Frankie Fish and the Sister Shemozzle

by Helliar Peter

  ‘Don’t pretend you want me to come home, Frankie,’ Lou said sharply, looking back at her brother. ‘It’s obvious you don’t like me, no matter what I do for you. I’ve always hoped that one day you’d get over it but you know what? I’ve given up.’

  Frankie leapt straight to his own defence. ‘Well, it’s not easy living in your shadow, Lou! You’re good at everything. You win all the time. You’re super smart and EVERYONE likes you.’

  ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about, Frankie! You’re plenty smart and lots of people like you too, but you don’t even notice,’ responded Lou, sounding exasperated. ‘Luckily you don’t have to live in my shadow anymore, though, because I’m STAYING HERE. See you around.’

  Feeling utterly frustrated, Frankie screamed at his big sister’s back. ‘Louise Fish, you are coming home with me NOW!’ He knew he sounded exactly like Ron Fish when he was trying to extract Frankie from Drew Bird’s birthday party. ‘And you are NOT going to compete in the Olympics!’

  Without her even turning around, he could tell that Lou was grinning as she said, ‘Oh, yeah? Just watch me, little brother.’

  And with that, Lou strode down to the other end of the field to begin her run-up. A run-up that would lead her – and perhaps the entire world – headfirst into disaster.

  CHAPTER 17

  NOT GOING FOR gOLD

  With a sinking feeling, Frankie and Drew climbed back up to where Grandad and Alexi were sitting. ‘We should go back to Alessandro soon,’ Alexi was saying. ‘I have a horrible feeling he is missing me.’

  Frankie had his own horrible feelings. One was that his sister, the one often referred to by his parents as the ‘brains of the family’, was about to do something spectacularly stupid. And he was also feeling bad about the things Lou had said. Had he really been so mean that she’d decided not just to move out of home, but to move to a whole different ERA – and potentially change it? This whole experience was turning into an absolute shemozzle!

  Frankie felt like the fate of the world was in his hands. At any moment someone might find Nanna’s sculpture and realise its significance. And if that didn’t happen, it looked like Lou was about to single-handedly ruin history anyway.

  Then, out of nowhere, it dawned on Frankie what was going on with Lou. She was tired of being the good one, the perfect one. She was out to prove that Saint Lou had a bit of devilishness in her. Unfortunately, she had chosen a very dramatic way of proving it!

  The crowd suddenly went as silent as a church service in a library. It was clear all eyes were fixed on Lou.

  Frankie’s legs turned to jelly. Apart from the whole messing-up-the-world’s-timeline issue, he wasn’t even sure if Lou had ever held a javelin before. What if she messed it up and got injured or something? But then he remembered how many first-place ribbons she’d won at St Monica’s Sports Carnival. Surely she’d be OK at javelin. Knowing Lou, she’d probably be GREAT at it. But the last thing Frankie needed was for her to win. That would be an absolute disaster.

  Alexi tugged at Frankie’s toga. ‘We must go back to Alessandro,’ he said again, ‘for I am the God of Animals!’ He paused. ‘Also, if they discover your sister is a girl, she will not get out of here alive,’ he warned in his most serious voice.

  By now Frankie was quaking, but Lou didn’t look worried at all.

  Slowly, the noise in the arena began to grow. Everyone was eager to see this strong, unusual ‘boy’ compete. The crowd’s chants turned to roars of delight and as they got faster and faster, so did Frankie’s heartbeat. Grandad clutched Frankie’s shoulder.

  ‘If she wins this, we’re toast,’ whispered Grandad.

  ‘Then what’s our plan?’ asked Frankie desperately.

  Grandad stared back at his grandson, his face looking like a billboard ad for grimness. ‘We hope,’ he whispered hopelessly.

  ‘That’s not a PLAN,’ Frankie replied, incredulously.

  Alexi tapped Frankie’s arm. ‘I really think we should find Alessandro now,’ he whined. ‘We like to eat our carrots together.’

  Frankie pushed Alexi away. ‘Grandad, Lou doesn’t not win,’ Frankie pointed out. ‘We need an ACTUAL plan.’ His heartbeat was now almost visible through his bunny toga and his hands were so sweaty he could feel the handle of the Sonic Suitcase almost slipping through his fingers.

  ‘Well, kiddo, if ye do have another plan I’d suggest ye get moving,’ Grandad said, nodding in the direction of his granddaughter.

  ‘Peasant, go fetch my donkey!’ Alexi screamed like a tired toddler.

  Frankie erupted. ‘I don’t know where your stupid donkey is, OK? Grandad was probably right, he got spooked and ran away and no-one knows where he is!’

  Alexi’s face crumpled, but Frankie didn’t notice. Right now all he could think about was how to stop Lou from winning gold. He stared at his sister, wishing she’d put the javelin down and walk away, hoping against hope that she wouldn’t accidentally send the future of the world into freefall.

  But instead, she started to run.

  A few short steps later, before Frankie could even get up out of his seat, the javelin left Lou’s hand and went flying through the air. Frankie felt his insides scramble over and over like an acrobat who’d just drunk twenty double cappuccinos.

  In the modern world, Lou’s javelin throw would have been an ordinary one. But in Ancient Greece, Lou had the advantage of modern strength-training and an appropriate diet. She was just as strong as anyone else and she knew enough about geometry to make sure her javelin flew through the air at just the right angle.

  It looked to Frankie like her throw was going to go further than the other competitors’. Much further.

  It was shaping up to be a performance that gets recorded forever in history – which was exactly what Frankie didn’t want to happen.

  Grandad was clearly thinking just the same thing. He pointed into the air with a trembling finger. ‘Stop that javelin!’ he roared.

  But stopping a javelin mid-flight was like stopping a steam train at full steam. Almost impossible.

  Almost.

  CHAPTER 18

  SOMEBODY’S HOT ON THE FiSHES’ TALE

  ‘Wow, Mrs Fish, your garden is really beautiful,’ Lisa Chadwick said, her voice dripping with so much honey it was in danger of attracting bears. ‘What are those little blue flowers called? They’re so lovely.’

  Nanna Fish flushed with pride. ‘Those are forget-me-nots. They’re my favourites. And you’re a schoolfriend of Frankie’s, you said?’ asked Nanna. ‘It’s funny, I don’t remember him mentioning you before.’

  Lisa shrugged. ‘Oh no, we are practically BEST FRIENDS.’

  ‘Well, you are most welcome here any time, Lisa,’ Nanna said politely. ‘Frankie was just here, actually, but he had to – uh – run a couple of errands with his grandad and his friend Drew.’

  ‘Of course!’ Lisa said, with a grin like a snake. ‘Drew, Frankie and I spend a lot of time together. I know all about … well, you know … the big secret about the suitcase!’

  Lisa gave her a big wink, and Nanna stared in astonishment.

  Of course, Lisa didn’t actually know ANYTHING about ANYTHING. All she had was a hunch that something was going on with that suitcase, and that Frankie, Drew and Lou were stealing stuff from school. But what were they doing with it after that? Was it somehow connected to Frankie’s grandad?

  One way or another, Lisa Chadwick was determined to find out everything. Then she planned to do a massive exposé on Frankie Fish on her YouTube channel. She even had a title planned: Frankie Fish – Tried and Fried.

  Nanna Fish looked very surprised. ‘I thought the suitcase was supposed to be hush-hush.’

  ‘He’s only told me,’ said Lisa, quickly. ‘Because I’m such a trustworthy friend, you see. I think he really wants me to be his GIRLFRIEND. He knows I would never dream of letting anyone else know about what they’re up to.’

  Nanna Fish nodded. ‘That’s good to hear,’ sh
e said, relieved. ‘It’s not the sort of thing that most people would understand. I tried it once myself and it was quite thrilling. But once was enough for me – especially after we ended up in jail.’

  Lisa’s eyes boggled. She couldn’t believe that this sweet-looking old lady had just confessed to being a thief! ‘You actually went to jail?’ she said, doing her best to keep smiling.

  Nanna Fish nodded. ‘It was awful! We escaped in the end but still, it made me realise I didn’t want to be involved in that sort of thing again. But Frankie and his grandad seem to love it. It’s a bonding thing for them, I think. And now that Lou’s getting involved as well it will hopefully bring them all closer.’

  It was all Lisa could do to stop herself from calling the police. If she did that, then Frankie – and quite possibly his entire family, by the sounds of it – would be arrested on the spot. But Lisa wanted to break the news on her YouTube channel herself. Her subscriber numbers would go through the roof!

  What she really needed, she decided, was some footage of where the rotten Fish family stored all the stolen goods. She had her phone ready to go in her pocket. She just needed some hard evidence.

  ‘Mrs Fish,’ she said in her most sugary voice, ‘where are their headquarters? Frankie was telling me about them, but I can’t remember where he said they were.’

  Nanna Fish laughed. ‘Headquarters! My, that sounds so official! You mean, where all the top secret things are stored?’

  Lisa nodded, trying not to look too eager.

  ‘Well, then, I suppose the shed must be their headquarters,’ said Nanna, pointing to the Forbidden Shed.

  ‘Great!’ said Lisa. She couldn’t believe how easy this was all proving to be. ‘Could you let me in? I’d be so interested to see it all. I’ve heard so much about it, you see.’

  Nanna hesitated. ‘Hmm, I don’t think I should do that, dear. You see, dear Alfie is very protective of his shed. No-one’s allowed in there without his permission – not even me. It’s COMPLETELY forbidden.’

  Of course, hearing this just made Lisa more determined than ever to get in there. ‘I promise not to touch anything,’ said Lisa, putting on her most persuasive voice. ‘And Frankie already said it would be OK for me to take a quick look.’

  Nanna Fish looked doubtful for a moment, and then suddenly she smiled. ‘I’ll call them! I forgot that I have a special doo-dad I can call them on while they’re – you know – on a mission,’ she said.

  ‘Oh, that’s really not necessary,’ said Lisa hastily. ‘You don’t need to disturb them.’

  ‘It’s no problem, dear! I’m interested to hear when they’ll be back anyway.’ She pulled out the earpiece Frankie had given her, which she’d carefully stored in her pocket.

  ‘I’ve never used this before,’ she confided, fumbling a little with the little switch on the side. ‘It’s all a bit whiz-bang for me, but I’ll figure it out.’ She beamed at Lisa. ‘Won’t they be surprised when they find out that you’re here!’

  ‘Oh, yes, they will be very surprised,’ Lisa Chadwick said, forcing a smile. ‘Very surprised indeed.’

  CHAPTER 19

  WHAT CAN STOP A JAVELiN?

  Back in Ancient Greece, Lou’s javelin had begun its descent.

  ‘Do something!’ roared Grandad. ‘Throw something at it. Knock it off-course!’

  This was easy enough to say, but much harder to do, which is probably why no-one was doing anything at all. Frankie was in full panic mode, Drew was frozen stiffer than an icy-pole that had been abandoned at the back of the freezer under a bag of peas, and Alexi was both in awe of Lou’s throw and worried about his donkey.

  ‘She’s going to win it!’ Alexi shrieked.

  Without thinking, Frankie did the only thing he could: he flung the nearest object upwards into the javelin’s path. It just happened to be that the closest thing to Frankie was in his own sweaty, slippery hand …

  The Sonic Suitcase.

  Frankie regretted it instantly. But it was too late.

  ‘Frankie Fish! What have you done!’ gasped Drew as he saw the suitcase hurtling towards the javelin’s path.

  Frankie, Drew and Grandad watched in horror as the suitcase – almost in slow-motion – spun through the air, closer and closer to the pointy tip of Saint Lou’s world-record-breaking and potentially world-history-changing throw.

  Frankie closed his eyes. ‘I can’t watch!’ he moaned. He didn’t know what was worse: the javelin hitting the suitcase and possibly destroying it, or the javelin missing it and world history being thrown into turmoil.

  THUNK!

  The two objects collided heavily and a great cry rang out around the stadium.

  ‘Noooooooo,’ moaned Frankie, mashing his hands into his eyes.

  ‘Well, the good news is that Lou didn’t win the event,’ reported Drew, ‘so she probably hasn’t changed the course of history.’

  ‘And the bad news?’ asked Frankie, nervously.

  ‘The bad news,’ roared Grandad, ‘is that the Sonic Suitcase looks like a shish kabob!’

  Frankie opened his eyes to see Grandad sprinting (or at least, rapidly hobbling) towards the sports field, where the Sonic Suitcase lay with a javelin sticking out from its side.

  Lou turned up to Frankie, furious. ‘I’ll never forgive you for this, Frankie Fish!’ she said, tears in her eyes. ‘Never!’ Then she bolted.

  ‘Lou!’ Frankie screamed, trying to run towards her, but it was too late. Crowds had gathered, blocking his way to his sister. He pushed his way past athletes, confused officials and bewildered spectators, and just managed to put his hand on her arm as she left the field.

  Lou wrenched herself away. ‘You wrecked my chance of winning an event at the Olympics, Frankie,’ she fumed. ‘I’ve never lost ANYTHING before, and this was a pretty bad place to start!’

  ‘Lou, I know you want to show you can be bad sometimes,’ blurted Frankie. ‘And I get that. I mean, I’d hate it if everyone expected me to be perfect all the time. But I think you’ve made your point now and it’s time to come home, PLEASE!’

  For a moment, Lou’s expression flickered, like she was softening. Then she crossed her arms and looked at Frankie through narrowed eyes. ‘Give me one good reason why I should,’ she demanded.

  Frankie’s mind went blank, his head suddenly as empty as a deflated balloon. ‘Well, um … Mum and Dad will be really disappointed if you don’t,’ he said over the roar of the crowd.

  He figured this was his best approach. Normally you only had to hint that someone was disappointed in Lou for her to start bending over backwards to please them again.

  This time, though, it didn’t work. Lou snorted. ‘Mum and Dad are so busy with their pest control company that they probably won’t even notice I’m gone. And they have you, anyway.’

  Frankie was pretty sure that parents didn’t think like that, but he also knew he didn’t have time to argue the point. ‘Well, what about Nanna and Grandad?’ he said quickly. ‘They’re both getting older. They’ll miss you a lot.’

  Lou rolled her eyes. ‘Drew will make a perfectly good replacement grandchild and you know it.’ She glared at Frankie intently. ‘What else have you got?’

  Frankie got the feeling that she was waiting for him to say something in particular, but he couldn’t think what it might be. ‘Um … I’ll have to do all your chores as well as my own if you’re not there?’ he said feebly.

  Lou threw him a disgusted look. ‘See you, Frankie,’ she said. ‘Have a nice life.’ And with that, she turned on her heel and stalked out of the stadium.

  ‘Lou! Wait!’ called Frankie. ‘I –’

  But at that moment, the earpiece buzzed in Frankie’s pocket. This was somewhat unexpected as it was usually Saint Lou who called from the Forbidden Shed, but she was here (or at least, over there).

  Frankie fumbled the earpiece into his ear, while trying not to lose sight of his sister. ‘Um, hello? Hello?’

  ‘Who’s calling?’ puffed Drew,
running over. ‘Is it a butt dial?’

  Frankie pulled a face. ‘It’s hard to butt-dial something that’s tucked behind your ear.’

  ‘Hello, Frankie dear,’ came Nanna’s bright, friendly voice through the earpiece. ‘Have you found Lou yet?’

  ‘Yes, we found her,’ said Frankie. ‘But –’

  ‘That’s wonderful!’ said Nanna. ‘So I suppose you’ll be home soon?’

  ‘Er, probably,’ said Frankie, evasively. ‘There’s just one or two things we need to sort out first. Nanna, was there a reason you called? We’re pretty busy right now –’

  ‘Not really,’ said Nanna. ‘I just wanted to let you know that a friend of yours has come to visit. She’s very interested to see inside the Forbidden Shed and apparently you told her it would be OK.’

  ‘A friend?’ repeated Frankie, confused. He only had one friend, who was standing right beside him. ‘Who?’

  ‘Her name is Linda … no, that’s not right. It’s the girl you want to be your girlfriend. Lisa. Lisa Chadwick,’ said Gran.

  Frankie nearly passed out AND vomited on the spot.

  ‘Nanna! Lisa Chadwick is NOT a friend of mine and I definitely do NOT want her as my girlfriend!’ Perhaps it was because Frankie was yelling, or perhaps it was a bad connection, but the line began to buzz with static.

  ‘I’m sorry, Frankie, I didn’t quite catch that,’ said Nanna. ‘Did your grandad say it was fine to let her into the shed?’

  ‘NO!’ screamed Frankie. ‘Nanna – whatever you do, DO NOT LET LISA INTO THE SHED!’

  This time there was no reply. The line had gone completely dead.

  Frankie and Drew gaped at each other in dismay.

  ‘If Lisa Chadwick gets into the shed she’s going to figure out what’s going on,’ said Drew.

  ‘I know,’ moaned Frankie. ‘And then it’ll be all over her YouTube channel in five seconds. We’ve got to get back there as soon as possible!’