wow.’ He takes in the view.
We wander around the castle and then slowly begin to make our way back down the tiny paths, too narrow to walk side by side. The sound of the river thunders up from down below as we head towards it, me treading gingerly in front of Nathan so as to avoid slipping on the wet leaves under our feet.
At the bottom of the path is a bridge leading to a pretty green pasture. Behind us the castle towers above at the top of the hill. I lean over to the right of the stone arch and watch the water quietly rush towards the bridge before going to the other side where it churns and tumbles over the rocks below. I look up and Nathan is leaning against the arch with his hands in his pockets, regarding me with amusement.
‘What?’ I walk over to stand in front of him.
‘Are you okay?’ he asks, his face growing serious. ‘You seem it. But are you really?’
‘I’m fine,’ I tell him, folding my arms across my chest. I take in his bruise and suddenly feel emotional. I look away and swallow quickly. Then I turn back to him.
‘I’m so sorry. I’m sorry he hit you. I’m sorry you had to get involved.’ I shake my head angrily to try to stop the oncoming tears. It’s easier if I don’t look at him.
‘Hey, it’s alright,’ he says, taking his hands out of his pockets and hooking them through my belt loops. He pulls me towards him, but not so close that we’re touching. ‘I’m sorry about what he did to you. I can’t believe what he did to you.’
I take a deep breath, willing myself to calm down. I’m fine, I’m fine, I tell myself. It’s all okay.
Oh, who am I kidding? I’m obviously in denial. It kills me that I’ll never know the extent to which James lied to me, or the extent to which he cheated on me with Zoe–and others if what William said about his reputation is true. We were together for four years and I now realise I didn’t know him at all. At least I can take some comfort from the fact that I never really trusted him. Next time I’ll listen to my instincts. But I can evaluate my feelings later, when Nathan’s gone. I refuse to spoil the here and now.
I meet his eyes. He’s so close, leaning there against the stone arch in his beige cords and black coat, unbuttoned to reveal a hooded grey top underneath.
‘I’ve still got your note, you know,’ he says.
‘What note?’ I’m confused.
‘The one you wrote for me on the first day I got here.’
He gets his wallet out of his back pocket and pulls out the Café Rouge receipt. It’s signed ‘Love, Lucy xxx’. I can’t believe he’s kept it all this time.
‘It’s the only thing I have with your handwriting,’ he explains shyly. ‘Do you know how relieved I was to finally see those wedding photos?’
‘Me too!’ I exclaim. ‘I was so distraught when I realised I didn’t have a single picture of you.’ He puts his wallet back into his pocket and smiles at me.
My gaze falls on the dark stubble grazing his jaw, and then to his sexy mouth and those lips. God, those lips…I look up into his eyes as he puts his hands on my waist and draws me to him.
He kisses me, slowly at first, then more passionately. I slide my hands up inside his jumper and he takes a sharp intake of breath at my cold fingers. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything as much as I want him, right now.
‘I love you,’ he gasps, tearing his lips away.
‘What did you say?’ I ask. I heard him, of course. I just want to hear him say it again.
‘I love you,’ he repeats, kissing my lips softly.
‘I love you too,’ I respond, as my heart bubbles over with happiness and I begin to laugh.
‘What?’ He laughs back at me.
‘I just love you, so much. And I can’t believe you love me.’
‘Well, I do.’ He chuckles, and pulls me back to him. He cups my face and kisses me again, but I have to stop because I can’t stop laughing.
‘You remind me of my mum, you know.’
‘Sorry?’ I’m completely taken aback.
‘Your laugh. You have the same laugh. The same sense of humour.’
I look at him in awe. It’s easily the best compliment anyone has ever paid me.
‘Hey, is that bamboo?’ he says suddenly.
I follow his gaze to the cluster by the riverbank. It’s not like the bamboo in Sydney, at the wedding; this is much smaller and more densely packed. A tiny dark pathway leads us underneath it and we stand there, surrounded by the shoots in the darkness.
‘Do you remember that day?’ I ask him. ‘In the Botanic Gardens?’
‘How could I forget?’
‘I wanted you to kiss me so much…’
‘I wanted to kiss you,’ he replies. ‘But I couldn’t. I couldn’t be the other guy.’
‘I know.’ I put my arms back around his waist. ‘But you’re not the other guy anymore.’
‘No. Now I’m the guy,’ he says jokily, and I start to laugh until he kisses me again. It’s so dark down here and so secluded. I feel like no one would ever find us. Suddenly I catch somethin
g out of the corner of my eye.
‘Look,’ I whisper.
‘Is that…snow?’ he asks in wonder.
This is ridiculous; it’s just too idyllic. He leads me back up the path towards the bridge and gazes upwards as big heavy snowflakes fall down onto his face.
‘I’ve never seen the snow!’ he gasps and I’m overwhelmed with love for him. His expression is adorable.
I laugh. ‘Come on, let’s get home and have a hot chocolate by the window.’
That night my entire family congregates in the living room in front of the fire to play Pictionary. And hilariously, Nathan and I wipe the floor with the competition. My stepbrothers think we must be cheating because I can’t draw to save my life, but somehow Nathan seems to know when a round blob with lines coming out of it is meant to be a horse. He, on the other hand, turns out to be a bit of an artist. I can’t help but feel smug thinking that general knowledge, and all those Trivial Pursuit questions that James got right, can be learnt, but raw talent? Well, you’ve either got it or you haven’t.
Eventually the others head off to bed. ‘Mum, will you wake us up in the morning?’ I ask. ‘We want to get up and go for a drive if the snow’s not too deep.’
‘Sure,’ she answers, closing the door behind her and leaving Nathan and me alone together on the sofa. The fire has burnt down to its embers, but there’s still a warm orange glow emitting from the fireplace and the lights glimmer prettily on the Christmas tree. Nathan kisses the top of my head and I snuggle into his chest. I can’t get close enough to him. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get close enough.
‘You’re a wriggly thing.’ He chuckles, and I pull away to look up at him. He holds my face and kisses me.
Our kiss deepens as I climb onto his lap and he runs his hands up my top. I reach down to touch him.
This is it. I’m going to make love to him tonight.
‘Wait,’ he whispers urgently. ‘We can’t do this with your parents next door.’
‘Shall we go to my room?’ I don’t have to ask twice.
In the darkness of my bedroom he lifts my jumper over my head and unclasps my bra, while I turn my attention to his belt buckle. He doesn’t stop kissing me and I know now that he’s better than James, a million times better. I’m so turned on I feel giddy.