Worth the Fight

by Beth Maria

  “I went to see Maxine, and he was there. Until last week, I didn’t even know he did cage fighting.” Why am I trying to explain myself? I’m twenty-one, for crying out loud. I don’t have to explain myself to anybody.

  “I see. Look, I know I made you two work alongside each other, but that is all I ever want you to be. Do you understand? I know that you both had silly little crushes on each other when you were younger, which I hope you have gotten over. Phoenix has grown up and made his choices in life. He’s going to go far if he keeps this up. You, I will give you everything you could ever possibly need. All I want you to do is carry on working at the club. That shouldn’t be too hard, should it?”

  I don’t reply.

  “I don’t want you interfering in his work, getting his mind off of his task. I want you to stay away from him. Only speak to each other if necessary. Do you think you could do that?” He’s using that cold voice, which lets me know that he means business. It also lets me know how cold hearted he is.

  Does he really expect me to just ignore Phoenix, especially when we’re working together? It was easy when we had no ties to each other, but now? Now he’s asking for the impossible. I don’t know if I could stay away from Phoenix, even though, for my own safety, I know I should.

  “I don’t think I can do that.” My voice comes out timid, scared of how he’s going to react. I’ve just defied him, never a good move, and I should know this by now.

  “What did you just say?” His voice is cool. Too cool.

  “I said, I don’t think I can do that.”

  “Have you forgotten who you are talking to, Emilia?”

  “No, Father, I haven’t. I just don’t see how you can expect me to do that? I’m twenty-one years old. When are you going to stop telling me what to do?”

  Hell, I’m growing a big pair of balls!

  “As long as you’re under my roof, you will do exactly as I say. When it comes to Phoenix James, you will do exactly as I say. Do I make myself clear?” My father’s eyes are staring into mine, leaving no room for an argument. However, I’m not in the mood to put up with him today. I’ve hit my breaking point.

  I stand up from the chair and tower over his sitting down form.

  “No, you don’t make yourself clear. You do not get to dictate my life, Father. I will decide who I talk to and who I socialize with. If I have to move out from under your roof, then so be it. I don’t really want to be here anyway.”

  Without another word, and feeling pretty good with myself for once, I turn around, making my way out of his office.

  “If you don’t listen to me, Emilia, I will get rid of him.”

  I stop dead in my tracks, the smug smile that was on my face wiped off.

  “You wouldn’t,” I gasp, turning my head in his direction, my body halfway between the door and the devil himself.

  “You know very well that I would. Don’t test me, Emilia. Phoenix isn’t good enough for you, therefore I will not tolerate this.”

  I search his face, looking for any kind of emotion to let me know that this is just a cruel joke. His face is void of any kind of emotion though.

  There’s no point arguing anymore. He’s won, and he knows it. He knows that I wouldn’t do anything which would jeopardize Phoenix getting hurt, and especially not killed. He threatened to have Phoenix murdered.

  If anybody else threatened that, I would laugh in their faces. My father, though? His threats aren’t empty, and that’s what scares me.

  I drop eye contact with my father, my eyes dropping to the floor momentarily, before looking ahead of me down the corridor. My body sags in defeat. He’s made it so that I have no choice but to listen to him. I’m going to have to let go of Phoenix again, when we didn’t even get a chance.

  Nico De Carlo: Two.

  Me: Nil.

  This is twice that he’s taken Phoenix away from me, and I hate him with a passion for it. I hate him with all that I am. I wish I had my mother to talk to about this situation. The only problem? I don’t know where the hell she is. Again, all thanks to my father.

  I rush out of the house, get into my car, and drive off toward the club without looking back. I need to find a way to get out of there and fast. I’ve had enough of giving my father chance after chance and allowing him to dictate my life. As of now, I’m going to start living my own life, minus Phoenix. That I cannot chance!

  ****

  I fling the door to my office open and storm through. I’m still reeling from my encounter with Nico. Damn that man to hell!

  I pull off my blazer, for it’s far too hot in here right now, chuck it over the back of my chair, and start pacing.

  I don’t have a treadmill, so this will have to do. I can’t even think about sitting down right now. I need to blow off some steam, as is always the case when it comes to Nico. He only has to breathe in my direction to ruffle my feathers. If he wasn’t my father, there isn’t a chance in hell that I would have anything to do with that man. That man is the devil incarnate, and unfortunately, I was landed with him as a father. I must have done something really shitty in a previous life to have him as my father, and a mother who when disappeared, who didn’t even bother to find me. Hell, to be honest, I don’t even know if she’s alive or dead. And then there is Phoenix - the guy who broke his promise to me and left me with said devil incarnate.

  Yup. I definitely did something shitty in a past life.

  I need to find a way to get away. I can’t stay living under my father’s roof for one more minute. As long as I do, he thinks that he owns me. He doesn’t own me – nobody owns me.

  I have enough money saved up from allowances when I was younger for when a time like this came. I always got quite a hefty allowance, and even now I get money going into my account on a regular basis, not that I touch any of it. All of that is his money…

  I wasn’t allowed to have a part time job, or even a full time job. I was always told that everything I needed, he would provide. This job at the club is the first job that I’ve ever had, meaning I have no savings of money that I can call mine. I’m going to have to just go ahead and use some of the money he’s given me over the years, my dignity be damned. I have to get out while I can.

  Yes, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll look for a place to live, right now.

  Stopping my pacing, I make my way to my chair and sit down, turning on the laptop. As soon as it loads up, I go onto the internet and start my search for apartments. I don’t need anything flashy, just big enough for little ol’ me. One bedroom will do. I could afford a house with the money I have, and a good house at that; however, I want to use as little of his money as possible. Then I can get another job, one where I will make my own money. Money to call my own.

  That thought brings a smile to my face.

  I’ve seen a few nice ones, which I will look at later, when the door suddenly flies open and in storms a pissed off… Phoenix? I can’t tell. He’s looking at me with a predatory glint in his eye, and it kind of scares me and kind of turns me on.

  “What are-” I’m cut off when he spins me in the chair to face him, grabs my face, and smashes his lips against mine. His grip on my face is so tight that I couldn’t escape even if I wanted to, which I don’t, though I should. Oh, I really should.

  The tension leaves my body as soon as his lips touch mine. It’s like he’s my drug. One simple touch from Phoenix makes everything better, though I know it shouldn’t. I should be keeping my distance from him, for his sake. If my father gets wind of this… I dread to think what would happen.

  “Stop over thinking,” Phoenix mumbles against my lips. Am I that obvious?

  It won’t harm to just kiss him this one last time; a goodbye kiss let’s say. My heart breaks at the thought. Even though we aren’t anything to each other, I have always loved him and always will. That will never change.

  The feel of his tongue trying to seek entry into my mouth returns me from my thoughts back into the moment. I open up, feeling his tongue swip
e against mine, and I moan.

  I don’t know how I’m ever going to be able to not kiss him again.

  It’s impossible.

  Phoenix drops down onto his knees so that he’s in line with me. His hands move from my cheeks into my hair, giving a little tug to pull my head back for better access. I love it when he pulls my hair like that. It makes me long to run my fingers through his silky strands, so I do just that.

  “God, you’re so beautiful, Em,” The way he whispers my name into my mouth breaks my resolve.

  I cannot, after this, stay away from Phoenix forever. I have to tell him how much he means to me and what my father threatened. Maybe we can sort something out together, or he may just tell me that he doesn’t feel the same and that I’m crazy. It’s something I’m willing to chance, in the hopes that this could go in the direction that I want, that Phoenix might want to try over again. If it doesn’t go how I want, then I can move on with my life, move away and start over. I shudder at that thought. I don’t want to even think about that possibility right now.

  I need to talk to Phoenix now.

  “Stop.” My words are mumbled from his lips.

  He stops immediately, pulling back. I wish he didn’t because my lips feel cold without his pressed against them. I have to stop the whimper that leaves me. I asked him to stop; he’s just complying.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks worriedly, leaning back to get a good look at my face.

  That’s when I see it.

  I gasp loudly, my hand that was in his hair going straight to cover my gaping mouth. “What happened to your face?”

  “Oh, nothing worth talking about.” His worried demeanor changes to steel, like it always does when he doesn’t want to talk about something.

  “Was it the fight?” I already know the answer, but I ask anyway.

  “It’s not bad. Nothing I can’t deal with.”

  “Phoenix, it’s not bad- it’s terrible. Have you looked in a mirror today? Probably not because I’m sure you wouldn’t be able to see with one of your eyes practically being closed. You should have listened to me. You shouldn’t have fought.” I shake my head, angry that he could have been so stupid.

  “Don’t come all high and mighty with me, Emilia. You are exactly the same, and you know it. You let your father beat you. The only difference with me is that I usually come off unharmed. You, on the other hand, are always harmed.”

  He must see my face fall because his face loses that steely look, quickly being replaced with worry.

  “Oh, Em, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t –

  I cut him off with a wave of my hand. “No, you’re right. You shouldn’t have, because our situation is completely different.” My voice is trembling, threatening to break at any second. I’m past caring at this point whether he sees my weak side or not. I’ve kept it hidden for long enough, and there’s only so much a girl can keep locked up. “You have a choice whether or not you do it, as where I don’t. I don’t stay because I want to, Phoenix. I stay because I have no choice. We both know that my father would find me and drag me back home. With my mom gone, who is he going to be able to hurt, to control? I don’t want this life, where as it seems that you do.”

  I stare into his eyes, which are half closed, seeing sorrow and guilt. I don’t like the look, and even though I shouldn’t, I feel guilty for making him feel bad. I’ve been blaming him for years, when it’s really not his fault. He just went on with his life while I’m still stuck in the same place as I was when I was seventeen. That’s all about to change pretty soon though.

  “Em, you know I didn’t mean to leave you with him, right?” His voice has lost that hard, tough resolve that I’ve come to expect from Phoenix James, being replaced with a caring tone. Something that I haven’t heard from him for years, and it breaks my heart because I had thought I’d lost the person that Phoenix used to be. Now I know that he’s still under there somewhere, waiting to be found again.

  I nod my head, sadness sweeping over me.

  “I had to do what I did to keep you safe. It was the hardest decision of my life, and when you saw what I did in the basement, it about broke me because I knew you’d never forgive me after you witnessed that. I did exactly what I said I would never do, but you have to understand that there was a reason why I did what I did. It wasn’t because I forgot about you and left you behind. It was because I was finding a way to get you out of this mess, away from here to start again, but I had to be tactical, Em. Your father was on to us, about the way we felt toward each other, and he made me a deal. A deal that, up until a few weeks ago, I thought he was keeping to his word, only to find out that he wasn’t.”

  He doesn’t have to say what deal that was; I could tell by his face the day he saw me walk out of my father’s office after a beating.

  “And since then, I’ve been trying, God, I’ve been trying so hard to stay away from you because you don’t need any more problems, but I just can’t. I need you so much, Em. Being near you these past few weeks, it’s broken my resolve to stay away from you. It’s reminded me how much I’ve missed you over the years, how much I’ve missed your dark sparkly eyes.” His hand goes to my cheek, his thumb rubbing next to my eye, causing me to close it and lean into his touch. “I’ve missed your smile, the one that can brighten up the whole room.” I smile as if on cue, which causes him to smile. “I miss the way you smell, sweet like candy. But most of all, I miss you.”

  I can feel my chest tightening with emotion, tears threatening to spill. I’ve not cried as much in my life as I have in the last few weeks. What is happening to me?

  Phoenix isn’t done being a romantic bastard though.

  “I’m not sure I can stay away any longer. I need you more than I could ever imagine, and I’ve already lost four long years without you. I’m not prepared to lose any more, your father be damned!”

  When he’s finished his speech, he advances toward me slowly, giving me time to push him away if I want to. I don’t want to. I need to feel him close to me, showing me exactly how he feels about me.

  The moment his lips graze against mine, bolts of electricity shoot through my body, and I’m sure an electric shock hits our lips. It’s powerful between us, and we’re only kissing. I shiver in anticipation of how it would feel to have sex with him. It would be explosive, of that I’m pretty sure.

  The kiss turns heated like before, but this time, I’m right in the moment, paying close attention to how his lips feel on mine and how my body is responding, arching into him from where I’m sitting in my chair. Phoenix puts his hands under my bottom, dragging me forward to the front of the chair, where I wrap my arms in a tight embrace around him, hanging on for dear life in case this is a dream and he evaporates into thin air. I’m not chancing a thing.

  His tongue seeks entry, which I comply with.

  Our tongues are a doing a slow dance, taking time to become reacquainted with each other.

  Cindy…My damn mind reminds me.

  “What about Cindy?” I mumble into his mouth, not wanting to pull away but having to know at the same time. I’m a glutton for punishment.

  He does exactly what I didn’t want. He pulls back, breaking the connection and giving me a confused look. “What about her?”

  “Erm, are you two together?”

  “Em, we never were together. Neither were any of the other girls and I. They were just a casual fling, and they knew the score. As bad as it sounds, they just kept me company because I couldn’t have you.”

  This was another thing that my father had taken away from us. Companionship. We were both lonely. The only difference was that I never slept around like he did. Yes, I’d had a few boyfriends over the years, but none that ever stuck around for more than a few months. Most were idiots that wanted to control me, and I was being controlled enough as it was without adding them into the mix. Though I’d only had sex with one guy before, and that was a complete and utter disaster.

  I don’t reply; I just nod my head. There is
nothing to say as long as Cindy isn’t in the mix.

  Phoenix stands up, and I nearly protest. Is he not going to kiss me again?

  “I best get going to my office. Your father has spies everywhere around here, so we best not chance it.

  He’s right.

  “What are you looking at apartments for?”

  “Oh, I’m looking for somewhere to live. I’ve had enough of living at home. I need to get out and live my own life, away from him,” I tell him, glancing at the apartments for rent on the screen.

  “You don’t have to find somewhere to live. You only have to ask and you can come stay with me. I have the room. Plus, that way you can cook me dinner.” He winks, trying to lighten the mood and it works.

  “I don’t know…”

  “You don’t have to let me know now. Think about it. It makes sense though, and then you won’t have to spend money that you don’t need to.” I try to cut him off. “However, if you want to compensate toward the bills, then that’s fine.”

  “I’ll think about it,” I tell him, giving him a small smile, which he reciprocates.

  “Great. Give me your cell phone,” he asks, holding his hand out, and I pass it over to him without question. “My number is stored now, so you can text or call me whenever you want to, day or night.”

  “I will.”

  He leans down and plants a chaste kiss on my head, causing my heart to skip a beat at his affection, before he leaves my office without another word.

  I’m not used to this side of him anymore. I’m used to the cocky, self assured womanizer these days, and it’s thrown me for a loop. A good one though.

  After he’s left, I stare at the laptop screen wondering what to do. Do I take Phoenix up on his offer and move in with him, or do I go on my own and rent my own place? I’ve definitely got a lot to think about on that front.

  And then there’s Phoenix.

  Does he want me or doesn’t he?