Notes on His Pillow

by Diana Currie

  Chapter Thirteen: Amanda’s Jealous

  Monday morning Heidi Brennan checks into the B&B while Adam and I are enjoying a quiet breakfast together. She’s in town visiting her grandmother and to say I'm intimidated by her is a gross understatement. Although she was born only a year after me, her charisma and chatty nature makes her appear much younger, while my conservative dress and personality make me feel years older than I truly am. Heidi has artificially red hair and naturally large breasts. She's quite attractive and flaunts her assets through her choice of clothing. She's young enough to pull off the short jean shorts and tank top she arrived wearing; making the outfit work in a way I could never hope to. Her lips are painted a deep red to match her hair and she's smiling around a wad of gum. I notice how she's more than happy to introduce herself to Adam and makes her physical attraction to him abundantly clear as he politely shakes her hand. I roll my eyes when I'm sure neither of them is looking in my direction.

  When booking her reservation Heidi requested the yellow room which happens to be located next to Adam's. The idea of this young single woman sharing a wall with Adam did not bother me until early this morning when I was making up her bed. The look on Adam's face when Heidi breezed through the front door did not help matters. She made quite an entrance and he basically introduced himself to her chest. I think Adam might be what Brett would call a Boob Man.

  After Adam gets an eye full at the breakfast table he excuses himself to his room to get ready for a day at the office. I show Heidi to her room and give her my usual welcome spiel. I show her the bathroom being careful to explain the faulty faucet. I let her know when meals are served, give her a key to the house, and make sure she has my phone number in case she has any questions.

  "Coolness," she answers taking the house key into her manicured hand. I can tell this is going to be a long week for me.

  "Are you hungry, Heidi? Adam and I just had pancakes and eggs. I'd be more than happy to make some for you."

  "Uh! Amanda, you are the best! It was such a long drive here from Athens. That's where I live. And all I ate was a granola bar and an iced mocha."

  I smile and start walking down the hallway with Heidi following close behind. She pops her gum loudly and I cringe while descending the steps. She wanders around the downstairs to get acquainted with the house and I excuse myself to start a fresh batch of pancakes.

  "So how long is Adam staying here?" she asks flippantly.

  I want very much to tell her he is leaving today but I know that would be useless. She will notice soon enough. They share a wall.

  "For a few more weeks," I answer.

  "Is he married? Have a girlfriend?"

  "He's mentioned a woman named Bianca a few times," I say. It technically isn't a lie, he has mentioned his sister in-law on numerous occasions. Throwing out her name will hopefully decrease the chances of Heidi hitting on Adam. I don't think I could handle that. I know it makes me a hypocrite, not wanting to give Adam the kind of relationship he wants with me but also not wanting him to have it with anyone else. I’m an imperfect person.

  "Damn. The hot ones are always either taken or gay," she replies regretfully.

  Heidi tells me a little about her grandmother while I make breakfast. Louise Brennan is sick with shingles and needs looking after temporarily. Heidi is in town to hire a home nurse and help her grandmother with the adjustment. She eats her breakfast slowly and mentions wanting to unpack her things and take a long hot shower before going over to Louise's house. I get the feeling Heidi is procrastinating the job she's come here to do. I say nothing other than letting the young girl know where extra towels and bath products are kept.

  Adam comes into the kitchen to say goodbye before heading off to work. Heidi and I swoon simultaneously as Adam smiles and shrugs on his jacket. "I have a full schedule of appointments today, Amanda. So I'll be back around dinner time."

  "Okay. How does steak and potatoes sound for dinner?" I offer.

  Adam smiles brilliantly at me. "Perfect. Heidi, pleasure meeting you. I'm sure I'll bump into you later at some point. Have a good day, ladies."

  When Adam closes the front door behind him Heidi turns back towards me. "I'd love to bump into that man, you know what I mean?"

  I force a smile. "Yeah, I know what you mean," I agree.

  After the breakfast dishes are washed I busy myself with the day's chores. My mind keeps going over and over the words Adam spoke to me two nights ago about respecting my wishes. He clearly wants more, I know that. Whatever is brewing between us is beginning to feel like an inevitability instead of something still within my power to prevent.

  I'm relieved that I didn't see Adam yesterday. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep avoiding his advances. Though Saturday night he promised me there would be no advancing... at least not by him. I never expected Adam to be willing to wait for me to get my life under control, but that was the impression he gave me the other night. Standing on my door step I saw an expression on Adam's face that could only be described as hunger. Considering we had just eaten, I think I know what Adam is hungering for. So now I have two questions that need answering. Is attempting a relationship with Adam the right decision for me? And how long is he willing to wait?

  At four o'clock I run over to the daycare to pick up Tyler and Gabby and we go back to the B&B so I can make dinner for our house guests. Heidi is not there when we return and neither is Adam. I get everything for the meal prepped and ready by five. Then I spend some time with Tyler going over his school work. He is supposed to trace the letters "D" and "E" with a pencil at least a dozen times. Keeping him focused is not easy, especially with Gabby singing to herself in the other room, but eventually he completes the work and I release him from the dining room chair.

  At five thirty Heidi returns frazzled and complaining of smelling like "old lady." She hurries past the kitchen mumbling something about moth balls and needing to take a shower. It's her second of the day and I hate thinking that with her room being next to Adam's there is a good possibility they will cross paths in the hall a few times. I can just imagine Adam's bug eyes if Heidi flaunts her assets in a towel the way she does her low cut tank tops. Images keep popping into my brain of her prancing around the upstairs hallway in a skimpy towel trying to entice him. While I keep telling Adam no, no, and no again how easy would it be for Heidi's beauty and charm to break him?

  "Amanda, when's dinner?" she asks, suddenly appearing at the bottom of the stairs. I'm surprised I didn't hear her footsteps. Heidi is stealthy.

  "I can start it now if you're hungry," I reply checking the clock. Dinner is usually at six, so it will be a few minutes early but Adam is always on time.

  At 6:02 Heidi and the kids are eating marinated steak and mashed potatoes on TV trays in the living room and I'm standing in the kitchen wondering about Adam. Just as I'm about to call him my phone rings in my hand. It's so startling that I nearly drop the damn thing. Luckily my hands bobble it a few times before finally getting a firm grasp on that slippery sucker.

  "Hello?"

  "Amanda. It's Adam."

  "Oh, hi Adam." Sound casual, I think to myself.

  "I apologize for not calling sooner. We had an emergency appointment a little while ago and it has put every other appointment back a half hour. The child will be fine, but I'm afraid I'm not going to make it back home for a while."

  "Oh, don't worry about it. I'll cover your plate with tin foil and leave it in the oven. Do you want gravy on your mashed?"

  "You made gravy too?" he asks in a low gruff voice.

  I chuckle under my breath. "I take it that's a yes?"

  "Of course that’s a yes! Are you going home soon?"

  "Yeah, I have the kids here and they’re getting antsy." I peek into the living room where Heidi has commandeered the remote control and chosen to watch some beauty makeover reality show. The children do not look pleased.

  "I suppose I will see you tomorrow then?" he wonders.

  "Of co
urse. Good night, Adam," I smile into the phone.

  "Sweet dreams, Amanda," he whispers.

  Have you ever had one of those mornings when you just can't seem to drag your butt out of bed? Well, I haven't. At least not since before Tyler was born. Until today. I don't know how it happened but this morning I slept through my alarm after the first time it buzzed and somehow managed to turn it off in the process. By the time I got the kids fed, dressed, and in the car it was already after eight o'clock. I dropped them off at daycare and rushed over to Thatcher's as quickly as I could manage.

  When I finally arrive at the B&B laughter is wafting from the kitchen into the foyer. What I see there is practically the worst sight I could have imagined, and my imagination conjured up some doozies on the drive over. Like Adam succumbing to Heidi's skimpy towel mating dance, for instance. Still, seeing them together in the kitchen is shocking to me, though I am grateful I didn't walk in to discover Adam in one of the other ways my sick mind had me fearing. Instead, they are sitting close together at the kitchen table doing a newspaper crossword puzzle. The act itself is innocent in nature, but Heidi's intentions are clearly not. She leans closer to Adam as I walk in and laughs when she sees an answer he placed in the puzzle.

  "Twinkie is not right, Adam!" she giggles. "The letters don't even fit."

  Heidi places her petite hand on Adam's bare forearm and to his credit; he pulls away from her before either of them notice my presence. He discreetly scoots his chair a few inches further from hers and then looks up, very surprised to see me watching from the hall.

  "Amanda, good morning," Adam says with a genuine smile on his face. He quickly stands and puts distance between himself and Ms. Perky Tits.

  "Hi, Adam. Heidi, good morning," I reply trying like hell to keep my voice even and calm.

  Jealousy is not an emotion I'm accustomed to, and I don't much like the feeling. In middle school I was jealous of Rebecca and Brett for having siblings. Rebecca's brother is younger and we used to play school with him all the time. He was so cute and looked up to us. Brett's sister on the other hand is older and was great for explaining the things our parents thought we ought not know about yet, like where babies came from and how to smoke a cigarette. In comparison, my house felt so cold and empty with it just being me and Dad. Then I was jealous of Nikki when she left for college a month after I married Tommy and sentenced myself to remain in Swainsboro for all eternity. It was hard for me to watch Rebecca and Eric too; going off to explore college life together.

  Ironically, I've never felt jealous of the girls who would sometimes flirt with Tommy while we were dating in high school or ones that would meet him in his father's store. I was never intimidated by any of them because Tommy's devotion to me was so paramount. I never felt like Tommy would cheat on me or even have the desire to. During the separation Tommy accused me of never cherishing him the way he did me. He said I didn't give our relationship one hundred percent and it made him feel like I didn't care enough to keep from losing him. Looking back on those early arguments I'm beginning to think he was right. Adam is not even mine to lose, but the thought of Heidi even touching him arm the way she just did is eliciting a response in me stronger than anything I ever felt when girls flirted with Tommy. And it wasn't just Nikki who did that; lots of girls flirted with him. It never bothered me nearly as much as this. Watching Heidi with Adam is torture.

  My presence in the kitchen has made Heidi realize that her opportunity for seducing the attractive young doctor is over for now and she excuses herself to her room. "I should really get ready to go see my grandmother. I'll see you later, Adam," she says before scurrying upstairs.

  Adam smiles at me again and then wordlessly moves to the sink to wash his breakfast dishes. I feel bad that he had to make his own meal. Thinking about the morning I had with the kids is just a big fat reminder of why my life is too complicated for a boyfriend right now. Gabby was still sleepy as I hurried her in getting dressed and it made her cry. She hates being rushed. Tyler refuses to eat immediately after waking up so I had to pack his breakfast to eat at school. In the back of my mind, along with the fear that Heidi has already gotten her hooks into Adam, I also worry about my son going to school hungry. I hope he took the time to eat what I made before running off to play with his friends.

  A relationship with me would be too much for any single man. I would be high maintenance and it pains me to admit that Adam would be able to have a lot more fun if he did date Heidi, or someone like her. I am too busy with my children and my job to be good for any man right now. How could I ask Adam or anyone else to accept that he must come second in my life? My kids come first, and that's the way it should be.

  I bring Heidi's breakfast plates to the counter and Adam pulls them into the sink before I have a chance to object. He knows I think dish washing is my responsibility but he still insists on helping. He's too nice to me.

  "So the kids are okay? I was concerned," he asks glancing at me over his shoulder.

  "Yes, they're fine. We all overslept and it was a struggle getting them out of the house. Gabby didn't want to go to daycare today," I explain sighing.

  He nods his head in understanding. It didn't occur to me as I was rushing around the house that Adam might have been worried about us. All I could think about was not being here to make my two guests their breakfast. Adam seems to have been focused more on our safety rather than his growling stomach.

  "You seemed quite chummy with Heidi when I walked in. You'd make a cute couple," I say changing the subject.

  “I don’t think so,” Adam replies calmly.

  “Why not? She’s quite the eye candy. Kind of shallow but the breasts make up for it, don’t you think?”

  "She's a very nice girl," Adam chides, picking up on the sarcasm in my words. "She told me about her sick grandmother and how she offered to come help her."

  "Yeah, very nice," I agree reluctantly while in the back of my mind I hear Heidi's complaints about having to spend a week of her summer vacation in her grandmother's small moth ball smelling house.

  I huff; folding my arms across my chest and leaning against the counter watching Adam do my chores. His lips turn up in a small smile as he keeps his eyes on the sink full of soapy water. Tommy never did dishes. Watching Adam do them now is really sexy. Suddenly he turns towards me and leans close enough for me to smell his cologne.

  "I can tell you're jealous, Amanda. And I like it," he purrs in my ear.

  I shiver as his warm breath passes across my earlobe. Adam's voice is husky and deep and he's trying to see if he can affect me. I bite my lip to hold in a soft moan that threatens to escape and I take a big step back. My eyes meet Adam's and he's grinning. He knows he was successful in his attempt to rattle my senses. Damn him.

  I shake off the warm tingly feeling Adam has caused inside me and choose to ignore what he just said. "You working today?"

  Adam tries to control his smile as he turns back to the dishes in front of him. "No work, but I need to run over to meet Andrew at the house site. They're about to break ground and I'm going to go over final blue prints and meet his team. I should be back by lunchtime."

  "Great. I'm going to go start my chores and I'll see you for lunch," I reply quickly retreating from the kitchen before Adam can do any more whispering or subtle flirting. My heart honestly can't take much more of this.

  While I'm cleaning the downstairs bathroom I can hear Heidi and Adam both leave the house. They walk out together but a quick peek from the front window confirms they get into their own cars and drive off in different directions. Once they're out of sight I yell at myself in my head for being such a crazy person. I have never kept tabs on a B&B guest the way I do with Adam. I'm acting like a damn fool and I know it. Feeding my addiction to him will only end badly but I can't seem to avoid situations like the encounter in the kitchen this morning. There's no way to keep my relationship with him professional when he smiles at me the way he did. And when he called me out on my jealousy,
I couldn't help faltering under his intense gaze. I liked it he had said. Swoon.

  I need to do their laundry now. Shamelessly, my eyes glance around both rooms looking for signs that one of them might have been in the other's room. I don't know what I expect to find, maybe Heidi's panties on Adam's lamp shade or his reading glasses on her night stand. Thankfully, there is zero evidence that either one visited the other last night. Both beds look slept in. Heidi just arrived and therefore doesn't have much in her laundry pile, just her clothes from yesterday and what she likely wore to bed last night. Her choice of underwear is interesting to say the least. Her panties could double as dental floss.

  In Adam's room I see he is no longer using his reading glasses as a book marker. Instead, the last note I wrote to him is tucked inside the medical journal on his night stand. I smile thinking that this is a great improvement that he's made. I like that he keeps my notes close by and hasn't been trashing them. We've yet to acknowledge the writing back and forth and in the back of my mind I wonder what that means. Impulsively I decide to leave another one. It seems I'm only capable of flirting with this man through letters, how very nineteenth century of me.

  My note says: When we next sit by the fire together I want you to read to me. I keep wondering if Adam wearing his reading glasses is as sexy a sight as my imagination would have me believe. -Amanda

  After starting two loads of wash I return to the kitchen. Every room is clean and I don't have any check-ins for another week. It being near the end of the month, I decide to sit down with the accounting ledgers. It's hard to concentrate. I keep remembering why the bookkeeping never got done the last time I sat down with it. Kissing Adam in the kitchen a week ago was one of the most tumultuous and erotic moments of my life. There was never passion like that between me and Tommy. Never once in our relationship did I feel like I just had to have him or I'd spontaneously combust. When Adam had placed his hand on the small of my back and pulled me flush against his chest I could have sworn I heard the boom of an internal explosion ringing in my ears. I felt like we shared the kind of chemistry that only existed in the movies.