Through Her Eyes

by Ava Harrison

  “If you mean is it illegal and dangerous? Then, yes. It closed hours ago. But come on, it will be fun. Plus, you can always go naked. I don’t have a suit on, either.” I feel the curve of a smile form against my skin.

  “I—” My heart starts to pound. Invisible walls start closing in. I can’t get in the water. I can’t.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I . . . I don’t know. I don’t think I can, Chase. I . . . I haven’t been in the ocean since Owen’s death.” My shoulders collapse forward. A lone tear trails down my cheek.

  “Oh, God, I’m so sorry. I— Shit. I fucked up.” He steps out from behind me. His face is ashen. Ragged breaths escape his lungs.

  “I’ll be with you. I won’t let anything happen to you. We’ll do this together. What can I do to help you?”

  “God, I don’t know what to do.”

  “Do you think it will make you feel better to talk about him, about what happened?”

  I feel as if I’m about to be sick. I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to remember.

  “It might help you heal if you talk about it,” he replies in a gentle voice.

  I’m floating in a sea of despair and I’m about to drown.

  I’m completely overwhelmed by fear. My eyes are blinded by the tears pouring out as the grief surges through me every time I try to breathe. The emptiness in my heart from reliving this memory threatens to suffocate me. I shake as I look at the water. My teeth rattle in my mouth.

  “Shh, don’t hide from your fears. Conquer them. Be present, be here. We can do this together.” I stare at him through swollen eyes. Where had I heard that before?

  “What did you just say?”

  “You can’t hide from your fears, Princess. You can’t stop living.”

  “I stopped living years ago. I’ve barely existed since Owen passed. I fucked up. It was my fuck-up that killed him. I hurt everyone around me.”

  “No matter what happened, you can change things. Live, fuck up. The only thing that’s important is that you learned from those mistakes and continue to move forward.”

  The painful memories of Owen’s death hum within me. I want to scream that I’m not ready for this. Soon, the white noise fades as Chase holds me close. He looks at me, and our eyes meet, and I’m rendered speechless.

  He silences my world. The craziness in my brain stops.

  Peace.

  “Lean on me, okay? Once we get in the water, I got you. I won’t let you go.”

  “This isn’t easy for me.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m not used to feeling this lost. I don’t want to need anyone. But I need you. That used to scare me. But well, I’m not afraid of that anymore. I know you won’t let anything happen to me.” His eyes light up brighter as I speak. His lip turns upward.

  “You’ll do this with me?” he asks.

  “Just give me a minute, okay?” I inhale deeply and hold the breath in my lungs.

  “Breathe,” he commands in a playful voice.

  “It hurts to breathe,” I whisper back without letting out the breath I’m holding.

  “Take it one step at a time. Just inhale.” My chest rises as I suck in the salty air. “Exhale.” And I do.

  “Okay, what do I need to do?”

  “I’m proud of you.”

  “Just tell me before I freak out again.”

  “Since it’s late in the afternoon the waves are higher than normal. You’ll have to swim underwater right at the mouth of the cave, okay?” My heart rate picks up at his words.

  “I have to swim under?”

  “Yeah, but I got you.” He looks down at me, and I know he does.

  A crazy notion filters through me. Trust. Quickly, before I have time to change my mind, I strip off my clothes and stand before him in only my bra and panties. He pulls off his shirt and leaves his shorts on. Holding hands, we step toward the back of the boat, directly in front of the mouth of the Blue Grotto.

  “I can’t, Chase.”

  “You can. Repeat after me, I intend to conquer my fears.”

  “I intend to conquer my fears.”

  “Okay, on three. One . . . Two . . . Three . . . Jump!” And we do. The wind is knocked out of me as my body connects with the frigid water. It feels like tiny needles as my body adjusts to the sudden drop in temperature. Once the shock wears off, I kick my legs, and we swim toward the opening. The gap to the low mouth of the cave is already small, and with each minute that passes it shrinks further as the tide rises.

  “Hold my hand. Swim underwater with me.” I follow his lead and make my way into the cave. When I pop up on the other side, a bright azure reflection surrounds us.

  “It’s beautiful, Chase. How does it look like this?” I’m treading water, my chest bobbing with the ebb and flow of the tide.

  “It happens because of the sun. The sunlight enters the cavern through an underwater opening. Then the light reflects off the cavern walls.”

  “It’s unbelievable.” My eyes widen in delight.

  I look back at the opening where beams of sunlight pass through, illuminating the seawater. It’s truly spectacular. I feel my mouth pull up at the corners. I’ve done it. Once more I pushed passed my resistance and accomplished something I never believed possible.

  “Thank you, Chase.”

  He swims closer, and I wrap my arms around him, allowing him briefly to kick for me. To support my weight. I give him my full trust.

  “Thank you,” I say against his lips. I offer a series of soft kisses as he treads water.

  “Anything for you. Anything.” The happiness, like the azure blue water surrounding me, soaks into my soul.

  “Aria, we should swim back. The tide is rising fast, and I don’t want you to hit your head on the rocks when we leave.” I hold his hand as we kick toward the entrance. He smiles and encourages me to dive deep. When I resurface in the open water, a laugh escapes my body. Chase leads me back toward the boat.

  We swim a short distance before we reach the ladder. His arm snakes around my waist, pushing me forward. I grab the railing and turn to face him, my legs wrapping instinctively around him. His hands tighten around me, skimming over my hips. Pressing our bodies together, I entwine my arms around his neck. Hidden emotions bubble to the surface. God, I want him. My lips part, and his mouth rushes to meet mine. His tongue seeks entry and my skin pebbles. A chill runs down my spine. The only sound in my ears is the waves lapping against the boat. My heart pounds so erratically I feel it might burst. Chase nips at my lip and pulls away. A moan escapes me. Kissing Chase is exquisite torture.

  “You’re driving me insane.” The words sound sultry and he laughs. The tone carries over the water. It’s a rich harmony to my ears.

  “Come on, we have to get dressed or we’ll be late.”

  “Late?” I’m breathless, my words barely audible.

  “A surprise.” He smirks.

  As his mouth moves back over mine, silencing me, I become lost in his trance once more.

  Chase Porter has cast a spell on me. He beguiles me, and every time he smiles I go weak in the knees.

  Chase clears his throat as I step out of the shower wrapped only in a tiny towel that barely covers me. He slowly drinks me in. His eyes are hungry. They dilate with every inch of my body they linger on. They devour me. I move past him, swaying my hips and making my way into my cabin. He groans behind me, and I chuckle to myself.

  After getting ready to leave, I meet up with Chase on the dock right outside the boat. He’s engrossed in a conversation with a beautiful Italian woman. Who the fuck is he talking to? He throws back his head in laughter, and anger boils deep inside me. She places her hand on his arm as she joins him in laughter. Hours ago we were kissing, and now he’s laughing with some goddess. The corner of my mouth twitches as my lips begin to pucker. I’m jealous.

  Insanely jealous.

  As I take him in, I feel as though I’m going mad. He looks so handsome in white linen pants, dri
ving loafers, and a baby pink button down. Not many can pull off that color, but against the scruff of his jaw, his hair brushed back and wavy, and his steel eyes that are locked on mine. He’s sheer perfection, and I hate him right now. Pulling my shoulders back, I march up to them and don’t even pretend to calm myself.

  “I’m Aria, and you are?” I say as I push my hand out, my nose scrunching as I speak. God I sound like a bitch. What the fuck is wrong with me?

  “Aria, this is Maria. Her family owns the dock. She came over to make sure we were settled in okay,” he says as an introduction. What the fuck? Maria? Maria? As in torrid love affair, Maria? Why was she standing so close to him, and what in God’s name were they laughing about? My mouth tightens, and my anger rises so fast it’s like a raging inferno with no extinguisher in sight. Clearly I’m just the next summer fling. Maybe I need to leave. I feel ridiculous standing here as they gaze longingly at each other. Self-doubt begins to cloud my anger, and I’m not sure what I’m even still doing here. He must feel the heat radiating off my body, or he sees the daggers and flames shooting from my eyes because he places his arm around my back. Slowly stroking. Calming. Putting out the fire.

  “Umm,” I choke out. “Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” I bite my lower lip into my mouth.

  “The pleasure is all mine, Aria. I hope you enjoy your stay on our lovely island, and if you need me, please don’t hesitate to call.” She beams, oblivious to my attitude and outburst. Thank God for small favors. Chase squeezes my side tighter as she makes her way further down the dock to greet other residents staying at port. I look up at him, and our eyes meet. His eyes twinkle down at me in delight. Shit, he noticed.

  I use my hands to flatten my dress. I need to keep them busy to distract myself from the nerves growing inside me. The delicate eyelet dress ruffles slightly as I run my fingers against my thigh. Chase’s eyes roam leisurely, following the path of my hand. Then he runs his gaze up my body. He leans into me, pulls me closer. His lips brush against my ear.

  “You look gorgeous, Princess.” He places a kiss on my shoulder between each word. I exhale with relief and grin up at him.

  “You don’t look too shabby yourself,” I reply. I’m happy to have my petty behavior go unmentioned.

  “Were you jealous?” My gaze falls to the ground.

  “No.” My voice doesn’t sound very convincing.

  “It’s okay if you were. I would like to think you wouldn’t want me talking to another woman. I would be pissed if I saw you talking to another man.” He growls, and surprisingly it calms my nerves to know that Chase Porter is just as affected by me as I am by him.

  “Okay, A little. But that’s your Maria and—”

  “First off, you have nothing to worry about, and second, she’s not my Maria. She’s not my anything.”

  “Sorry, about that,” I murmur under my breath, embarrassed from my previous outburst.

  “Good. I’m glad we got that settled, because I’ve been dying to do this ever since you walked out in that dress.” His voice is assertive as he grabs my face. His other hand glides up my back, grasping the back of my neck, bringing my head to his. He plunders my mouth with a rawness I didn’t know he was capable of. Yep . . . Chase Porter is affected by me, that’s for sure.

  He pulls away and grabs my hand in his. Slowly, he escorts me further from the boat. The click of my flip-flops echoes off the wooden planks as I attempt to keep up with his pace. Once we make it out of the Marina di Capri, I’m shocked to see how crowded the island is. As we walk toward the street, it’s as though the entire population of the island is blocking our path. We look down on the street from above, trying to discern the best route to cross to where all the restaurants and shops are.

  Chase grabs my hand, squeezes lightly and motions to go toward the cab. Neither of us wants to wait another minute to start dinner. We want to return to the boat and quench the lust bubbling up within us. His fingers lace through mine, and he pulls me toward him. His other hand lifts my chin and his lips descend.

  “Maybe we should stay on the boat?” I purr.

  “We have nothing I want to eat on it.”

  “Who needs food?” I smile coyly at him.

  “As much as I prefer your idea, I need to feed you.”

  “Why?” my lip pouts as I bat my eyes.

  “Because you will need all your energy for what I have in store for you.”

  After maneuvering our way through the dock, we proceed up the narrow path that leads to the top of the hill. We pass designer shops and little restaurants. On the left of the street there’s a quaint trattoria overlooking the ocean. The view is spectacular. The restaurant sits high on the bluff. From our table we have a perfect view of the island’s jagged shoreline and an even better view of the blue sky as it’s just beginning to meet pink in the far distance, dancing across the horizon. We sit across from each other in a silence. I’m suddenly nervous. I shyly smile at him through my heavy lashes. I’m foolish to be this unnerved, but today has changed everything between us, and I’m not sure where the night will go.

  A young woman approaches our table wearing a wide smile and carrying two menus. Her hair is perfectly pulled back and she has a dusting of small freckles across her nose. Chase greets her, momentarily looks over the menu and proceeds to order for us. She nods and walks away. We sit in silence and within minutes she returns but this time with a bottle of wine. Quietly and with perfect precision she pours us each a glass and leaves us. Nervously, my finger rims my glass until I can’t stand the silence between us, and I speak.

  “What’s it like photographing someone new every time?”

  “It’s like going on a blind date every night.”

  “That doesn’t sound fun.”

  “Surprisingly, it is. Learning new things, experiencing something for the first time.”

  “Umm, okay,” I say, bringing my attention back to the glass. At that moment the waitress arrives with two large bowls filled with pasta then makes her retreat.

  “There’s no need to be nervous. Okay, more questions. Ask me anything. That should take the edge off.” His eyes twinkle, and I’m shocked to realize just how much he has grown to know me and all my nuances over the last few days. It’s almost as if he has known me my whole life. He smirks as I lift the fork filled with penne to my mouth. His eyebrow arches upward.

  “Delicious, right?”

  “Mmmm.” My mouth is still a little full when I mutter out my first question between bites. “What was taking your first picture like?”

  “The first time I took a picture, I wasn’t a natural.”

  “I have a hard time believing that.”

  “I’m pretty perfect, aren’t I?” He shrugs, and I shake my head at him.

  “Pretty modest.” I snort. “Tell me something I should know about you, Chase Porter.”

  “Like what?”

  “Tell me the craziest thing you’ve ever done”

  “That’s easy. After I dropped out of college, a buddy and I decided to hike up Upuigma-tepui.” My face must look utterly confused, because he proceeds to elaborate. “Venezuela.” I nod, and he continues with his story. “It’s a relatively isolated and unexplored peak. Basically sandstone flanks rising above the rainforest. Climbing them would be a giant feat. We were so young, only twenty and ill prepared for what lay ahead of us. We knew it would be adventure to get to the top. We just didn’t realize how big of one. To say the land was uninhabited was an understatement. There was open grassland, then raging rivers. Jungle so dense we needed to use our machetes to cut through, and that wasn’t even the worst of it.”

  “What was the worst?” My eyes go wide with awe.

  “The blood sucking sandflies. Let’s just say we barely made it out alive, and when we did my buddy was laid up for days in a hospital to patch the wounds those vampires left behind.”

  “Wow, Chase. That’s intense.”

  “You have no idea, Princess. You have no idea. But like all
things in life, there was a lesson to be learned from this trip.”

  “And what was that lesson, Chase?” I wait on bated breath for the profound statement I’m certain Chase will deliver.

  “Never go climbing in a South American rainforest.” He chuckles, and I giggle along with him. “I’m kidding. The lesson I learned was no matter what the odds and challenges you face, all you have to do is set up a new path, and you will find your way home.”

  “That’s remarkable. That’s how I want to live.”

  “Sounds like a plan.” He shifts his attention back to me. His blue eyes search mine, probing into my soul.

  Forty-five minutes later when we are finished with dinner, we walk through the local shops, weaving through abandoned cobblestone alleys. Every so often, Chase stops to photograph a building. Again as he takes the images, he stops to place the camera in the crook of my neck and fire off another round. I draw in a breath with each pass his fingers make across my shoulder blade. I never know what he’s doing, or why he even bothers. But Chase is Chase, and one day he will tell me his vision. As we walk toward the edge of the city, I place my hands on the railing to keep me safe from crashing into the ocean below. A series of clicks from behind has me turning my head over my right shoulder to find Chase now taking shots of me.

  “You should see this shot. You’re beautiful. You are living, breathing art,” he says while he admires his work. “I could photograph you and only you for the rest of my life. Your beauty will always inspire me.” My cheeks flush as I look up at him.

  “You can make anything look beautiful,” I reply.

  “Beauty isn’t something you can buy or possess. Beauty is something that flows from the soul. True beauty is incomparable and free of all restraints.” His voice is filled with conviction, and I’m in awe of his passion.

  “You weave poetry when you speak.” I turn my attention back to the ocean and catch a glance into the distance. The sky is now on fire. What was once a mixture of blue and pink streaks is now scorching red flames in the distance. It burns bright and ignites reds until it descends into the purple horizon. In the opposite direction of the water, the buildings in the distance appear ominous. The haze of the daybreak now gone. The only light cast upon the ancient structures comes from the small glow reflecting outward from the glass windows. A shadow casts down on the path where we walk.