Notes on His Pillow

by Diana Currie

  "I don't like thinking about Nikki doing those things, but she's done nothing intentional to make me feel that way. I think it's just normal in a divorce situation. It's okay to show them affection, like you did with Tyler during the football game. Just be his friend."

  Finally he smiles. "It's hard sleeping here without you. I feel your presence everywhere in this house. It makes me homesick for you."

  "I look forward to the day when you can sleep over my house and it won't matter to the kids, or Tommy, or the town that you're there. I promise you someday soon we won't have to kiss goodnight on the doorstep."

  Adam grins and leans forward to kiss me. I wrap my hands around his neck, momentarily not caring if anyone is walking their dog down the street or watching us from a passing car. My lips move with his and it is the perfect end to the day. I run my hands down his chest and gently push him back when I need air. I open my eyes to see his soft pale lids are still closed. Out of the corner of my eye I notice the curtains flutter in the B&B window.

  "Oh, my God," I gasp. I know there are no other guests staying at the B&B right now; the Sampson's having left the day before.

  "What?"

  My fists tighten on Adam's shirt as I whisper, "I just saw the curtain move. There's somebody in the house."

  Adam turns toward the house but whoever was there has moved away from the window. "Stand back. I'm going to see who it is," he whispers as he pulls his key ring out of his pocket.

  "Be careful."

  I watch as Adam tests the doorknob and it sends a shrill fear down my spine when he finds it already unlocked. The lights are all off and I hold my breath as Adam takes a step inside and reaches for the light switch. I see the back of a dark haired woman retreating down the hall.

  "Stop! Who are you?" Adam asks.

  I lean to the side to see past Adam's body which is protectively keeping me behind him. "Me? Who are you?" the voice replies.

  The hairs on my arm stand up as I recognize the voice immediately. My fear of an intruder has disappeared and a new kind of fear sets in. I push Adam aside so I can see into the house in order to confirm with my eyes what my ears have heard. I am not mistaken. Adam looks back at me and I glare down the hallway at our unexpected visitor.

  "Hi, Nadine. I mean, Mom."

  Chapter Twenty Four: A Day with Nadine

  "Adam, can you go back to the car and bring the kids inside please?" I say standing in the entrance of the B&B staring into the eyes of my absentee mother.

  My wide eyed boyfriend understands immediately that I need a moment alone with Nadine. I'm thankful that he nods his head without a word and goes to check on my kids for me. I'm worried about them waking up alone outside in the car and also don't want either of them to witness this awkward exchange between mother and daughter.

  "What are you doing here?" I ask her as soon as Adam closes the front door behind him.

  "I heard your divorce was finalized and I wanted to come see you. I haven't heard from you in so long and I miss my grand kids."

  "The phone works both ways, mom. And I didn't tell you the divorce was finalized because I don't particularly want your advice or criticism."

  Nadine places her hand on her chest as if she's offended by my statement. "I would never. Although perhaps you should consider a little motherly advice. Your father told me the divorce went through mere weeks ago and already you're kissing this young man very publicly and in front of the kids?"

  "I have no reason to be ashamed of Adam. He's a good man, a great man. My marriage is over and the kids like Adam. I've been very careful about introducing them to our relationship."

  "Relationship? I had no idea you were dating already. Haven't you given any consideration to getting out of Swainsboro now that you have the chance?"

  "And go where? You thought I might come live near you? I told you when Tommy and I separated that I wasn't leaving Swainsboro. I would never take his kids away from him. And I certainly would never leave Tyler or Gabby," I say sternly.

  Nadine sighs, understanding that I'm referring to her own abandonment so many years ago. "Look, I didn't come here to argue about the past. I've been worried about how you're holding up and thought it would be nice to come for a visit."

  I rub my hand over my face and silently give up. She's right that there's no point rehashing old arguments. I have plenty to get off my chest but now is not the right time. "Are you hungry? How did you get inside anyway?" I ask.

  Nadine smiles appreciatively. "I had some fruit from the refrigerator while I waited. I tried your house first but it was locked and your car was gone so I came here. The back door was unlocked."

  "I'll warm up some pecan pie. You still like it, right?" I say moving further into the house and accepting the fact that my mother is not just going to leave and hop back on a plane from where she came.

  "I'd love some. So where were you today?"

  Before I can answer her the door opens and Adam comes in carrying a sleepy Gabby in his arms with Tyler trailing behind him. I walk over to them and kneel in front of Tyler so we're eye to eye. "Hey, baby. Can you come sit at the kitchen table for me? There's somebody here who wants to see you."

  Tyler looks at me strangely and rubs his eyes. "Who?"

  "Come and sit. Grandma Nadine came for a visit."

  Tyler stumbles over to the table and sits down across from her. There's no excitement in his eyes like when he sees my dad or Tommy's parents. I wasn't expecting him to be happy about my mother's sudden appearance. Tyler hasn't seen his grandmother in almost two years; I'd be more surprised if he actually remembered her face.

  I take Gabby from Adam's arms and quickly slide the pie into the oven to warm before sitting in one of the chairs besides Nadine. She smiles at Gabby who hides her face in my neck. "Mom, this is Adam Brickman. He's staying here at Thatcher's for a while. He's just moved to town to join his father's medical practice. Adam, this is my mother, Nadine. She lives in Galveston with my Aunt Patty."

  Adam sits opposite me and shakes Nadine's hand politely. "It's very nice to meet you."

  The five of us are all silent for a few moments. I'm not sure what to say to my mom; there's nothing about my life I really want to offer up for conversation. So I decide to ask her about her life.

  "How's Aunt Patty?" I ask.

  "She's doing alright; broke her wrist in Zumba class last Saturday and she'll be out for the rest of the month. I swear she is the biggest baby when she gets hurt. She can't seem to do anything for herself with that arm in the cast. I've had to tie her shoes and help her get dressed. Se can't drive or open her pill bottles by herself."

  "You left her alone in that condition?"

  "She's been driving me crazy!" she defends. Now I understand the motivation behind her sudden desire to visit us. "Don't look at me like that. Our next door neighbor agreed to keep an eye on her while I'm gone."

  The kids are unfamiliar with Nadine and still sleepy from being woken up. Nadine studies Tyler's face and smiles. "He looks so much like Tommy now," she comments. "Same hair and cheekbones. But I think he has my nose."

  "Tyler starts kindergarten in a few weeks. He's going to ride the school bus and learn to read all by himself, right buddy?" I say to him.

  He just nods his head. I know Tyler is excited about starting school; just not so much about his grandmother showing up here. I wonder if perhaps I haven't invited my mother to visit us often enough over the years. I didn't want Nadine around when I first married Tommy because she didn't approve of that decision. And I haven't had her to many holidays because it would have made Dad uncomfortable. When having to choose between my parents over the years I've repeatedly sided with my dad because he raised me. So maybe Nadine might have been around more had she been invited more often but I've always felt like she caused this rift by leaving. Not only did she legally remove herself from our lives with the divorce but she made the choice to do so geographically too with her choice to move out of state.

  I get up to
serve the leftover pie but Gabby doesn’t want to be left sitting in the chair by herself. Adam pulls her into his lap and shifts her position to be facing Nadine. Gabby keeps her face hidden at first and then after a minute peeks out to look at Nadine. At three years old I know seeing her grandmother now is the same as meeting a stranger.

  "She's quite comfortable with you," Nadine says to Adam as he strokes Gabby's hair in a soothing way.

  "I've been staying here since June so they've grown fairly used to seeing me every day," Adam replies.

  I busy myself grabbing a few dishes from the cabinet and setting the table with forks and napkins. Adam chats pleasantly with Nadine, telling her about his job and his recent move from Chicago. As always, Adam is charming and likable and I see my mother soften towards him while we enjoy the pecan pie left over from the Sampson's last night in the house. The kids and I listen quietly as we eat our pieces of pie.

  By the time we've all eaten the kids have warmed up to Nadine enough to leave the table and go to the living room to play together. Adam watches Nadine cautiously get up from the table and follow them. She sits on the edge of the couch and asks Gabby questions about her toys. Soon enough Tyler has accepted her presence and is also talking to her about things that interest a five year old. Adam watches Nadine try to interact with the kids while I wash the dishes. When she starts playing on the floor with them Adam walks over to me and leans against the counter.

  "How are you doing with her being here? You looked like you'd seen a ghost when you saw her," he says under his breath.

  I look up into his concerned eyes and smile. "I'm alright now, but it was quite a shock. She does stuff like this though, showing up unannounced or making big decisions without thinking them through. Sometimes I wonder how long she struggled with the idea of leaving my dad before actually doing it. I can picture her waking up on the wrong side of the bed one morning and just deciding then and there that she'd had enough of us."

  Adam moves to stand behind me as I wash the pie plate and he wraps his arms around my waist. I lean the side of my head against his chest and take in a deep breath of his scent. I feel guilty for not being happy to see my own mother after years and years of complaining that she’s never visited, but the damage that's been done to our relationship is almost solely on her shoulders. I hate that I let myself get upset over the decisions she's made that have brought us to this place.

  I feel better with Adam holding me and I wish I didn't have to leave him alone here tonight. Suddenly it occurs to me that he won't be alone. I have no place for Nadine to stay in my little house unless one of us sleeps on the couch. It makes much more sense to give her a room at the B&B. I really hate the idea of Adam being here with her all night. What if she tries to get him to talk about our relationship or tells him that I'd be better off far away from Swainsboro and anyone associated with it? She's felt that way since the day she left and I know she wants me to escape it too. Adam has been my saving grace; making life in this small town almost bearable. And for the first time in my adult life I don't want to leave Swainsboro. Well, at least not right now.

  "I'm going to have to let Nadine stay here tonight," I say to Adam. "Don't let her weasel any information out of you while I'm gone."

  He steps to my side and begins drying the dishes I've washed. "What do you think she wants to know about us?"

  I shrug. "I've kept the details of my life private because she never agrees with my decisions. She thinks I've been repeating all of her mistakes since the day I turned down my scholarship to Georgia State University. I married the wrong man and I married him too young. I had children too young and wound up divorced just like her. In my mother's mind getting out of Swainsboro was the one thing she did right. And to her I now have all the same regrets she has only I'm also making the mistake of staying here even though I'm unhappy."

  "I understand the scholarship and maybe your marriage, but I know you don't regret having your children, Amanda. But what about Swainsboro? I know why you've made the hard decision to stay, but are you really that miserable living here?"

  I grab a dishtowel and dry my hands. "Not anymore. I've accepted my decision to stay here for the kids and to my complete surprise I now have a reason to want to be here too. You've chosen this town to build your career and your life and I want to be part of it."

  Adam smirks at me and I know my answer is reassuring to him. We stand together for a few minutes, drying dishes and listening to Nadine talk to the kids. She really does seem to be trying to connect with them. When the kitchen is clean I know I need to take them home. We've had a long day. Adam tells me he will be working tomorrow and I plan to take the kids to daycare. I have a lot of housekeeping to do around Thatcher's and I haven't cleaned up the rooms the Sampson's were occupying yet.

  Pulling Adam by the hand down the hall I bring us to a place where we're not in sight of the living room. I stand on my tip toes and kiss Adam fiercely. He moans quietly and pulls my body against his. It's hard not to let us get carried away and I have to pull away long before I get my fill.

  "Maybe you should come home for lunch tomorrow," I whisper against his lips.

  "And why is that?" he replies; his mouth turning up into a grin against mine.

  I peck his cheek sweetly. "I'll make you lunch." Another peck. "And maybe we'll have time for dessert in your room."

  Adam's eyes widen and he whispers, "won't your mom be here?"

  "I'll get rid of her somehow. I need you."

  "I need you too, baby," he says and kisses me on the lips again.

  Adam walks with me hand in hand into the living room so I can start getting the kids ready to go. Nadine seems relieved when I tell her the blue room upstairs is available for her to sleep in tonight. Adam offers to get her luggage from the rental car parked down the street while I get the kids packed up.

  "I'll be back in the morning to make Adam breakfast about eight o'clock and then I have a lot of housework to do," I tell her out by my car.

  "Okay, maybe we can spend some time together then," Nadine replies.

  "Sure. That would be fine."

  I walk over to the driver side and wave Adam over to say goodnight one last time. Quietly I say to him, "Adam, promise me if you go running tomorrow morning that you'll wear your t-shirt."

  He chuckles and leans closer to whisper in my ear. "Only if you promise to take it off me later."

  "Absolutely,” I promise. “Have a good night.” Adam kisses my forehead and then waves to the kids in the back seat as I back the car out of the driveway.

  The next morning I decide to drop Tyler and Gabby off at daycare before going in to the B&B. They protest a little about missing breakfast with Dr. Adam and it makes me very happy to hear that they like spending time with him. I tell myself that I want the kids going to daycare early so they aren't underfoot while I'm working but deep down I worry about them spending too much time with Nadine. I have no idea how long she'll be in town and the last thing I need right now is for them to get attached to a grandmother that will disappear at any moment.

  Nadine made coffee before I arrived and I walk in to find her at the kitchen table with Adam who's filling in another one of his crossword puzzles. In my mind I flash back to the morning I found Heidi with Adam in the same situation, only Nadine presents an even more disturbing image than the young attractive twenty something did. My heart is on the line whenever Nadine is involved.

  "Hey, guys. How are you doing?" I greet them.

  Adam looks up, happy to see me, and places his newspaper down on the table. He's wearing his reading glasses, which to me is just as enticing as his jogging attire. I see a third coffee cup waiting for me on the table, already mixed with cream and sugar, and I can't help grinning widely.

  "Hey, you. Nadine made coffee," Adam says.

  "Mmmm, I need it. How does French toast and scrambled eggs sound for breakfast?"

  "Amazing," Adam replies. "Nadine, your daughter is a fabulous cook. She's been spoiling me
for months now."

  "Have you been living here that long?" Nadine asks surprised.

  Adam takes a sip of his coffee. "Yes, Ma'am. I moved to town in June and I'm in the process of building a house not far off the highway."

  "You know that dirt road outside town that just sort of ends after half a mile?" I ask her.

  Nadine nods. "Your father and I knew that spot well. In fact, I think you were probably conceived at the end of that dirt road."

  This is news to me. Disturbing, awful news. The idea that my parents ever took advantage of the same make-out spot that Tommy and I used is gross. To know after all this time that my parents had sex out there at least once makes me even happier to see that place be turned into something new.

  "Yes, well, that's the land Adam purchased. His brother is a contractor and he's overseeing the project."

  "Really? Well I hope you'll enjoy teenagers getting it on in the forest around your house!" she chuckles.

  Adam laughs too. "I thought my presence there would deter them, but you're right. I might need to install motion sensor spotlights."

  I roll my eyes. Great, Adam and my mother are making friends. Adam tells her more about the land purchase and the house Andrew is building while I make breakfast. I'm beginning to think Adam can drum up conversation with just about anyone. All the guests that have come and gone during his tenure here and every time he's appeared to be comfortable engaging in conversation. I smile to myself as I flip the French toast thinking that the only people Adam's shown difficulty conversing with were Tommy and Brett. It's oddly encouraging to know he feels self-conscious and short on words around men he probably considers his competition where I'm concerned.

  The three of us eat breakfast together and then Adam has to leave for work. He awkwardly kisses me goodbye on the top of my head since Nadine is watching us like a hawk. He tells me that he will be back around lunchtime and my stomach flips knowing what he means. It isn't grilled cheese or cold cuts that will be bringing him back to the B&B in the middle of the day. I start scheming in my mind about how I can get rid of Nadine for a little bit while Adam's here.