by Blythe Stone
“I can,” she said. “That’s kind of what I’m realizing.”
“Good, you deserve to do things that make your life better, not fill it with more stress. Maybe you could even put someone else in charge and just hold your stock,” I said.
“Yeah but that’s the thing… Without the company, who even am I anymore… It’s okay. You don’t get it. You can’t. Our lives are just different,” Olivia said.
That stung. I drew back a little and busied myself getting mugs.
“Maybe I don't get it,” I said with my back turned. “Maybe I can't.” I turned around. “But I'm just saying that you might be happier with an identity that isn't completely tied to something outside of yourself.”
I brought the mugs over and started to pour the coffee.
“A year after Nat started getting bigger roles I realized I didn't have a life or an identity outside of her. I wasn't Avery. I was Natalie's assistant and girlfriend. I disappeared. That's why I broke up with her for that whole week. We got back together but I made some changes. I started to write seriously and not spend quite as much time following her around. I think it made our relationship. Otherwise, I don't think we would have lasted,” I explained.
“Yeah but you can’t stand to be away from her either,” Olivia smiled, taking the coffee to put some cream inside. She opened the almond milk for me and held it up until I saw that she was going to pour it. I nodded when she’d added enough.
“It isn't a perfect comparison. I'm not trying to put them side-by-side. I'm just trying to tell you that I do have a little insight into having an identity crisis and getting lost in something bigger than you,” I continued.
“I don’t know if you’d survive as not her assistant,” Olivia teased me. “You like taking care of her. I’ve noticed it. You’re a little obsessed.”
She spun some sugar into her glass, clinking her spoon to her mug. Then she stared at me mischievously while she drank the first bit of her drink. “Ah-fuck,” her face changed, somewhat orgasmically- eyes rolling. “This is- this is really good,” she laughed, talking about the coffee.
“Well, maybe I still have an issue,” I laughed. I reached out and shook her shoulder. “I knew you'd like it. Nat says it's too smoky for her, whatever that means,” I said.
“Hmm… Smokey,” she teased, breathing in the steam. Her hand touched down lovingly onto mine and she kept it there for a minute, forcing me to stay holding her shoulder.
“I don't get it. It's just spicy to me,” I said.
Unnecessary touches like this made me feel the crazy she described earlier. This was flirting. The idea dawned on me like lightning.
“Spicy?” Olivia smiled, surprised. “See, I don't get that either,” she laughed affectionately. “Is your mouth burning,” she teased. “Wait. Do you think ketchup is spicy? Mm, yeah,” she pretended to think. “You're probably one of those people.”
She drank a little bit more, cheeks reddening.
“Not spicy as in hot. Spicy as in it has spices and complex flavor,” I shook my head. “You're just trying to tease me now.”
“Trying?” She beamed. Her gaze shifted down my body and it was probably an accident but she sort of checked me out. I felt her fingers curl into my hand, trying to keep it. Then she seemed a little dazed as she calmed and drank her coffee down silently.
“Uh huh, you're being bad. It's a good thing I like bad girls,” I said.
What the hell was I saying?
I let my hand go limp under hers and gave her a tight smile.
Olivia tilted her head to the side and made a face. “Okay, are you like… Flirting with me?” She wondered, already blushing at just the thought.
“Ya know what, don’t answer that,” she laughed. “Go get ready. Let’s do your whole wine thing. Get some fresh air.” I felt her turning my body for me, pushing me away toward my room with both of her hands. “I’ll finish this delicious spicy smoke coffee and put my shoes on. Go on.”
I let her do it and walked upstairs, in a haze. I literally just flirted with my fiancé’s ex. My brain was slow, too slow to keep up with what had just happened.
I made it to the room Nat and I were sharing and sat down on the bed. Olivia was attractive, smart, funny, and troubled. Maybe I just wanted to save her and make her smile.
I swallowed and started to change. When I went back downstairs I stopped on the last step to get myself back in order.
She was still in the kitchen.
“Okay, I'm ready,” I said.
I picked up my mug and downed the coffee black.
“Want some whiskey with that,” Olivia asked.
“We don't have any yet,” I laughed and sighed.
“Come on stress-ball,” Olivia said, tugging on my wrist. “I’ll drive.”
“Good because I don't want to,” I said.
We went outside and I waited till she locked the door and we got in the car she rented.
“I've got the addresses. I can put them in the GPS,” I said.
“Wait,” Olivia said. She reached over my lap to push some button. My seat started to slide back and lean back. A recliner footrest popped-up. “What do you think?” She smiled. “Is it comfortable?”
I laughed and looked over at her. It was so neat. I'd been in a lot of different cars but this was beyond.
“That's so cool. I'll just be here, resting and relaxing,” I joked.
“Okay good,” Olivia laughed. “What’s the name of the first place?”
She didn’t want me fussing over her- fixing everything. I was beginning to understand. I tried to lean forward to touch the GPS but Olivia turned to me and pushed me to lay back, she even had to crawl a little out of her chair. “Just give me a name,” she said, stubbornly.
Her hand was on my chest and her eyes were locked with mine.
Her lips were so pretty. I wanted to kiss her.
I blinked and directed my gaze away, down to the list I had in my hand.
“It's Firefly Fine Wines,” I said.
“Okay,” she swallowed, looking down at her hand on my chest. “Was that so hard?” She smirked a little, crawling back off of me and into her chair. “Okay google. Set the GPS to Firefly Fine Wines.”
“Okay. Your GPS is now set to Firefly Fine Wines,” the robot voice verified.
Olivia buckled her safety belt and started to drive.
Everything was too hard right now.
I stayed quiet while the GPS told us where to go but I wanted to ask her what we were doing. I just couldn't.
“Do you have a favorite wine?” I asked.
Redirecting this was my only option.
“Oh god, that’s too hard,” Olivia smiled. “I’m going to pass on that. With wine, my tastes change too often. What about you?”
“I like anything that's good. I let Nat pick when we are at a restaurant most of the time.”
“Mmm. I like alcohol,” Olivia hummed. “It’s gotta be really bad to turn me off. I do have least favorite wines. Is that an acceptable answer? I’ve had wines so bad that when I see them my instinct is to lose all control and just start throwing the bottles as far as I can until they crash and spill everywhere. But I’m not a beast so, I tend to hold myself back.”
“I'd like to see you let the beast loose,” I said.
I let myself look at her and imagine what she would be like if she let herself go like that. It was an interesting concept.
“Careful what you wish for,” she teased.
“I think I could handle it,” I surmised.
I watched her until the GPS gave us another direction and I realized I was staring.
“You’re very brave,” Olivia joked.
“You have to be in my position,” I assured her.
“And what position is that,” Olivia asked.
“A woman in love with a woman who also loves someone else that's amazingly gorgeous and accomplished,” I stated.
“Now you've just confused me,” she laughed.
“Hmm, and myself a little,” I laughed too.
It was just as well.
We got close to where the store was and she found the shopping center. It was packed but we got a decent spot near the wine store.
“People are insane,” I said, looking over at a driver that almost hit our car.
“Always,” Olivia said, trying not to let it bother her.
I got out of the car and watched the guy leave the parking lot and have another near miss with an SUV.
“That guy is going to kill someone,” I groused.
“Come on,” Olivia said, slipping her hand in mine to try and distract me from my anger.
I went with her when she tugged on my hand and we went into the store. It was well lit and open with displays of wine spaced in wide aisles.
“I don't even know where to start,” I said.
“How ‘bout here,” Olivia suggested. She pulled in front of the closest section.
“This is all red mixes,” I said, moving down the display. “If you see anything good let me know. I know it's silly but sometimes I pick them just because I like the label.”
“That's not silly at all,” Olivia said. “We need a cart,” she nodded.
“What kind of chart?” I asked.
We walked down the rest of the aisle and then started the next one.
“A cart,” she repeated. “With wheels.”
“Oh! I thought you said chart, sorry,” I said. I laughed and squeezed her hand. “I'll go get one.”
As I walked off and looked back I noticed her watching me.
“See something…” I blushed and turned to pull a cart out of the corral. “Never mind,” I laughed.
I put myself behind the cart and leaned on the handle while I pushed it back toward Olivia.
Olivia waited until I was close to tug on the cart and lead it over to a bottle of wine she wanted to put inside.
“Let me see,” I said.
She handed me the bottle and I looked over the label. It looked nice but I didn't know anything about it.
“Looks good,” I commented.
“You'll see,” she said. Then she took another bottle of the same wine and put it into the cart.
“You gonna try to get me drunk?’ I asked.
“Only if you want me to,” she said.
“Hmm, depends,” I replied.
I kept walking until a bottle caught my eye and I picked it up to read the label. I could still feel her there, watching.
“How many times have you had to stay here in Vancouver,” she wondered.
“Several but mostly when Nat was guest staring in a TV series so it wasn't a long trip. She did the convention here and one other movie,” I said.
I put the bottle in the cart and walked on, seeing a display I wanted to look at up ahead.
“Have you seen her work?” I asked.
“Not in a long time,” Olivia said. “Half the reason we broke up was because I couldn't take knowing she was having sex scenes with other people and then coming home to settle for me.”
“Anyway,” she said, a little shaken by her memories. “I’ve always been too sensitive. I was just wondering if there was anything you’d want to do here. I could go with you, drive you… I like to drive. It calms me.”
“That's a nice offer, thank you.” I let myself watch her for a moment and then turned to the display. “Driving just makes me crazy and anxious so I'd appreciate that,” I added.
She was charming in such an unintentional way. She had no idea how attractive she was and I knew that was one of the reasons Nat must have loved her. Olivia could use all the love she could get.
“Just let me know,” she dropped subtly. “I think I'd enjoy going anywhere with you.”
“I might put that to the test,” I smiled.
That seemed to be our thing now, going places together and keeping busy while Nat worked.
We had a good, if also confusing time together. The situation blew my mind if I looked at it from a broad perspective. I shrank that down to this moment I was living again and tried to focus on that.
“How many do you think we should get? There's three weeks left before we're supposed to go home, emphasis on supposed,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“You don't think it'll happen?” Olivia wondered with an interested smile. She faced me and tried to read my expression.
“Depends on if they stick to the schedule and they don't try to add on any press stuff for Nat after filming,” I replied.
“Oh,” Olivia said. “Right.” It seemed she hadn't considered that possibility until now. “Well. I like alcohol but we can always come back if we run out. We should at least get the things you know you want.” Her good humor returned as she looked at me.
“Right,” I agreed. “Really good tequila for Nat and vodka for me. Then some white wine and I'm good,” I said.
“I'll be quick,” Olivia said. We'd never been in this store but she suddenly started to traverse the aisles much faster, grabbing bottles here and there, sometimes 3 at a time to bring back to the cart. When she was done she started to follow me patiently.
“You didn't have to rush. I'm fine. We have all day,” I said, smiling.
Olivia shrugged and walked closer, placing her hand between my shoulder blades as she stepped up on her toes and grabbed a bottle off the very top shelf. As she came back down the ball of her foot must've twisted. She nearly fell. My hands and body worked quick to catch her. The result of it was her entire front sliding down against mine.
“Sorry,” she panted, holding onto me with her one free arm. We’d brushed each other pretty generously. Her cheeks flushed red and she seemed scared or just too serious.
It took her a second to let go of me and push herself away.
After dropping the bottle into the cart, she straightened her clothes and pushed her stray strands of hair behind her ears.
“You missed some,” I said.
I reached out and fixed a bit of her hair that had fallen back to her face.
Fuck.
Danger!
“Uh,” she smiled nervously, a small laugh escaping her. “Th-ah-thanks,” she said, touching her hand to my wrist as I touched her. Her eyes closed for a moment and I could tell she was feeling me. The touch of her own hand on my skin. My fingertips intimately tracing the curve of her ear. There was relief in her, in this moment.
Her lips twitched as her eyes came back open. Her gaze was down but it flitted up to mine, momentarily slaying me.
She cleared her throat and let go of my wrist, smile swimming back to her with ease. These simple things made her feel embarrassed.
That it made her feel good when I touched her and looked at her, that she wanted me to, that I probably knew.
That knowledge made me step away.
20
(Olivia)
As it turned out, one liquor store was actually enough. We finished collecting things quickly and checked out awkwardly. The man at the register was giving us flack.
“California? What are you doing way up here?”
“Just on a drive,” I lied.
“A pretty long one,” he laughed. “Having a party?”
“Oh yeah,” I lied again.
There were certain bits of my personality that turned people off of wanting to be my close friend- not that I even invited that often. As Avery stood just beside me I wondered if my propensity to randomly lie about meaningless things to complete strangers was one of those anti-Olivia things.
The man got me chatting about a California party he went to once and how it was more like a festival. I tried to at least say something true.
Rolling all our alcohol out to the car made me laugh because we had so much of it, Avery was right.
“I don’t think we actually need to go to that second store,” I laughed, looking over at her guiltily. Personally, I’d been excited to do it. Our signals mixed though and I’d hurry when I’d think she wanted me to but that wasn’t the cas
e.
“They might have some different things. We can swing by unless you don't want to go.”
“I’d love to go,” I said, a little confused by her but trying not to let it show. “What’s it called?”