Tour of Duty: Stories and Provocation

by Michael Z. Williamson

  You may hear complaints that as a non-American weapon, or worse, the weapon of our former enemies, no American should own one. But that’s just a misunderstanding of the situation. The fact is, Ronald Reagan, one of our manliest presidents (after such other greats as Teddy Roosevelt), stomped the Soviet Empire into the dust with the tool of capitalism, and we are now selling that empire off on the internet for ten cents on the dollar. A Musty Nugget is not only a manly weapon, it’s a political statement.

  If you can only afford one rifle, this is the one to have. If you can afford several, this should be one of them.

  Men, raise a glass of vodka to Sergei Mosin and Leon Nagant, men for their time, and ours!

  On Reparations Generally, For The Descendents Of People Long Departed

  A lot of people don’t realize I’m an immigrant, and even more don’t really grasp that there is bigotry against immigrants, not to mention all kinds of bureaucratic issues if you work for the government or military. I’ve been told that, “Immigrants shouldn’t be trusted in the military” and “Immigrants shouldn’t be allowed to own property” and quite a few other things. I’ve had a roommate in the military mock my queen to my face, with no traces of humor involved. I then had someone else tell me, “You’re American now, so you’re not allowed to complain.”

  Relatively minor, to be sure, but I am aware of prejudice and bigotry firsthand.

  There is some validity to being an American before all else. I even hurl my own barbs at the UK. I also don’t play the victim card. I’ve been poor to the point of homelessness in life, and I don’t believe it’s any group’s fault, nor that anyone owes me anything because of it. This is probably a good thing, because some of my ancestors really took a beating.

  Dear United Nations:

  I note with approval that there’s a bill before the U.S. Congress to compensate African Americans for their mistreatment in the past. However, I was talking to a Russian Jewish friend of mine, and it occurred to me that her ancestors were slaves to Nubian Africans. Should she not be compensated also?

  The Jews were also repressed by the Romans, forerunners of the modern Italians. But the Romans were subjugated by the Celts in 390 BC. The Romans returned the favor, and then oppressed Christians as well, before becoming Christians themselves and forcibly converting the Pagan Celts. Later Christianized Celts were oppressed by other Christianized Romans, and the two combined, which is where we come to the African issue. However, certain Africans enslaved other Africans, so perhaps the Central African Republic should be footing part of the bill.

  The Pagan Norse oppressed the Slavs, predecessors of the Russians, which brings us back to my Russian Jewish friend. On the other hand, the Germans have subjugated the Balts and Danes and Norwegians, as did the Russians, who also hurt the Finns and the Andronovan steppe people of Central Asia. Sweden claimed Finland and Norway for some length of time, and there were atrocities in Germany during the Thirty Years War by them, the Germans, the Austrians, the Scots, the English, the French and the Spanish. Then there were Norse-descended Norman French (coming back to England), who oppressed Jutes, Angles and Saxons from the German region who were in England to repress the Romano-Celts, and became English, but whose descendants were oppressed themselves under Henry II, and during the Hundred Years War by France or England, depending on whose land claims one believes. The later English oppressed the Irish, and Scots, who were Irish who earlier moved across the sea and displaced the Picts, who themselves oppressed the Celts and the Irish, as did the Phoenicians, which brings us back to the Greeks.

  The French and Germans, besides the Franco-Prussian War, WWI and WWII, went at it over the African-exploiting Belgians a few times, and made their own incursions into Africa and the Far East, as did Portugal. Portugal and Spain maltreated large numbers of American people, except for those oppressed by the English, French, Russians, Old Norse and each other. On the other hand, the early Celtiberians were themselves subjugated by the Romans, so they can’t entirely bear the blame. Spain also subjugated the Netherlands during the Thirty Years, War mentioned previously. On yet another hand, Spain was invaded by the black Moors, who also enslaved many white African Berbers. The Barbary pirates made raids on Cornwall. The Sudan has slaves to this day. This would mean that black Africans have their own debts to pay.

  The Muslims also oppressed the Jews, as did the Persians, so it seems that the Middle East and Africa are liable once again. But then there’s the way Israel and the Palestinians treat each other. There’s the native Kurds, who play both sides against each other, and subjugate the local people north of them. Those from the former Soviet Southern Border states were oppressed by the Russians and the Turks, who have had go rounds with the Greeks, who also oppressed the Semitic peoples. And yet, those same Southern Asians made inroads into China and Tibet. And China is now in Tibet, which puts me in an uncomfortable position, China being the last bulwark of the Marxist socialist utopia. And China has oppressed also Southeast Asia, Korea, Mongolia, which also oppressed them, and has been oppressed by Japan, who also mistreated the Pacific Islanders and its own Ainu people, as well as the Inuit and Alaskans and Americans in WWII, who were at that time good for fighting Nazism, but bad for nuking Japan. Then the U.S. again oppressed Southeast Asians and Pacific people and Inuit.

  The English usurped power in India, who has had incursions into Pakistan, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka and Afghanistan (as did the Russians), and there were various operations against the Bengalis, the Thais and Cambodians, and on into the Indian Ocean nations as far as Madagascar, which is African, at least currently, despite having Indonesian and Indian language groups. African nations under the British also had Indian slave laborers.

  I tried thinking about the Balkans, but it made my head hurt, what with them killing Nazis, helping Nazis, killing Italians who oppressed them previously who had themselves been oppressed by Alexander of Macedonia, who also oppressed Africans. Also, the Huns went through there from Central Asia, and the Muslims came north. Then, the Christians went through there during the Crusades. The Vatican should likely be treated as a direct descendant of Rome, and charged separately from Italy itself, which includes the descendants of the Etruscans. The Etruscan-descended Italians have a separate claim against Rome, I would guess. Also during WWI, the British Royal Family, the Saxe-Coburgs, were actually German but changed their name to “Windsor” to sound more British. This deception should not go unnoticed.

  Back to Germanic peoples, there were the Dutch in South Africa, oppressing the Zulu and Bantu, who themselves oppressed the Bushmen and Hottentots, who harassed the Pygmy cultures. The Indonesians and Australian Aborigines and were shoved aside by the Dutch and English, however, those Dutch and “English” (including many Irish), were themselves prisoners of their own regimes and in dire straits.

  This brings me to my question: I’m an immigrant to the U.S. from Canada, who before that came from Britain, where my mother is Anglican English of German and Celtic extraction, my father Norse-descended Presbyterian Scottish possibly with some Spanish ancestry from after the wreck of the Armada, and my stepmother an Irish Catholic. My wife is English and Austro-Hungarian in origin, with some Macedonian, and one eighth Cherokee. Which of us owes money to the other and why?

  —Michael Z. Williamson

  My True Encounters With The Indianapolis Police Department

  These events dates from 2001, right after our house was burglarized, right before September 11, just as Jim Baen was looking at Freehold.

  Part One

  Whose Side Are They On, Anyway?

  The burglary was a shock.

  I was at Pennsic, Gail was home with our then three year old and six month old. Each morning, she dropped our daughter and son off with a friend, and picked her up after work. Several evenings, they offered her dinner as well.

  The summary was that she was predictably gone for 10-12 hours each day, our neighbor had a record of legal problems that had once resulted in 17 cars, a SWAT
van and forty officers, and the other three sides of our property were fenced and covered in growth. Someone kicked in the back door, stole most of our few possessions, and was still there as Gail arrived home, but slipped out fast, fortunately for their own safety.

  She called the police, called our friends, and they were there in 30 minutes—the friends. The police showed up a good two hours later.

  The place was trashed, and that becomes important later. All our tax records, files, bills, were scattered across the kitchen/dining room/office, and we never recovered some of them. Among them were all our current bills.

  The police did dust for prints, and it was about that time I made my nightly call home (Before we had cell phones), and realized my life had been stolen. The guitar she gave me as a wedding present, my custom made guitar, the knife I'd carried for 15 years of military service to that point, the coins and currency I'd collected all over the world, and a crate of collectible knives I'd put aside to sell at a future point, new in box, for income, as well as my camera. They didn't take the books. They did take quite a few of my clothes. They got two unworkable firearms that I wished worked, because as antiques they might have exploded in the face of whomever tried to shoot them, and a very interesting original M1935 Browning 9mm.

  I was not only shocked, I was impotent in rage and panic. I was 400 miles away and could do absolutely nothing. The place was so trashed we didn't even have a full tally of the loss for days. I went into the post-fight reaction I get, with shivering shakes (they hit me after the fight, not during), and someone forced three ounces of medicinal bourbon into me.

  When I got home two weeks later, I was able to assess the loss, and determine the crooks had left via the open side of the yard, where our troublesome neighbors had just, conveniently, moved out with a moving van, leaving a bunch of junk, and taking our nicer stuff. I even found cigarette butts (we don't smoke, nor do our friends) in our grill, indicating a certain amount of stakeout. The butts matched the brand I found in the neighbor's yard. At some point, someone had brought the cordless phone up from the basement and called out, almost as if making a shopping list.

  I called the phone company, and was told I couldn't get a list of my own (non toll) outgoing calls without a court order, which seems bizarre. So I furnished all the above information to the police, who did . . . nothing.

  I asked about following up on the phone, as presumably someone had called out, the cordless handset being upstairs. The detective in charge snidely asked, "Whatever would possess them to do something that stupid?"

  I'm not sure, Detective. Maybe because they're barely smarter than the police?

  Nothing was done.

  I eventually found one of my guitars in a pawn shop, though not the Schecter that was my wedding present, nor the Korg DW8000 synth my daughter had taken a liking to, nor any of the foreign currency, which should have been readily trackable—big denominations look impressive and encourage the ignorant to take them to stores and banks to look for exchanges, only to find that 100 in some nations is .60 in the US. I called a few local places, and I suspect if the cops had made a few calls, they'd have found more leads and been able to effect an arrest. Since pawning items requires ID and a thumbprint, they could have found some lead, obviously.

  I've never left a house unattended since. I even have friends or associates stay at the house to watch it and the pets when traveling. I just won't do it.

  So, with nothing to do but carry on, that's what we did.

  But, those scattered papers came back to haunt us. A couple of weeks later, we got a late notice on something. And of course, our already tight finances were strained by the event, and they'd been tight to begin with. Add in a summer of traveling, which often led to chaotic income schedules and payment schedules, and we had a minor problem that became major.

  It was a week after that when there was a knock at the door one morning. I answered it, and it was a service rep from the power company, who wanted to confirm if I had a receipt for payment, because if not, he was turning off our power.

  Well, no, I didn't, and I wouldn't have been able to locate it if I had. So he headed around back with his tools.

  I beat feet through the house, out the back, and politely said, "Sir, I will have a payment made in twenty minutes. Please don't turn off the power."

  He shrugged and said, "I'll just come back with the police," and turned and left.

  I called Gail at work, because I was watching the kids and working evenings at the store. I couldn't leave the kids. She departed in a hurry, checkbook in hand, and headed for the nearest bank that could take a payment for the power company.

  The rep was back as I hung up the phone, in about three minutes, with two police cars.

  Yes, they responded 40 times faster than they had to the burglary.

  It was so bizarre I thought I was in a Monty Python movie. The cops spread out to keep my attention divided, as if there were some kind of threat, and "engaged me in conversation." Why was I stopping this man from doing his job?

  I tried being clear and direct—we'd had a burglary, as they could check, the place had been trashed, and the bill and late notice buried in the mess, complicated by several weeks of running around the Midwest earning a living. I politely informed them that no threat was offered, this was a civil matter and they were not welcome on my property, unless they could show me a warrant. I voluntarily identified myself with ID.

  Badge Number 2676 then said they weren't in my property, they were on public land.

  Yes, he really said that.

  “Sir, the yard inside the fence to the sidewalk is my property.”

  I asked again to see warrant or cause. I was again told they needed none, as the city owns the property. They repeated that they were to escort the man back to do his job. The officer stated he was just doing a job. Then he asked if I’d want their help if I had a problem in my store. I pointed out that they weren’t in his store, they were on my property. I mentioned that an IPD officer has been in my store, in uniform, to call me satanic.

  (Aside: My merchandise was cutlery. Everyone needs knives and scissors, larger ones for hunting and tactical use. Proof of age was required to purchase, and I did refuse unruly elements. The swords I sold were largely decorative, except for stage use and reenactors, who don’t actually use them except as props. It was a legitimate business, in a major mall, and even if it was “Satanic,” last I checked we had freedom of religion.)

  The argument degraded further. Officer warned me that if I crossed the line, I’d be subject to arrest. Assured him I was being polite, called everyone sir, made no threats, repeated that this was a civil matter and I did not wish police on my property. They made no move toward me or the back, which confirms that they in fact had no authority, and couldn’t actually do anything. The warning was likely a good idea for all, although unnecessary in this case. But I realized they wanted an altercation. They wanted to haul me off in cuffs, have a car show up to take my kids to foster care, utterly fuck the rest of my life, because I was an easier target than actual criminals. They were a pair of bullies, just waiting for an opening.

  I made comments about how there was useful police work they could be doing, such as finding my stolen property. At this point, one officer said that “Given your attitude, I don’t care if they do find your stuff.” Lesson here: they’re hired goons, not concerned at all about law and order.

  Badge number 2676 then tried to explain to me that the city DID own my property, under “stere desis,” that they could seize property for public use. I asked to see the document that showed my property had been seized. He had no answer of course. (FYI: Stare decisis has to do with the setting of precedent. This costumed clown thought to impress me with fake Latin.)

  They insisted I had a signed contract with the power company about access. They insisted it was on my bill. It is not. I asked if such agreement existed, if I could see a copy. No one had one. I would have my employees carry such with them, but yo
u already know my opinion of the morals, ethics and competence of IPL. I asked if I furnished them with a list of bad checks written at my store, if they’d collect on those checks for me as money rightly owed, or accompany me to retrieve the property by force, since they’d previously offered “Help” in my store. No answer.

  I went back inside, telling them to do whatever they felt they had to do. Officer 2676 followed me closely, observed as I locked the garage door. Again, had I intended violence, he was dangerously close, his weapons secure on his belt, and in a bad tactical position. I’m not sure what the point of this was, except harassment. I had already identified myself to them, assured them I intended no violence, and been polite if loud.

  At this point, my wife showed up to take checks to bank and cash to make payment. It should be obvious to all that our intent was to pay what was rightly owed, but orders are orders, and IPD takes IPL orders. They are mercenary thugs, hired on my tax dollars to oppress me in the name of corporate America. Not even whores, as whores are paid for their work.

  The watch sergeant now arrived. Repeated the same thing about doing their jobs, why was I holding this against them? Why was I holding the actions of other officers against them? Stressed that she felt she was a good cop. It’s my experience that good people don’t need to stress their qualities, they are apparent. Assuaging guilt with words, perhaps?

  I asked again why they weren’t actively pursuing the burglaries. She stated that she wasn’t the detective on the case. Now, some of the stuff is very distinctive, I have photos, and it’s easy to spot. But one detective is handling all these cases, part time for each one, meanwhile, three thugs can show up to not arrest me, not charge me, merely hassle me over a civil matter that’s none of their business. I guess we can see what IPD’s priorities are. And they were bought cheap, too.