In The Spotlight

by Shona Husk

  ‘I’ve told you my darkest secrets.’

  ‘Have you?’

  Ripley considered for a moment. ‘Yes. When most people see the paw prints on my leg I tell them it was for a family pet. You know the truth. You also know what could happen to me. The crumbling tower being struck by lightning I got soon after my father was diagnosed. What about you?’

  ‘I have no secrets.’

  ‘Why are you so jumpy in public with me?’

  ‘I come from a small town, really small town. My parents went to church and everybody knew everybody and what colour undies they wore. Now I’m on a boat where I know some guys don’t bother with undies.’

  ‘That personal.’

  ‘Yeah. That personal. I don’t know how they will deal with it.’

  ‘You do realise that is their problem, not yours.’

  ‘It becomes mine. I know I’m not the first and I won’t be the last and maybe if I was you I would be able to swan onto the boat and it would be fine.’ He paused. ‘You want something personal? My nickname is Lover and they think I’m a country hick virgin.’

  Well, one part of that was true. ‘So you having a girlfriend is a big deal?’

  Pierce nodded. ‘It was easier to agree when they assumed. Now I don’t know how to come clean.’

  ‘I don’t know either. I don’t think anyone has ever assumed I had a girlfriend.’ Ripley frowned. He’d had women ask him out, or even ask if he played for both teams, but nothing had ever happened. He could appreciate a woman’s body but it didn’t make him hard.

  ‘Got a long list to go through?’

  ‘It’s not that long … what do you define as long?’ There was a small period where the numbers got fuzzy.

  Pierce grimaced. ‘Let’s not do that.’

  ‘Good idea.’ Was Pierce busy calculating his list of lovers? ‘We could do the whole blood test thing and skip to the fun bit.’ He was sure Pierce paled at the idea. ‘No?’

  It had been a long time since he’d trusted someone enough to believe they weren’t cheating. That had lasted four months. That was the longest he’d managed over the last five years. One person had destroyed the simple trust that should exist between lovers, but when he looked at Pierce he knew he’d be okay.

  ‘I’ve never done that.’

  Ripley smiled and winked. ‘I know, there is lots you haven’t done.’

  Pierce blushed on cue. He glanced around and leaned closer. ‘How did you know?’

  ‘I think I always did.’

  ‘No, that you aren’t fussy about how you get it.’

  Heat raced down Ripley’s spine, lodged in his hips and spread. ‘I’ll try anything at least once. How do you know you don’t like it otherwise?’

  Was Pierce thinking about … no … don’t be getting your hopes up. It was too late for other parts of him.

  ‘One seems more personal … and yet it can’t be because when I was meeting …’ Pierce tapered off as the waiter brought the dessert menu over.

  ‘Dessert, coffees, liquor?’

  Ripley looked at Pierce. He wanted to get back to the room and get naked. It had been days. ‘I think we’ll get the bill.’

  ‘Very well, sir.’

  Ripley put his elbows on the table and leaned forward. ‘Some people have specific needs and will do anything to get them filled.’

  ‘Do you?’

  ‘Right now, oh yes.’

  Pierce leaned back a little. His gaze watchful. ‘That wasn’t an offer.’

  Not yet. ‘I know. I have something else in mind.’

  Pierce groaned. ‘Don’t make me regret staying over.’

  But he was still staying. ‘Do you trust me?’

  Pierce swallowed as though that one little word was struggling to get out. ‘Yes.’

  Chapter 15

  Pierce dropped his overnight bag on the spare bed. At some point in the next couple of days Ripley was going to have to pack all those clothes away. He was dreading it because that meant the company would be leaving and he’d be left behind.

  His choice but it still scared him. He locked the door. Fear of the unknown; he’d never been afraid to make that leap before, but then he’d always been confident that he’d make it. For the first time he wasn’t sure, even though he had people who believed in him.

  Pierce watched him for a moment. ‘What deviousness have you got planned?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘I can see it in your eyes.’

  ‘Really?’

  Pierce nodded. ‘You get this look as though you are figuring out the best way to get what you want.’

  ‘Does that worry you?’

  ‘A little … what if it’s not what I want?’

  ‘Then you say stop.’

  Pierce still didn’t look convinced.

  Ripley toed off his shoes. ‘Leave the condoms in here, nothing is going to happen that needs them.’ He put his hand over his heart. ‘I swear. I’m not that guy.’

  He would never be that guy.

  ‘Okay. I’ll play.’

  ‘Leave your clothes out here too.’ He undid his shirt buttons, which took twice as long as it usually did. He had never been so uncoordinated in his entire life. But Pierce wasn’t racing to get undressed either.

  ‘Want a hand?’

  ‘I want a shoulder.’ Before he could start the annoying process of getting out of the shirt, Pierce was helping. It was hard to resent the help when Pierce’s lips were on his skin. ‘I’m supposed to be seducing you.’

  ‘I know, but I want you naked and then you can enact your evil plan.’ His hand was undoing Ripley’s jeans and easing in and sliding over him.

  Ripley laughed. ‘I want to hear you screaming my name.’

  While he said it as though he was joking, there was a serious note. He did want to hear his name on Pierce’s lips. He wanted to hear him gasping with pleasure. But he also knew what he wanted might be pushing things a bit too far.

  ‘That is what I’m worried about.’

  Ripley kissed him softly. ‘Trust me.’

  ‘I’m trying.’

  That Ripley believed. For the moment it was enough. This was new ground, well beyond the line they had originally drawn in the sand. This was no longer a fling with a time limit … there was no time limit. And if Ripley thought about it too much, his feet got far colder than they should.

  They shed the rest of their clothes and Ripley turned on the shower. He watched Pierce from beneath his lashes, his gaze skimming over the other man’s body. It would be altogether too easy to have him now. He reached out and pulled him closer. While some people got off on the anticipation, Pierce was obviously not one of them.

  ‘Would you rather know?’

  Pierce released a slow breath. ‘No, because I might not give it a chance.’

  He was going to have to go slow. They got into the shower and Ripley went extra slow with lots of touching, caressing and teasing as they washed, getting Pierce close before backing off. He was aching, but tonight he was making a point, that it wasn’t all about him all of the time. It couldn’t be if this was going to work, and he had to remember what that was like. The one thing he hated most was making himself vulnerable, but that was part of being in a relationship.

  ‘Put your hands on the wall.’ Ripley lifted one of Pierce’s hands to the cool tile.

  There was a small hesitation before Pierce put his other hand up. That looked so hot. Ripley pressed against him and kissed the back of his neck. He reached around and stroked Pierce’s length. If he kept going Pierce would come. He could get himself off like this. For a moment he considered doing just that. He liked the contact, the way Pierce’s hips had started moving.

  With a groan, he pulled away.

  Pierce tipped his head back. ‘Why did you stop?’

  ‘Because.’ He ran his hand down Pierce’s spine and cupped his butt, which he could fortunately do with both hands. His shoulder was impacting his sex life as well as his sleep and da
ncing and dressing, pretty much everything.

  Pierce flinched when Ripley ran one finger down the crease. If that made him flinch, he was going to leap out of the shower with what he wanted to do next. Ripley didn’t give Pierce time to wonder. He dropped to his knees and used his tongue to tease him.

  Pierce swore. ‘That was unexpected.’

  He still had his hands on the wall, his fingers curled instead of flat. Right now it was taking all of Ripley’s will not to stand up and bury himself in Pierce’s ass.

  ‘Not horrible?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  Ripley gave a low laugh. ‘Yeah, sometimes you have to try things several times … after all, it takes a while to get good at something.’

  First tongue, then the tip of his finger. Pierce moaned. ‘I’m gonna …’

  Ripley pushed his finger in. Pierce came on the wall. He hung his head as he caught his breath. Ripley stood. He needed about three seconds to get himself off.

  ‘I’m not going to enter.’ But he was behind Pierce, and he was thinking about it. Pierce didn’t resist as Ripley worked his cock between the cheeks of Pierce’s ass. He came with a shudder, holding his lover and the water drumming on his back.

  After a few minutes, he pulled away so they could both rinse off.

  As they dried off, Pierce paused and looked at him. ‘Do you really want to do the blood test thing?’

  ‘No. I hate needles and tests, but I will if you will and then …’ He shrugged as if it meant nothing. He usually tricked himself that it was routine, nothing more. This was different. He hadn’t wanted anyone enough to worry. And the last person had been the one to make him worry.

  ‘How are you going to get through the other test?’

  ‘I have no idea.’ But he couldn’t run any longer. He had to face that, like his brother, he could be staring down an untreatable disease. What he did know was he didn’t want to be old and bitter and dying alone. He was too young to be thinking that far into the future. It didn’t seem real. ‘I’ll probably be impossible.’

  Pierce gripped his hand. ‘Maybe you should wait until I sail.’

  Ripley glanced at him. Pierce was grinning.

  It was easy to forget Pierce wasn’t going to be around for the rest of the year, he was going to be leaving. Where did that leave this? Ripley forced his lips to move. He’d never, ever been with someone who left and expected him to wait. Could he be on his own for three months?

  Did he trust himself?

  If he fucked up, Pierce probably wouldn’t give him the chance to try again. The urge to run made his heart beat quicker.

  ‘That was a joke. If you need me to come with you, I will.’

  His feet became rooted to the floor again. Pierce wasn’t running, he was offering support. And he was selfish enough to take it. He wasn’t like Paul. ‘What if I have it?’

  ‘I don’t know. I can’t think that far ahead and you have other more immediate things to worry about.’ Pierce touched Ripley’s injured shoulder.

  He knew his shoulder should come first, that was something he could fix. ‘It’s not only the waiting for the test results to be ready. I could’ve had the test done years ago. I have to want to get the results.’ He’d always had a reason to put it off.

  ‘And if you don’t have it, you are living with the fear.’

  ‘I’m used that.’ That extra bit of pressure that he might only have a limited time to do what he wanted. He’d been determined to do everything, just in case. He’d pushed too hard and was paying the price.

  ‘If you can get the result anytime then it doesn’t matter today, or this year, or even next year. The day you want to know you can find out—if you’ve gotten the test done.’

  ‘That depends a lot on the day.’ He didn’t know if training was going to be enough of a distraction.

  Pierce kissed him, his hand slid around the back of Ripley’s neck. ‘It doesn’t matter right now.’

  ***

  Blue leaned against the bulkhead. ‘I’m having a barbeque at my place for the stokers next weekend. Coming or too busy shagging?’

  Given that he and Ripley were still working out what they were doing, he had no idea. ‘Maybe.’

  ‘You can bring your girlfriend. Mine will unfortunately be there, and I think the others are bringing their prettier side.’

  Pierce put down the spanner. He’d spent more time staring at what he was supposed to be doing that actually working today. He couldn’t keep up this charade. The pretence, the half lies; it was too much. ‘I don’t have a girlfriend.’

  ‘I saw the texts. I’ve seen you come in looking like hell with a smile on your face. That only happens for one reason. All-night fucking. It’s why I never smile. I’d be happy with two minutes.’

  ‘You got her pregnant.’

  ‘Mmm. Don’t I regret that.’ He pulled the cigarette out of his top pocket and rolled it between his fingers. Ever since he’d quit he’d been carrying around an emergency smoke. ‘So what’s the story then?’

  ‘I have … a …’

  Blue frowned. ‘A what? Boyfriend?’

  Pierce sighed. ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Get out. What? No. Are you shitting with me?’ He put the cigarette back into his pocket. ‘You are serious.’

  ‘I don’t want everyone knowing. But that’s why I won’t be bringing anyone.’

  ‘That’s bullshit. You can bring him … wait, I thought your girlfriend was a dancer.’

  ‘He is.’ Ripley wasn’t letting his shoulder stop him.

  ‘Fuck me. Bring him.’

  ‘And let you lot go to town on him and me? No thanks.’ He wasn’t ready for that. It was one thing to go out with Ripley and his friends, but another to drag Ripley into his world.

  ‘I still can’t believe it.’

  ‘Why because I don’t call everyone sweetie or mince around?’

  Blue shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I always thought you were a shy country boy.’

  ‘I am, it’s why I don’t want you to spread it around.’

  ‘No one is going to care.’

  ‘That’s easy for you to say.’

  ‘I was born a ginger, I can’t change that. I’ve been called Blue since my first day of high school. I’m sure half the people here don’t know my real name. The other half want to know if everything matches.’ He pointed at his crotch.

  Pierce bit back a smile.

  ‘It does, by the way.’

  ‘I wasn’t wondering.’

  ‘Look, I won’t say anything. Not my place. But the invitation is there, don’t feel like you can’t bring him. It’s always nice to get the partners connected before we sail.’

  ‘Yeah, he’s going to fit in real well.’

  ‘Duh, shopping, lunches, spending the sailors’ pay cheques. The wives will love him.’

  Everybody loved Ripley. He was that person. However, he couldn’t imagine Ripley being happy doing endless lunches and shopping. He was also the kind of person who was busy … to the point of overbusy. He could be exhausting, but Pierce liked that because it meant he had to catch up. If not for Ripley he’d still be hiding in his shell, only venturing out for sex.

  ‘I don’t know …’ It was tempting, but he had to work with these people. It might be fine over drinks, but what would it be like on Monday morning? Or when they sailed? He was still so worried about how everyone else would react instead of living his life. ‘I’ll ask him.’

  ‘Does he have any hot female dancer friends?’

  Pierce shook his head. ‘I’ll hook you up.’

  ‘Cheers, mate.’ Blue smiled but it was grim.

  He knew that Blue would never cheat, no matter how much he griped. He wouldn’t leave either. Blue was living someone else’s life because that was what was expected.

  Chapter 16

  Ripley pushed the swing chair with one foot. Paul was taking Dad and Brandy for a walk. His brother was spending much more time with their father. He should be doing the
same. He loved him, Dad had been nothing but supportive, but seeing the decline scared him and then he felt like shit for wanting to avoid his father. He couldn’t win.

  His mum sat on the swing with him. She offered him a brownie without saying anything. They stared out over the garden. It needed mowing. He should do that. It had been one of his jobs when he’d been a teen. His life was going backwards. He wasn’t sure his shoulder was up for lawn mowing.

  ‘Six months ago we were going to sell and get somewhere smaller.’

  ‘I didn’t plan on moving back in.’ It was almost the last place he wanted to be.

  She hugged him. ‘I know, but I’m glad you are going to be here for a while. We miss you.’

  Ripley closed his eyes and blamed the sun for the prickling behind his eyelids. He put his arm around his mum. ‘I’m thinking about starting the process.’

  He didn’t know if Paul had gotten around to telling their parents yet and he didn’t want to say anything if he hadn’t.

  His mum frowned. ‘I thought you’d done it already. We actually thought you knew and were keeping quiet.’

  Ripley shook his head and laughed. ‘I took the San Francisco job because I needed to run. I couldn’t stay.’

  ‘I thought it was the opportunity.’

  ‘It was, a little.’ It had been a great opportunity to travel and see the States and work his way up. An excuse to not face the truth. He licked chocolate off his finger and hoped that Paul ate the rest of the tray.

  ‘If you’re already living the life you want, then nothing will change.’

  Was he? Mostly.

  ‘I’m taking a risk, Mum. I’m not staying because of my shoulder. I’m switching styles, going classical. I’m going to be out of a job for a while.’ That scared the tights off him.

  ‘But you’ll be home?’

  ‘Yes. If you will have me.’

  ‘Of course we will. It will be lovely to have you both back.’

  Yeah, just delightful to be living at home with his parents and older brother.

  ‘I’ll be broke.’ He had some savings, but not much. The worry that he wouldn’t get another performing job was there. However, Anton was well connected and sometimes who you knew could be as important as what you did. He’d come this far on his own sweat and blood. It would be nice if he could get that boost—that he would pay for in sweat and blood in Anton’s studio.