Silent Music

by Aisling Magic

  I crack up at this. “More like you making fun of my heroes.”

  His chest shakes, and he admits, “Well, there’s that too.”

  “Tell me more.”

  He touches his lips to my cheek softly. “And then we’re going to fight over which movie to watch, and I’ll let you win, only to distract you halfway through the movie and make love to you on the couch.” Kai moves and bites my earlobe, making my eyes roll back. “And then there’ll be days when we’ll go on the road, and every once in a while you’ll shout, ‘Stop the car, stop the car,’ and I’ll stop the car and carry you to the nearby toilet so that you can pee.”

  I laugh. “I can totally see this happening. And then, tell me more.”

  “Hmm … and then we’ll take those amazing selfies that every couple takes where I’m crushing your face in a square, or we’re making fish faces at the camera. No, actually, it can’t be selfies, it should be called lover-fies,” Kai contemplates, and I kiss his nose because he’s being cute.

  “I’d love this … with you,” I say, laughing.

  His eyes soften. “I love when you laugh.”

  I bite my lips. “I love when you make me laugh. Because it keeps me from crying.”

  Kai shakes his head. “I’ll never make you cry … ever. I promise. Except maybe when we make love because I can’t control your tears then.”

  I chuckle. I still cry when Kai makes love to me because my soul and my skin wage war—one is in ecstasy while the other one is on fire.

  “Only you, Kai.”

  “Only you, Phoenix,” he says, joining our lips.

  KAI

  I know that Phoenix was overwhelmed by the Handi-Move lifts that I’m getting installed, but I see no reason why I shouldn’t have them. When we get inside, I carry Phoenix back in my room without lingering because it’s the only place where nothing has been changed—yet. I help her change and get her under the sheets.

  “I love your T-shirt,” she says, rubbing her cheek on the material. The action warms my heart.

  Flipping the sheet, I get under it and turn Phoenix to me. “Tell me something. When I was reading your diary at the hospital, I noted that you wrote about good moments as expected, but there were certain moments which weren’t so good and sometimes you were hurt. Why’d you write about those?”

  “Because I love collecting memories.”

  “Even bad ones?”

  She nods. “Many people collect things. Some collect stamps, some collect butterflies … I collect memories, good ones, and bad ones, but in short, I collect memories that helped shape who I am, and that now form part of me.”

  This makes sense, and I admire her for her positive thoughts.

  “It’s getting late,” she says after a minute. “I should probably be long gone by now.”

  “Stay,” I whisper and run my hand over the length of her back.

  Her body shakes with silent laughter, and she replies, “You know I can’t.”

  “Actually you can,” I say, and I throw my hand on the nightstand, looking for my phone. Once I spot it, I bring it near my face and call Adam.

  He picks it up on the second ring. “Kai,” he greets, and I put the call on loudspeaker.

  “Phoenix is staying over,” I say, leaving all the bullshit out.

  “Is he saying that Phoenix is staying over?” Eric shouts in the background, and Phoenix’s eyes widen as she presses her fist on her lips to stop her laughter.

  “Yes, he is,” Adam replies while we wait.

  “Ask him how much sex is considered enough make-up sex?” Eric shouts again.

  Phoenix drops her head on my chest, and her body continues to shake as Adam breathes out and addresses me, “He’s saying that we don’t want to be grandparents just yet, and we’d love to see our daughter’s face every once in a while, so bring her around sometime.”

  “Yes, sir,” I promise and disconnect the call.

  “See, I’m not letting go,” I say, remembering my words from before the accident.

  We’ve come a long way since the day I saw her in the park. It’s been one roller-coaster ride where not all our moments were perfect, but where most of our dreams are coming true, and this is all we need.

  CHAPTER 34

  PHOENIX

  I refuse to get out of the car.

  Sydney has been standing in the same spot for the past ten minutes with a phone in her hand, side-eyeing Kai’s car. Since the windows are up and tinted, she can’t see if I’m in the car too, but she knows that Kai is in here.

  “C’mon,” Kai says, leaning forward and unlocks my security belt off.

  I shake my head. There is no way I’m going inside. When Kai texted me this morning saying that he has a surprise for me, coming here never even crossed my mind. Now that we’re here, in front of the studio, he’s telling me he’s brought me to meet the band. I don’t feel like I’m ready to meet them or maybe I’m not ready for them to see me like this.

  Kai puts his one knee on the car seat and turns to me. “Phoenix,” he begins, laying a hand on my thigh. “They’re your friends. They’ve been asking to see you nonstop ever since you woke up.” I shake my head again, and he laughs, bringing his fingers up to comb my stray hair behind my ear. With his lips next to my ear, he whispers, “If you can ask me to do that thing with my tongue again last night, without hesitation, then you can definitely get your ass inside this studio.”

  I gasp. Last night.

  His laughter tickles my ears, and I push at his chest. “Shut up.” Warmth spreads over my cheeks. It’s been two weeks since we decided to give it a try, and since then Kai and I have been getting a little bolder in bed, and each time I want him more than the last.

  He laughs harder. He takes my face in his hands and drops laughing kisses on my burning cheeks. “C’mon,” he says, bumping his shoulder to mine. “For old times’ sake.”

  I groan. All I want to do is get on the bed, pull the covers over my head, and sleep in silence. Yes, I know that I have to meet the band. But does it have to be today? Does it have to be right now? “I’m not sure I want to meet them today,” I confess, my gaze moving past Kai to see that Sydney has moved closer. I hope she doesn’t come to talk to Kai because, after what happened in the restaurant the other day, I don’t want to face her.

  “Why?” he asks, and I press my teeth on my bottom lip. There are so many reasons. “Don’t think about it, Phoenix,” Kai says, interrupting my thoughts. “Just talk about it,” he advises, turning my face until our eyes meet. His gray eyes are soft … warm.

  “I’m not ready for them to see me like this.”

  “Do you think they’re going to care about the wheelchair, Phoenix?”

  “No, of course not,” I say without pause because I know them. They’re my friends. As Kai said, I do need to meet them but not only for old times’ sake. I need to meet them because it’s part of me coming out of my shell. But I think it’s too fast. “I just feel maybe I should text them first, then maybe a phone call, then a video call and then maybe I’d be comfortable to meet them.”

  “Okay,” Kai says, adjusting himself on the car seat. “Tell me this. When you go swimming, do you pat cold water all over your body and torture your body by going into the water slowly or you just jump into it?”

  I throw my head on the headrest. “I know where you’re going with this,” I complain, my voice taking on a whiny tone.

  He raises his shoulders slightly and lets them drop. “Comfort is boring, babe. Reckless is the spice one needs every once in a while.”

  Reckless—I know this. I was reckless once until I started being too careful.

  I huff, knowing that Kai will keep on convincing me until I agree. Somehow, I do agree. If I think about it any longer, I’ll get cold feet. “Fine,” I say with a pout, my gaze fleeting to Sydney who is no longer pretending to be on her phone, she’s blatantly staring at the car.

  “That’s my girl.”

  He kisses the top of my h
ead and moves to get out of the car when a crazy idea slips into my mind. Reckless is the spice one needs every once in a while, he said, right? “Kai …” I contemplate, pinching my lips.

  Kai turns back to me and swipes his hand over the hair tucked behind my ear. “Yeah …"

  Could I really do it?

  “Remember that bad kiss we had outside the restaurant?” I ask, cringing inwards.

  He presses his eyes closed and sighs—obviously a bad memory for both of us. When he looks at me, his eyes are filled with regret. “I don’t think I’ll ever forget that, Phoenix,” he admits and I nod, gathering courage for what I’m about to do.

  “So, what about rectifying that kiss now?” I say, my lips twisting.

  He blinks, and I chuckle. “Babes,” he says, “if you want a kiss, you just have to say it.”

  “Actually if I want a kiss, I’ll just pull you close, crash against your chest, and kiss you savagely,” I rasp, cheekily.

  His face transforms into one of my favorite smiles. “Well, in that case, I’m yours to do what you please,” he says, leaning down, but I place a hand on his chest to stop him.

  He stops immediately. “Would you mind lowering that window first,” I say, moistening my lips.

  Eyes narrowed, he looks outside to see Sydney’s gaze still on the car and whips his head back to me. “You want to do … that?”

  I nod.

  “Like … right now?” he asks, his eyes growing bigger.

  I nod again—shamelessly. “If you’re willing, that is.”

  A few days ago, would I have done this?—no way. Two years ago, would I have done this?—Hell, yes! Sydney has been a gigantic pain in my ass since high school. But today, it’s different. Today is my day.

  Kai’s eyes don’t leave mine as he lowers the window. “I’ll take that as a yes,” I whisper, and his smile grows bigger.

  “Of course, it’s a fucking yes,” he mumbles, moving closer. I want to look at Sydney straight in her eyes as I smash my lips to Kai’s, but when Kai starts leaning down, my gaze couldn’t leave his soft, inviting pink lips. Unable to resist the delicious draw of his mouth, I curl my hands around his neck and pull him down until our lips start tasting each other. I close my eyes and feel. Tease. Nibble. He curls his hands around my waist, knocking our chests together—the warmth of his skin penetrates mine, making my insides melt. This kiss is not going where I expected it to go—it went from a “Sydney-who?” to a “can we rip each other’s clothes now?” kinda level. But who’s complaining?

  When we pull apart, we’re both breathless. Kai hums, stroking his thumb on my lower lip. “I bet she’s gone,” he speaks, his eyes still on my lips. My gaze leaves his face for a second to check on Sydney, and yes, I can see her retreating figure. I hum in response because I don’t want him to remove his thumb, but he eventually sighs and takes his thumb back.

  I wet my lips, missing the warmth there. “Do you think she’ll leave us alone now?”

  “Sydney?” He shrugs. “But do you think whatever she says will bother us now?”

  Will it? Hell no. Just because someone was a bad chapter in my life, I won’t give that person the power to ruin my entire book. Sydney is the bad chapter that was over long ago, but I kept letting her mess with my story. Now … no more.

  I shake my head as an answer. “Damn right,” he whispers, bending down to give me a peck on my lips. “Ready to go in now?”

  I nod hazily. He drops another kiss on my nose and gets me out of the car and in my wheelchair in no time.

  Once at the studio building’s door, he shoves it open and wheels me inside, not giving me the chance to rethink my decision. It’s not like I’ve never been in this building. I have. However, right now feels like the first time all over again. The only difference is that I’m more nervous. All I want to do is close my eyes because I don’t want to see their expression when they’ll see me, the changes in my body, my scars, the wheelchair. If any of them show anything like shock or pity, I know I’m going to take it to heart. I know I’m going to remember it and maybe I’m going to resent that person thereon. And I don’t want that to happen. These are my friends. I don’t want to harbor bitterness toward any of them.

  With my veins tightening in my body, I sit rigid—ready to face the worse. Kai reaches the last door—their studio. “Open it,” he says above my loud heartbeats. I squeeze my palm … release. My trembling hand reaches the doorknob, and I take a deep breath. Exhaling, I turn the doorknob and push open the door.

  Music flies to me, seeping into me. Hugging me. Embracing me in its beauty. Goose pimples rise on my body, and all of a sudden, I’m no longer nervous. Instead, I want to go inside. I want to be part of this music. I want to be this music.

  Kai wheels me inside, and the music comes to a halt. Greg freezes at the mixing console, Brian’s fingers pause at the piano keys, and Virginia’s cello bow drops on the floor with a thud. Time takes a pause as all gazes are fixed on me. The back of my eyes tickle, and my heart grows heavy. I’ve missed music. I’ve missed these people. I’ve missed so much.

  We stop in the middle of the room. Kai places his warm hands on my shoulders, giving me all the encouragement I need. I lift my hand in a tiny wave and whisper, “Hi.” It’s silly how scary the first step seems because, after that step, it feels like you can do this a thousand times more. And this is exactly how I felt when they all come rushing toward me.

  “Phoenix,” Virginia whispers. She gets on her knees before me and grabs my cheeks. “I have missed you so fucking much,” she expresses, tears pouring down her cheeks.

  I squeeze her hands. “Me too,” I confess with a smile. Brian and Greg get on their knees too, and they all speak together, touching me, caressing my cheeks, patting my hair, pinching my nose. Hugging me. It’s surprising how none of this feels odd.

  It feels just right.

  ONE DAY

  KAI

  The wind blows Phoenix’s hair, making it caress my face, and I smile, enjoying the breeze’s playfulness. Sitting beneath the tree leading to her window, we’re supposed to be writing a song, but Phoenix wanted to savor the silence first, so here I am, leaning my head against the tree with my eyes closed and the woman I love in my arms.

  She moves—I guess she’s writing something.

  She nudges me, and I open my eyes to look at what she wrote in the notepad.

  How will this life be?

  Phoenix got this idea of writing a song like a conversation—much like our first conversation in the library years ago. Sometimes we just write the lines and then, later on, we re-arrange them and create a song. We’ve done it a few times since we got back together, and the results have been damn satisfying. Some of the songs that Phoenix and I wrote pleased Greg so much that he’s working day and night on the music. Phoenix was ecstatic when she learned that, but when Greg offered her the opportunity to work with us, she refused. She said she needed that degree first, and then she’d see.

  Waiting for my reply, Phoenix turns her head and looks at me. Pen and notepad in hand, I think of the best way I can give her a reply, but there is no way I can describe this to her in one song.

  It’ll take me a lifetime to tell you,

  So spend this life with me

  But let me show you how one day will be.

  Her lips curve into a smile as she reads what I wrote. Without a word, she turns her body and presses her lips to mine. Her taste explodes in my mouth, and my lips welcome hers, but she breaks the kiss before I can take it any further.

  Tell me then, how One Day will be …

  Taking the pen from her, my fingers wrap around it, and I think of how “one day” with Phoenix will be like.

  I’ll wake you every morning

  With kisses and lovemaking

  Till that smile appears

  And those greens gleam

  I’ll love you more each day

  So spend this life with me

  But let me tell you how One Day will be<
br />
  I keep the fingers of one hand on her nape, playing with the hair there. Her eyes follow the pen as I write. Phoenix’s breathing changes, and I know she’s thinking of this morning’s lovemaking.

  So, it starts with a hot boyfriend and a satisfying morning?

  Please, keep going.

  I read her words and chuckle.

  Bringing you breakfast in bed,

  Along with cuddles and roses red

  She laughs quietly and writes.

  Breakfast?

  Romantic much.

  I’ll love some pancakes, Chef.

  Your wish is my command, and let me guess—it’s plain pancakes?

  Phoenix turns her head, and I see a soft smile lurking there. She nods and releases the pen from my fingers.

  Yes, plain, but

  If you don’t like them,

  I’ll smear chocolate on one

  Feeding you with one hand

  while brushing a hair strand

  and licking any smudge

  Just an excuse to make our lips touch

  Warmth gathers in my chest, and I lay a kiss on the side of her head. I guess this won’t be a song, but I love the lyrical conversation that we have. It helps Phoenix with her feelings and her words.

  And why that, my love?

  She reads what I wrote and replies,

  Because you’re the reason,

  I smile and look down.

  I take the pen from her and write,

  And you’re the reason,

  My eyelids forget to fall

  Her eyes move over the words I wrote, and I note the curve of her lips.

  Taking lover-fies,

  Baking cookies,

  Pillow fighting,

  Stargazing,

  Are these on the list?

  My one arm tightens around her waist, and I reply.

  Of course, darling.

  She takes the pen and writes,

  So I’ll spend this life with you,

  Because …