Hard To Love

by Ross, Sabrina

  “What’s on your mind , honey?” she asked and closed her book over her finger. I screwed my lips, unsure of how to bring it up.

  “Abigail got home today after two weeks in Palm Beach, and she practically ran me out the door.” I folded my arms across my chest.

  “She did?” she replied, cocking her head.

  “Yes. Nick and I have been seeing each other for a little over two weeks now and I really like him, but I got the feeling she isn’t happy about it,” I replied.

  “Probably not, dear,” she said, looking down at her book.

  I took a moment to let that sink in, then said, “Why?”

  “You might attend their parties and eat brunch at their country club once in a while, but you will never fit in with them,” she said, turning in her seat.

  “What?” I gasped. “Why not?”

  “High society, sweetheart,” she sighed. “We are not quite— their level.” She inhaled deeply, looking up at me again.

  “Nick doesn’t strike me as—”

  My mother interrupted, “Don’t underestimate the power of money and status.” Her brow arched as she hung her legs over the side of the sofa. Her lips thinned and she cupped her hand over mine firmly. I stared at her confused.

  “I refuse to believe Nick to be that shallow. Mason, yes. I truly believe Mason would choose money over me, but Nick?” My eyes went from shocked to sorrow-filled. Nick and I had just begun something that I felt was meaningful. The last time I felt this from a man was when Matt was alive. No way was I going to believe for one second that Matt would be the last man to make me feel this way. “Nick treats me good, Mom. I don’t want to lose that, not for anyone.” Tears welled in my eyes.

  Again she inhaled deeply, rubbing her palm over my knee, then began, “Before I met your father, Robert Porter was a man I was truly interested in.” She waited for my response, but I was too shocked to reply. “Then his family gave him a choice.” She shrugged and her eyes filled with sadness. “You understand how it goes?” she asked.

  “I—I never thought . . . She volunteers, she helps old people and sick kids—” I stammered.

  “She could save the world, sweetheart. It won’t change how power and wealth dictate what we do,” she replied matter-offactly.

  “So . . . I have already lost Nick before I even had him?” Tears trickled from my eyes. “I—I’ll be in my room,” I said getting up and leaving the room.

  Shutting the door to my room, I suddenly realized that coming back to Portland was a mistake. My heart has been crushed more times since returning than the three years I spent away with Matt. I crawled on top of my comforter and curled up in my pillow. What was I thinking coming home? This wasn’t the life I wanted. Eventually I cried myself to sleep.

  There was a light rap at my bedroom door a while later, and when I turned over, my mother was standing in the open doorway.

  “Someone is here to see you,” she said, stepping aside, to reveal Nick standing there. I sat up, wiping my cheeks.

  My mother shut the door as she walked away.

  “Hi,” he whispered, walking over to the bed. His smile was melting me inside.

  “Hi,” I replied, my voice strained. I was nervous and afraid he was about to tell me that he couldn’t see me anymore. My heart raced as he stood there silently with his hands in his pockets, and his body swayed side to side. I closed my eyes and exhaled. “Tell me the bad news and get it over with.”

  “Bad news?” he questioned. His brow furrowed. He sat next to me on the edge of the bed. I looked down at my hands as the tears betrayed me

  “The part where your mother said she doesn’t want us to see each other anymore.” I wiped my cheek again with the sleeve of my shirt.

  His hand slid over mine, and with a gentle squeeze, he replied.

  “You’re amazing.” He kissed my head. “I told her that it wasn’t her place to decide whom I date.” He cupped my cheek, gently turning my head to face him. “I also told her that I care about you a great deal, and nothing will change that.” I bit down on my lip. His fingers brushed the hair from my face. His stare was so intense it made me want to cry.

  “Really?” I choked back a sob.

  “Yes.” He gave me a quick peck on the lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him tight.

  “Oh, thank God.” I sobbed happily.

  “I won’t let my mother dictate my life. That is why I live in Washington with my father,” he said.

  “I’m so happy to hear that.” I sighed, relieved.

  Nick held me a little longer before springing something else on me. “I, uh—I have this invitation to the annual winter festival in two weeks,” he said, handing me a pretty ivory envelope with embossed blue lettering.

  I took the card and opened it. “I haven’t been to one before.”

  “Now you will,” he said with a big smile and hugged me again. “I have to go, but we will have dinner tomorrow night, okay?”

  “Okay.” I smiled, feeling relieved. He grabbed my face, planting a long warm kiss on my lips. I couldn’t help but fall deeply for Nick. After he left my room, I fell back on the bed, gazing up at the ceiling, revelling in the moment.

  Then my phone rang Cassie’s tune. I answered, unable to hide my excitement.

  “You got the invite?” she said after hearing my voice.

  “Yes!” I screeched.

  “Then we need to go dress shopping,” she squealed.

  “I’m off tomorrow.”

  “It’s a date!” Cassie said before hanging up. I dropped my phone on my chest and closed my eyes. Things were starting to look up.

  Later that night after work, I went to Shattered with Kelly and Jennifer. Mike and Sam had some bachelor party to attend, so they didn’t join us. It was nice just hanging out with the girls for once. We played a few rounds of pool before Kelly and Jennifer got bored and wanted to go home.

  As I lied on my bed, I c ouldn’t help but wonder what Nick was doing. It was the first time we had not spent the entire day together, in weeks. I sent Nick a text and waited.

  2:32 a.m. Me: Miss you.

  He never answered.

  ***** Finally it was my day off, and I was no longer excited about going dress shopping with Cassie. What was bothering me now was that Nick was not returning any of my calls. When we weren’t together, we were on the phone talking or texting. It was probably nothing, but after the past few weeks together, it seemed out of character. I dragged myself out of bed, walked over to the mirror on my dresser, and stared at myself in the mirror.

  Why was n’t I good enough?

  It’s not as though the Fosters were royalty. I know he said his mother wasn’t going to control our relationship, and then told me that everything was all right but it just didn’t feel as if it were. Things weren’t the same. Usually, when someone avoids your calls or doesn’t return a text, it means something’s up.

  This made me wonder about the work thing he said he was busy with. He only worked when he was home with his dad in Washington. What could he possibly be doing here in Portland?

  My mind was all about Nick. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I was so distracted with my thoughts that I never heard the doorbell until my mother called for me. When it rang again, I gathered my things and made my way down. Just as I answered the door and saw Cassie standing there, my phone chimed. I stopped short, looking down at my phone, swiping my finger across the screen.

  3:14 p.m. Nick: Hey, babe, sorry for not getting back to you sooner. I have been busy. Work stuff.

  I scoffed, and continued reading.

  3:16 p.m. Nick: Can’t wait to see you <3

  My heart skipped a little, and I couldn’t help but smile. Cassie looked at the phone, then up at me. 3:15 p.m. Me: Can’t wait to see you too.

  3:16 p.m. Nick: I need to cancel dinner, but we will definitely get together later, when I get home.

  3:18 p.m. Me: Okay…

  I stared at my phone, disappointed. I ha d
n’t seen much of him the day before, and now he was canceling again. Slowly I looked up at Cassie from my phone.

  “Everything okay?” she asked as we walked to the car. “I honestly don’t know , Cass.” I ran my fingers through my hair. “I’m worried that he is going to break up with me.”

  “What—why would you think that?” She turned to look at me.

  “His mother,” I said, sucking in a breath. “I know she acts as if she likes me, but in reality she doesn’t think I am good enough for her son.”

  “I don’t think that’s what it is, Lauren,” Cassie said, touching my arm. I noticed something in the way she looked at me. “What is it?” I asked.

  “What is what?” she said and turned to walk around the car.

  “You know something.” I said stopping and crossing my arms. Cassie was a terrible liar.

  “What are you talking about?” She shrugged, but her face betrayed her.

  “Cass, come on. I’m not an idiot,” I replied. “I just have this horrible feeling something is wrong.”

  “I’m sure if you talk to Nick, he’ll clear it all up,” she replied.

  I eyed her for a moment, and asked, “You would tell me if something was wrong, right?” Cassie froze. Her eyes widened, she looked away, turning the key in the ignition.

  “Of course,” she scoffed.

  Another lie.

  At the mall we spent an hour browsing a few shops before Cassie gave up. Nothing appealed to her tastes, and I just wasn’t into shopping. Then she suggested having dinner before driving in to Seattle. Apparently, a shop there carried amazing dresses for great prices. I knew I wouldn’t be seeing Nick until ten that night, so I agreed to go with her.

  During dinner Cassie did most of the talking, and I think it was to keep me from asking her any more questions about Nick and his mother. With every ounce of willpower, I avoided asking any questions. I didn’t need to involve Cassie in whatever was going on with Nick and me.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  When we arrived at the boutique in Seattle, Cassie immediately found something she loved. A cute short burgundy dress, one sleeve was toga style, the other a thick knotted strap in silver beading that matched the waist belt under the bust. Over the top of the short silk dress was a flowing sheer matching fabric. I nodded approvingly. As she changed out of the dress and into her clothes, I flipped through the rack. The woman who worked there asked what style, colour and length I was looking for, but I had no idea.

  “What is your favourite colour?” she asked.

  “Royal blue,” I replied.

  She nodded, and replied, “I have the perfect dress,” she said and

  walked away. I continued to look through the thousands of dresses on the racks throughout the store. Cassie came out of the change room just as the saleswoman returned. She was holding a royalblue full-length gown with A-line straps in rhinestones that continued around the ribs and under the bust.

  “Try it on!” Cassie gasped. I took the dress and went in the dressing room to change. When I came out, Cassie jumped excitedly. “Perfect!” She clapped. The woman looked please with her decision.

  “I guess I’ll take it,” I replied, smiling, twisting side to side. On the way home Cassie told me that she had decided to go to college, finally, after four years of travelling.

  “I’m happy for you,” I replied not sure what else to say.

  “We can still hang out, of course,” she said, looking over at me.

  “Of course,” I replied. Little did she know, that once classes started, breaking arrangements would become, unavoidable. I know because I struggled with it every time.

  Unfortunately, the rest of the drive was silent. When we got back to Portland, it was just after nine. Before reaching my street, I asked if she could drop me off at Nick’s mother’s house. She hesitated before answering me, which made me worry a little more than I already was.

  “Sure ,” she replied.

  I sent Nick a text as we pulled in to the driveway.

  “Thanks.” I gave Cassie a hug before getting out of the car. By the time I got to the door and rang the bell, Nick still hadn’t

  answered my text. I groaned, disappointed. The butler answered the door and let me in. “Evening , Miss Miller,” he greeted, shutting the door after I entered. “How can I help you this evening?”

  “Will you let Nick know that I have arrived?” I asked.

  “Absolutely,” he said. He seemed put off by my presence but smiled, then led me to the parlour. “Just have a seat.” When Nick finally met me in the parlour he was acting a bit strange. He took my hand and practically dragged me out the front door.

  “Is everything okay?” I asked. Nick locked the front door, and took my hand in his.

  “Yes,” he said, walking to his car.

  “Where are we going?” I asked.

  “I thought we’d go for dinner after all,” he replied.

  I nodded nervously.

  Half an hour later, we pulled into the front of the Tilton Portland Hotel. We got out, and the valet walked around with a nod, handing Nick a ticket.

  “What are we doing here?” I asked.

  “I made us a reservation for dinner, and I booked us a room.” He smiled, placing his hand on the small of my back, guiding me towards the front doors.

  “It’s almost ten o’clock, Nick. I ate.” I scowled.

  “Dessert, then,” he said, kissing my cheek.

  I followed Nick to the elegant dining area of the hotel. He smiled and nodded at the host giving him his name. The host looked down at the list, nodded, and then took us to a table.

  “Someone will be with you shortly,” he said, handing us a paper menu before walking away.

  “This place is beautiful,” I replied, forgetting the fact that Nick was acting strange.

  “I thought it would please you.” He smiled.

  “I would have been pleased with snuggling in the back seat of your car, Nick.” I sighed.

  “What’s wrong?” His head spun around.

  “I—I don’t—know,” I stuttered, clasping my hands together tightly in my lap. “I’m just worried, I think.”

  “About what,” he asked and moved his chair closer. Then he took my hand in his and brought it to his lips. “What are you worried about?”

  “Your mom, I guess. I know that she doesn’t feel I’m quite your people—”

  “Stop right there,” he interjected. “I told you my thoughts on what my mother controls.”

  “I know—”

  “Let’s just enjoy this night. Don’t let her ruin what we have.” He kissed my cheek, moving his chair back. “So what did you do today?” He asked placing the napkin on his lap.

  “I went shopping for my winter formal dress.” I replied wringing my hands in my lap under the table.

  “I bet you both had a great time doing that.” He replied. Something was off, Nick seemed awfully fake.

  “Are you really interested in my day of shopping with Cassie?” I asked with a sigh. Nick smirked and shook his head.

  “Sorry it was just a little too quiet that’s all.” He reached across the table and took my hand in his. “I’m sorry if I was distant these past few days, it has been a hectic at the Foster residence.”

  “You’re mom doesn’t like me too much, huh.” I asked.

  “My mother likes you plenty Lauren. Trust me it isn’t you that has her in a tizzy.” He replied sitting back in the chair.

  “What aren’t you telling me then?” I asked.

  “Stop worrying already.” He chuckled. “Everything is fine.”

  Not worrying was much easier said than done. He was hiding something and Cassie was too. “I feel as though I have been left out of the loop.”

  “About what?”

  “About whatever you and Cassie are hiding.” I said. Nick stared at me for a long time.

  “If there was something to tell you I would tell you.” He said and ended the conversation there. The wait
ress came around and he ordered us both a glass a wine and he also ordered a glass of whiskey for himself. Two glasses of wine in, and I wasn’t thinking about what he was hiding, other than what he was hiding under his clothes. He caught me smirking and gazing at him.

  “What,” he blushed, wiping his mouth with the napkin from his lap.

  “Nothing, just admiring how sexy you are,” I leaned in sloppily.

  “Two drinks and you are already done.” He chuckled then leaned in to kiss me. “Let’s go to our room.”

  “Okay,” I replied, excitedly.

  Once in the elevator, he pressed the PH3 button and the doors closed. I swallowed hard bit my lip nervously as my palpitating heart picked up speed. Then he turned to face me. Slowly he moved close, his hand gently stroking the backs of my arms, sending shivers to all the right places. My lips parted, releasing a shallow gasp. The atmosphere was charged, turning my mood quickly. Any reservations I had previous to now were gone. His crystal-blue eyes roamed my face, my mouth, my lips, like he was ready to devour me. The intensity of his stare was overwhelming, but I said nothing, only held his gaze, not wanting to pull away. Then his lips met mine firmly, forcing my full lips open. His kiss consumed me. His mouth moved against mine, sliding his tongue between my lips. My hands slid to his solid chest. The throb in my chest pounded furiously against my ribs. His hands slid down my shoulders, arms surrounding me, pressing me closer to him. His eager hand glided over my backside, running down my leg and back up my thigh, lifting my dress. I let out a whimper as the shivers pulsated deep inside my core. Another hand slid into my hair deepening our kiss again, I couldn’t help but whimper and moan. Swirls of sensation enveloped my senses. He breathed into my mouth panting grinding moaning.

  The elevator bell rang, snapping us out of our passionate kiss. Nick grabbed my hand, dragging me out. He swiped the room key, opened the door, pulled me through and wrapped his arms around me. My back hit the door gently. His mouth covered mine, both of us gasping loudly as the passion took hold. I opened my eyes and peeked at the room. An ice bucket with a bottle of champagne and two crystal flutes sat on the dresser across from the bed. The bed bore deep-red petals atop the crisp white linen sheets. The lights were dim, setting the mood. My eyes lit up, and the smile on my face widened. Nick pulled away when he noticed I had stopped kissing him.