by Blythe Stone
“It's not your job to fucking think Natalia! Your job is to say the words and look fuckable. I wasn't aware you were ever confused about that. Now say the goddamn line!”
Avery's hand let go of mine and before I could react she was across the set in the director’s face, which was an accomplishment seeing as she was at least five inches shorter than he was.
“Back the fuck off Roger!” Avery put her hand on his chest and pushed him. “You're pushing it.”
“Hey,” Nat said, tugging on her elbow. “Its fine.”
Roger started to laugh. “Oh here comes the girlfriend,” he said all loud, voice actually squeaking with amusement. “Can’t go one fucking day without some display of servitude and queer love.”
“Hey!” Nat snapped at him.
“Everybody here is waiting for you Natalie! Waiting for you to get your shit together and do your goddamn job! Get her out of here or I will,” Roger said, pointing at Avery.
I waited until he began to storm off to make my approach.
“I'm getting a drink,” Roger growled on his way away from the set.
As he came to walk near me our eyes locked. We noticed each other.
My eyes followed his and his eyes followed mine. I knew my expression was one of stoic non-amusement.
My steps faltered a little. It was like crossing paths with an unpredictable lion.
I kept walking, approaching the two of them in the middle of the shooting area.
“Baby, you can't do that,” Nat wept, exhausted. “He'll kick you out. You can't just jump in like that. No one else here does that. Challenging him could get them at worst arrested and at best fired. I scored this job for a reason and one of them is my ability to handle his shit. You have to be more careful. He’d feel no remorse about banishing you from the set. He'd probably get off on it.”
“Hey,” I said sadly. They'd been whispering but I heard everything. Also, people were staring.
“Aw. Hey,” Nat said, noticing me and taking my hand. Things like this were part of the reason I hated to watch her work. Tech people and directors usually got stressed out near the end of their filming. They were on tight deadlines and they wanted what they wanted. Plus, there wasn’t much oversight. It was sort of like being stuck on a ship.
Nat’s hand felt so right in mine as she took it to pull me to stand near her. I felt her tug on me and then lean on me for a hug. Her full body blanketed mine. I felt safe and also like I was protecting her with the weight of my infinite love.
Any chance to touch her filled me up inside and healed a small part of me that had been neglected and rotting for years.
Her arms around me, my face pressed to her neck and chest.
“He went too far. No one ever calls him in his shit. I couldn't watch it anymore. What was I supposed to do?” Avery raged.
“You're supposed to trust that I can handle it,” Nat said, staring over at her. “This project is almost done Avery. And we'll finish it. But we don't get to make the rules here and his words aren't worth anything to me. You should already know that.”
I didn't know what to do. I understood where they both were coming from.
Avery closed her eyes and exhaled. She shook her head once before walking away from us.
“Shit,” Nat said, watching her.
Avery kept walking out of sight and didn't look back.
“Alright people. Let's go! We don't have time for this bullshit! Who are you?” The director asked, approaching us.
“A friend,” I said, staring openly at him. Direct eye contact really freaked some people out so I often used it.
“Well okay. That's sweet but- it’s work time now.”
He tugged on my arm and physically pulled me away from her.
“Hey! Roger?! What the fuck?!” Nat’s voice squeaked. She didn't like people touching me. She always hated it. It set her off.
“We don't have time for this,” he growled at her.
“O-. Okay,” Nat said, nodding. “It’s good. I'm good. Let's do this.” She turned to me, touching my hand. “Okay. Are you-?” Her features were riddled with concern for me but I was fine.
I nodded. He didn't hurt me. I looked Roger up and down, a bit cold, and saw him recognize that he should be a little ashamed. Something in his stare told me he knew I wasn't some delicate princess. “I'll go check on her,” I said.
“Alright people. Let's go! She's ready!” Robert had turned from us both, getting his shit together, and letting his anger out onto his staff.
Everyone seemed to move and gather, each with a job to do.
I didn't like it but I left Nat alone to go and find Avery again. It's what Nat wanted me to do and I was worried now anyway.
Outside there was no sign of her. I felt a little cold. I hadn't worn a heavy coat and it was actually somewhat chilly today.
I found Nat’s trailer and knocked on the door.
“Ah-Avery? Are you in here? Are you okay?”
Her increasing anger nearly shattered me back there. She had such propensity for joy. It hurt to see her so upset.
A large part of me wanted to call someone, report this man for the way he'd spoken to Nat. We had a lot of investors and partners in high places. Hollywood was in no way some impenetrable bubble. Especially right now.
All it would take was one picture with this guy on my Instagram, one disparaging remark and the press would be all over his ass.
My mind raced with ideas, what I could do and/or say. But the thought of Avery upset kept me more present.
“Avery?” I asked again. “I- I'm gonna come in.” Waiting was too much. I pushed the trailer door open and went inside to check for her. “Hey,” I said, upon finding her. I was worried she might not want me. “Should… Should I leave you alone?” I wondered.
“No, I'm fine. I just lost control. I'm sorry,” she said, hanging her head.
“Aww, sweetie,” I said, approaching her. I sat next to her and started to rub her back. “Hey,” I said, trying to slow myself to meet her mode. “That's okay. I know why it happened.”
We haven't been this close since that other night. I started to feel all those things I felt then, only stronger.
“She doesn't have to take his shit. I hate it,” she said, forming her hands into fists.
“Hey,” I said. Taking one of her fists and trying to hold it.
“I guess I should just let her deal with him and get over it. That's what she wants anyway,” she sighed.
“Hey,” I said again, trying to get her to look at me. “It's almost over,” I reminded.
I didn't know why she asked me to come here.
“I hope she doesn't work with him again,” she said.
“Me too,” I said, trying to be helpful in some way. I managed to slip my fingers between hers and hold her hand.
She leaned against me and let her body relax.
“Sorry you came out here and this happened,” she said.
“It’s okay,” I said, holding her. “I realized I hadn't tried to come to set yet. Wonder why,” I teased.
“It's not usually this bad. On a good day it would actually be fun. I could still show you around and then we could go over to craft services,” she said.
“Can we just stay here a while,” I asked. “I don't need a tour. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
I rubbed her back and held her hand. My thigh was pressed to hers, I was that close. It was the most physical contact we’d had since days ago when we couldn't stop touching each other.
What I really wanted to do was tell her I missed her.
“Of course, it's probably better that way,” she groaned.
Her arms went slack and she turned to look at me.
“Why do we have to love so hard it hurts?” She asked.
“What do you mean,” I asked, broken a little. I let my hand slip down further around her back so I'd be hugging her tighter. For good measure, I shook her a little.
She was probably talking a
bout her life with Nat.
“I hurt when she does. It makes me sick,” she said.
“Sweetie…” I didn't know what to say. Their codependence was dangerous and a bit one-sided. I couldn't see this near servitude from Avery as something Natalie actually craved. But then I didn't actually do right by her did I? For several reasons, I now worried for the both of them. “Natalie likes her job,” I reminded. “And she likes you happy too. There has to be a medium.”
I twisted and rest my chin on her shoulder, moving to hug her with the all of me.
I'd give advice but it would fall like a rock. So I hugged her instead and wondered what she’d want me to do.
“I'm just emotional today, ignore me,” she said.
She hugged me back hard though.
“Why would I do that,” I wondered softly.
“Because I'm silly. Come on, you saw what happened. I was ridiculous,” she said.
“You were upset with good reason,” I said. “I was upset too. That man was disgusting.”
My blood boiled but it wasn't an oddity. Nat had a history of purposely ignoring such cretin to get and do what she wanted, she was very smart.
“Still, it wasn't what Nat needed. I probably made it worse for her,” Avery complained.
“Maybe so. But at least someone said something.”
I didn't know what to tell her. The way she acted, one might think it was new for her. She felt it all too deeply.
“I think this stuff bothers you more than her. Nat can deal with it. She wouldn't be here if she didn't want to be. She doesn't need this money.”
“I know,” Avery said.
“Sorry. I didn't come here to upset you.”
“You didn't. Roger did. You're comforting me,” she said.
I held her and wondered if I really was helping anything.
“You feel good,” I whispered.
There weren't that many people I liked to touch.
“You're sweet and you feel better,” she admitted.
“No,” I said, sure of it. Her body was so much nicer than mine. I tangled my fingers up in the fabric of her shirt and clung on.
“I'll let you have that but I still protest,” I said.
27
(Avery)
My misery loves company but I couldn't drag Olivia down with me. She should be watching Nat and having a good time. It didn't matter what I wanted.
We were closer than we should be right now. I was emotional. She was feeling what energy I was giving off after that confrontation. We were going to collide.
When I looked at her she was staring at my lips so I couldn't help looking down at hers. When I leaned closer so did she. I could almost feel our lips meet but I stopped an inch away, all that potential unfulfilled.
I opened my eyes, realizing that I'd closed them like I would for any kiss.
“S-sorry,” I stammered.
I moved away, releasing her, and gathering myself.
“Uhh…” Olivia sat up and ran a hand through her hair.
“Yeah,” I said.
I watched her for a moment before getting up.
“I really wanted to kiss you all of a sudden,” I said.
She stared up at me vulnerably.
The trailer door swung open and Nat walked in.
For a second we all stared.
“Hey,” Nat said, a little confused.
“Hey,” Olivia half-smiled over at her. Olivia looked tired.
“Everything okay in here? Seems a little tense,” Nat said, looking at me.
“Yeah, we're fine. It just got a little hot is all,” I said.
“Hot, huh.” She walked past us both to get to her bag. “I'm good for an hour or two. Robert's sick of my face.”
“Shithead,” Olivia mumbled.
“Now that is an understatement,” Nat scoffed.
Olivia got up and walked to stand by her. “Can I do anything?” She offered.
“Mm. I dunno,” Nat said, staring. She touched Olivia’s lips with her thumb and stared at them. “You're pretty,” she said, all serious.
Olivia smiled a little, definitely embarrassed and confused by us both. She took Natalie's hand and pulled it down off her face, holding it.
“I'm sorry about what happened,” I said.
“I know,” Nat smiled, looking over at me. She motioned for me to come close and hug her.
I obliged and walked to her side. My arms went around her and I felt her body touch mine, perfect like always. My anchor and the only person who could make me feel like it was going to be okay. Even if I had just almost kissed her ex.
“I'll be happy when this is over and your contract is up with them,” I said.
“My contract is a good contract,” Nat whispered.
“Yeah, I know,” I said, still holding on.
“Like it or not, I wouldn't be where I am in my career without that maniac.”
Olivia started to walk back to where she'd been sitting before but her hand was still in Nat’s and Nat didn’t let her go. Instead she tugged her back and only let go when she was close enough to hug her too.
I felt Olivia’s hand at my back between my shoulder-blades and her body was now touching mine and Nat’s.
Her forehead rest against the side of Nat’s neck while Nat rest her face on my shoulder.
We were all recharging together, helping each other.
“I think he knows I’m outgrowing him,” Nat said. “It's not an excuse. To me it explains a few things.”
“You feel so good,” Olivia whispered. She was talking to Nat this time but I could feel how much she wanted to be close like this.
“You feel good too, baby” Nat said. “You both do.” I felt Nat’s hand slip under my shirt and touch at the skin of my side. “Are either of you up for a nap?”
Her trailer, of course, had a bed.
“Always, with you,” Olivia said.
“Sure,” I said.
Sleep didn't seem possible now but I'd do whatever Nat wanted. She led us to the bed and laid down, kicking off her shoes.
I looked over at Olivia who was watching Nat and then climbed up on the bed. Nat pulled me close and I tucked my face into her neck.
Pretty soon Nat was nestled underneath us both. The bed had moved, Olivia slowly crawled up it and onto Nat’s other side. I felt Olivia take my hand and tug my arm across Nat’s body to hold onto her back and touch her too. We both buried our faces into Nat’s neck. “This is nice,” Nat chuckled a little.
“We need music,” Olivia teased.
I stayed quiet while they talked. Kissing Olivia was still on my mind. The near miss ate at me and made me wonder.
They would probably fall asleep soon but I’d just think in circles. It was my curse.
Olivia hummed in pleasure, snuggled up on Natalie like I was. Nat turned her face a little so that she could kiss my forehead and breathe me in.
They eventually went to sleep and I listened to their breathing, trying to relax. Olivia's skin on mine made me a little crazy. I was right beside Nat, that was even more stimulation, another reason I wouldn't rest.
That trouble wouldn't leave me. I could feel it now. I could fall in love with Olivia but that couldn't happen. I had Nat already and we were forever.
28
(Olivia)
I showed up late. It was an accident. I’d been counting down to Nat’s project end date now for what seemed like ages and now it was the wrap party. Of course I couldn’t just show up like it was no big deal. A celebration was in order. Mostly, I knew that Avery needed Nat’s project to end.
They worried me, those two. Taking up residency inside their little world had done a few noticeable things to me.
But, overall, I’d been tasked to wait on the one true love of my life. Waiting wasn't something I was used to, not even briefly.
When I woke up this morning all I could think was: It’s done. The waiting is done.
Natalie promised me she'd give me time and see
me. I wanted that time. I wanted her.
Spending the morning at the spa might not have been the best idea. I pampered myself to make sure I had no imperfections. My muscles were worked out, no more knots from sitting at a desk or spending hours on planes.