Hard To Love

by Ross, Sabrina

“Mason isn’t influential enough to pull that shit off. Why would you do that?” He shook his head in disgust.

  “I—I—” I was at a loss for words. As much as Mason made me feel insignificant, this guy made me feel worthless. I choked back my tears and tried to defend my actions. “The bouncer didn’t remember me, and Cassie, my friend, was not answering her phone.”

  “So you resort to sexual favours just to get into a club,” he scoffed shaking his head.

  “Wow, I’m sorry—who the hell are you?” I shouted, getting in his face.

  “Oh, so you do have a backbone. Good to know,” he said with a wink followed with a smirk, an awfully familiar smirk. As I glared at him, I suddenly realized who he reminded me of—Mason.

  “You must be Mason’s brother.” I scoffed and stepped back, folding my arms across my chest.

  “In the flesh.” he grinned, holding out his hand, but I didn’t take it. “But let’s keep that between us, wouldn’t want that getting out.” He grinned again. My eyes fluttered in anger. Nick grabbed his drink, leaving a fifty-dollar bill on the bar. “Take care now,” he said, walking away. Feeling the sting in my cheeks, I turned away embarrassed, catching George’s eye. He winked and lifted a pink bracelet up for me. With a shake of my head, I declined and ordered a martini that I would have to nurse for most of the night. What surprised me most was the cost of the martini. With my expensive glass of vodka in hand, I slithered my way through the bouncing bodies to the VIP staircase and made my way up, only to receive a hard time again.

  “Seriously,” I huffed, glancing over the bouncers shoulder, giving me a clear view of Cassie sitting with Charlie. “That is my girlfriend right there.” I pointed, but he wouldn’t turn to look. “Just get her, please.” The bouncer continued to ignore me. Then I noticed Cassie get up and head in my direction. I waved anxiously. She was pulling her phone out of her purse when she glanced up and finally spotted me, waving as she opened the door.

  “There you are.” She let out a sigh, relieved.

  “I was given a hard time,” I snarled and glared at the bouncer, who just shrugged it off. “I have been trying to call you for a half hour.” Complaining was not something I did often, but it was a little annoying being the outsider.

  “Sorry, babe, but it is hard to hear my phone ringing in here.” She tugged my arm, pulling me through the door.

  “Oh, careful, this drink cost me an arm and a leg.” I joked.

  “Didn’t George remember you from last night?”

  “Oh, he did, surprisingly”—my brow arched—“but I declined the offer.” After taking a tiny sip, I explained, “I drove tonight. I have to nurse this drink for as long as I can.” My tone went up in annoyance.

  “What’s wrong,” she asked, stopping and turning to face me.

  “Nothing.” I let out a tired sigh. “I just want to get on with the night.”

  “Okay, want to dance in a bit?” she asked, and I nodded. “Grab that seat by the wall.” She pointed.

  “It’s glass, hardly a wall.” I chuckled.

  “Drink if you want to drink, babe, because getting you home won’t be a problem. I’ll arrange a pickup for your car tomorrow,” Cassie said, sitting on the arm of the chair that I was in.

  “I’m fine,” I replied, crossing my legs. I leaned over the arm of the chair, watching the crowd below move to the beat of the music. Watching the people dance made me thing of Matt and all the places we used to go to. Places where I was recognized at the door. Thinking of him filled me with sadness. I blinked the tears away before anyone noticed.

  Cassie then pulled me out of my thoughts with her comments. “I love your dress, by the way. Very sexy.” She flipped my hair over my shoulder to get a better look. “The black belt is a classy touch, makes you look thinner than you already are.” Her lips pursed.

  “I don’t feel sexy.” I shrugged and sighed.

  “Oh, stop—” She stopped mid-sentence and stood. “Oh, my God!” She screeched, stood and started toward the door. My head slowly turned as I watched her run down the stairs gracefully, not even tripping once. I lost her in the crowd for a moment, and then found her when I saw two people hugging. As I focused, I realized she was hugging Nick. The jerk I met tonight. Then she grabbed him by the hand and dragged him through the crowd. My heart started to race. What if he was as callous as Mason was and told everyone about how we had met earlier? Panic rose in my chest. I quickly gulped my drink down.

  “Charlie!” She practically ran across the room to him. “I want you to meet my cousin Nick.” She gave Nick a side hug. Charlie stood, holding out his hand.

  “Nice to meet you, Nick.” He smiled, and then sat down again. Nick nodded at everyone, stopping when his eyes fell on me and then he smiled.

  “Oh, Nick, this is my best friend, Lauren,” Cassie said, smiling. “I told you about her.” Cassie put her hand on my shoulder.

  “Yes, I remember.” He smirked and held out his hand. With a shaky hand, I reached over, taking his hand in mine. “Pleasure, I’m sure.” He smirked. I sunk in the chair, turning away. If I didn’t talk and avoided unwanted stares, the night might go by faster. “I actually met Lauren outside,” he stated. My head spun around so fast it could have detached. His eyes remained on my widening and pleading eyes. “She failed to mention she was your friend.” His stare was now directed at Cassie.

  I got up from the chair and walked over to the bar. “Martini, please,” I said, breathy. When I turned around, Nick was standing behind me. “Boundaries dude?” I scoffed.

  “I understand his fascination with you,” he said, leaning against the wooden bar top.

  I gulped. “I beg your pardon.” Nick’s dragged his tongue along the top of his lip.

  “Mason . . . I see why he likes you.”

  I stammered, “I—I doubt that, and besides, I wouldn’t care.” Looking away, I cursed under my breath. The bartender handed over my drink.

  “Oh, you care,” he said and then stole the olive from my drink. I stared as he popped it in his mouth. I watched as the muscles in his jaw tightened as he chewed. “You make it too easy, though.”

  I cleared my throat, pulling my eyes away from his perfectly set jaw. “You know, there’s only room for one asshole in Portland,” I said, biting my tongue afterwards.

  His lips stretched wide; then he leaned in close. “Sweetheart, we’re all assholes here. You’re the one that doesn’t fit in,” he snidely replied.

  My cheeks flared red. “Wow,” I gasped, watching him walk away. My jaw remained unhinged. He returned to mingling with Cassie and her friends as if they had known each other for years.

  Maybe he was right; I didn’t fit in here.

  At that moment, I hoped he felt the burn of my stare on the back of his head. My anger had taken over, and I was already on my third martini. I didn’t even notice Cassie walk up and stand next to me.

  “I thought you said you were driving,” she asked, laughing.

  “I needed another.” I shrugged, gulping the remainder of my drink. “It’s a bit stuffy in here. I need to dance,” I said, hopping off the bar stool. “I’ll take a shot of tequila too, please,” I said turning to the bartender.

  “Slow down.” Cassie laughed. “Charlie babe, we’re going to dance,” she hollered. Charlie waved her off.

  Nick watched us leave.

  The closer to the dance floor, the louder the music got. The pulse in the bass shook the floor. Darkness filled the open space. Strobes lights and lasers danced across the sweaty, moving bodies. A popular song that was on the top ten of every radio station began, and the crowd stopped and cheered. I laughed and wiggled my way through the crowd. Cassie was in front of me, and we both started singing and dancing. Arms waving in the air, hips bouncing back and forth, the R&B beats taking over. The floor was so crowded that everyone had no choice but to bump into each other. Heat from all the bodies made me hot, beads of sweat sliding down my skin. Another song mixed in, matching the beat of the previo
us song, and the crowd bounced with their arms in the air. When the chorus hit, the DJ turned the volume down and the crowd all sang. I laughed, remembering how fun this was. As I turned around dancing, the girls in front of me parted, revealing Nick made his way towards me. I stopped short his seductive eyes locked on mine. The style of song changed, as did the dancing. It was the kind of song that demanded seduction. Arms strung around necks and legs wrapped around waists. It was sex on the dance floor, and the one guy heading towards me made me utterly nervous. He smiled as he slipped his arms around my waist, pulling me tight against his hard body. Our bodies melted together as we danced rhythmically. His expensive cologne filled my senses, forcing my eyes shut, and I released a gasp. His sensual touch and arousing scent was doing something to my insides. I wasn’t sure I’d stay in control. Even the words in the song were enough to set the mood. His eyes burned through mine, his stare taking me away, his face so close that his lips hovered over mine. I wanted to kiss him, desperately. Then he leaned in and I felt his lips caress my neck sending chills through me as his made his way to my ear. He caught me off guard with his directness.

  “You’re so fuckin’ hot.” I felt his fingers tickle the nape of my neck. Now, normally, cursing didn’t turn me on, but with his touch and the way he was devouring me with his eyes, I would have stripped for him right there on the dance floor. Instead, in the heat of the moment, I opted for a kiss. The passion in his lips was enough to spike my arousal. I think I surprised him, but he didn’t pull away. “Wanna get out of here?” he whispered through our lips. I broke free, cutting all connection with him.

  What did he think I was a slut like his brother ’s dates? What was I thinking, acting like this? This was not me. Clearly, Nick had the wrong impression of me. I shook my head

  and walked off the dance floor. My face burned and my eyes filled with tears. I was damn sure I never gave anyone the perception that I was easy. When I got to the bar, I waved at George, who nodded and started to make me a drink. I grabbed my credit card from my wallet, knowing the next morning I would be regretting it. I looked up at him again and gestured for him to make two. George smiled and nodded.

  Then I felt arms slither around my waist. I shoved whoever it

  was off me. When I turned around, Mason was standing there. I rolled my eyes, disappointed. He leaned in close enough, making sure that I heard him.

  “Did you enjoy my brother?” he growled, his top lip twitching. “ Are you and your brother always this obnoxious?” I scoffed and turned away.

  “We’re half-brothers,” He made sure to state, “having us both probably wouldn’t be that gross.” He chuckled, twirling my hair around his finger.

  “Fuck you!” I slapped his hand away and shoved him back. The crowd gasped, parted and turned to stare. I avoided the glares as best as I could.

  “Problem?” a bouncer asked as he walked over, grabbing my arm.

  “Nope,” Mason mumbled, staring at me.

  “Are you sure, Mr. Foster?” he asked, still holding me.

  “I was just leaving.” I yanked my arm free.

  As I walked past Mason, I saw Cassie and Nick standing there watching. I had never been more embarrassed in my life. I don’t know why I let Mason get to me this way. I couldn’t control how I felt, but why I felt anything for that jerk was beyond me.

  When I got outside I waved a cab over from the other side of the street, waiting for traffic to slow down before I crossed.

  “Lauren.” The voice came from behind. I turned to see who it was. When I saw Mason standing there, I darted out onto the street, just to avoid him, not noticing that a car was coming. Mason grabbed me in time. “What were you thinking?” he gasped, holding me tight against him. “Where are you going in such a hurry Lauren?”

  “Home—” I shoved him away. “— God.” My hands instantly covered my face.

  Mason whistled, waving his hand above his head. Moments later a cab pulled up in front of us. Before he reached for the door to open it for me, he grabbed my arm and pulled me in close, his arms wrapped around me. I was unable to look up at him, and I kept my arms tight against my sides. Then he surprised me as he wiped the tears from my cheeks, his smile strained.

  He kissed my cheek gently, whispering, “I don’t mean to be a jerk, but I do have a reputation to uphold.” I don’t know what I expected from him. Suddenly the urge to lash out at him rose within me. Exhaustion controlled me though, and my emotions were running on overdrive.

  “Screw you and your reputation,” I blurted, then opened the door and got in. If this was how dating was these days, then I pass on the whole dating scene.

  Before I got the door shut, I heard him say, “Good night, Lauren.” Then he reached in the front window, handing the cab driver money.

  As I crawled into bed later that night, I made a vow to avoid seeing any of them for a while. No clubbing or country club, nothing, not for a while. I was mortified because of my actions tonight, and I really didn’t want to deal with two troublesome brothers in a tangled web of feelings. I had more respect for myself than that. I didn’t want anyone I loved feeling humiliated around me or them.

  CHAPTER SIX

  The week of the masquerade was also the week I started working at the restaurant. The first few days, Mrs. Peterson had scheduled her manager to train me. Then after that I shadowed random staff members for a shift, even though I felt I would have been fine on my own. Then on Thursday, she allowed me to start taking my own tables. The hostess was given instructions to not give me more than four tables at a time. I didn’t protest because I was grateful, come seven o’clock that evening, when the Harpers and the Fosters walked in. The host recognized them right away, seating them within minutes of entering the door, angering the few guests that were still waiting for a table. I swiftly hid by the kitchen door. All week Cassie had called and I had avoided answering.

  “Are you all right , Lauren?” Mrs. Peterson asked as she came out from the kitchen.

  “Huh? Yes, yes, I’m fine,” I stuttered and walked back over to my section, thankfully on the other side of the restaurant.

  While working, I concentrated on my four tables to avoid going over to the section where Cassie and her family were seated.

  “Lauren,” someone called. My heart sank and I slowly turned around. Mrs. Peterson was standing there with her arms folded across her chest. I quickly glanced over at the other side of the restaurant. It didn’t appear that anyone had heard her call me.

  “I understand that you are just starting again, but some of the other wait staff, mentioned that you are avoiding running food out to their tables.” She replied, her expression neutral.

  “Oh—have I?” I gulped. “I just thought you wanted me to concentrate on my side.”

  “No,” she said, and her body relaxed. “Now go help bring the food out to that party,” she said and walked back into the kitchen.

  I paced a few times, and then went in the same door she had gone through to get to the kitchen. The chef turned, looking right at me.

  “You.” He snapped his fingers. I grumbled to myself as I walked toward him. “New girl, take this to table thirtyfive,” he said, handing me a tray with five plates on it. I hesitated a little longer than he tolerated. “Hello.” He snapped at me.

  “Sorry.” I said and briefly closed my eyes before lifting the tray up on my shoulder. The guests at other tables glanced up and smiled as I walked past them. I grabbed the folding table to put the tray on, as I approached the table. Mason and Nick had their backs to me. Cassie spotted me just as her mother spoke my name.

  “Lauren.” Mrs. Harper was the first to look up and acknowledge me. As I came into view, Nick’s face flushed.

  “Mrs. Harper.” I smiled. “Lobster bisque?” I looked up at the sea of surprised faces in front of me. Mr. Foster raised his hand, and I lifted the bowl from the tray and walked over to him, placing it in front of him.

  “Thank you.” He looked up, smiling.

&n
bsp; Pleasantly nodding and smiling, I asked, “Escargot?” This time Mrs. Harper raised her hand, smiling. Then while handing out the plates, it occurred to me that all of these dishes were appetizers. The entrees were to follow, making their stay longer than I anticipated.

  “When did you start working here?” Mrs. Foster asked.

  “Uh—this week.” I replied nervously.

  “You are doing well for your first job,” Mr. Foster added as he laid out a napkin on his lap.

  “Oh, no—this isn’t my first job,” I replied, placing the last plate down. “I actually worked here before I moved away.”

  “See, Mason? Even Lauren has managed to work for her money,” she said, glancing over at Mason.

  “Oh, Mother,” Mason sighed, leaning on the back of her chair with his arm. “Let us not argue in public,” he snarled. She rolled her eyes and turned away from him.

  Nervously I glanced up and saw that Cassie, Charlie and Nick were left without food. Just as I was about to inform them that someone would be right along with the rest of their order, another waitress walked up. I smiled and nodded, then slipped away. Nick’s eyes were starting to make me sweat. It was like he could see right through me.

  When I got in the kitchen, I put the tray down and backed up against the wall. Tears flooded my eyes. Then as I walked towards the ‘out’ door, I spotted Mason standing there. He noticed me, and in a panic I spun around, walking back into the kitchen, all the way to the back door. I barged out the back door to the smoking area, crying, not realizing that some of the kitchen staff was out there.

  “Are you okay, Hun?” one of the cooks asked.

  “I—I’m fine,” I replied, startled, then averted my eyes.

  “Rough night?” The kitchen manager asked. I was embarrassed that anyone had seen me, let alone a manager.

  “No,” I said, pacing.

  After a few minutes someone knocked on the wooden gate that gave access to the garbage and recycling trucks during the week. The cook stuck his cigarette in his mouth and unlatched the door, letting it swing open.