Hard To Love

by Ross, Sabrina

  “You can decline, but you have to take a shot or be thrown in the pool,” Cassie reminded me. I looked over at the pool and sighed.

  “At least it’s heated.” Someone laughed. I was foolish to not end the night before something like this happened.

  “She doesn’t have to do it.” Nick leaned forward in his chair. With a glare shot in Cassie’s direction, I slowly balanced

  myself, and then walked over to Nick. He anxiously watched me, his lips wet and ready.

  “You don’t have to do it,” he repeated.

  “What’s the problem? You don’t want me to kiss you?” I asked, tilting my head slightly. His lip twitched as he smirked. We stared at one another for a long nervous moment, the cold air catching our shallow breaths. I kept my eyes on his him, trying to forget that anyone else was there. His eyes were glossy and his lips were slightly parted. I inched closer, and then straddled him on the chair.

  Everyone cheered. My heart fluttered as his hands began to slide up my legs, stopping on my hips.

  “Five minutes, tongue and all, or it doesn’t count,” Rebecca repeated. I nodded, not taking my eyes off Nick. Nervously, I leaned forward, sliding my hand up the front of his shirt to his face, slowly inching closer dragging my thumb across his bottom lip. Then I kissed him, and my cheeks burned as he willingly kissed me back. His hands tangled in my hair, his tongue parting my lips, both of us gasping and gripping each other’s body tighter. I tried to ignore the chanting and cheers behind me, but it was difficult. At one point we were both trying not to laugh. It was when the cheering stopped and I heard Mason speak that I pulled away gasping.

  “Well, what do we have here?” Mason asked.

  “Mason, I didn’t realize you were coming.” Cassie jumped to her feet. I tried to get off Nick’s lap but stumbled back down on him. Mason looked right at me with a look of disgust on his face.

  “Well, I saw all the cars out front and figured you may have forgotten to tell me about your little—soiree,” he said, looking around at all the faces.

  “I guess your invitation got lost in the mail,” Cassie replied with a shrug.

  “I guess so,” he sneered. I wiped my mouth and tried again to get to my feet. “Oh, don’t stop because of me,” he said, walking over, glaring at us. Mason’s eyes followed me as I walked over to my chair. When I glanced up at him, his lip twitched angrily.

  I honestly didn’t know what he expected from me because he clearly told me that he didn’t do relationships. I was single and just because he didn’t do relationships, didn’t stop me from having one. He had no say in my actions, and apparently, neither did I, tonight. “So”—he clapped his hands together—“what are we playing?” he asked.

  “Truth or Dare,” Rebecca said, her voice trailing off when she noticed the glare she was getting from Cassie.

  Cassie stood and attempted to grab the bottle of tequila. “Actually, we’re done—”

  Mason interrupted. “By all means, carry on. I’m game for this.” He smirked and twisted the cap off a beer, then grabbed a chair from the pile against the shed and dragged it over to where Charlie was sitting. He leaned forward in the chair, waiting for someone to start, but everyone’s eyes averted to the ground, unsure of what to do. “I know.” He sucked in a breath. “Let’s spice this up a little, yeah?” he said then stood, took off his leather jacket, hung it on the back of the chair, and turned to face everyone again. “New game, Truth, Dare or Strip,” he sneered, brow wagging.

  Cassie tried to protest, but she lost out to the cheers for the new game. Mason grinned, turning his eyes on me. I rolled my eyes and looked away. The game went two rounds before Mason had finally been chosen. He smiled and chose strip, taking off his shirt. I kept my eyes on the ground in front of me. Then he looked over at Nick and asked him the same.

  Nick chose truth.

  “Truth—boring,” he teased, giving a thumbsdown, “Fine . . . fine . . . is it true you love to compete with me?” His eyes flashed over to me again.

  “True,” Nick answered, sighing, his eyes focused solely on Mason.

  “Mason, truth, dare—”

  “Strip.” He smirked and stood.

  “Seriously, Mason—” Cassie groaned, rolling her eyes. “I don’t—”

  “Relax, coz, I’m not going to give away the farm already.” He smirked, kicking off his shoes. Then he grabbed his beer from the ground and took a seat. His eyes shot over in my direction again. “Lauren.” He leaned forward in his chair glaring at me. I sighed.

  “Truth, dare or consequences?” He laughed, and then corrected himself. “I mean, strip.”

  I rolled my eyes and mumbled, “Truth.”

  “What’s that? I can’t hear you!” He cupped his hand over his ear.

  “Truth,” I said garishly, and then folded my arms across my chest.

  “Another boring partygoer,” he scoffed, coaxing the others on and everyone but Cassie and Nick started booing.

  Then Mason gestured for them to quiet down as he spoke. “Oh, fine, truth it is. Is it true . . . you made out with me earlier tonight?” I couldn’t control the gasp that left my lips. I stared Mason down, feeling the sting on my cheeks.

  “Mason, stop it,” Cassie hissed.

  “Oh, come on coz, we’re all adults here. Right?” He looked around at everyone, who nodded with him. “See?” His eyes burned through me. Everyone waited patiently for me to answer.

  “True,” I replied, looking away. When I shot a glance over at Nick, he got up from his chair and walked away. I shut my eyes, shaking my head. I didn’t know either of these guys well enough to know if this was all just a game to them.

  “Your turn.” He sat back in his chair, looking proud.

  “I don’t want to play anymore,” I said, getting up.

  “Oh no,” he said sarcastically. “What’s wrong? You had no problem making out with my brother before I walked in.” His body shot forward, his voice raising, slightly, a hint of anger in his tone. Cassie glowered at him; everyone else was looking anywhere but at the three of us. “Don’t let me ruin your fun.”

  I paced, turning to look him in the eye. “Fine. Truth.”

  “I didn’t pick—”

  “No you didn’t. I’m picking for you,” I barked angrily.

  “Okay,” He glared at me. “I’ll bite. Truth it is.” He sat back crossed his leg over his knee and waited.

  “Have you ever been in love?” I asked, then crossed my arms and waited for a response. Cassie looked from me to Mason with a grin on her face. Mason gulped, not answering. “Do you even know what love is?” I added. If it weren’t for the music playing in the background, all that would have been heard would be the crickets. Everyone waited anxiously for his answer.

  He dragged his teeth over his bottom lip, and then cleared his throat. He looked at the ground, and then said, “No.”

  “Liar,” Nick proclaimed as he came around from the side of the house. I turned my entire body to look at him.

  “Oh, goodie, you’re back.” Mason scowled.

  “Tell her the truth,” he said, standing next to me. Cassie looked even more surprised than Mason.

  “What would you know of my love life?” Mason snarled.

  Nick snorted and shook his head. “Amber.” He walked forward, his eyes still on Mason. “Or Tracy perhaps . . . Ring any bells?”

  “Shut up.” Mason jumped to his feet. Cassie stepped in between them.

  “Stop or I will make you two leave.” She shoved Mason back. I stared, wide-eyed, at the three of them.

  “Well, that was a buzzkill,” Trevor slurred, then sat back in his chair. Mason backed down. His eyes fell on me, filled with pain and anger. I shook my head, fighting the tears, and then stormed my way out of the backyard. I needed to get away from them. All this emotional baggage was too much for me. I knew driving was out of the question; I drunk way too many drinks. I just needed to get away from them, and fast.

  I was furious with Mason.


  Life was simple before all this. I went to work, came home, made dinner and spent the night with the man of my dreams. Now

  he was dead, and I had to do this all over again. Well, forget it! This was crazy. Dating was crazy, getting involved with either of them was insane. I was more confused now than before the two of them had walked into my life.

  I wasn’t sure how far I had walked from Cassie’s house because, when I looked up, I was in the forest, and I didn’t know how to find my way out. I looked around in a panic. It was so dark and I could barely see my hands in front of me.

  “Shit.” I spun around then the next thing that happened was Matt standing in front of me, looking disappointed.

  “What are you doing, darling?” he asked, head tilted to one

  side. I didn’t understand why Matt was appearing to me. I wasn’t

  thinking of him, at least I don’t think I was.

  “I’m sorry, Matt. I never meant to hurt you,” I cried. “You didn’t hurt me, sweetheart. You are only hurting

  yourself,” he said, standing next to me.

  “What? How?” I wiped my cheeks.

  “You can’t see it.” He looked so sad, and it was breaking my

  heart.

  What did he mean? What wasn’t I seeing?

  “Why do you keep showing up? I don’t understand,” I sobbed.

  I looked around when I heard someone calling out my name. “You need to go, Lauren.” He reached out to me. “Open your

  eyes.” My body felt cold and wet.

  “What?” I replied, frustrated.

  “Wake up, Lauren! It’s not your time.” Matt began to fade and

  his voice echoed.

  “Matt!” I cried. “Don’t leave me, please.” The river water

  rushed over me, chilling my body.

  “Lauren!” someone screamed. “Oh god, someone help!” Then I

  felt someone tug at my arm. It was as if I was jolted out of a deep

  sleep, and when I looked up, the rush of water was coming over

  me. I couldn’t catch my breath. I was underwater. I was going to

  drown. I tried to pull myself up, but my sweater was hooked on a

  branch. I managed to keep my head above the water but didn’t

  know how much longer I would be able to hold on because the

  water was so cold that my fingers were numbing.

  “Don’t move, hold on,” Cassie cried as she tried to inch closer,

  but the ground was soft from the rushing water. If she moved any

  closer the current would pull her in.

  “Here, hold this,” Nick said, wrapping his jacket around his

  waist, then linking it to his sweater and handed it to his brother.

  Mason walked as far out as he could until he reached me. “Don’t move,” he said, looking me in the eye. “Just keep

  looking at me. Don’t look anywhere else. Okay? Just look at me.”

  He stretched out towards me. I held on to the branch as best I

  could. Blood stained the water, from the laceration on my palm.

  “I’m so cold.” I muttered, teeth chattering.

  “I’ve gotcha, Lauren. Just hold on,” Mason said, pulling me out

  of the water. I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding tight. “It was you,” I whispered, looking him with wide eyes. “Thank

  you,” I said through chattering teeth. “You saved me.” My body

  shook.

  “Yes, I did.” He smiled, brushing the hair from my eyes. With a

  trembling hand I reached up and touched his cheek. His breath

  quickened and his lips parted.

  “It was you,” I whispered, and then everything went black.

  When I woke later, machines beeped randomly, the sound filled the room. I looked up to find Nick sitting in the corner by the window and Cassie at the head of my bed, holding my hand, fast asleep. Tears trickled down my cheeks.

  When I sniffed, Cassie’s head shot up her first response being. “You’re going to be okay.” She smiled and hugged me.

  “Mason?” I asked.

  “He’s around.” She smiled.

  I nodded, then drifted back to sleep.

  When I woke up again, it was early the next morning, but it was still dark outside. Cassie and Mason had left. Nick was fast asleep in the chair next to the bed. His legs were crossed and up on the bed, his arm alongside mine. I laced my fingers with his, and he jolted awake. His head turned, and he looked up at me.

  “Hey.” I whispered.

  “Hey.” He replied giving me a sweet smile then removed his legs, leaning forward. “How are you feeling?” he asked brushing the hair from my face.

  “Better.” I choked back the tears. “Thank you for staying. You didn’t have to.”

  “Don’t mention it.” His voice was soft. “I wanted to make sure you weren’t alone.” He kissed my hand.

  “Are Cassie and Mason still here?” I asked.

  “I think they went home. Mason mentioned coming back, though,” he said, clearing his throat. Just then there was a soft knock on the door, and Mason walked in. Now when I looked at him, I saw a different man. No matter what he had done in the past, I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to hide what I felt for him. He was going to know. Whether he liked what I had to say or not, I was going to say it.

  “Can you give us a minute, Nick?” I asked.

  “Sure.” He stood, kissed my forehead and caressed my cheek. My heart fluttered like crazy, and I was suddenly confused again. What was going on here? Nick stirred something in me that I didn’t want to admit. I watched Nick leave, and then looked over at Mason.

  “What?” he asked, looking at me funny. I stared at him for a long, silent moment. His attitude changed quickly.

  “Why do you do that?” I asked.

  “Do what?”

  “Put your needs aside.”

  “I don’t put my needs aside.” Mason pulled his hand away. “Trust me.” He laughed.

  “There you go again,” I chuckled, “hiding your real feelings.”

  “And what are my real feelings, Lauren?” He sat in the chair next to the bed. “Please enlighten me.”

  “You tell me, Mason,” I replied.

  He shook his head angrily. “I should go so you can rest.”

  “Why can’t you just admit that you have feelings for me? That you aren’t the jerk that everyone thinks you are,” I demanded.

  “You’re being ridiculous.” He stood.

  I scoffed, “No, I’m being serious, Mason.”

  “I have to go.” He stood.

  “Fine—go. But I want you to tell me that you don’t care about me. Tell me you have no feelings for me.” I stared at him. He wouldn’t look me in the eyes. Instead he fidgeted and shifted nervously. “If you don’t care, then I’ll leave you alone.” I sat up. “Say it!” I demanded.

  “No.” He shook his head and turned away from me. I could feel the nerves rattle in me.

  “Then I need to hear you say it, Mason,” I replied, relieved.

  “Why? Why do you need to hear it? You already know. Why do I have to say it?” He said keeping his voice quiet, he looked down at me, eyes narrowed, lips pressed tightly together.

  “Because it doesn’t feel real unless you admit it.” I grabbed his hand. His eyes started to water, but he never said anything. “Why can’t you let everyone see the good in you? Why do you always play the bad boy?” The tears were about to win. “I know that you were the boy who saved my life that day at the river. Why did Matt take the credit for that?”

  “Because.” He pulled away gasping.

  “That’s not an answer, Mason,” I replied.

  “Stop!” He turned away.

  “Why can’t you just talk to me?” I cried.

  Mason spun around on one heel, anger releasing as he spoke.

  “Because if I showed that side of me, then everyone would be expecting it, and if I screwed u
p, which I often do, I would have to stare into the sea of disappointed faces,” he said angrily. “I don’t want to be reminded of how much of a disappointment I am to everyone.” A tear trickled down his cheek but he turned away so that I couldn’t see it. I ripped off the blanket and got out of bed, grabbing his hand in mine, cupping his cheek with the other hand.

  “Everyone, including your family, needs to see the good in you,” I reminded him. “I am not disappointed.”

  His eyes widened, and his jaw clenched tight. “I don’t care about you, Lauren. Move on.” He pulled away, glared at me for a long, painful moment, then walked out. It felt as though he had shot me in the chest. Then about the same time my mother arrived at the hospital in a panic. I could hear her in the hallway. I stepped out of the room and called out to her. Her shoulders slumped, and she charged over to me, taking me in her arms.

  “What happened?”

  “I’m fine.” I hugged her back.

  “They said you almost drowned, Lauren. How did that happen?” she asked. Tears streaked her face.

  “I was wandering around the forest by the Harpers’ mansion in the dark. I shouldn’t have been out there, but I wasn’t thinking.”

  “Cassie said Mason saved you.” she said.

  “Yes.” I fought the sob.

  “He’s your own personal guardian angel.” She sighed.

  “He is far from an angel.” I wiped my face. “Can we go home?”

  “Yes.” She took my hand and we started the process of my release.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Later that night I had to work. I arrived for my shift half an hour early to talk to Mrs. Peterson. I let her know what happened the night before just as a precaution in case anything happened during my shift. She offered to give me the night off, but I had to keep busy, so I refused.

  “I’ll be fine . I feel fine,” I assured her. “I just thought you should know.”

  “Well, thank you for the heads-up. You let me know if anything changes,” she said, hugging me.

  “I will. Thank you,” I replied.

  It was Friday night and a busy night at that, so busy that the next time I glanced at my watch, my shift was over. The shift turned out better than the night before. Mrs. Peterson was happier as well. Despite what had happened hours prior, I was feeling good. The tips were pretty good too. Making my way out of the restaurant, I waved bye to anyone who was looking.