The Time Until

by Casey Ford

  “Alan!” she cries as I walk up to her trying to catch my breath. She seems concerned.

  “Sorry, I had to get a ride and it took forever.” I manage to get out in between breaths. Kate smiles as she rubs my back.

  “It’s okay, I already got the tickets.”

  I’m a little upset about that. I was under the impression that it’s the guy’s responsibility to pay for everything on a date. Though, for the life of me, I can’t remember where I was taught that. It’s just something I picked up as I grew up. So her paying for me makes me feel a little sad, like I’m not doing my job. Maybe she’ll even look down on me because of this.

  But I don’t mention any of this and just nod my head.

  The air outside is cold, so my breath is visible as I right myself. Kate keeps her hand on my back trying to support me. One final deep breath and I feel much better, more relaxed. Kate hands me my movie ticket. It’s a romantic comedy that just recently came out. I’m more a science fiction or fantasy kind of guy, but I can be flexible to get on the good side of a girl. The movie starts in about half an hour, so we make our way to the entrance of the theater.

  And that’s where I notice them.

  Sam and Caleb.

  Great. Over the past week, the relationship between Sam and Katelyn has gotten steadily worse. Sam generally ignores Kate whenever she can and the times she can’t, they almost get into screaming matches with each other. I’m at a loss at what’s gotten into Sam and I can’t really blame Katelyn for defending herself. It’s gotten to the point that I’ve actually started avoiding areas and friends that will put Kate and Sam in close proximity. Needless to say, I haven’t seen Sam or any of the other members of the old group in days. I really miss them, but can’t deal with the bickering anymore.

  I know I made a choice and most likely made things worse between Katelyn and Sam, but Sam pushed me to it. First, she rejects my feelings and runs away. Then, she runs into the arms of someone else. Finally, she seems determined not to let anyone else get close to me, even someone I’m just trying to get to know better. I had to make a choice, and I chose the one who accepts me right now, not the one who confuses the hell out of me, regardless of how I truly feel.

  I’ve never really seen Sam and Caleb on a date before. They don’t seem as close as I thought they would be. They’re inside the theater, in line to get popcorn. Caleb holds her tight and she has her arm around him, but she seems really uncomfortable. I realize why when I see her looking at Kate and I enter.

  Now I feel uncomfortable.

  For a minute, I allow myself to believe that Sam came to the movies tonight to see me, but Caleb’s arm across her shoulder quickly dispels that fantasy. I shift awkwardly under Sam’s gaze and Kate notices my movement. A quick glance in the direction I’m looking and her smile falls slightly. She grabs my arm and crushes it in her embrace as she glares at Sam. Sam looks away in defeat, but then does something unexpected. She taps Caleb and points at Kate and me nearly dragging him by the arm as she starts to walk toward us. Kate stiffens in anticipation of an attack I assume — she doesn’t know that Sam would never attack someone unprovoked.

  “Fancy meeting you guys here,” Sam chimes as they get to us. She’s being way too obvious about her reason for coming over here, but I don’t mind. I wanted her to come over. I want to tell her about James’ letter. She misses him almost as much as I do, I know that much at least.

  “Not sure how fancy it is considering you knew Alan and I have a date tonight,” Kate criticizes. “You were there when we made the plans.” Sam seems to take the comments in stride, but I can see the clouds forming just behind the calm eyes. I need to diffuse the situation a bit or things will get ugly fast.

  “So, Sam, what’re you guys going to see?” Kate and Sam never look away from each other. I practically roll my eyes at the obvious battle going on between the two of them.

  “The new romcom that just came out,” Caleb answers in Sam’s stead since she’s busy trying to intimidate my date. I really need to distract one of these two if we’re ever going to have a moments peace tonight, especially when we’re seeing the same movie at the same time — I have to laugh at that, Sam is very much a horror girl. Romcoms are not her thing at all.

  “Hey, Sam,” I nearly shout at her, “we got James’ pictures developed today.” That did the trick. She breaks her sparks driven eye contact with Kate and looks up at me with unashamed interest. Looking me up and down a few times, I realize she’s looking for the pictures.

  “No, they’re not here. They’re back at the house, but call me tomorrow some time and we’ll get to together so you can look at them.” Sam shrinks a little in disappointment, but nods her head just same.

  “Alright,” is all she can manage. Caleb looks at his watch and then announces that the movie is about to start and that they have to go.

  “I guess we should go as well,” I inform Kate. She does not look happy. I can’t help but wonder what I did wrong, if I actually did do something wrong. I throw a confused look on my face.

  “What?”

  Kate shakes her head.

  “You made plans with her,” she scoffs. I really do roll my eyes this time. This — whatever it is — has to stop.

  “Look, I don’t know what it is between the two of you, but she’s been my best friend since we were five and you both need to find some way to work it out,” I inform her. “I have no intention of choosing between the two of you anymore. Everyone will get equal shares of the Alan stock. Okay?”

  Katelyn nods her head and I take a chance by wrapping my arms around her. She hesitates at first but eventually follows my lead. Even through her jacket, I can tell she has a nice body; it makes my body react in funny ways.

  Suddenly, I’m not cold anymore.

  “I’m on a date with you right now,” I remind her tapping her nose with my finger, “just remember that in the future.” She nods her head with a smile and looks up at me. I really, really want to kiss her right now. Unfortunately, we don’t kiss — on the lips. Katelyn pulls herself up to my face and plants her strawberry reds on my cheek. The touch sends tingles through my face and down my spine. I like this feeling a lot and actually contemplate asking her to do it again.

  Katelyn smiles at my reaction and pulls me to the theater, giggling to herself. I see Sam and Caleb right away as we turn the corner to the seats and I freeze for a second. They’re in the front; of course, that’s where Sam and I always sat whenever we went to the movies. I feel sad that I have to pick another seat now and I start hunting for a new one, but Kate has another idea and drags me to the back of the theater at the top. She pulls me to the far corner. Sam watching us compounds my worry. Just perfect, she looks pissed and disgusted at the same time. I already know how the conversation is going to go tomorrow.

  I’m not stupid and know exactly what happens in this area of the theater, but I also don’t want to jump to conclusions. So, I’m really nervous when the movie starts. The lights going down makes our little corner of the theater seem a lot darker than I think it should be. Halfway through the movie and nothing happens, I start to think that maybe I was overthinking everything.

  Casually, Katelyn raises the armrest in between us and scoots closer to me, placing her hand on my chest and head on my shoulder. I instinctively put my arm around her. I feel a gentle feeling in my chest. It’s a pleasant feeling of comfort. I like having her in my arms like this, though I still can’t help but compare her to Sam.

  That’s definitely something I’ll have to stop doing in the future.

  My breath catches as Katelyn trails her hand down my chest. She stops short of my waist and raises up slightly to get to my neck. She kisses my neck and slips her tongue along my jugular sending pinpricks throughout my body settling between my legs. My body is reacting in kind. Kate lightly sucks on the base of my neck, where the shoulder and throat meet, and I accidently let out a soft moan. I can feel her smile on my skin her hand travelling lower until it
rests on my thigh dangerously close to my extremely happy place.

  “All good things to he who waits,” Kate tells me as she squeezes my thigh and lightly pecks my cheek again. I’m so turned on I want to jump her right now, but I have self-control — or at least I have to continually tell myself I do. The movie ends and I have no idea what happened in it. The lights come on and everyone starts to leave.

  I’m not moving at all. Katelyn gets up and starts to leave when she notices that I’m not following her. She looks at me curiously and I smile a small smile as I motion to my lap. She laughs loudly — of both humor and appreciation, I hope — when she looks down. It only takes a few minutes for me to calm down, which leaves us the last ones in the theater. Kate seems to have come down with a case of the giggles since she can’t stop smiling and chuckling as we make our way out.

  “It’s all your fault you know,” I scold her, trying to distract her. It has the opposite effect because she starts to laugh even more.

  “But, it’s so funny,” she giggles. I’m seriously getting embarrassed. I start to walk faster as I pull my cell phone out to call my dad. The laughing is starting to play with my mind, making me think things about her laughing at my hard-on. Insecurities abound, I tell you. My change in demeanor doesn’t escape Kate’s notice as she rushes up to me and lightly touches my elbow turning me to face her. She looks remorseful.

  “Sorry,” she starts, “but I’m happy I have the effect on you.”

  I think about telling her that I’m a teenage guy and just about anyone of the female persuasion doing what she did to me would cause the same reaction from me. I refrain from saying that and simply nod my head.

  “Seriously, I’m sorry.”

  “I know. I was just overreacting a bit, that’s all.” I take her into my arms again. She squeezes me and the memory of the theater threatens to reawaken my libido. A honk from the parking lot interrupts us and Kate looks over. She waves at what I assume is her mother in the car. I guess the date is over.

  “Sorry, my parents are pretty strict about curfews. I’m sure she’s been waiting here nearly the whole time.”

  “It’s fine. I should be calling my parents for a ride anyway.”

  Katelyn surprises me by getting on her tippy toes to get right in my face. Her nose barely touches my nose as she looks my in the eyes. I can’t help but swallow a nervous bump in my throat. Is this it? God, I hope so.

  “It’s customary to kiss on the first date if it went well, right?” She drops her eyes to my lips and the light brush of her breath clouds my mind. I take the lead, grab her and pull her to me, pressing my lips to hers. It’s not a hungry kiss, barely closed mouth and no tongue. There is no exploration and no powerful need from our lips as we work them against each other. The warmth of her breath mixed with mine causes the heat in the kiss to escalate. The kiss is devoid of lust and love, but it’s not devoid of emotion. It’s not a kiss of lovers.

  It’s the sweet kiss of hope. Hope of something more.

  The kiss of like.

  As our mouths separate, we both smile. She turns to leave and I let her go, reluctantly. My mouth still feels the lingering effect of the embrace. My smile lifts higher as I feel the butterflies dance in my stomach. I don’t hate the feeling of excited nervousness.

  It’s the same feeling I used to get from Sam whenever she used to hang on me.

  “I’ll see you on Monday.” Katelyn yells over her shoulder just before she gets into the car and drives away.

  All in all, a great first date.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Present Day

  The soft click of the room door wakes me up. I’m still holding Sam’s hand and I have a pool of drool on my cheek. Ethan turns the corner as I wipe the wet mess from my face.

  “How you holding up?”

  “As well as can be expected,” I answer with a shrug. I look at Sam again and a lump forms in my throat. I choke it down as Ethan places his arm over my shoulder to give me a friendly squeeze.

  “Come on,” he starts, “let’s get you back to your room. I hear our little lady here has some physical therapy to get done.” I go to argue, but stop after I realized that they’re probably going to move the blanket out of the way. I’m definitely not ready to see the condition of her legs.

  I would shatter.

  I nod my head and Ethan wheels me out of the room. I steal one more glance at her before I lose sight completely and then steel my emotions until the time I see her again. Nate and Mary sit on the bench outside the door and they both stand when Ethan and I exit.

  I must look really terrible since Mary breaks down crying and drops to her knees to wrap me in a massive sobbing hug. I hug her back since I need the hug more than I thought I did. Nate grips my shoulder in comfort. Surprisingly, his minor act of sympathy makes me feel better.

  It takes a minute, but I’m finally able to pry myself from Mary’s grasp and we make our way back to my room after a few farewells. Entering my room feels strange; it’s less inviting. It feels darker and more imposing. I can’t stop a chill from trailing my spine.

  Seeing Sam was bittersweet. The reunion answered a lot of questions I’ve been having lately, but it also brought about new concerns. I’m happy to know finally how she’s doing having seen it with my own eyes — eye, I have to get used to that — but at the same time, I’m depressed by the state of her body. Sam will have a lot to adjust to if — when, damn it! — she wakes up from this.

  Now I have to worry about the future.

  That has been plaguing my thoughts since waking up in this hospital a few days ago.

  Am I strong enough to support her when she needs it?

  To be honest, I’m not entirely sure I am.

  “You want me to stay again?” Ethan startles me — I forgot he was there.

  “No,” I shake my head and answer, “I want to think about things a bit tonight.” Ethan nods his head, helps me into bed before saying his goodbyes, and leaving for the night.

  I’m finally alone with my thoughts.

  In retrospect, being alone in the dark, in a hospital, isn’t a great idea when trying to think about important things like the future of your life. The nurses have come in three times already trying to find some stupid excuse — checking vitals, IV, etc., and turning the T.V. on or off — to make sure I’m not depressed or suicidal. It would be cute if not for the fact that I find it annoying.

  It’s nearly impossible to think when I get interrupted every ten minutes.

  Somehow, I manage to focus despite the interruptions; before long it’s really late and I have to piss. I look around and contemplate pushing the red nurse’s button. It only takes one really embarrassing memory of me using a bowl to pee in for me to say screw it and try to make it to the bathroom on my own.

  Getting out of bed is easier than the last time and I take that as an encouraging sign. I stand by the side of my bed holding on to it for balance, though I’m not sure I actually need it. My legs are solid and convincing, but the real test will be moving. Taking the first step on my journey makes my entire body scream, but I remain upright. Protesting the entire time, my body is surprisingly obedient. I only have to use the walls for the bare minimum of the support they offer.

  The trip is slow and slightly painful, but otherwise I’m making good progress.

  After making it to the toilet and finishing my business, I wash my hands, and take a quick look at myself in the mirror. The bandage covers almost the entire left side of my face and head. My short dirty blonde hair is starting to grow out a little. My one good eye seems to have lost some of its sky blue shine and gained a slight streak of red. I slowly start to lift the bandages from my eye, hands shaking slightly as I go. I’m not sure I want to see what it looks like under there yet. I pause my hand and stare into my good eye until everything around it disappears. The entire room distorts causing me to lose my focus and drop my hand.

  I’ll try again some other time, when I’m braver.

&nb
sp; I turn away from my reflection and make the easier trip back to my bed. The nurse comes in as I start to climb back into bed and she looks surprised.

  “Did you just go to the bathroom by yourself?” she asks obviously knowing the answer. I answer with a short acknowledgement as I adjust myself to get comfortable. A satisfied groan escapes me when I finish — I had no idea walking the few feet to the bathroom would be this tiring or make me this sore. The nurse comes over and helps me fix the blankets. She checks my vitals and meds, turns the volume down on the television, and then leaves with a brief a farewell before closing the door.

  It’s late and I have yet to come to a conclusion about my future. However, the trip to the bathroom made me even more tired and I’m feeling a little proud of myself for making it without passing out. I think I’ll reward myself with a nap.

  I can always think about things tomorrow, I tell myself as my eyes grow heavy.

  5 Years Ago (Age 15): February

  The date last night is still on my mind — actually the kiss is still on my mind, but that’s part of the date, right? — as Sam comes walking into my room. Being February, Sam is bundled up and I can’t help thinking that, despite the layers, she has a great body. Kate has her features and they definitely intrigue my interest, but Sam seems to have the whole package.

  “So,” she says removing her jacket to reveal a shirt that is cut way too low for the weather outside, “where are the pics?”

  “They’re over here,” I tell her as I motion toward the table by my bed. Sam plops herself on my bed and grabs the pictures. I get a nice view as she lays on her stomach. Her jeans are way tighter than she usually wears and they show off her ass and panty-line nicely.

  Sam flips through the pictures and giggles at some of the fun ones, the ones he’s messing around with his platoon buddies. I sit down on the bed next to her and look at them over her shoulder.