Game of Love

by Melissa Foster

  They walked up Marlboro Street, and he tucked her under his arm to keep her warm. They walked to the top of the hill, and Ellie stopped three doors from her old foster home.

  Dex waited. It was almost midnight, and the houses were dark. He looked down the street and wondered what Ellie must have felt walking alone at night to his bedroom window. Funny, he hadn’t thought about it back then. He’d just been glad she’d come. Now he wondered how he could have let her brave the streets alone at night to be with him. She had courage even then.

  She’d always been brave.

  Braver than him.

  It took courage for her to risk what they had by keeping the fact that she’d seen her ex, and that she’d received the text from him, a secret. He knew she loved him. He could feel it through to his bones, but there was something there, tethering that love, keeping it just out of reach.

  “Why didn’t you tell me about the text?” he asked.

  “I told you—”

  “I’m not buying it. You could have told me and asked me not to act on it. I would have listened. What is it, Ellie? What makes you keep secrets?” He felt her hand fall away from his back, then heard it slip into her pocket. Fuck.

  “Come on.” He began walking toward her old house. Ellie didn’t follow. He turned back. “Come on, El.”

  She shook her head.

  Without getting upset, and with no frustration in his pace, he returned to her. He always came back to her. He held his hand out. She looked at him, then at his hand. He nodded and reached farther. She reached toward his hand, hesitated, looked up the street, then took his hand in hers.

  “I’m right here. Be sure of me,” he said.

  “But you’re scaring me. I don’t know if I should be sure of you or not.” Her voice held a thin thread of doubt, and her honesty sliced through his heart.

  Dex couldn’t find the right words to heal the hurt that filled the space between them like an open wound. Instead, he brought her to his chest, hoping that somehow the love he felt for her would come through. She wrapped her arms around him and held on tight.

  “Be sure of me, Ellie. I’m not a leaver. I won’t leave you.”

  “But you’re afraid I will,” she said just above a whisper.

  Her body trembled, and he felt his resolve slipping away. He drew back again. The leaves on the trees shuffled as a breeze swept up the hill.

  “I am,” he admitted. “Terrified.”

  “Me too,” she admitted. “I don’t ever want to leave you, but I’m terrified to walk up the street. I’m terrified that no matter how much I want to stay, uncovering these ghosts will send my legs running in the opposite direction and I won’t be able to stop myself.”

  “I’ll stop you.”

  “Oh, Dexy.” Her eyes burned with tears. “I’m terrified to ruin your life. I’m terrified that you’ll decide I’m not the woman you think I am.”

  He closed his eyes against the sadness that welled there. Then, under the guise of a deep breath, he pushed away the sorrow and brought her hand to his lips. He kissed each of her delicate fingers, then took her face between his palms and said, “I know the woman you are, and I love the woman you are. But if we’re gonna ever be a real couple, a forever couple, we have to deal with this shit head-on. I’m not giving up, but I’m not setting myself up to be hurt again either. I can’t do this alone, Ellie. You’re either all in or all out.” Christ. I sound like my father. Maybe he wasn’t just being a prick after all. “No matter how much it hurts for either of us, we have to deal with whatever keeps dragging us backward so we can move past it.”

  She took one step, and that was enough for him to know she wanted the same thing as he did.

  In the driveway of her foster home, her mild trembling turned to full-on shaking. He took off his jacket and wrapped it around her, tensing his muscles against the cold air. Then he took her hand and walked her around the back of the rambler to the window that had led to her bedroom. She looked down, to the left, behind her, but not at the window.

  Dex led her to the hill beside the house, where they sat in the grass facing the window. He put his arm around her and held her in the silence. “What happened in there, Ellie?”

  “You already know.”

  “No. I know there was yelling, but what made you sneak out and come to me?”

  “You did.” She looked at him with trust, and love, and sincerity, but none of it helped him to understand what had really driven her down the dark street and to his window.

  “I don’t understand. We barely spoke back then.”

  “I saw in you the same sadness I felt. You had buried secrets that you didn’t want the world to see, just like I did.” She snuggled closer to him, and he buried his nose in her hair, inhaling the now-familiar scent of her shampoo.

  “Tell me, Ellie. I want to move past this. I need to understand. We can’t have anything without trust, and if you have to keep secrets, then we’ll never amount to anything.”

  The silence stretched between them, contorting to tension. His muscles tightened. He opened his mouth to ask her again, and she stopped him with a hand on his thigh. She squeezed his leg as she spoke.

  “He used to tell her that she was shit. He said she was like her mother, that all women were like their mothers.”

  “Who, Ellie? You?”

  She shook her head. “Margie. My foster mother. She used to cry at night. He’d yell; then she’d cry. All night long she’d cry, and in the morning she’d have these big red circles under her eyes and her nose would look swollen, but she was cheerful, like she was the happiest woman in the world. Then he’d come into the kitchen and kiss her cheek. How are my girls? he’d say to us. It was like they had an on-off switch that they flicked at night and then again in the morning.”

  “And did he say those things to you?” Dex asked.

  “He didn’t have to. It’s not hard to figure out how I’d end up with someone hollering that all women were like their mothers every night. But the worst part was her. Can you imagine what a mess she must have been? And she tried so hard not to let on.”

  “That must have been awful, but why would that cause you to keep secrets? Why are you afraid to really let me in?”

  She ran her finger in circles on his thigh. Doodling without a pen. He felt the difficulty in the simple movement. Just when the silence stretched to the point of discomfort, she said, “I was hoping I wouldn’t have to go this far, which is why I led with the fights.” She blinked up at him. “They fought because of me.”

  He pulled her closer.

  “He used to come into my room at night.”

  Dex held his breath. In the back of his mind, he’d always wondered if there was more to her distrust. He’d kill the bastard.

  “I think she knew. He never touched me, but he’d come in and…” Her hand stilled, and Dex covered it with his own. “He’d touch himself when he thought I was asleep.”

  Tears sprang to Dex’s eyes. He tightened his grip on her to keep himself from hauling the bastard’s body out of bed and slamming his head into the brick wall. He clenched his eyes shut, not wanting to upset Ellie any more than she already was.

  “And then you’d come to me?” His voice cracked.

  “After the first few times, I started locking the door, but he’d take it out on her. The yelling went on and on, so I…” She looked away, and he leaned his head against hers, feeling his heart crumble for her. “I just pretended to be asleep.” She sucked in a breath. “And then…then when he left my room…I’d go out the window.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” He could have told his father, who surely would have done something. How could that bastard get away with that? Dex clenched his teeth, fighting the urge to curse a blue streak and tear into the fucker’s house. He had to hold it together. If they had a chance in hell, he had to be strong for her. He’d take care of that pig, but first he had to take care of Ellie. Jesus. How could anyone do that to her?

  “How c
ould I tell you? I couldn’t admit it to myself. I couldn’t even tell the social worker when she placed me back there.” Tears streaked her cheeks, and he felt her lean away.

  Dex pulled her into his lap and held her. “I’m so sorry.” Tears broke free and tumbled down his cheeks. He buried his face in her chest, holding her as their tears fell for the pain she’d held in for so long. “You didn’t deserve that.”

  “The thing is...”

  He lifted his eyes to hers, unashamed of his emotions.

  “When Margie told me I was being sent away, I didn’t want to go. I wanted to stay just to be with you. You were the only person I felt safe with. You didn’t judge me, and you didn’t push me for anything. You just…loved me.” She laid her head on his shoulder, and he rocked her in his arms.

  Dex felt like his bones had shattered and the shards lodged beneath his skin. He should have figured it out. He should have asked, pushed, done something. The guilt laced his nerves, and this time when he took Ellie’s face in his hands and looked into her eyes, he understood the shadows he’d always seen floating about like ghosts.

  “I’ll never let anyone hurt you again. Including me.” He pressed a loving kiss to her lips.

  “Don’t. I know you blame yourself for not helping me, and, Dex, you couldn’t have known. No one did.”

  Dex brushed her hair from her shoulder. “Were there other times, with other families?”

  She shook her head. “Not that I can remember.”

  “Thank God.”

  Dex stared at the house, thinking of all the things he was going to come back and do to that old man as soon as he had Ellie somewhere safe.

  “He’s gone,” she said, as if she’d read his mind.

  “Gone?”

  “Yeah. The police came and they found his body. He overdosed.”

  Dex would have preferred the guy suffered for a long time for what he’d done, but at least he was out of Ellie’s life and couldn’t hurt anyone else.

  “I’m sorry I’m so broken. I don’t want to be difficult, but I only know how to be who I am, and I know I’m strong and I can handle a lot.”

  “Oh, baby, you’re not broken. You’re hurt. There’s a big difference, and you’re the strongest woman I know.”

  He watched her gather her courage like a cloak, pull her shoulders back, and set her chin. “I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished and excited about what I will accomplish, but things like the text from…Those things throw me right back to here. I’m terrified of being labeled a home wrecker and a victim—”

  “Ellie—”

  “Not by you, Dex. Anyone else. I just hate that I was involved at all. Some poor woman is hurting because I was naive. And now he’s telling me it’s not over, so here I ran away from him just to land in his backyard. And when I thought about telling you, I thought it was just going to mess up your life.” She sucked in another hitched breath. “That you’d realize that I really am chaos.” She buried her face in his neck and wrapped her arms around him. “I’m scared, Dexy. So scared. I’ve always been scared on some level, but the idea of losing you, that’s my worst fear. I’ve never told anyone any of this, but I’m telling you. That has to mean something.”

  “Look at me.” He drew her chin toward him so she had to look into his eyes. “You’ll never lose me.” He waited a beat while the words soaked in. “We’ll deal with that together, but, El, baby, you’re not chaos. And even if you were, I’d love you through it. If we can work on honesty, then we can make it through anything. Come on. You’re shivering.”

  He helped her to her feet, and they walked down Carlisle to Marlboro and made their way to Dex’s parents’ house. The lights were off, and he hated to wake them this late. He led her around to the back of the house, intending to get the key his parents kept hidden beneath the pot on the back porch, but when they came around to his childhood bedroom window, he had another idea. He jimmied the window open; then he helped Ellie up and into the bedroom and hoisted himself onto the brick ledge and climbed in behind her.

  He helped her take off her boots, then removed his own shoes and laid their jackets on the desk. They climbed into his bed, and Ellie snuggled in to him, bringing back all sorts of memories. She laid her hand on her stomach and let out a long sigh.

  “Dexy?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thank you,” Ellie whispered.

  “For what?” He kissed the top of her head.

  “For not giving up on me.”

  “You never gave up on me,” he said.

  “You never asked me for anything.”

  “I did. I just didn’t ask out loud. I asked that you would return. And I asked a lot of you tonight. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me the truth.” He felt the tension fall away from her muscles and melt into him.

  “I’m sure of you, Dex. I hope one day you’ll be sure of me.”

  “I’m sure of you, Ellie. More than sure.” He covered her with the comforter. Dex laid his head back against the headboard, but he couldn’t sleep. He was plagued by the image of Ellie lying in that house pretending to sleep—frightened and disgusted.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  BEING BACK IN his childhood bedroom with Ellie at his side had been exactly the right thing to do. Or at least that’s what Dex hoped. He couldn’t shake the image of Ellie walking down the street alone at night after what she’d gone through, and the feeling of helplessness was so strong that it made his skin prickle. If only he’d known. If only someone had known. He kissed the top of Ellie’s head, silently thanking God that she’d come back to him. She needed him as much as he needed her. He’d always needed her.

  Dex was nodding off when his mother appeared in the doorway in her fluffy blue robe and slippers. She came to the edge of the bed and sat down beside him. He smiled up at her sleepily, and she brushed his hair from his forehead.

  “I knew I heard that window,” she said. Her hair was loose down her back. Her eyes moved from Dex to Ellie, then back again. “Always the window.” A breathy, quiet laugh slipped from her lips. “Is she okay?”

  Dex nodded.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked.

  “We went to slay some demons.”

  His mother nodded, as if she completely understood, which Dex was sure she did. His mother had the uncanny ability to know what was going on in her children’s lives, as she’d proven when they’d had lunch.

  “And did you slay them?” she asked.

  Dex slid out from beneath Ellie and settled her head on the pillow. She sighed contentedly and within seconds was once again fast asleep. Dex pointed to the hall, and his mother followed him out of the room.

  “I don’t know if we slayed them or not,” he whispered. I hope we did. He glanced at Ellie. “It was a start. Mom, did you know about everything that went on when she was a kid?”

  She touched his cheek, and her eyes filled with sadness. “Not all of it. We had our suspicions and found out the truth too late. Poor girl. She’s been through so much. I’m glad she’s here now. She always should have been here.”

  “How come you never told me?” Dex whispered, gazing longingly at Ellie and wanting to hold her again.

  “Oh, Dex. You were so lost when she left. The last thing you needed was to know the truth of it all. Your father took care of it.” She tightened the belt on her robe and patted his hand.

  “Dad? What did Dad do? He was mad at me for missing her. I remember. He was kind of a pri—mean about it.” His father’s stern face and piercing eyes came back to him. You’re a man. Suck it up and move on.

  “Yes, that’s your father’s way.” Joanie Remington was a realist. She didn’t make up excuses for his father any more than she’d have made up excuses for him or his siblings. “But he did good, Dex. You should be very proud of him. He had wondered about what went on there, and he did a bit of snooping. He followed you the night you went there.”

  “Dad knew I went and didn’t ride me for it? I can’
t believe that. He’d have given me hell if he knew.” Dex’s eyes locked on Ellie. As they spoke of his father, his gut clenched. Just like it always had. When they were kids, on the evenings his father had said particularly harsh things to him, he used to run his hands through Ellie’s silky hair, and he remembered how it soothed his prickly nerves. I always needed you, too.

  “He’s not a bad man, Dexter. He loves you. He just doesn’t know how to move with a tender touch. He was upset with you that night for sneaking out, but he was livid when things came to light much later. Now, it appeared that that man handed out his own judgment, although we’ll never know if it was an accidental overdose or purposeful, but he must have been mentally sick to have done what was suspected. Your father found out that there were others before Ellie. So in a sense, he probably saved many more children by taking his own life.”

  Dex’s eyes settled on Ellie. She wanted to stay. Just to be with me.

  “Why was he so hard on me?” Dex asked. “If he knew what happened to Ellie, and he knew how I felt about her, why would he push me to let her go?”

  “For the same reasons Ellie kept secrets. It’s all they know.”

  She said it so matter-of-factly that it threw him off balance for a minute. It’s all they know?

  “But…” He shook his head.

  “Oh, sweetheart. Sometimes with your fancy apartment and your huge career, I forget you’re still only twenty-six. You haven’t experienced enough of life to see it for yourself yet, but we’re all just doing the best we can. Your father learned from his father. He raised you doing the best he knew how. And as for Ellie, growing up in the foster system is difficult. The social workers do the best they can to decipher when kids are telling the truth and when they’re vying for a new placement or for attention. And I’d imagine that Ellie spent years keeping quiet for fear of not being believed.” She looked thoughtfully into Dex’s eyes. “And as for me, well, I just do the best I can, too. I love each of you with all my heart, but without your father’s stern love, you’d have grown up to be wishy-washy wimps.” She smiled, and it lit up her eyes.