Repentance: The Story of Kace Haywood

by Meghan Quinn

  As I approached the club, one of the girls was standing outside the door, calling to men who walked by to come and enjoy the atmosphere of the club. She wasn’t wearing a bra and had kitten-shaped pasties over her nipples. Her garter belt and thong kept her cool in the steamy night air, and her heels had scuffs near the bottom, letting me know the woman was struggling, like every other female working Bourbon Street.

  “Hey, coming for a lap dance?” she asked as I approached.

  I didn’t answer her as I walked past her through the door and into the darkly lit club. It was just dark enough so you couldn’t see what men were doing under the tables and so you couldn’t see the grime in the place. I kept my hands in my pockets and walked toward the stage, where acts were in the midst of a change. I checked my watch and saw it was nine. Lyla would be on any minute.

  Quickly approuching the stage, I looked around before going behind the curtain. Cigarette smoke immediately smacked me in the face. Barely covered women walked around with their hair half done and their false eyelashes hardly attached to their eyelids. Lyla was by far superior to these women in every department.

  I looked around for Lyla but didn’t see her. It wasn’t until I heard the crowd cheer that I realized she must have snuck past me. Music ripped through the club, a heavy beat with a sexy undertone.

  Lyla was on stage.

  I peered past the curtain and saw her, strutting around in a thong and a T-shirt that scantily covered her breasts. The men watching her could no doubt see the underside of her boobs. Rage filled me as men started to slip bills in her thong and cat-called for her to take her shirt off. Lyla grabbed the pole in the center of the stage and dipped low then slowly rose back up, sticking her ass out for everyone to see. That was all it took. She was done.

  Tearing across the stage, I gripped her by the arm and started dragging her away.

  Shock was her first reaction, followed by anger.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” she hissed.

  Two bouncers jumped up on stage and grabbed me by the shoulders. I released Lyla. I elbowed one of them in stomach, making him instantly back down and then elbowed the other in the jaw, sending him backward into the crowd. I grabbed Lyla again and forced her behind the curtain.

  “Kace!” she shouted. “Let me go!”

  “Nope,” I responded, leading her to the lockers. There were a few ladies in the locker room, and when they saw us enter, they quickly exited, giving us some privacy. Once they were gone, I slammed the door, turned on Lyla, and crossed my arms. “Get your things.”

  “Excuse me?” Her nipples were hard and poked the thin T-shirt.

  “You heard me. Pack your things, Lyla.”

  “The fuck I will. You don’t order me around.”

  “Lyla, I will not ask you again. Pack your fucking things, or I will do it for you.”

  She didn’t move. She just stood there, tapping her foot. Stubborn fucking woman.

  “Fine,” I said. I walked over to her locker, cocked my elbow back, and plowed into the middle of the flimsy medal, sending the lock across the room. I opened the dented door and grabbed her purse, shoving her items inside.

  “Hey!” she shouted while she rushed over to me. I tossed her regular-sized shirt and shorts at her, then grabbed the bills from her thong and put them in her purse.

  “Get dressed.”

  “No. I’m not leaving. You can’t just come in here after last night and be all controlling and try to tell me what to do.”

  I got in her face and lifted her chin so she was forced to look in my eyes. With a serious tone in my voice, I said, “You’re not working here anymore. So get your ass dressed, because we’re leaving.”

  “No.”

  “Lyla,” I warned.

  “What are you going to do? Man-handle me out of here?”

  I grabbed her around the waist, showing her I wasn’t kidding. “Do not test me.”

  “Ugh, you’re infuriating!”

  “Lyla, get your ass back on stage,” Marv, the owner of Kitten’s Castle said as he bustled into the locker room, breathing heavily and purple from anger.

  “Let go of me,” Lyla threatened.

  “Who is this?” Marv asked, poking me in the back.

  I turned quickly on the man, towering over him. He backed up and held out his hands defensively.

  “Whoa, don’t want to start trouble.”

  “Then I suggest you find someone else to cover Lyla’s shift.”

  The puny man backed away and practically ran out of the room, closing the door behind him. Even though I was easily able to scare away her manager, the overbearing tactic wasn’t working with Lyla, thanks to her stubbornness, so it looked like I was going to have to open my heart right in the middle of the locker room.

  I grabbed her hand, and she tried to pull away, but I laced our fingers together. “Lyla, please come with me. I’m sorry about this morning. I had some things I needed to take care of, but I’m ready to talk and I would rather not do it at Kitten’s Castle.”

  “That’s all you had to say, idiot,” she muttered under her breath as she dressed. She slowly took off her stage shirt and walked over to her purse, naked besides her heels and thong, and dug around for her bra. She then grabbed the neckline of my shirt and pulled me closer so I could feel her nipples pebble against the thin cotton of my shirt. My hands instinctively went to her hips. Her lips nipped mine as my hands went under the strap of her thong and molded into her ass.

  I groaned when her tongue stroked the seam of my lips, looking for entrance. Kindly I obliged and allowed her to explore my mouth.

  Just when I was settling in for a make-out session, she pulled away and then tapped my hard-as-fuck erection. “Just making sure it still worked.” She smiled and put on her bra.

  “Teasing will get you nowhere,” I warned.

  “Doesn’t seem like you have the right to threaten. Pretty sure I have the upper hand at the moment.”

  I hated that she was fucking right about that. “Just get dressed.”

  “Don’t get pushy with me, Kace. The more you demand, the longer I will take.”

  “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” I asked while pulling on the back of my neck.

  “Just a little.” She smirked.

  Leaning against the wall of the locker room, I watched as she put her clothes on as slowly as possible. I didn’t know what was sexier, watching her put her clothes on or watching her take them off. Both had a deep yearning stirring at the base of my cock.

  Once she was ready, she grabbed her purse then grabbed my hand and said, “Let’s go.”

  I led her out the back of Kitten’s Castle to the car, where I opened the passenger door for her, trying to remember to be a gentleman. It’d been way too long.

  We drove in silence to Woldenberg Park. We should have walked, but luckily, we found a parking spot along a side street.

  I walked around to Lyla’s side and helped her out of the car, making sure to grab her hand. I brought her to a bench that overlooked the Mississippi River, grateful there weren’t many people milling about at night. Imitation gas lamps lit the sidewalks, casting a romantic setting for our walk.

  The night sky was free of clouds, and looking up, I could faintly see stars. I chose to bring Lyla to the park because I wanted to start a new chapter, and bringing her to my room at Diego’s or going to her apartment to talk to her would just remind me of the life I was once living.

  We sat on the bench, facing the river. I put my arms on the back of the bench and she snuggled close. I played with the strands of her hair as we enjoyed the cooler night air.

  I knew she was waiting on me to talk, but I had no clue where to start. I’d never told anyone my story, ever, so to try to talk about it was going to be one of the hardest tasks I ever had to face. Her head rested on my shoulder and she caressed my thigh, letting me know she would wait for me, that she was patient. I kissed the side of her head. “I need to talk to you.�
��

  “I gathered that,” she said with a slight laugh.

  “Yeah, I’m not good at talking about things.”

  “I gathered that as well.” She kissed my jaw. “I’m a good listener though, so take your time.”

  Taking a deep breath, I leaned into her for support as I tried to get through my story. “You know about my boxing career.”

  “I do. I wish I could have seen you box. I can only imagine how hot you looked.”

  Chuckling, I said, “Yes, it was the hotness factor that made me so good.”

  “I’m sure it was, but go on.”

  “Jono was my trainer, he ruined my career—stole it from me, actually, by slipping me steroids without my knowledge.”

  “Yes, I read about that. He’s been convicted since then though for doing it to other athletes. You’re not the only one. You could get your name…”

  “That doesn’t matter now.” I kissed the side of her head and said, “But thank you for caring. That night I found out that I was banned from the circuit, I hit rock bottom. I went to a bar where I knew no one would bother me and drank my sorrows away. Jett was with me. He watched me take drink after drink, convincing me to take action, to fight back, but at that point there was no fight left in me. The one thing I had worked for my entire life for was stolen from me, so I gave up. It was over.”

  “I’m so sorry,” Lyla said, kissing my jaw again.

  I shut my eyes tightly and tried to even out my pulse that began to quicken. This was much harder than I thought.

  Clearing my throat, I said, “There was a guy there that night. He found out who I was and took it upon himself to provoke me. He started physically attacking me.”

  “What do you mean? Like he tried to pick a fight?”

  “Yes.”

  “Was he an idiot? Didn’t he know who he was against?”

  “He did, but he also thought I was some puss bag who used steroids to get to where I was. He never considered the fact that I was actually good at my sport.”

  “What did he do?”

  “He continued to attack me. At first I welcomed the pain, but then he pushed me past my limit and I struck back with four punches. I can see it so vividly now as if it just happened. A punch to the stomach, a right uppercut, then a left jab and right jab to his temples.”

  “Oh my god.” Lyla covered her mouth. I could feel her tense underneath me and panic started to ensue me. I couldn’t lose her over this, but I knew if I didn’t tell her, if I kept this secret, I would lose her for sure.

  My throat closed, my eyes burned, and I could feel myself shake with nerves, terrified that with my next spoken words she would get up and walk away.

  “I…I killed him, Lyla. In a matter of seconds, I killed a man and watched him bleed out underneath me.”

  “No.” She shook her head as she pulled away, my gut clenching from her distance.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, tears running down my face. “I didn’t mean to. I lost control. Jett covered it up, and that’s when I gave everything up, moved in with Jett, and started working at the Lafayette Club, building it from the ground up with him. I spent my days either getting drunk, reminding myself of the monster I was, or training the girls. I drank until I was numb, I fucked to temporarily forget, and I swore to myself to take care of the ones whose lives I destroyed.”

  “The person you were buying a present for…,” she stated, connecting the dots.

  “Yeah, Madeline. She’s the man’s daughter, and Linda was his wife.”

  “Wait, Linda and Madeline, aren’t they the mother-daughter duo at Justice?” I nodded my head as she tried to grasp everything I was telling her. She scooted away again, and a little piece of me broke in half.

  “Lyla, please don’t distance yourself. I can’t…” I rubbed my eyes and said, “I need you to understand me.”

  She bent her knee and placed it on the bench so she was fully facing me now. She grabbed my hand with both of hers and scooted in closer so she was only inches away.

  “Then keep talking, Kace.”

  I nodded and said, “Every Christmas and every birthday, I would drop off a present to Madeline since she wouldn’t be getting one from her father. I thought it was only fitting to give her something. I also would leave money for them every month in their mailbox. I wanted to make sure they were taken care of. I was so convinced they were struggling, that I had ruined their lives.”

  “That night after our date, when we went back to your place and you told me about your father, I freaked out because all I could see was you as the grown-up version of Madeline. That she was going to have to have a tough life like you. I lost it. I should have comforted you, but instead, I ran because your story hit too close to home.”

  “I didn’t have anyone, Kace. Madeline at least had her mother.”

  “I know that now,” I replied. “This whole time, I haven’t allowed myself to have feelings for people, to live a normal life, because I didn’t think I deserved one. Up until yesterday, I was ready to let go, to finally slip into a dark place, to end my fucking misery…”

  “No,” Lyla said, crawling onto my lap and grabbing my head in her hands. “Don’t say things like that.” Her eyes welled up with tears and her lips kissed away the trail of tears on my cheeks.

  “I had nothing left in me, Lyla. I was at a point where the pain was too excruciating. Having to teach Madeline how to box on a daily basis, watching her in person, her fiery spirit, it was debilitating. From a distance I could deal with my remorse, but up close, I could barely function.”

  “What changed your mind?” she asked, gripping me tightly.

  “Linda did,” I answered honestly. “She knew it was me.”

  “She knew you killed her husband?”

  “Yes.”

  “How?” Lyla asked, confused.

  “She saw me at the funeral and dropping off gifts, and she put two and two together. When she saw me at Justice and the pain I was living with, she knew for sure.”

  “And she confronted you?” Lyla questioned.

  “No, she came to thank me.”

  “For killing her husband?”

  “For ending her misery,” I corrected. “He abused her on a daily basis, he terrified her, and that night I killed him, he went after Madeline. Linda wanted to thank me, to tell me how grateful she was for protecting them, for saving them…”

  “Oh, Kace.” Lyla pulled me into a hug, and I buried my head in her hair, getting lost in her cherry scent.

  “I didn’t ruin them, Lyla. I saved them.”

  “You did, baby,” Lyla said, pulling me closer and kissing my neck. “You’re a good man, Kace.”

  Relief spread through me. A final weight was lifted off my shoulders, and I relaxed into her embrace.

  “You believe me?” I asked.

  “Of course I do, Kace. You’re a good man and I know you wouldn’t lie to me. I told you, there is nothing you could say that would push me away. I knew from the moment I met you, there was something special between us. You were meant for me, Kace, faults and all.”

  I slowly looked up into her green eyes and grasped the nape of her neck. I pulled her forward and placed my forehead on hers.

  “I’ve fallen in love with you, Lyla. Somewhere along this journey, I allowed myself to feel for you, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get you out of my mind. Every day, I fell harder and harder until it was impossible for me to forget your soft lips and your beautiful heart. You were made for me, babe, and I will be damned if you get away.”

  Lyla kissed my lips softly and said, “I’ve fallen for you too, Kace. I’ve fallen hard.”

  “I just had to let go of my demons before I could commit to you because what I want with you is something I never thought I could have, but now I can. I want to start fresh. I want us to live together. I want us to work together. I don’t want you leaving my sight. I’m so fucking gone when it comes to you, Lyla. I want everything with you.”

&nb
sp; “I want the same, Kace. I love you.”

  “I love you, babe.”

  Smiling, she pulled my lips to hers and kissed me senseless. My hands fell to her hips as I let her take control of our connection. We were both needy and desperate for each other. It had been a long road to get to where I was now, but I wouldn’t give up the journey for anything.

  Like the song “Blackbird” by The Beatles, I’d taken my broken wings and waited to fly. I’d waited for my time to rise. With broken and bandaged wings, I was ready to fucking soar. The blackbird was now free.

  I’d finally paid my repentance.

  Epilogue

  “Ketchup on a hot dog?” I asked Madeline with a disapproving glare. “Didn’t your mother teach you anything? Its mustard and relish, not ketchup. Ketchup belongs on hamburgers.”

  “Oh, Mr. Kace, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Have you ever tried it?”

  “No. have you ever tried it my way?” I countered.

  She looked at my hot dog and shook her head. “It looks funny.”

  “How about this….” I grabbed her hot dog off her plate and replaced it with mine. “I will try it your way if you try it mine.”

  “Okay.” She smiled, her front teeth now peeking past her gums.

  “Cheers,” I said, bumping my hot dog with hers.

  We took big bites of each other’s hot dogs and watched each other as we chewed. After we swallowed, we both cringed and shook our heads, grabbing for our original hot dogs.

  “That was yucky,” Madeline said, taking a huge gulp of her grape soda.

  “Tell me about it. You have no taste,” I joked.

  “You don’t.” She laughed and pushed my shoulder.

  “Who doesn’t have taste?” Lyla asked as she sat next to Madeline with a hot dog doused in ketchup.

  Madeline lit up and looked at me with a giant smile. “See, Mr. Kace. I have taste. Look at Lyla’s hot dog.”

  I shook my head as two of the most important girls in my life ganged up on me. It happened quite often, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.