The Time Until

by Casey Ford

  “So, you and Katelyn Price?” Sam never looks away from the pictures in front of her; I’m left staring at the back of her head. I can almost hear the real question she wants to ask, “Why is it you and Kate?”

  “Nothing’s official, but we have some fun together.” Sam shifts from lying on her stomach to propping herself up and looking at me eye-level. She’s holding back a lot and I can tell there is more she wants to say from her eyes.

  She looks sad.

  “So you guys aren’t together together?” What is she all worked up about? She has a boyfriend — a jackass of one, but still. Why does she have to get in my way?

  “No, Sam, we’re not together together.” That came out way bitterer than I wanted. I need to check the attitude and control my emotions a bit, even though Sam has been completely unsupportive of my budding relationship.

  For some reason, I’m actually getting mad at her now.

  But all that anger disappears in an instant when Sam slams her lips into mine and runs her fingers through my hair. My brain shuts off immediately and I’m running on autopilot. Sam grips my hair so tight it hurts a little, but she’s also pulling me into a deeper kiss, so I’m not even feeling it. Her tongue tastes just as sweet as I remember.

  “So there’s still room for me?” Sam asks into my still eager lips, her breath sending sparks into my brain. Suddenly, my body catches up with her attack — my arms reach out and crush her into me, her breasts completely vanishing into my chest. I’m in lust heaven; I doubt I could stop kissing her if I wanted to. Her fingers start threading themselves along my head, sending shivers down my spine. Her lips work ferociously against mine with the desperate need that usually only comes from starving. Her desperation is making me react in kind. I grip her hair in my fist and violently pull her away from my mouth. We’re both gasping for breath as I gently lay her on her back and position myself on top of her.

  Sam smiles invitingly and I press my entire length on top of her, lips already devouring each other. She slides her hand down my spine and clutches my ass, smashing us together. My stiff length, having her so close and knowing it, is painfully trying to free itself from its cloth prison. Sam continues to pump her hips against me as she moans loudly at the resulting friction. I take over the motion and free her hands for something else — which turns out to be fisting the pillow above her head. Heat from the friction of our clothes — and overly aroused organs — creates a pleasurable burning feeling.

  I can almost feel her folds wrapping around my girth; the imagery is killing me.

  I slowly slide my hand under her shirt and along her side, feeling her skin, and relishing the sharp shutter the motion causes her to do. Gently, I palm her side just below her breast and use my thumb to probe her willingness for me to continue. Softly touching the underside of her breast, she lets out a surprised, but sensual, gasp. I take that to mean that I can move forward. Using my thumb I gently search her mound for the peak and, upon finding it, tenderly rub it between my fingers — bra and all. Sam’s body bucks violently from the action and I can’t stop my satisfied grin from spreading on my face.

  “Like that?” Sam can only nod as she clenches the sheets and in her fists. I ‘barely-there’ kiss her neck down to her shoulder and then smoothly trail my tongue back up the same path until I reach just below her ear. She moans softly as she turns her head to allow me easier access and I softly blow on the path my tongue made. Goosebumps pop up as she sucks in a breath.

  I keep working her nipple and sucking on her ear as the friction between us continues to build. I can hear Sam’s breathing start to pick up speed and mine matches her rhythm. I nip my teeth in the spot between her neck and shoulder and her body shakes violently. She lets out a stifled scream and then collapses onto the bed as she gasps for breath. I don’t know exactly what happened, but I have an idea that she just had an orgasm. I thought it was going to be more explosive, this was more of a release.

  It feels good to know that I was the one who released her.

  If dry humping is like that, I can’t wait for the real thing.

  Sam pulls me down to her and forces my head onto her shoulder. We lay there for a minutes as we both try to catch our breath. I’m surprised at myself; I thought I would be more nervous or self-conscious when the time came like this. I wasn’t. In fact, I felt in control. Collected. My body moved in time with hers as if it had been doing it for years. Smiling I think to myself, “We must really be compatible”.

  I allow myself this brief bit of joy and happiness.

  “You’re mine always and forever, Al,” Sam whispers into my ear. This one phrase is enough to wake my brain up. I relive all that we’ve done and I can’t help but get angry with Sam and myself for it.

  She has a boyfriend and she’s making moves on me like that?

  Why did she make moves on me?

  Does she have feelings for me?

  Or is it just that she thinks she has to do this to keep me as a friend?

  Why is she messing with my head like this?

  I power myself out of her embrace and get out of bed. I can’t look at her right now.

  “What’s wrong, Al?” Seriously? She has to ask that question?

  “What’s wrong?” I consciously keep my voice from raising.

  “Sam, we just attacked each other and you have a boyfriend!” It’s getting harder to keep my voice down. “And what the hell is all this business with me being yours?” I’m starting to feel the anger bubbling to the surface. She doesn’t have the right to call me hers anymore.

  I need more than some childhood promise.

  Sam is surprised and I can see the guilt start to sneak into her expression.

  “You lost the right to call me yours when I told you how I feel and you ran away to someone else.” I’m definitely losing control now. The hurt and confusion of that day comes back to me and I feel it fresh.

  “Do you have any idea how much it hurt me to see you with him?! How much it still hurts me to this day?!” Voice is no longer being checked. I can’t seem to care at this point.

  “I’ve known I loved you since I was eight, Sam! Eight! And what? Nothing. You make my feelings out to be a mistake and run into someone else’s arms. I realize I sprang them on you, but your reaction was way more than I thought you were going to do.” I’m lost in the memory of her running away and then finding out from third parties that she was dating Caleb.

  I would have liked a first-hand admission of that part.

  “Then, someone starts to show some interest in me and I start to think that maybe I can move on from this painful relationship, maybe I can start to feel something for someone else, but you have to get prissy and jealous. Seriously, Sam, am I never allowed to get over you?!”

  She cringes a bit at the volume of my voice and despite my anger, I feel bad for making her do it. Tears break through and fall down her face as I watch her quietly sob on my bed.

  I feel worse now that she’s crying than I did earlier.

  “Alan,” Sam sobs, “I want…” Her statement dies in her mouth. I’m curious to know what she was going to say, but I’m also too mad to ask her to finish.

  “I think you should go home now, Samantha,” I tell her as I hang my head low, Sam’s head shoots up to look at me with a shocked look on her face. I have never used her full name — it’s always been Sam or Sammy before. Tears are threatening to appear in my eyes and I would rather have them fall when I’m alone. Sam’s mouth is working but no sound is coming out and she silently reaches to grab my hand.

  I pull it back out of her reach.

  She covers her mouth as fresh tears and sobs rock her body. Sam leaps from the bed, sprints out of my bedroom door and out of the house. I hear her loud cries from the driveway.

  I collapse onto my bed, still saturated with her smell, and wail into my pillow.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Present Day

  “Alan!” I brace myself for the impact that is inevitably com
ing, but I know that there is no such thing as bracing for one of Jennifer’s patented “Tackle Hugs” — Sam named it. She collides into me with the force of runaway truck, it completely knocks the wind out of me. Despite the lack of air in my lungs from the bear hug, I still manage to smile and hug her a bit harder.

  “I missed you so much,” she squeaks without loosening her grip. My smile grows bigger and I squeeze her back.

  “I missed you too, Squirt,” I mimic, “but I’ve only been gone a few days.” I laugh a little.

  “A few days is way too long,” she grumbles, “especially when you’re in the hospital for all of them.” She’s so cute when she pouts. She gets that bottom lip out and crosses her arms.

  It gets me every time.

  Sam says that I’m more wrapped around her little finger than my own father is.

  I know it’s true, but I’ll never admit it.

  Jenn reaches up and hovers her fingers just about touching my patch. “I like the design. Nice touch,” she says sadly.

  I nod my head without saying a word.

  The hospital released me this afternoon after the doctor and nurse ran some tests on me this morning. I was surprised — I was getting ready to go see Sam when they came by. They removed the bandages around my eye and the nurse did her very best to hide her pity — it must really look bad. They gave me a cool looking eye patch though, it has a heart with a bloody arrow through it on the front — apparently, it’s a gift from the staff.

  I asked the nurse as I was leaving why they were kicking me out so fast. She told me that technically I can take care of myself now since I was able to make it to the bathroom and go on my own. I seriously started laughing.

  That’s the hospitals definition of self-reliance? Whether or not you can piss on your own?

  I found that really, really funny. I’m sure there are a lot of other factors and guidelines to let someone with my kind of injuries out of the hospital, but hearing that the one that broke the camel’s back was the fact that I was too stubborn to pee into a bowl one more time was a little more than I could handle. I laughed all the way to the car.

  My parents haven’t even touched my room since I left for college. It makes things easier when I come home for breaks. The only downside is now I have to sleep in a room filled with memories of Sam. There are pictures and memorabilia of our time together scattered all around the room. Just stepping into the room is enough to make me regret my decision to come home.

  Seeing all the memories around causes my chest to seize.

  This is going to be harder than I thought.

  Jennifer follows me into the room and immediately starts facing the pictures down. It doesn’t help, but I appreciate the gesture. I don’t think hiding them will work either. These memories are ingrained in my psyche, hiding the pictures won’t stop the memories from coming back. I gently stop Jennifer from turning any more frames over and slowly shake my head. She looks at me with compassion and leaves the frame as is.

  The picture in the frame is one of Sam and me in elementary school. I think it’s around the time we first met Arianna since she’s in the picture, but looks apprehensive like she’s not sure she should be. I swallow a tennis ball when I see Sam’s smile.

  This is definitely going to be hard.

  “Mom says that dinner will be ready soon,” my father announces from the doorway snapping me from my wallowing. Jennifer is looking at me with tears in her eyes. I make no effort to stop her when she suddenly wraps me in another hug. I have a feeling these are more for her than for me. She’s always been very close to Sam.

  14 Years Ago (Age 6): August

  “So what are you going to name her?” Emily asks my mother. We’re in the delivery room and it’s starting to get crowded. Samantha — who hasn’t stopped staring at the small bundle in my mom’s arms since we walked in — came with her parent’s, our families have gotten really close lately.

  “Actually, we were thinking—”

  “Jennifer!” Sam loudly interrupts my mom. Sam is curiously poking the baby in the cheek with a contemplative look on her face. She seems to be trying to get the baby to do something and she’s not happy that the baby’s not doing it.

  Everyone looks at her.

  “Why do you say Jennifer?” My mother asks. Sam shrugs her shoulders as she continues to stare.

  “She just looks like a Jennifer to me,” Sam tells everyone matter-of-factly.

  Present day

  Jennifer has been attached to Sam ever since. There were even times that Jennifer would refuse to let us hold her unless Sam said it was okay. I can’t imagine what this is doing to her. I make my hug a little tighter before letting her free to leave the room to help mom with dinner.

  “How are you doing?” my dad asks as he walks into the room.

  “I’m not sure,” I shrug.

  “I have a lot of things that need to be done and I can’t seem to care about it,” I continue. I can feel the tennis ball start to grow into a bowling ball in my throat and I quickly swallow it. I take a few calming breaths in order to stave off the tears threatening and I have completely suppressed my weepy side — for the moment. My dad massages my shoulder as I calm myself.

  “One step at a time, Alan, one step at a time.”

  I nod my head and sit on the bed. It takes a few minutes for me to realize that I was lost in my own mind and I look up to see that my dad has shifted from standing in front of me to sitting next to me. The fact that I don’t remember seeing him do that is unnerving. We’re silent for a few minutes before my dad breaks it.

  “Your mother isn’t sure you’re ready for this, but I think you should know,” he starts and my interest is piqued. Something my mom doesn’t want me to know about, but my dad is going to tell me anyway? Lay it on me.

  “Okay,” I try to urge him on.

  “Stanton’s arraignment is tomorrow and your mother and I were going to go with the Cohn’s,” he sighs. It feels like someone punched me in the gut. Arraignment? So, Stanton must be the bastard’s name. The ball of rage starts roaring in its cage.

  “You can come if you want to, but I want you to know that you don’t have to,” he continues. Why the hell would I not want to? I want to see this guy for myself. I want to look him in the eye. I want to see him get what he deserves for what he did to Sam and me.

  You couldn’t keep me away from that even if you tied me to wild horses.

  “I want to go,” I tell him. My dad looks at me for a moment then nods his head and pats my leg as he gets up.

  “Okay.” He makes his way to the door.

  “Dad,” I call out to him, “thanks.” He nods his head and smiles before turning and leaving the room. I can’t help but get a sadistic smile on my face.

  I’m looking forward to tomorrow.

  Dinner is uneventful, pretty average for my family. There are lots of jokes and laughter, but under it all is a tension and reserve. I know they’re trying to make things seem normal, but I can’t help thinking that it’s all forced. The normalcy feels nice, but fake. I can’t help but feel like things are never going to be the same. Everyone seems to be forcing themselves and the tension thick in the room.

  We stay up for a little while longer talking and playing games before it starts getting late. I say my goodnights and hit the sack thinking about tomorrow the entire time.

  Chapter Eighteen

  5 Years Ago (Age 15): May

  Summer starts early here and May is usually when the weather starts getting hot. When I say starts getting hot, I mean one day it’s 40 degrees and the next it’s 80. There is literally no lead-way. Being close to June means the cold days are gone and the hot days are getting hotter — by July, it’ll be hitting triple digits. This also means one thing for the weekends: pool parties.

  Kate and I have been dating since February and I haven’t talked to Sam in months — except for the occasional “hello” and “how are you.” The tension and animosity between them has also gone down a
little, though only a little. So seeing them both in bikinis by the pool is a bit of a shock to my system.

  I’m so glad I took an extra-long shower before coming here — best decision ever — because, while I may have a volcano between my legs, at least it isn’t active.

  I watch Sam for a while. Despite how things ended that day, I still miss talking to her and having her in my life. Her cut off sentence still plays in my mind from time to time. What was she going to say? Did I miss my chance with her because of my hurt and anger? I still feel for Sam almost as much as I did before, which makes my relationship with Kate complicated.

  Kate knows I’m holding back. She also knows the reason why. I think that’s one of the things I like about her, she hasn’t called me on my hypocrisy. She’s being incredibly patient and understanding. It makes me feel like trying harder to get closer to her. There’s still that hurdle I have been reluctant to leap.

  We still haven’t had sex.

  It’s been three months already and nothing. Though, there have been many encounters, there has been no real removal of clothing.

  It’s like we’re stuck in the ‘50s, though it’s mostly my fault.

  This is unheard of, three months is practically forever in high school relationships. You get the relationship to live past three months and your friends start planning your wedding. I just enjoy her company now and maybe one day soon we’ll be ready.

  I hope.

  “Kate’s going to get jealous if she catches you,” the feminine voice from behind could be only one person: Arianna. I turn to greet her. Arianna has a great body that she heretically hides in her baggy everyday clothes. The swimsuit she has on isn’t a bikini, but it’s cut in a way that shows a lot of skin. I smile when I see her; Arianna has become something like my conscience in the recent years. I can tell this is going to be of one those moments where I’ll be hearing some sage advice.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I tell her through my smile. Arianna gives me a knowing smile with a hint of mischievousness mixed in for good measure.