Learning to Love

by Emma Woods

  As soon as my students drove off, I slouched back to my room and settled at my desk. I had a huge amount of grading ahead of me. The end of the first quarter was looming and I needed to update my online grade book. It wasn’t what I wanted to be doing on a Friday afternoon. The skies outside my window were gray and threatening severe weather. I took this as a personal insult from Mother Nature. Rainy days were made for napping in bed, not staying at school late and grading papers.

  I allowed myself a few minutes of fantasizing about all the warm, cozy things I’d rather be doing. I promised myself I would do them later tonight as a reward for completing this work. Then I remembered that Tom would be bringing Sophie for her piano lesson tomorrow and groaned. How would I avoid talking to him? Seeing the Jerretts all the time made it so much harder to keep from getting drawn into their welcoming family.

  Even a stern lecture that Tom would never really be interested in me did little to stamp out the spark that had ignited in my heart. I blamed it on my breakup. Tom wasn’t really my type. He was nice, sure, but he wasn’t the fashionable, driven type that I usually went for. And by “usually,” I did mean Marco, the only guy I’d ever dated. It was a terrible, underwhelming argument, but I stuck by it fiercely as I pushed Tom out of my mind for the three thousandth time that day.

  I turned on the radio and pulled out my favorite purple grading pen. Just as I was about to dive in, my phone buzzed. Since I was none too eager to tackle this pile of work, I quickly picked up my phone and read the message. It was from Tom. My heart squeezed, and my brain told it off for acting foolish.

  “Hi, Miss Kent. This is Sophie,” it said.

  “Hi, Sophie. What’s up?” I typed.

  It took only a moment before the answer came. “I can’t find my necklace. I looked at school and home all week.”

  Was this the necklace from her mom? I tried to remember when I’d last seen her wear it, but I couldn’t recall if I had this week or not. I knew how much it meant to her, and my heart went out to the little girl.

  “I think I lost it when we went hiking,” read the next text. “It’s going to rain soon. Dad’s at work. Can you help me?”

  I glanced out the window at the heavy, dark clouds. Was she suggesting what I thought she was suggesting? The very last thing I wanted to do was to hike back out to the rocks where we’d picnicked in order to look for her necklace. But it was from her mom, and I knew how losing it would devastate her. How could I say no? “Ugh, Sophie!” I groaned aloud, but texted, “Yes. I’ll drive out and look for it.”

  I grabbed my stuff and promised my pile of grading that I’d come back for it on Monday. Then I shut everything down and hurried to my car. I drove as fast as I could to the place where we’d joined the hiking trail and eyed the sky.

  “We walked for almost an hour,” I groused to no one. “Her necklace could be anywhere.”

  After parking, I pulled on my rain jacket and headed onto the path. I did have enough sense to be grateful that it was Friday and I’d worn jeans and sneakers. I was also glad I’d remembered to bring my jacket that morning when I’d left for work. My eyes swept back and forth over the trail. Considering that there were trees less than a few yards from the path on either side, there was very little debris. I moved quickly and saw nothing that even resembled a necklace. Since I was on my own and on a mission, I made much faster progress than we had the previous Saturday. In fact, what had taken us an hour to do before, I managed in just over forty minutes.

  Fat drops began to fall just as I reached the rocks where we’d had our picnic. I pulled up my hood and bent over, looking everywhere for the necklace. I moved rocks and felt tentatively into crevices. A rumble of distant thunder made me eye the sky warily again. There was no sign of the necklace, and the storm was coming in fast. I couldn’t stay here long if I wanted to get back to my car without being completely soaked. But I didn’t want to miss the necklace because I was being too hasty.

  “Jill!” a voice called.

  I jerked up and stared in surprise at Tom, whose head was bobbing into view over the edge of the rock. “What are you doing here?” I inquired, startled by his completely unexpected appearance. It was such a surprise, in fact, that I momentarily forgot about all my jumbled emotions where he was concerned.

  “Did you find it?” he asked as he climbed up onto the flat rock. “Sophie told me you said you were coming out here.”

  I threw up my hands, annoyed. “If I’d known you were coming, I would have stayed at school.”

  Tom blinked at me. “I only came out here because you were. This storm is coming up fast, and we need to get back down the trail before the worst of it hits. Did you find your ring?”

  “My ring?” I tried to make sense of that. “I sent my ring back to Marco the day after we broke up.”

  “Sophie said you thought you lost your engagement ring out here.” Tom was clearly as confused as I was.

  “How did she even know about that? I don’t remember telling her we broke up.”

  Tom looked sheepish. “Sophie noticed you weren’t wearing your ring and asked me about it. I told her you weren’t getting married anymore.”

  And then it hit me. I slapped a hand to my forehead and groaned. “Oh, man! She Parent Trapped us! I was wondering why she was watching me so closely this week. I bet she’s been plotting this for days.”

  Tom put his hands on his hips and threw his head back in frustration. “She is so grounded.”

  Lightning flashed and thunder crashed. We both jumped.

  “We’ve got to get out of here,” Tom yelled as the rain turned from a slow, chubby drizzle to a cold, pounding deluge.

  I nodded and followed as he led the way to the trail. I lifted up a quick prayer of thanks as he navigated the steep steps. If I’d been up here alone, there’s a good chance I would have gotten turned around or fallen and hurt myself. Sophie’s plan might have gotten us into trouble, but I was extremely grateful that I wasn’t alone.

  Tom picked his way carefully down the steep path. I followed behind him as best I could. It was amazing how fast the rain had turned from irritating but friendly to angry and dangerous. It was impossible to see more than a few feet in any direction. Lightning and thunder crashed around us.

  I’ve lived through a lot of thunderstorms in my day, but nothing compares to being in the middle of one when you’re out in nature. It was terrifying.

  We had to move slowly to keep from slipping, and the path was quickly turning from dry, packed earth to treacherous mud. I was growing more and more frightened with each crack of thunder and explosion of lightning.

  Suddenly, a white bolt zipped from the sky and struck a tree not twenty yards ahead of us. The deafening boom of thunder was accompanied by the noise of the tree crashing to the ground. My heart felt like it would pound right out of my chest.

  Tom turned and pulled me close so he could yell, “We have to get to shelter. Follow me.”

  He stepped off the path and carefully picked his way to a rocky outcropping. I trailed close behind him, praying there would be something nearby that could provide us with some sort of safety. We circled the rocks until Tom spotted an overhanging rock. He ducked down and crawled into the space behind.

  I didn’t wait to be invited. I followed him and hoped that we weren’t about to come face-to-face with some animal in its nest.

  17

  The crevice was shallow, so it wasn’t a good choice for an animal’s home. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a great choice for us, either. The overhanging rock kept the worst of the rain off us, but water splashed into our hiding spot. At least we would be safe from lightning, I thought as I huddled, shivering on the hard stone floor.

  Tom was totally soaked. His t-shirt and jeans were sodden, and he pulled off his boots and poured water out of them. I wasn’t in much better shape. My rain jacket had helped a bit, but rain had found its way through the neck and wrist openings. I could actually feel my feet squishing in water inside my shoes.
My hair was plastered to my face and kept sending trickles down the back of my neck.

  Our hidey-hole was too small for us to even consider spreading out. Since it was much warmer if we stayed together, I didn’t think either of us minded. My left side was pressed tight against Tom’s right. I followed his lead and tucked my icy fingers under my armpits and pulled my legs up to my chest.

  “Put your hood up,” he advised, shouting to be heard over the pounding rain.

  I quickly obeyed and felt bad that he didn’t have a jacket.

  “How long is this storm supposed to last?” I hollered.

  “Shouldn’t be too long,” he called back.

  But the minutes kept ticking by without any slackening in the rain. The lightning moved farther away, and the thunder faded to distant rumblings. After what felt like the better part of an hour, the torrential rain became a steady downpour. While that was an improvement, we were still reluctant to head out.

  “Should we risk it?” I asked nervously.

  Tom shook his head. “The path will be too dangerous. There’re a few places that will be impassable in this kind of weather.”

  My teeth were chattering, and I couldn’t stop shaking. Tom was worse off. I glanced at him in the gloom and worried that his lips were quivering with cold.

  “We need to get warm,” I told him urgently.

  He turned to me, face set. “I’m going to try and find a bigger shelter where we might be able to light a fire.”

  I grabbed his arm. “Everything is soaked! There’s no chance we’ll find firewood. You’re taking an unnecessary risk.”

  “I’m pretty sure we’re near a campsite. If so, there might be a stash of wood there that we can use.”

  “Be careful,” I warned. “If something happens to you, I don’t know how I’ll get you back to safety.”

  Tom took my hand in his. “If I don’t come back in ten minutes, try going down the path until you get cell phone service and call for help. Don’t try and find me. It’s easy to get turned around out here.”

  I bit my lip. I didn’t want him to leave my sight. He was already so cold. I couldn’t keep from picturing him slipping and getting hurt. If he stayed here with me, I’d knew he was safe. But we were both freezing. The temperature had dropped, and we were soaked.

  “Okay,” I whispered.

  He gave me a bracing look before turning and crawling back out into the rain. Almost immediately, he moved out of my range of sight. And I was left alone.

  I burrowed down into my jacket and tried to keep warm. What a mess Sophie had gotten us into! I wasn’t angry with her, just amazed at how quickly things had gone wrong. She’d interfered where she shouldn’t, of course, but this was by no means her fault.

  I found myself praying that God would get us home safely. “Keep Tom from falling and getting hurt,” I whispered. “Please don’t let anything happen to him. Sophie would be lost without him.” I swallowed back the confession that was pushing at my lips.

  “No,” I whispered firmly. “I am not going to let myself fall for him.” But my heart seemed determined to betray me. Why was I still struggling with my feelings for him? I had neatly explained to myself that I was on the rebound from Marco and couldn’t trust my attraction to Tom. I had listed all the ways that we weren’t compatible, making up most of them from the very thinnest evidence available. I would not be a stepmother. I wouldn’t.

  Trust me, came the answer, blowing gently across my heart.

  I lifted my head and looked around. Had I really just heard that from God? “Trust you about what? Getting out of this mess? Tom and Sophie?”

  But peace was flooding over me inexplicably. The danger of Mother Nature was suddenly less frightening. Sure, we were still in a bad place, but I knew absolutely that we weren’t alone. God was here and would bring us through just fine. My jaw unclenched, and I took a deep breath. All I could do right now was stay calm and try to keep warm. We were going to get through this.

  And something deep inside was unclenching, too. I took another deep breath and let go of the fear and worry that I’d been storing up. I didn’t know what would happen with Tom, but I was able to recognize the depth of my feelings for him. Why had I been wrestling it for so long? I admired him. I was attracted to him. I was starting to fall in love with him.

  “Oh, Lord,” I breathed. “What if he doesn’t love me back? What if I’m imagining that he’s interested in me? And what about not being a stepmother? I couldn’t bear hurting Sophie.”

  Trust me, came the voice again.

  In that moment, I knew that I wasn’t going to get a lot of answers to my questions. But that was how faith worked, right? We had to step out and do our best, not knowing the result. Why was it so hard to do that?

  “I don’t know,” I prayed. “I made so many silly mistakes with Marco. And Tom’s divorced. He’s sure to have some big hurts from that. I’m so afraid that I’ll fall crazy in love with him, and it’ll be too hard. I don’t want us to hurt each other.”

  I pictured Tom, and image after image flashed through my mind. Tom wearing his old, worn work clothes, gently caring for a horse. Tom in his boring dad khakis leading Sunday School. Tom sitting at his table, his eyes full of love as he listened to Sophie. Tom looking at me with those same eyes of love whenever I caught him unaware.

  My head snapped up. Oh, goodness. “He’s already in love with me,” I choked. There was no need to pretend otherwise anymore. He’d been looking at me like that for a long time. How had that happened? I almost couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t looked at me that way. Even Marco had noticed.

  “God, give us wisdom. I think it would be a big mistake to move too fast. I just broke up with Marco, and even though I think I was already falling for Tom then, I don’t want to rush into a new relationship. Plus, there’s Sophie to think about. Don’t let us hurt her.”

  Only moments later, Tom bobbed back into view. He waved for me to come and follow him. I crawled out of the crevice, leaving so much fear and worry behind. When he held out his hand, I took it easily and followed him without a second thought.

  We sloshed through the rain and struggled down a steep, muddy incline, where I almost lost my footing twice. Finally, Tom led us to a wide, flat area that clearly had been used for camping recently. Sure enough, there was a plastic tarp rigged up over a stack of firewood. I felt my heart sag with relief when I saw it. Tom kept going until we reached a tall gap in the rocks. About twenty feet above us, the overhanging lip of rock met tree branches and held off the worst of the rain. There was a roaring fire, which Tom had started before coming in search of me.

  “Take off your shoes and socks,” he ordered and began untying his own boots.

  I followed his example. We moved a log closer to the fire and sat on it, side by side, our feet as close to the warmth as we could get them. I stretched out my hands and felt like crying when they began to thaw. After a half-hour, neither of us was shivering anymore.

  “Thank God for this campsite,” I sighed. “You might think this is crazy, but I was praying back there, and I felt like God told me that we’d get out of this okay.”

  “I don’t think that’s crazy. And we are okay, so you weren’t wrong.”

  We exchanged a small smile and lapsed back into silence.

  Suddenly, Tom chuckled.

  “What?” I asked, poking him with my elbow.

  He shook his head in exasperation. “Sophie really didn’t have to go to all this trouble. I was planning on asking you out once you had enough time to deal with your breakup.”

  “Really? You were?” Even after my epiphany about him, I was still a little surprised to realize that I was right.

  “Oh, yes,” he said softly, and his eyes grew very warm.

  My breath caught in my chest.

  He looked at the fire for a minute, as though he was gathering his courage and trying to find the right words. “After I split up with my ex-wife, I was reluctant to even consider datin
g again. I wasn’t convinced that I could be a good husband. And, for a long time, that was fine. There wasn’t anyone that I wanted to date.

  “And then I walked into your classroom.” He smiled shyly. “I saw you standing there, and that was it.”

  I thought back to my first meeting of him and frowned. “Really? If I remember correctly, I was setting up my classroom.”

  “Yep.”

  “I was sweaty and gross and in a really bad mood.”

  Tom just smiled at me.

  “Men are so weird.” I said, trying not to let him see how much his words affected me.

  He’d found me attractive when I was nowhere near my best. The first he’d seen of me, I was a mess, and it didn’t matter one bit. I thought of all those women’s magazines that gave tips on how to do your makeup so guys would fall for you. What a bunch of hooey!

  Tom crossed his arms and leaned his elbows on his knees. “If I asked you to go out with me, what would you say?”

  I took a deep breath. There it was. He’d asked me out. I looked into his lovely warm eyes, and my heart fluttered.

  “I don’t want to hurt Sophie,” I blurted. “I’m afraid to go out with you because I don’t want to ever hurt Sophie.”

  Tom looked compassionate, but confused. “I can’t imagine you ever hurting Sophie.”

  I shook my head. “You don’t understand. I was Sophie. I mean, when I was a girl, my mom took off and I was alone with my dad. When I was six, he started dating Ashley, who eventually became my stepmom. Everything was fine in the beginning. We were a family and I was thrilled.

  “But then Ashley got pregnant. It turned out that she’d always dreamed of being a mother, and having her own child was so much better than taking care of someone else’s.” My voice had turned bitter, and I felt tears pressing against my throat. “The worst part is that my dad seemed to agree with her. Maybe he always wanted a son, or maybe my mom had hurt him too badly. Anyway, my half-brothers became the most important people in the family, and I became an inconvenience.”