Notes on His Pillow

by Diana Currie

  “Amanda, do you think this plan you and Adam came up with is going to work? Like, do you think you can get her a new job and move a stranger into her apartment in less than a month and everything will be okay?”

  “It has to be. Why, do you have a better idea?” I reply jokingly. One look at Brett’s face and I know he’s being completely serious. “Brett…what are you thinking?”

  “I’m thinking of asking her to stay with me a while longer; until she figures stuff out.”

  “Are you crazy? Did you get a concussion in that bike accident I don’t know about?”

  Brett rolls his eyes. “She’s not a bad person, just really scared.”

  “She’s crazy,” I correct. “She flew across the country to confront Adam and try to coerce him back to Chicago. Come on girls; let’s go into the bathroom so I can wipe off your faces.”

  Brett follows us into the bathroom and shuts the door. “She’s freaked out about taking care of Chloe on her own. And you and Adam want to send her packing as soon as possible. Did you stop and think that maybe she’s not ready for that?”

  “Will you listen to yourself? You’re thinking of offering Lindsey and her daughter an open ended invitation to leech off of you? You’re falling into the exact same trap she set for Adam two years ago.”

  Chloe winces as I wipe her mother’s lipstick off her mouth and nose. “Hold still, sweetie. Almost done.”

  “We look pretty, mommy,” Gabby insists.

  I smile at her and say, “I think you do too, but you have a very pretty face even without the makeup.”

  Brett is standing behind me and he looks at me in the mirror. “You’re acting like she’s a con artist or something. I like her and I like her little girl. Why shouldn’t I ask them to stay?”

  “If there’s no PR jobs in Muncie then she certainly won’t find one here. What makes you think she’d be happy here?”

  Brett huffs and I can tell he’s getting frustrated. “I’m not asking her to marry me for crying out loud. I just want more time to get to know her; see where things go.”

  “Chloe needs stability. It wouldn’t be good for her to get used to this house, to having you around, if Lindsey’s going to head back to Chicago at some point.”

  “You mean it wouldn’t be good for you if Adam got more attached to Chloe while she was hanging around in Swainsboro for a few months.”

  I turn around and face my friend with anger in my eyes. “How dare you suggest that I’m so insecure about my relationship with Adam that I would discourage your plan to play house with Lindsey just to get her to go away.”

  Just then someone knocks on the door. “Amanda?” Adam calls from the hall. “It’s almost two thirty. Are you ready to go?”

  “I’ll be right there,” I reply.

  After leaving Brett’s house Adam drops me and Gabby off at home to wait for Tyler’s bus. My son talks nonstop all the way to the B&B telling us about his teacher, his new friends, and all the stuff he’s going to be learning. Then he repeats it all to Adam who hangs out with the kids while I make dinner. There’s a message on the machine inquiring about renting a room so I call the man back after dinner and he reserves a room for the second week of October.

  After the dishes are done the four of us go back to my house where I get the kids a snack and put them to bed. Adam and I snuggle in to bed together and talk for a little while about the plans we made today and how we feel about them. Adam thinks Lindsey just needs this push to get her own life in order and then she’ll be fine back in Chicago. I hope he’s right. I voice my frustration with Brett and his asinine plan to undermine our more mature solution to the Lindsey problem. Little do I know that by morning all our plans will be proved to be futile.

  My phone wakes me up at seven thirty. Adam has stayed the night and lets his hand wander over my thigh and between my legs as I answer the call. Normally I would revel in the early morning attention but it’s Brett calling so I push his hand away. Brett hasn’t called me this early in the morning since high school.

  “What’s wrong, Brett?” I answer nervously.

  “You’re not going to believe this, Amanda. Shit,” he responds.

  “What is it? What happened?”

  “She’s gone. Lindsey’s gone.”

  I sit bolt upright in bed and gasp. “What do you mean she’s gone?” Adam looks at me and mouths ‘who?’

  Brett says, “I mean Lindsey left. Her bags and clothes are gone, the hair products she had in the bathroom, the rental car, all gone.”

  “She went home in the middle of the night?” I reply looking over at Adam who appears not yet awake but still clearly shocked by the news.

  “She left a note behind. I read it,” Brett says, his voice sounding shaky. “And um, Amanda? She left Chloe here too.”

  Chapter Twenty Nine: The Lawyer Says

  Today Adam is in Atlanta meeting with an adoption lawyer. Chloe was left here in Swainsboro four days ago and none of us expect to be hearing from Lindsey again. Judging by the note she left at Brett’s house it seems to me that she went with plan B after failing to convince Adam to move back to Chicago. Lindsey left paperwork, official looking documents that she signed the day she left. From what Adam could tell, the paperwork would transfer guardianship of Chloe from Lindsey to him if he signed.

  Naturally, the first thing Adam did when Brett called me was rush over to his house to pick up Chloe. He brought her back to my house slightly confused but thankfully not afraid of what was happening. She is young enough to not understand that her mother has abandoned her. And for the last few days Adam and I have been figuring out what to do.

  While Adam meets with someone who can help us sort out this mess I’ve taken Chloe and Gabby over to the Brickman’s house so Caroline can babysit again. She’s been watching Chloe during the days while Adam and I work. I need to get some housekeeping done at the B&B today and Caroline offered to watch both girls. It seemed like a good way to keep Chloe calm; she and Gabby have become best friends. It’s going to break my daughter’s heart when Chloe has to leave Swainsboro. If she leaves.

  Lindsey explained in her note that she can’t handle being a mother alone. She said that she has always known that Chloe belongs with Adam. She claimed Chloe has always preferred him, since the first day she was born.

  Adam was shocked that Lindsey could do such a thing to her own child but to me it felt like déjà vu. My own mother had the audacity to leave me, so in my eyes Lindsey’s actions seem like one of those things that can happen to anyone. Fortunately for Chloe her mother made the decision early enough to spare her some of the emotional scars I still carry around. I argued with Adam last night about what would be best for Chloe. He seems to think finding Lindsey is the only solution even though he is angry at her for running away. It’s been me who’s repeatedly reminded him that adopting Chloe might be the best outcome for her. I tried to explain to Adam that my life pivoted the day Nadine walked out on my dad and me. Every life milestone fits into one of two timeframes, before my mother disappeared and after. If someone had forced me to go back to Nadine after she left I don’t think my life would have turned out better than it did without her.

  I feel my own kind of anger toward Lindsey for doing this not only to Chloe but to Adam. It’s a different kind of anger for me because I’ve spent the last fourteen years hoping Nadine’s decision to leave was very difficult and that she was haunted by it every night she spent away from me. Now that’s I’ve seen how easily Lindsey slipped away in the dark of night without looking back it stirs up pain inside that Adam can’t possibly understand.

  In reality I have absolutely no idea what to do with Chloe so I was relieved when Adam said he was going to seek professional advice today. When Tyler gets off the bus we head over to the Brickman’s house to wait for him. He texted me at two o’clock to say he’d be home around five so Caroline is making dinner for all of us. When I arrive the girls are at the kitchen table coloring while Caroline washes vegetable
s.

  “Hi, everyone,” I say walking into the room.

  “Mommy!” Gabby shouts and rushes over to hug me.

  I hug her back and then get Tyler set up with his own paper and crayons. Gabby’s drawing a picture of the family and I notice there are stick figures of not just me and Tommy, but Adam too. There’s also a little brunette girl that Gabby’s never drawn before. She has loved having Chloe around the past week and is already treating her like a little sister. The longer Chloe stays with us the harder it’s going to be if she has to go back to Chicago.

  “Can I help with dinner?” I ask Caroline.

  “Sure. Can you cut up the rest of the vegetables for me? I need to get started on the roast.”

  “I didn’t know you were planning such a big dinner. I hope we’re not putting you out,” I reply as I take a knife from the counter and start slicing carrots.

  “Don’t be silly; I love having you all here. I don’t get to cook for my boys very often anymore.”

  “Boys? Is Andrew here too?”

  Caroline nods. “He’s at the construction site. Bianca wanted to help with Chloe so they’ll be staying at least through Monday. She ran out to pick up a few things a two year-old needs; diapers, plastic dishes, and a sippy cup.”

  “Her mother didn’t exactly leave Adam with the right supplies, did she? We don’t know what her favorite foods are, her bedtime routine, or even if she’s allergic to anything.”

  Caroline shakes her head. “Certainly not. She did pack a large selection of clothing though. I noticed that while they were staying here. At the time I thought it was odd to bring so many outfits for what she kept promising would be a short visit. I couldn’t have possibly imagined the real reason.”

  “None of us could,” I agree. “Did you send Bianca to the grocery store or the Rite-Aid?”

  “I circled a few places on the map Adam gave me of town. Speaking of which, he says that you drew it by hand. Is that right?”

  “Yes. I use them for Thatcher’s. The guests always appreciate the details I put into it.”

  Caroline transfers the large piece of pork she’d been seasoning to a roasting pan and then looks at me. “I thought it was gorgeous when he showed me. I had no idea you were so talented, Amanda.”

  “Thank you,” I say blushing from her praise. “It’s been an ongoing project since high school. Every time a new business opens or a house like Adam’s is built I update the map.”

  “Have you ever done any others?” she asks.

  I glance back to the carrots and push them off the cutting board to start on the onions. “I started drawing the Georgia State University back when I was touring the school, but I gave up the project after I decided not to go there. And I’ve never been anywhere else longer than a day or two.”

  “What about Savannah?” Caroline asks. “I’m sure the welcome center would love to offer them to tourists.”

  “Savannah is much bigger than Swainsboro. It would take a long time,” I reply.

  Caroline isn’t deterred. I’m beginning to think she’s already thought this through. “You could start with the River Street shops. What if you mapped out the tourist spots from downtown to the riverfront where the Winter Gala is held? You could sell them to the welcome center and the art gallery.”

  “Do you really think I could?”

  “Yes, I really do. It would be great exposure for you; remember what I told you about the Gala showcasing local artists?”

  Shrugging I reply, “I hardly consider myself an artist. I was interested in studying art years ago but I don’t have a portfolio of work; I’ve never done any paintings.”

  “Amanda, that may be true but don’t discount your talent. Your work is unique. If you could have that tourist section of Savannah done by mid December I promise you the organizers of the Winter Gala will buy the colored photocopies to distribute during the festivities.”

  “I’ll have to think about it. I’m not sure I’ll have time to take any trips out there to draw; we have so much going on right now,” I say glancing over to the table where the kids are still drawing pictures.

  Caroline smiles at me warmly. “You and Adam are not alone in this, honey. If Chloe needs to stay in town for a while then I’m more than happy to watch her during the day. She’s a very sweet little girl and I’m proud of the way you and Adam are handling this.”

  “You are?” I reply, unable to hide the sound of surprise in my voice.

  “When Adam told me what happened my first thought was that he was going to fly back to Chicago with Chloe and try to talk to Lindsey. Something happens to my son when he’s alone with that woman; it’s like he can’t say no to her. She’s manipulative and she knows how to pull his heartstrings. So I’m surprised he’s being so mature and sensible and hasn’t gone running back to her.”

  “Maybe moving here cleared his head and gave him some perspective; finally helped him be able to see through her?”

  Caroline grins fondly at me as she places her hand on my forearm. “Perhaps it was the slow pace of Swainsboro that changed him but I think the truth is it was you, Amanda. You taught him what a relationship should be like. Falling in love with you was the best thing that could have happened to my son. I’ll always be grateful to you.”

  “I feel the same way about him,” I reply shyly.

  She nods. “That’s why you two are so good together. You’re equals, giving and taking from one another in a healthy balance.”

  “Thank you, Caroline. It means a lot to me that you feel that way.”

  She smiles. “Come; let’s get dinner in the oven so it will be ready by the time everyone returns.”

  After the brief heart to heart Caroline is all business in the kitchen. In twenty minutes we have everything prepped and ready to go for a six o’clock serve time. I can see the kids are growing tired of coloring as the crayons start falling to the floor and the papers get scattered. I offer to take the girls upstairs for a bath while Tyler watches television in the living room. Chloe and Gabby have so much fun in the tub washing each other’s hair and playing with the soap suds.

  When we get back to the living room Bianca has returned from her shopping trip. Chloe runs to her and sits in her lap happily. Bianca has brought her all kinds of new things, some practical and some not so much.

  “Look, Chloe,” Bianca says, “A new dolly to play with and what do you think of this pretty dress?”

  Caroline and I nod our heads at the frilly pink dress with what I’m sure are different first impressions. I can tell Caroline finds the dress just as cute and adorable as Bianca but then again, Caroline raised all boys. I don’t want to burst their bubble but there’s no way the lace on that dress will last one day without ripping. And that’s if they can even convince Chloe to wear something with a collar and buttons in the first place. Kids like comfort; where is she going to wear that? I could never get Gabby to wear something so uncomfortable and she’s almost four.

  “Caroline, look at these!” Bianca adds.

  “Those are precious; she’ll look so cute in pigtails, won’t she?” Caroline replies.

  Bianca bought matching ribbons for her hair. It seems to me Bianca thinks Chloe is a life size American Girl doll. I don’t say anything and just let the women have their fun. Maybe Dad raised me too much like a tomboy for me to get excited about bows and tiny little dress shoes. Chloe seems uninterested in the clothes too and is digging through the bags probably looking to see if there are any more toys inside. I feel like the only person in the room who realizes Adam just spent the day figuring out where to send Chloe and that all of this fun is temporary.

  Bianca did buy some good items like kids DVD’s, fruity flavored toothpaste, and diapers and wipes. Tyler asks to watch one of the movies so we all settle in to watch the DVD and wait. Bianca waits for her husband to return from work, Caroline waits for the oven timer to ding, and I wait for Adam to come tell us what happened at the lawyer’s office.

  At 5:15 Adam is
the first of the Brickman men to return. He looks beaten up and emotionally drained as he walks through the front door of his parents’ house carrying a stack of paperwork that must have come from the lawyer. Gabby and Chloe both run to him to give hugs. He bends down to greet them and picks up Chloe to carry her back to the sofa. He kisses her forehead and hands the little girl back to Bianca.

  “Adam, how did it go?” Caroline asks first.

  He rubs his jaw thoughtfully and places the paperwork on a side table. “He gave me a lot of information. I need to talk to Amanda if you wouldn’t mind giving us a few minutes alone.”

  “Oh, yes dear,” Caroline replies. “Dinner will be ready at six. We can discuss everything as a family then?”

  “Of course,” Adam replies politely giving his mother a small smile.

  Then he looks at me and I stand immediately. I’m drying to know what the lawyer said. “Can you handle Gabby and Tyler for a little while?” I ask Bianca. The last thing I need is Gabby interrupting the conversation we’re about to have.

  “Absolutely, we got this,” she says happily. Bianca really seems to like having so many kids around and I’m reminded of the time she told me that she and Andrew are trying to conceive.

  I follow Adam into his father’s office and watch nervously as he shuts the door behind us. He runs his hand through his hair and slowly turns towards me. “That bad?” I ask quietly.

  Adam glances at my face. “Mr. Yeager said Lindsey must have gone to a lawyer back in Chicago because all her paperwork is legitimate. The ‘T’s are all crossed and I’s all dotted’ is how he put it. All I would have to do is sign and Chloe would be mine. Lindsey made it clear in the paperwork her intention to transfer sole guardianship of Chloe to me.”

  “Wow. Is that what you want to do, because the last few days you haven’t really considered that option?”

  “I don’t know. I really didn’t expect the legal documents to be official. Mr. Yeager placed some calls yesterday and tried to track down Lindsey. The phone line in her apartment was disconnected and the leasing office said she skipped out two weeks ago. Her office confirmed the layoff she told us about so other than her cell phone I have no good number for her. But of course she isn’t picking up when I call. Even Mr. Yeager got her voicemail so she’s obviously screening her calls.”