Learning to Love

by Emma Woods

  The tears spilled over then. Tom reached over and took my hand.

  I’d had that wonderful epiphany not an hour before and it was completely out of my reach. Where had that calm assurance gone? Now, with Tom next to me and telling me he cared for me, I welcomed my familiar fear, which came rushing back.

  I squeezed Tom’s hand and looked up at his eyes, heart breaking. “That’s why I can’t go out with you. I can’t do that to Sophie. I’m sorry.”

  18

  I don’t know what I was thinking. I can’t imagine why I blurted that out! Part of me wanted to reach out and snatch the words back as soon as they’d left my mouth. Another part of me nodded and applauded them. If I had been in Tom’s shoes, I would have been relieved that I was off the hook with this obvious nut case and beat a grateful, hasty retreat.

  But he didn’t do that. He squeezed my hand gently again and waited until I was able to get myself together.

  “Jill,” he began slowly, “I’m sorry you were hurt by your parents. As a parent, I can tell you that knowing how much I can hurt my child just by being thoughtless scares me so much. I hope that you can one day find a way to ask your dad what happened, and to tell him what you need from him now.”

  I was breathing a little easier and was able to look into his sweet brown eyes, so close to mine, without panicking.

  “I don’t know what would happen if you and I started seeing each other. Maybe we would find out we’re not a good team and decide to call an end to things. Maybe it would be too much for Sophie, and we’d need to wait until she was ready to handle it better. But I have a feeling that you and I are going to be great together, and that Sophie will love having you around.” Tom smiled hopefully.

  He went on. “Let’s say that we decided to get married one day.” My stomach gave an excited flip at those words. “And let’s say we had another child. I can’t imagine you not caring for Sophie, no matter what else changes in your life. You love Sophie too much to ignore her. On top of that, you are going to be so much more aware of the situation because of what happened to you.”

  I blinked a few times and swallowed that idea. He was right. I would be watching myself for any sign that I wasn’t meeting Sophie’s needs. Life with Dad and Ashley had prepared me well for being a stepmother. All this time I’d been worried that I was damaged by it, and I was, but I had also learned how to be on the alert for this sort of problem in my own life.

  “If we get married, we could make part of our vows a promise to Sophie that she will always be cared for and loved as best we can,” Tom suggested.

  My heart melted at that, and I flashed him a watery smile. He was so thoughtful.

  “I love that,” I told him. Then I frowned. “But there’s more to worry about than just Sophie.”

  Tom bumped me with his shoulder. “Bring it on.”

  I laughed and felt my courage sneaking back from wherever it had fled. “Marco and I were together from the time we were sixteen. We dated all through college. I’ve spent the last ten years with him. We just broke up a few weeks back. I’m afraid that it’s just too soon for me to jump into another relationship.”

  “I think that’s wise,” he agreed, which took me completely by surprise.

  “Really? You do?” I squeaked.

  Tom nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah, I do. I think that being single can be a huge gift. It allows us to focus on things other than our relationships.”

  “I don’t know how much time I’m going to need. I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to be doing with this time,” I admitted grudgingly.

  I felt him chuckle beside me and shot him a half-smile.

  “So long as Sophie is in your class, I don’t think that you and I should date. I have no idea if the school allows that sort of thing, but we can make our lives simpler by just not going there.”

  My heart sank a little. “But school doesn’t let out until June fifth! That’s forever!”

  “Do you think it’s too early for me to ask you for a date on June fifth?” Tom asked.

  I looked into his brown eyes and said, “No way.”

  “All right, then. Jill, will you go out with me on June fifth?”

  “Absolutely,” I said, not wanting to even pretend to think it over. Suddenly, I longed for June to not be so far away. I never would have wished my first year and my sweet students to hurry by, but oh, how I looked forward to dressing up and going out with Tom Jerrett.

  “We can be friends, though, in the meantime,” he went on, and his eyes crinkled in the way that I adored. “Would you mind if I called you after Sophie goes to bed some nights, to talk?”

  I sat up straighter, thrilled with the suggestion. “Oh, Tom, I would love that!” Why had I thought that not dating meant we couldn’t see each other at all? Taking the time to really get to know each other before we decided to date was brilliant.

  Within twenty minutes, the rain let up significantly. We were warm enough to trek back down to the car through the remaining sprinkle. We were eager to get back to safety, especially since it might start up again soon.

  The journey down was difficult. If it had been up to me, I would have had no idea where we were and how to find the car. Thank goodness Tom was there. Trees were down and a few blocked the trail, but we were able to get around them without too much difficulty. A few portions were flooded, and we waded up to our ankles through one stretch with no better way past.

  An hour later, we made it to our turnoff. I don’t think I’ve ever been that glad to see my car before in my life. I was dripping and muddy on the outside, but happy and shiny on the inside.

  We stood looking at each other for a long minute. I knew my appearance was awful, yet I had no qualms about Tom seeing me like this. One more good thing about him.

  “I’m going to call you tonight to make sure you got home safely,” he told me.

  I smiled, glad he was taking this unnecessary precaution. “That’s probably wise.”

  Tom winked, and then climbed into his truck. I sighed happily and got into my own car.

  Just a week later, we’d already settled into a familiar routine. As I packed up my work for the weekend in my teacher tote the following Friday afternoon, I shook my head in disbelief. How had my whole world changed in just seven days?

  The weather, for one thing, was colder. We were in the second half of October now, and there were rumors that we might see snow flurries on Halloween, which made me excited. After growing up in Arizona and living in Washington, I still found snow to be a novelty. I planned to help Tom take Sophie trick-or-treating, and he assured me that snow wouldn’t be so fun after an hour of freezing our toes off. But I was hopeful anyway.

  I pulled on my coat and thought about how things with Marco had changed. I’d received a brief text message from him telling me that the ring had arrived, and then he had typed, “I’m sorry for everything.” Those four words had done my heart a world of good. I hoped fervently that his ambition wouldn’t turn him into someone he would regret becoming. I found that I forgave him for any injury he’d caused me. Even more, I forgave myself for my part in our relationship falling apart. I’d made mistakes, but clearly God had something else planned for me. I would learn from my mistakes and move forward as a wiser woman.

  I paused and made sure I had everything I’d need for the weekend. My purse was on my shoulder, my lunch bag over my wrist, and I’d put my grade book and pen in my teacher tote bag, which was over my other arm. Then I walked to the door, turned off the lights, and made my way to my car.

  As I drove home, I reflected on the conversation I’d had with my dad. I had actually called him and told him about breaking up with Marco. I explained that I couldn’t come to Vail for Thanksgiving without offering an explanation that he could argue. I didn’t want to go, and that was enough of a reason to stay home. While I hadn’t gotten up my courage to tell him about the hurt I’d been carrying all these years, I felt like we’d made a solid first step toward fixing our bruised re
lationship. He’d even suggested coming up to visit with his father, which I knew Granddad would love.

  But the best thing in my week was Tom and Sophie. I know Tom had a talk with Sophie about what danger her deceit had put us in. There was no doubt that he had been gentle as always, but the little girl apologized to me so solemnly on Saturday morning that I knew she felt the full weight of her actions. I’d taken her gladly into my arms and told her that I loved her and forgave her. Then Tom had stayed and watched me give his daughter a piano lesson. Every chance I got, I looked over and saw his brown eyes crinkling in our direction, and I felt a smile spread over my face.

  He called three nights that week at eight-thirty, and we were able to talk for an hour. We decided not to talk on Wednesdays or Thursdays, since we already saw each other. I think we both felt the urge to push our relationship forward faster than was good for us and were pulling the reins together to keep things slow.

  I parked and lugged my bags into the house. I planned to surprise the Bumblebee girls with cupcakes for dessert. No one else was home, and I was able to put on comfortable clothes and play music loudly while I worked in the kitchen.

  Tom had invited me over for movie night, but I’d told him that was his time with Sophie, and I wouldn’t butt in. He’d tried to argue, but I’d been firm. I knew he’d be glad of the time with her later on down the road.

  Besides, I wanted to make time for hanging out with my friends. Emily was coming over, and we were going to watch a girly movie with Mae and Rosa. Rosemarie had family obligations and couldn’t make it. I had a feeling that something was going on with her. She was very private, and I was learning that she only shared her thoughts when she was ready.

  My phone rang, and I wiped flour off my hands before checking. It was Tom.

  “Hey, you,” I said playfully. “What are you doing calling me at this time of day?”

  His deep laugh tumbled into my ears, and I leaned against the counter sighing happily.

  “I wanted to wish you a happy anniversary.”

  I knew what he was getting at, but still said, “An anniversary of what?”

  “It’s our one week of we-almost-died-but-instead-decided-to-date-in-eight-months anniversary.”

  “Oh, that one. You know, the traditional gift for that anniversary is chocolate. I’m making cupcakes right now, and I will give you one tomorrow.” I loved this playful banter we sometimes fell into. It made my heart light and hopeful.

  “Chocolate, eh? I’ll have to see what I can do. I’d hate for you to out-gift me on our very first anniversary.”

  “Yeah, I’d probably dump you if you did. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t take these things very seriously.”

  Tom laughed again. “What things? Anniversaries?”

  “No, chocolate.”

  We fell into silence.

  “Were you calling for a reason?” I finally asked.

  “I just wanted to talk to you and didn’t have a good excuse.”

  I beamed. I felt exactly the same way about him. “What movie are you watching tonight?”

  “’Pollyanna.’ Sophie said you recommended it, and since you’re pretty much her favorite person, we had to rent it. What movie are you watching tonight?”

  I pulled the spoon from the bowl of frosting I was working on and licked it. “I don’t know. Something cheesy and girly with lots of over-the-top love scenes. You’ll be sorry you missed it.”

  He chuckled and sighed. “June fifth feels so far away.”

  “I know.” I sighed, too. “But I’ll be sorry when Sophie isn’t in my class anymore.”

  “Maybe you can just hold her back and have her do second grade a few more times,” he suggested.

  “Great idea. Of course, then we’d have to put off dating much longer.”

  “Never mind. Cancel that idea. I absolutely refuse.”

  I laughed. “Good. If I didn’t like the kid so much, I’d suggest sending her to third grade early.”

  “Now there’s an idea.” Tom’s voice grew warm.

  This conversation could get us into trouble, so I said, “I need to go finish the cupcakes. Have fun with ‘Pollyanna.’”

  “Have fun with your cheesy romance.”

  It was too good to pass up. “Oh, I already am,” I sang and hung up to his peals of laughter.

  Good golly, I was smitten with that man!

  Epilogue

  June 5

  The last day of my first full year of teaching wasn’t quite what I’d expected. We were all excited for summer vacation. I’d pictured myself having a tender, meaningful moment with each child that would stick with him or her for years to come.

  Instead, there was a whirlwind of cleaning desks, sending someone to hunt down more trash bags for all the lingering worksheets that were scrunched in hidden corners of desks, and more talk of summer plans than reflections on what the year had meant. We played an extended kickball game with the third-grade class during recess and ate our bagged lunches at the picnic tables under the trees.

  And, to be quite honest, my mind wasn’t entirely on my students. As much as I wanted to make this final day together all about my kids, my heart was tied up with Tom. Thoughts of our first date that night kept singing through my entire being, pulling my attention from my class.

  “What are you looking forward to, Miss Kent?” asked Devon when we sat on the carpet together at the end of the day, discussing our summer plans.

  I looked around at my students’ shining, excited faces. They were taller. Their subtraction skills had improved vastly. Their once-white shoes were scuffed and grass-stained. The few book bags that had been brought along on this final day were battered and dingy.

  “I’m looking forward to seeing you in the fall and hearing about all your adventures. I especially want to know what books you read. I hope you visit Miss Harrington at the library many times.” It was the right answer, the teacherly answer.

  But that wasn’t all I was looking forward too. I was looking forward to going home at the end of the day, putting on the pretty dress I’d picked out, and finally, finally, going on a date with Tom Jerrett.

  We’d talked every day since that fateful outing on the trail. I’d told him every detail about my relationship with Marco and why it had failed. He’d explained his first marriage and why it had failed. We’d talked about things we would do differently this time around.

  I knew Tom’s favorite color, favorite food, favorite thing about being a cowboy, favorite moments with Sophie. He knew about the struggles I had with my family, how much I loved my job, and my abhorrence of laundry. But I was still nervous about our date. Even after all that talk, I still had butterflies in my stomach. Tom already knew me better than anyone else in the world, and I was excited to finally get to date him. And I was so nervous I was jittery.

  Thankfully, school let out early. It’s possible that I would have lost my marbles if I’d had to keep them all afternoon. As the PA system called for bus riders to make their way outside, I pushed Tom from my mind and stood at the door. I might have done a less-than-stellar job of making this day memorable for them, but I was determined to say goodbye well.

  “Have a wonderful summer, Tabitha!” I hugged the little girl who had shot up so much over the past year. “I loved having you in my class!”

  “I hope you find some new knock-knock jokes for me, Devon,” I said as I gathered him into my arms one more time. “I loved hearing them all year!”

  By the time I got to Sophie, who was last in line, I was teary. Sophie noticed, and the hug I’d intended to give her became more of a gift to me. I was glad that the room was empty, and I could have one more minute with her here as her teacher.

  “Sophie, I am so glad you were in my class. It was such a privilege to be your teacher!” I sniffled as the bell rang.

  Sophie’s crooked smile widened, and her brown eyes sparkled at me. “Do you know what that means?”

  “What? The bell?” I asked, conf
used.

  “It means you’re not my teacher anymore.” She almost danced, she was so excited. “Dad says you’re going out on a date tonight. I’m going to have a babysitter because you two are going to a restaurant.”

  It was suddenly so special to share my excitement with someone else. We giggled together conspiratorially. Goodness, I loved this little girl!

  She leaned forward in all seriousness and whispered, “I think you’re going to fall in love tonight!”

  I hid my smile and nodded. “It could happen, Soph, you never know.” Oh, Sophie, I fell in love with your father a long time ago, my heart sighed.

  We walked out to the pickup spot, hand in hand. My heart gave a little leap when I saw Tom’s rusty truck pull into the line. Sophie skipped over and climbed in when he came to a stop. I barely had time to wave at him and share a sweet, excited smile before the impatient parents in line behind him demanded he keep moving.

  My heart sang as I went back to my room. I turned on the radio and worked up a sweat as I pulled down the bulletin boards I’d so carefully put up last fall. My desk was emptied into a box and added to the other boxes I’d stacked on the counter and shelves in preparation of the thorough cleaning this room would receive over the summer break.

  Finally, the clock’s hands showed that it was time to go. The school year was over, and I had only hours before my first date with Tom.

  Lisa Weeks was headed out of her room when I left mine. “Ah, this is why I teach,” she said, only half-joking. “Summer vacation is truly the most wonderful time of the year.”

  I laughed and headed toward my car with a spring in my step and my arms full of all the last-minute things I wanted to take home over the summer. “Bye! Have a good summer!” I called to everyone I passed.