Wild Thoughts

by Charity Ferrell

  You don’t always see the real person behind all of the headlines. Why don’t they write about this amazing man who visits children fighting terminal cancer, who helps pay medical bills for those who can’t afford treatment, or who agrees to every Make-A-Wish?

  Knox is right. The world is sad.

  What’s even worse is I would’ve never believed he was as charitable as he is had it not been my job to schedule and keep track of it all. I don’t like being proven wrong, but in this case, I’ll make an exception. I’ve been wrong about him since the very beginning.

  When it’s time to go, Knox waves Matthew over. “Before we leave, can we make a round through the rooms of children who couldn’t make it? I’d like to surprise them as well.”

  Lord help me, every day I’m falling deeper and deeper for this man.

  I’m falling deeper and deeper in love with him.

  “Do you want to know why I call you sunshine?” Knox asks when we get back into the SUV.

  I’ve always been curious about it, but I assumed it was because of my hair. “Why?”

  “When you walked into Thomas’ office, I was having a shitty day. I was even thinking about pulling out of the tour and quitting it all. When I saw that I’d snapped at you instead of him, I felt like an asshole. You were there, giving off this positive light, and even though I didn’t want to bring that light into my life, I knew it was the best for me. I gave you a hard time because I was trying to stay in my hole of darkness – trying to drown everything away with alcohol and acting out.”

  “You seemed fine to me. You were throwing parties and going out clubbing.”

  “Numbing your mind with booze and bullshit doesn’t mean you’re happy.” He frowns, running his hand over his face. “This probably sounds stupid to you.”

  “No, I know from experience that’s what men in the industry tend to do. They try to numb themselves. Do I understand it? Not exactly. But it isn’t stupid.” I grin. “And I love my nickname, now even more since I know what it means.”

  My phone vibrates, and I pull it out of my bag.

  Thomas: Tell Knox to answer his phone. We have a problem.

  I hold my phone out and show Knox the text.

  “I turned it off when we were at the hospital,” he says, digging in his pocket. He turns it on and the smile on his face fades into a frown as he starts to read the messages.

  “What is it?” I ask.

  He shakes his head, unable to look at me, and stuffs the phone back into his jeans. “It’s nothing.”

  “It’s obviously something. You look like you were told the tour is cancelled or something.”

  “It’s not important.”

  “Then tell me,” I push.

  “One of my biggest sponsors cancelled their contract with me today.”

  “What? Who?”

  “Netphase.” Netphase is the new up and coming cellular network that is making millions from using celebrity endorsements.

  “But isn’t that like a million dollar contract?”

  He nods, lifting his shoulder into a half-shrug. “It’s not that big of a deal. Their loss.”

  “It is a big deal. You just lost a million dollars because of me!”

  “I have plenty of money. It’s fine.”

  I unlock my phone. “I’m calling Thomas right now and telling him to fix this.” I snarl. “Better yet, I’m calling Netphase myself and giving them a piece of my mind.”

  He plucks my phone from my hand. “Don’t. It’s done.” He sighs. “We had a good day today, don’t let this news put a damper on it. I lost some money, so what? It happens.”

  I lean back in my seat and nod, even though the guilt is seeping in stronger. How can he think I’m sunshine when I just cost him a million dollars?

  Chapter 38

  Knox

  I rub the back of my stiff neck while following Libby into the bedroom. I’ve been holding in the words I’m about to say. Saying them will mean it’s time for me to face reality, and reality isn’t my best friend at the moment.

  “This is it,” I whisper. “Our last night together.”

  It’s late, after midnight, and I’m wiped after tonight’s show. My feet are killing me. My body is sore as fuck. But there’s nothing that’s going to stop me from staying up as late as I can to savor our time together. I tried convincing her to reschedule tonight’s show, but she wasn’t having it.

  Typical Libby – more concerned with my career and her responsibilities over everything.

  She flies home in the morning. Sadness pivots through me while I think about how she won’t be next to me when I wake up in the mornings, or waiting there with a water bottle in her hand, as soon as I step off the stage after ending a show. Those small things I’ve become accustomed to with her are about to end.

  It’s going to hit me hard.

  I don’t want her to go, but asking her to bail on college and throw away her dreams would be selfish of me. She feels the same way about asking me to take time off from my tour and music.

  We’re stuck between a rock and a hard place – caring about each other too much to let them miss out on something so important to them, even if it means we’re breaking our own hearts in the process.

  It’s bad timing.

  And timing is so damn crucial in relationships – it’s a cloud lingering over you, giving you challenges that can make or break your love, and you can only hope you make it to the sunlight.

  She drops her bag and kicks off her sandals when I flip on the light. “I swear, it feels like time has flown by yet so much has happened.” She pauses, scrunching up her adorable nose. “If that makes sense?”

  “It does, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

  We’ve traveled thousands of miles together, gone through highs and lows, and our hearts have developed with every one. Two weeks have passed since the fight with her ex and the bullshit backlash that followed, but the guilt is still with her, I can tell, even when she’s lying about it.

  She grins. “Me either. This tour has been some of the most enjoyable months of my life. I’ll never forget it.” She raises her wrist to look down at her watch. “We have t-minus eight hours until I have to leave, how about I go out with a bang?” She reaches down to grab the hem of her dress and pulls it over her head.

  I lick my lips at the sight of her standing in front of me wearing only black lace panties and a matching bra.

  I dart over to her, nearly tripping on my feet. “Literally. I’ll give you the best bang you’ve ever had, sunshine.”

  I capture the band of her bra in my fingers, unsnap it, and revel in the view of her tits spilling out. I take my time worshipping her, tasting each nipple, swirling my tongue around them, and then sucking hard on the peaks.

  Her face is flushed, our breathing slow, when I gently lay her down on the bed and start to trail kisses over her chest and down to her stomach – wishing time would stand still each time my lips hit her soft skin.

  I don’t want to lose this woman who’s changed my life in so many ways. She’s made me want to be a better man.

  Her legs part when I reach her thighs, and she trembles as I run my fingers along her pussy lips, feeling how drenched she is for me. I dive right in, devouring what I’m always starving for, and she whimpers underneath me, repeatedly begging me to give her my cock.

  I focus on pleasuring her, ignoring her protests, and drive my tongue in deeper. She tenses up when I add my fingers to the mix, working her, lapping her up, until she arches her back and lets go against my lips.

  Fuck. I could spend forever eating her pussy.

  I rise up and watch as she starts to level her breathing.

  “My turn,” she whispers, climbing forward.

  I grunt when she pushes me on my back and immediately pulls off my shirt. The room feels hot when she starts to run open-mouth kisses over my chest and circles her tongue around my nipples, tugging at them with her teeth. I tremble when she unbuckles my pants, yank
s them down, and wraps her lips around my cock before even taking them off.

  My needy fingers sink into her hair, guiding her how I like it, and she stops right before I’m about to explode. She knows my body that well. She licks her lips and then wipes her mouth with the back of her hand while grinning down at me.

  “I want you on top,” she says.

  “Your favorite,” I mutter. It’s mine too.

  “Show me how much I turn you on. Dominate me.”

  She smiles the entire time she drags my pants down my legs and tosses them off the bed. She’s back underneath me as soon as they hit the door, my weight hovering over her, and I put a condom on before positioning my cock at her soaked opening.

  Everything feels right when I sink into her.

  I rock my hips and she meets my thrusts with a moan.

  “Yes,” she mutters. “You always know exactly how I like it.”

  “Fuck, baby,” I rasp out, rearing my hips back to make longer strokes. “You feel so damn good. Nothing is better than this.”

  I entwine our hands, pushing them into the firm mattress, and rock into her. We go slow, giving each other everything we have as we say our goodbye.

  She tilts her ass up, and I rest her legs on my shoulders so I can drive deeper into the woman I’m obsessed with, keeping my eyes on the breathtaking view of her the entire time until she cries out in ecstasy.

  I shudder out my release three pumps later.

  “I love you,” I say, staring down at her and catching my breath.

  The words have been at the tip of my tongue for a while now, but I’ve held myself back from saying them in fear of scaring her off.

  The room falls silent, and it seems like my confession ruined the moment. Alarm rings through me when she peeks up at the ceiling, avoiding my gaze.

  I hit her with an orgasm and then smacked her in the face with love devotions.

  Her reaction is only more evidence that time isn’t on our side.

  “You don’t have to say it back,” I rush out, collapsing next to her and squeezing her thigh. “I wanted you to know how I felt when you land in California tomorrow. I don’t want you getting home thinking this was some fling to me. You mean so much more to me than that.”

  It takes her a few seconds before she looks down. “The feeling is mutual. I love you, too.” Her hand grabs mine. “Sorry for the delay, but you startled me when you blurted it out. I can barely think straight right now. That was incredible.”

  I’m sure the smile I’m giving her is cheesy as hell, but I can’t help it. “You have no idea how good it makes me feel to hear you say that.”

  She nods shyly, but her eyes still don’t meet mine.

  I get up to dispose of the condom and pull her into me when I crawl back into bed.

  We made love tonight. It was passionate and emotional. But I’m afraid all of that passion is going to depart with her on the plane tomorrow.

  Libby falls asleep before I do. Her breathing settles, her chest moving in and out against mine.

  Sleep doesn’t come to me.

  I saw the truth in her eyes. There’s love there.

  But I also saw something else.

  Doubt.

  Libby’s feelings are mutual, but might not run as deep.

  It’s early, and the sun is already beating in through the tinted SUV windows as we’re on our way to drop Libby off at the airport.

  She asked me to stay in the car and say our goodbyes in here so it can be private with no media attention. I offered to rent her a jet, even suggesting I go with her and fly right back, but she refused.

  “I can send a plane for you on the weekends or anytime you have a break from school,” I say, resting my hand on her leg. “We’ll figure out how to make this work.”

  She pushes her dark sunglasses up her nose, sighing. “Knox, you know that’s going to be too difficult and not going to work.” What the fuck? My chest starts to tighten, my mind already knowing exactly where this conversation is heading – into a dead fucking end. “You’re going to be swamped with tour stuff. I’m going to be studying my ass off. Neither one of us is going to have time to jet set around the world. Not to mention, I’m going to be working part-time for Thomas, and I have my dad.”

  I keep shaking my head. “Don’t do this, Libby.”

  “Don’t do what?”

  “Decide that it won’t work before we’ve even given it a chance. Don’t break things off because you’re scared of a little distance. I might not have the best relationship track record, neither one of us do, but that doesn’t mean we’re incapable of commitment and love. Trust me, I was terrified to say it myself. There’s only been one other woman I’ve spoken those words to, and that relationship went to shit. This time around, though, it’s stronger. I feel my love for you through my entire body, my veins, my heart, every part of me. I will do anything to make us work. I will fly to you every day I have off. I will bring you to me. Anything. Please don’t do this.”

  I’m rambling, I know, but I only have a short time to plead my case before she has to go.

  She shakes her head. “I’m not breaking anything off. All I’m saying is our relationship is going to change drastically as soon as I get on that plane. We’ll be in different times zones. My bedtime will be your show time.”

  “We’re both mature enough to handle minor shit like that. We have Facetime, cell phones, computers. Modern technology is a pretty kickass thing.” She stays silent. “Why weren’t you saying any of this last night? Why are you springing this on me last minute, right before you’re about to leave?”

  “Because I didn’t want to hurt you. I wanted us to enjoy our night together.” She looks down at my hand as if it shouldn’t be there and shakes her head. “Maybe I’m reading too much into it. I’m exhausted, and I know I have a long week ahead of me trying to get everything in order for my classes.”

  My mouth turns dry as George pulls up to the airport entrance.

  Circle around! We need more damn time!

  He looks back at Libby. “You ready?”

  She nods before ducking down and grabbing her purse from the floorboard.

  “Call or text me as soon as you land, okay?” I croak out.

  She nods, looking down at her lap. “I will.”

  I want to pull those sunglasses from her face and force her to look at me. It’s the best way I can read her. I have a sick feeling in my stomach that as soon as she steps out of this car, we’re over.

  I inch forward and capture her chin between my thumb and forefinger and lightly press my lips to hers. She responds, grabbing the back of my head and strengthening our kiss.

  It hits me when she slowly pulls away and breaks our connection.

  This isn’t just a goodbye kiss.

  It’s the goodbye kiss.

  It could possibly be the last kiss we’ll ever have.

  “Well …” She pauses. “I have a flight to catch.”

  “I love you,” I say around a rough swallow.

  “I love you, too.” The words rush from her lips as she opens up the door.

  She doesn’t look back at me as George pulls her luggage from the back and hands it to her, or when she strolls it behind her as she disappears through the airport doors.

  Chapter 39

  Libby

  “I have my roomie back, la la la, I have my roomie back, la la la,” Mia sings as she comes skipping into my bedroom.

  I got in a few hours ago and took an Uber home since Mia was going to be gone at a charity event with her parents all day.

  I have my luggage unloaded, and the last load of laundry is in the dryer. I’ve been busy trying to unpack and get everything together for when classes start. I have a meeting with financial assistance in the morning to set up a payment plan.

  During the flight, I went back and forth with myself on whether I should’ve accepted Knox’s offer of flying with me, but I had to insist he stay. He’s leaving the country in two days and is going
to need plenty of rest. Not to mention, it would’ve only made our goodbye harder, especially after I hinted that things between us wouldn’t work out long distance.

  My eyes had welled up, tears biting at me when we pulled up to the airport, and I’m grateful I had my sunglasses on. I had to stay strong. I had to be sensible. I couldn’t lead him into thinking everything was going to be all sugar and roses after I left.

  “Am I still considered a roomie if I’m technically not paying rent?” I ask. I’ve offered to pay Mia for letting me stay here with her now that I have some money, but she won’t take it.

  She moves over a stack of folded clothes and sits down on my bed. “I don’t pay the rent here either, so I guess we’re both getting away with it.”

  I smile. That’s why she’s my best friend. Instead of making me feel like a loser, she makes fun of herself.

  She smacks my bed. “Now I want to know all of the details about the tour.”

  “It was busy,” I answer.

  “That’s all the details? You were busy? Busy working or busy in the bedroom?” I stay quiet. “Or both?”

  “I know you’re not going to let me off the hook, so both.”

  “Yay! She finally got laid, ladies and gentlemen. Now I want to know everything. I want to know where your vibrator went, the truth about what happened with douchebag Adam, because I know the shit posted online are lies, and how Knox is in the bedroom.”

  I spend the next hour giving her the scoop about the tour but try to stay away from talking about saying goodbye to Knox.

  “Do you think you guys will stay together?” she asks, not letting me get away with it.

  Her question hits me hard, and I can feel my heart pounding against my chest. “I’m not sure. I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Did he break your heart?”

  I shake my head, a tear falling down my cheek. “No, I think I broke his.”

  Her face goes soft, and she wraps her arms around me. “Then un-break it. You obviously have feelings for him, strong ones.”