Repentance: The Story of Kace Haywood

by Meghan Quinn

  “Let me,” she offered. Unable to take control like I normally did, I succumbed to her request.

  She sat on the bed and moved her hands to the hem of my shirt. Instead of taking my shirt off, she lifted it and partially exposed my stomach. My abs rippled when she touched me.

  She placed little kisses across my taut stomach. Her tongue traveled each ridge, from the V of my hips to the top of my six pack. She was loving me. With each kiss, I could feel the healing power she was bestowing.

  Standing, she removed my shirt and flung it aside. Her hands instantly found my pecs, and she scraped her fingernails down them. The scratching of her fingers across my skin was welcome; I loved the pain and she knew it.

  Once her fingers found my stomach, her lips traced kisses over the scratches, trying to heal the open wounds. I wanted to accept that her kisses were all I needed to move forward, to forget everything I believed in, everything I set out for these past years, but I knew that wasn’t the case.

  I stood rigid as Lyla still tried to infuse understanding through her kisses. Her hands wandered down to my waist where she unbuttoned my jeans and tugged on them. I helped by stepping out of them and toeing them aside. She gripped my ass tightly, making my cock jolt forward. Then she slipped her hands into my briefs and pulled them away from the back, letting them slowly slip down over my rigid cock.

  Once I was naked, she led me to her bed, where she pushed me against the mattress and straddled my legs. Her hands ran up my thighs and then to my stomach, where she inched herself down, her breasts hovering over my erection and her mouth just above my belly button. She lowered her lips and started kissing my body once again.

  I melted into the mattress as Lyla took care of me with her beautiful lips. She kissed me from the tops of my shoulders, to my pecs, to my stomach, and then hovered right above my cock. She licked her lips, gripped my dick, and put it in her mouth.

  A low groan escaped me from the heat. She was gentle, thorough, and took her time, making sure to run her tongue over each pulsing vein. There was no urgency in her touch, no need to get me to the edge. She was loving me, adoring me, helping me escape the dark hole I’d buried myself in.

  My arm fell over my eyes, trying to cover the tears that were threatening to cascade down my chiseled face. My life was so fucked up, and right now, this woman would do anything to make it better. If I hadn’t already fucking loved her, I goddamn loved her now.

  Fuck, I wasn’t supposed to let her in, but right now, with her compassion and understanding, how could I not let her break through my walls? I didn’t have a chance.

  Her lips slowed and her hands ran up my thighs. She looked up at me and then freed her mouth. She leaned over to the nightstand, opened the drawer, and grabbed a condom. Expertly, she rolled it over my throbbing dick and then positioned herself so she was sitting on my thighs but not allowing the intimate connection I craved.

  “I want you to take me how you want, Kace. I want you to lose yourself.”

  Feeling a little weak, I pulled her down on the mattress and then got up on my knees. I ran my hand over my mouth in awe of the beauty that lay beneath me. Her eyes gleamed with unshed tears and her lips were swollen from the kissing she kindly bestowed upon me. Her hair was fanned out against her pillow.

  I kneeled between her legs and placed my hands on either side of her head. I dipped my head so my lips were just above hers. Softly, I said, “I’m sorry for everything, Lyla.”

  “Don’t apologize, Kace.”

  I shook my head. “I need to apologize. You’ve been there for me during times when I didn’t deserve it, like now,” I choked out and quickly pressed my fingers into my eyes, trying to erase the emotions that kept wanting to pour out. “I want you to know I care about you. More than I’ve ever cared about anyone, and the reason I haven’t given myself over to you, why I haven’t cashed in on the intense feelings I have for you, is because there has been something clouding my way of living.”

  “You don’t have to tell me, Kace. Just make love to me.”

  The yearning in her eyes told me she needed this just as much as I did, so I gave us what we were both looking for, a way to forget.

  I lowered my head to hers and took her lips with mine. I licked, nipped, and rolled them between my teeth. I made out with her, fucking old-school made out. Our tongues mingled. Our need was greedy as we both matched each thrust of our mouths.

  With my cock ready to fucking blow, I grabbed it with one hand and found Lyla’s slick entrance. She parted her legs even farther, and I pushed in. I was welcomed in with a tightness that was almost too fucking pure. She sheathed my cock as if we were made for each other.

  “You’re so perfect,” I said as my control started to slip.

  “You’re perfect to me, too, Kace.”

  It didn’t matter to her what I’d done, who I’d hurt. What mattered was the connection we couldn’t deny. For that, she would forever be fucking mine.

  I pumped into her, her hips matching my demanding thrusts. We were one. We were connected in every intimate way possible. This woman, this was what I needed, to feel her love.

  Lyla gripped my back tightly as she arched into me. A loud cry escaped her as her breathing picked up and her heat gripped my cock more firmly than I could imagine. In seconds, my toes went numb, my stomach coiled, and my balls tightened. I shook violently into her as I came. Lyla’s orgasm matched mine as we rode out our pleasure together, not letting go until we were completely spent.

  Continuing to kiss her, I rested my body over hers, making sure not to crush her.

  She forced me to look her in the eyes. “You may think you don’t deserve me, Kace, but the truth is, I don’t deserve you. I don’t know what you’ve done in the past, but what you’ve done present day at the center, helping the girls, and being a friend to Jett, you’re a good person. It’s about time you saw it.”

  Deep down, I knew she was right. I’d been denying the acceptance of her truth for so long, I wasn’t sure how much it would take for me to finally believe it, to make it my truth.

  “There is so much you don’t know,” I answered, burying my head in her shoulder.

  She cradled me close. “Well, then, tell me. I won’t run, Kace. I told you, I’m here to stay.”

  “Why?” I asked. “Why are you choosing to stay?”

  She played with the short strands of my hair. “I had a conversation with Goldie. She told me not to give up, that you needed someone to believe in you, to be there for you other than Jett. You needed someone to save you. I couldn’t walk away. I want to be the one who erases the demons that haunt you. I want to be the one who brings you back from the dark and shows you the light of this world. I want to be the one who makes you laugh, makes you smile, makes you appreciate this wonderful gift we call life. I want it all, Kace.”

  I gripped her tighter, letting my heart swell for the first time since I could remember, and I said, “I want you to be that person, Lyla. I want it so fucking badly.”

  Chapter Thirty

  My present…

  I lingered impatiently on the sidewalk, pacing back and forth as I waited for Jett to show up. He hadn’t been very happy when he answered his phone after the fourth consecutive time I called, but what I had to do was urgent.

  I’d left Lyla while she was sleeping, leaving a note that said there were some things I had to take care of. She wouldn’t be happy. She hadn’t been happy after I told her I didn’t want to talk about my past. I was probably destroying the chance of being with her with every brush-off I gave her, but before I could commit myself, I had to straighten my sanity out first.

  If we were meant to be, then it would happen.

  The door to Jett’s hotel opened, and Jett walked out looking freshly fucked and wearing a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, a casual outfit not too many people saw on such a powerful man.

  Jett rubbed his eyes and said, “This better be fucking good.”

  I gestured to the car that was idlin
g with the air conditioning blasting since it was already eighty degrees at five in the morning. New Orleans in the summer was almost unbearable at times.

  We got in the car and buckled up. I pulled out onto the empty street that was lined with palm trees and started driving toward our destination.

  “Where are we going?” Jett asked, sounding groggy.

  “Linda came and talked to me.”

  Jett became more alert. “What did she say?”

  “She knows,” I stated simply.

  “What? How?”

  “She saw me at the funeral and then saw me dropping presents off all these years. I guess I’m not as stealthy as I thought I was.”

  “Holy shit,” Jett breathed, wiping his hand over his mouth. “Did you confirm?”

  “I didn’t have an option.”

  “Fuck, Kace,” Jett said, sounding shaken. “What is she going to do? Is she pressing charges? Does she even have any evidence?”

  “She’s not going to do anything,” I responded, trying to calm down my best friend.

  “Why not?”

  “Look in the glove compartment.” Jett studied me for a second and then opened it. “Pull those cards out.”

  “What are these?” he asked while looking at them.

  “They’re all from Madeline. They’re thank you cards for all the gifts I’ve given her over the years. Linda gave them to me.”

  Jett was silent as he looked through the cards, reading each and every one of them, taking time to note the way her penmanship improved by running his hands over it, the way her sentence structure grew stronger and the use of bigger, more descriptive words.

  By the time Jett finished, we’d arrived at our destination. He looked up at me, tears in his eyes.

  “I can’t believe she’s kept these.”

  “She said she wanted to give them to me at some point. They mean the world to me, to see even though I was suffering, Madeline was incredibly grateful and happy about the little presents I gave her. Linda also gave me this,” I said while handing Jett an envelope.

  “What is it?”

  “Take a look.”

  Jett opened the envelope and pulled out a letter that provided access to a bank account for all the money I had given Linda and Madeline over the years.

  “She didn’t use any of it,” I said softly.

  “I don’t understand,” Jett said, confused. “Why are we at the cemetery?”

  Gathering my will to speak the words that had only been spoken to me a few short hours ago, I took a deep breath and said, “Linda wanted to thank me. She was an abuse victim, Jett. Marshall used to beat the shit out of her; she had pictures to prove it. The love I thought I’d taken away from them was actually hate. That night, the night I killed Marshall, he hit Madeline for the first time.” Jett’s jaw tightened as his eyes narrowed. “Linda brought Madeline to Justice so she could learn how to defend herself if she was ever in a violent relationship. She doesn’t want Madeline to go through what she went through.”

  I steadied my breathing and ran my hand over my eyes as tears threatened to fall. My throat constricted as I tried to speak. “She told me I saved her and Madeline. I saved them, Jett.” Tears fell as I cried into my hands. “I didn’t ruin them, I fucking saved them.”

  The demons I’d been hiding for so long surfaced as I spoke the words out loud to the one man who’d been through it all with me. The guilt and remorse that had been woven into my soul started to release from my body as I continued to speak.

  “She thanked me for changing her life, for giving her hope, for taking away an evil man. This whole time I thought I’d destroyed their lives when in fact, I bettered them. They were happy without him, Jett. At the park that day, when they looked so normal, it was because they were happy. They were relieved. I’d protected them from harm and ended a nightmare for Linda. All this time, they were breathing lighter while I was grasping for air.”

  Jett got out of the car and walked around to my side, opened my door, and pulled me out of my seat. He wrapped his arms around me and embraced me as I cried into his shoulder. It was too early for onlookers, but even if there had been people milling about, I wouldn’t have cared. The life I once knew was finally evaporating and for once, in a very long time, I could see light at the end of the tunnel. The old Kace, the demon-riddled Kace, was dying.

  Linda had released a part of me. She’d lifted my burden and let me breathe. It took me a bit to accept it, but speaking the words out loud to Jett, I realized my wrongdoings had been a blessing in disguise. They gave me a second life, a second chance, a chance I refused to waste.

  Pulling away, I looked at Jett and realized we were both crying. I smirked as I wiped my eyes and said, “Fuck, we look like a couple of dickheads.”

  “The hell if I care,” Jett said, pulling me into his embrace again.

  He was my brother, the one person who had been by my side during the darkest of my days, guiding me and protecting me. “I would do it again,” I admitted. “I would put up with the guilt, the shame, the sins just to know that in the end, Madeline and Linda would be protected.”

  “I would too,” Jett admitted. “Tell me it’s over, Kace. Tell me you’re moving on. Tell me this fucking nightmare is done.” Jett was pleading. I could tell he wanted his best friend back, the man he used to know. It would take some time, but I was ready to move on.

  “I’ve been waiting for this moment to be free, and I’m fucking taking it. I just have one more thing to do.”

  A giant smile spread across Jett’s face from my confession. I could see the hope, the happiness that ensued him. Not only was I setting myself free, but I was giving my best friend one of the things he needed the most, besides Goldie; I was giving him his brother back.

  “What’s the next step, then?” Jett asked.

  From the very beginning, this hadn’t only been my journey. It had been his as well, and it was about time we ended it together.

  “Time to bid the fucker goodbye,” I answered and walked toward the cemetery, Jett falling in beside me.

  I knew where the grave was. The image of Linda standing over it with Madeline was burned in my mind. Now that I thought about it, she’d looked pale and rigid that day, covered from head to toe in clothing that probably hid her bruises. She must have been wearing a heavy amount of makeup to hide her husband’s brutality because I didn’t remember seeing any kind of abuse on her face.

  Passing gravestones and old flowers, we finally made it to Marshall’s grave. The urge to take a sledgehammer to the stone itched as I stared down at the inscription.

  Beloved husband and father.

  “The man got off too easy,” I said while staring down at the grave. If I had known who he really was, what he used to do to Linda, I would have taken my time on him in that bar, making him feel every last blow instead of ending his life so quickly. I would have tortured him, I would have ripped him to shreds and then ended it.” Malice was heavy in my voice. “I’ve never despised someone so much in my life, Jett.”

  “Me too,” Jett seethed.

  “He took years from my life. He took Madeline’s innocence, Linda’s freedom.”

  “And now he’s paying for it,” Jett countered.

  Nodding, I crouched and spoke to Marshall directly, letting him know that the inscription on his grave was a lie.

  “You spent your years on this earth intimidating Linda, taking advantage of your role as a father and interrogating complete strangers. You dismissed a life you should have been proud of. You threw away a chance to watch Madeline grow up into the beautiful, spicy little girl she is today, and you abused a vibrant woman who cowered under her marriage to you. You’re a coward. You’re the monster, not me, and I will never regret my decision of taking you down ever again. I owe you nothing besides a thank-you for bringing Madeline and Linda into my life. I will be the man they need, the man you never were, and will protect them from men like you, instead of men like me.” Standing up, I patted his
grave. “Have a fun time rotting in hell, you sick fuck.”

  I stepped back and looked at Jett. He was happy. Bending down to the level of the grave, Jett said, “Thank you for being a beast of a man because you not only strengthened my bond with my brother, but you also proved that justice will always prevail.”

  An orange light started to brighten the sky as the sun rose. Jett clasped my shoulder. “Ready?”

  “Ready,” I replied. “I have one more stop. Would you mind coming with me?”

  “You know I would go anywhere with you, bud.”

  We walked away, leaving my demons behind. For once in my fucking life, I was leaving them behind. With each step, I felt lighter, freer, like I was finally starting a new chapter in my life rather than reading the same one over and over again. It was time to turn the page, to move on.

  It was time for me to live.

  Chapter Thirty One

  My present…

  “I think the beignets were smart,” Jett said as I parked the car.

  “Yeah, thanks for picking up the bill.” I smirked.

  “And why did I do that again?” he asked. “After that little bank statement I saw, I would say you’re set for a bit. At least a nice down payment on a house.”

  “I can’t take that money,” I responded. “I wouldn’t feel right.”

  “Linda isn’t going to take it. It’s yours, Kace. You’ve suffered enough. You lost everything that night, you gave up everything. You deserve to put your life back in order. You deserve that money.”

  “I just don’t feel right about it. I want to at least help pay for Madeline’s college.”

  “An admirable thought,” Jett said. He looked down at the pastry box and then back up at me. “You ready for this?”

  I nodded, pulled the keys out of the ignition, and said, “Let’s do it.”