WHO KILLED ME: The Strangest Whodunnit

by Irfan Khan

  Jagan remains silent as he continues pondering.

  “Sir, the missing mobile phone is also a big mystery. Did the murderer take away the phone’? Jagan asks with curiosity.

  Madhav corrects him “That’s not possible’. Madhav picks up the report from under the pile of papers “The phone company says that the phone is shut down and the last time it was working was about the time of the murder. The iPhone is a very secure phone. It cannot be hacked if it is passcode protected. If the killer took it and tried to open it, then the phone would erase itself.”

  Jagan nods in agreement. He has seen the report. He asks “Should I run the phone numbers of the family for call details”?

  Madhav shrugs his shoulders “No harm in doing that.”

  The Post Mortem report has downloaded. Madhav and Jagan crowd around the computer monitor. Madhav reads it out loud.

  “The post mortem was performed by Dr Baldev Rana and assistant Dr Shakti Singh. It was found that the deceased was shot from behind where the assailant was at a close range, almost point-blank. The shot was fired from a Smith & Wesson 9mm pistol. The bullet pierced the skull from behind the head and exited from the temple. The victim had a large quantity of pain killer drugs in his system. The death must have happened about 14 hours before the autopsy. That means the murder must have happened between 15:30 and 16:00 hours.”

  Madhav and Jagan sat back in their chairs and looked deep in thoughts “Maybe the killer drugged the victim and then shot him’. Madhav got up and started pacing “Probably he was drugged at some other spot and then brought here. This must have been done to reduce resistance.” Madhav was now demonstrating how the killer must have been positioned “The point-blank shot is like a hitman’s job. It could be a killing done by a contract killer on instructions from an enemy.”

  Jagan is mesmerised and agreeing to the hypothesis. Madhav's constable Chandan arrives. He has been on the field for eyewitnesses.

  Madhav asks him excitedly “You found anything”?

  Chandan is not very happy “Sorry, I have nothing. I have scanned for CCTV cameras on the street but there were none, except a little distance away there is a Hotel 'Oscar' but their cameras stopped working since morning that day.”

  Madhav looks disappointed but still hopeful “Have you tapped your informer network? We can get the grapevine from informers and also question known criminals. If this is a hitman’s job then these guys should know something about it.”

  . . .

  How We Met

  12 years ago

  My dear friend Mohit was getting married and all his friends were at the reception. The wedding was in Jammu in the middle of the winter. Me and a bunch of college friends were hovering near the beverage counter. There was no liquor being served at the wedding so we were carrying miniatures in our pockets. How could we enjoy the wedding without getting our buzz? We were mixing the drinks surreptitiously. Besides that, some of the boys were slyly eyeing the super decked up girls and whispering comments like perfect creeps.

  Whatever others might say but we all, and especially women, like to dress up and get noticed especially at weddings, which always turn into an amateur fashion show. Of course, we did not cat-call or become rogues. We were a decent bunch which had perfected the art of stalking while looking in a random direction. This is how it works. The guy who spots a pretty girl on the left of him, would turn his head to his right and then tell the other boy to look in the opposite direction. The guy who received the GPS coordinates would train his eyes like how a manual telescope would peep into space. Then both will start talking about the same girl but will not look in the same direction at the same time. Therefore, not giving away their crudeness and still look innocent. Not a behavior that I am proud of but at that time we thought it seemed harmless.

  Have you noticed that after a while everyone has to return the booze? Invariably you have to pee the booze out and keep the buzz and soon enough I made my way to the men's room. Since the wedding was hosted on a large ground, the toilets were makeshift with cloth partitions. I reached the ‘pee collection booth’ and went about my business softly whistling a cheesy song when I heard female voices. I couldn’t help overhearing the conversation from the adjoining Ladies Room. In all fairness, they were quite loud and the partitions were sheer cloth, totally in my favour.

  Girl 1: I am telling you I saw it for sure. Those guys at the counter are mixing booze in soft drinks.

  Girl 2: (irritated) That’s why I don’t like these bloody ghagras, they don't have pockets. Now how could I get the miniatures?

  Girl 3: Good learning, maybe I will share it with the costume designer for my wedding. But how the hell can we get some booze now?

  Girl 1: Plan 1. Nobody will look towards the counter. Just accept it. No chance we are getting any booze today. It’s going to be a dry evening. Plan 2 We complain about the boys boozing and shut them down.

  Girl 3: (excitedly) Plan 2, plan 2!!!

  Girl 2: That’s why my wedding will be out of Jammu. Destination wedding. I will not invite anyone who will have an objection to liquor and meat. Let’s go back now.

  Girl 3: I am cursing the couple. I wish their condom tears in the middle of the act.

  All girls giggled aloud. I knew they were done, I hurried out but wandered outside the loo checking my mobile. When I saw the girls coming out, I took the liberty,

  “Maybe we can share… some drinks… with you guys.”

  The girls stopped stunned and exchanged surprised glances as they realized that I heard their conversation.

  I hurried to add a clarification “Not my fault. There is only a cloth between the two loos. Can’t see anything but can hear loud and clear.”

  I scanned the gang of girls and start to make my pick. They were all looking at their best. It is obvious, they all have been to a beauty parlor today. But the girl who caught my eye was the one with flowing hair and very little makeup. Now that is a super girl. She had these sleepy eyes which can also be described as drunk. She was wearing a yellow ghagra which did justice to her figure. Thankfully she was not catwalk thin. She had very slight chubbiness which was quite charming. I think the best part was her confident attitude. She looked like a self-assured girl who knew her way around the world. I pointed to the girl in yellow ghagra.

  “You want some? I can spike a coke and pass it to you if you don't mind.”

  The girl lifted her ghagra above the ground and walked towards me,

  “What stuff do you have”? She held out her hand with confidence “Hi, I am Reema, that's Shobha, Nidhi and Megha.”

  I almost said “Bingo” aloud.

  “I am Nikhil.”

  I took her stretched palm in my hand and very consciously gave her the grip which was firm but not crushing and held on just enough to make her feel secure. This grip had been practiced for such an occasion.

  “Vodka, Rum, Whiskey, we have all”?

  I greeted all of them and asked them to follow me.

  As the entourage made its way to the beverage counter. I made sure to strike up a conversation with Reema. This was a signal to the gang of boys that ‘this one’ is marked and not up for hunting. The expression on the face of the boys was precious. In my mind, I pictured myself as Moses leading the flock to the promised land. I spotted a vacant table and pulled up the chair and asked,

  “Okay, orders please”?

  Reema had already made a list “Two vodkas with Sprite and Two Coke and Rum.”

  Nikhil looked impressed and replied like a restaurant steward “Okay girls, sit back and relax; I will be back with the stuff.”

  I sauntered over to the boys ever so slowly savoring the wide eyes and gaping mouths. This was my day, I was going to be the stud muffin of this group, from here onwards. No one can top this ever. In one stroke I had solved the problem of two groups.

  Nikhil whispered to the boys crowding him “All questions later, I need two vodkas in Sprite and two rum and coke.”

  The m
iniatures appeared magically and emptied in glasses as the Sprites and Cokes popped like the boy’s hearts. As the four of us walked back we were feeling victorious like soldiers. Not that we were expecting some action tonight but this was a good break from the boring wedding reception.

  I handed the Vodka-Sprite to Reema and settled on the chair next to her. The boys moved around awkwardly like a confusing musical chair. I am sure they were trying to match up with their choices. The girls giggled about the confusion while grabbing their drinks. Reema took a sip and appreciated the mix as she gave out a sigh. She thanked me profusely. I could see that she was a pro at drinking. I started gathering essential data. She had good mannerism and style. That means she may not be from Jammu or at least not grew up here. Her diction was classy so maybe a good convent school. Where does she live, in Jammu or elsewhere? I shot the questions to her in a volley. She replied in the same manner.

  “Born Jammu, grew up in Delhi. Studied there in Miranda house. Here from girl’s side. Fine Arts Graduate. Art Supervisor in an ad agency. There.

  KYC (Know Your Chick) done. Now to create a reason to meet again.

  “Have you been to Sugaoni”?

  Reema shook her head and picked up a paneer tikka “Never. Where is it”?

  I found his opening to continue the conversation “You have to see for yourself. Come over I am the King of Sugaoni.”

  Reema widened her eyes in disbelief “So what is so interesting there”?

  I faked being offended, widen my eyes throw up arms “Whoa! Interesting? I see the challenge thrown and accept the same.” I got into the drama mode “Here goes, to begin with, I am the most interesting person there, because I am the most interested in your visit.

  She laughed that my fragile ego was bruised.

  Reema tried to calm me down “I was talking about the history of the place and sightseeing.”

  Now the tourist guide in me surfaced

  I was now the anchor on a travel show “We have the best orchards in the whole country and our lakes are heaven on earth. We are very hospitable people and not for a moment you will stop smiling, or full money refund.”

  She laughed; she is liking me. I congratulated myself as my bait was swallowed hook, line and sinker. But I was getting ahead of myself. Though Reema looked suitably impressed, she broke my heart. She smiled mischievously,

  “I will come there next week for my anniversary.”

  Oh crap, that question got left out. How could I slip into this sticky situation? She sipped on her drink and glance around the wedding festivities humming to herself. I could see that Reema was enjoying my discomfort and wanted it to last longer. I had only one option, as an honorable man, who can’t be fazed. So, I continued as if I don’t care,

  “Wonderful idea and an ideal place to fall in love again.”

  How could I miss checking for that wedding ring, so I glanced? There was no ring. Reema caught that,

  “It’s not a wedding anniversary. Just completing a year of courtship.”

  As if that was a compensation prize for losing the race. I was now wearing my good boy face which was pious and civil. I made sure I don’t get drunk and say something stupid.

  The rest of the evening was magical and she turned out to be a very interesting person. I had a good conversation and got her number to keep in touch. When I got back from Jammu, I continued to think about Reema. But weeks went by and I didn't feel like connecting again. I felt like an intruder in her cozy love story. I was hoping she would initiate and then I could follow up. During this time, I was concentrating on my business and aggressively scaling up.

  . . .

  Who is the Suspect?

  Present Day

  The Kumar Residence

  I walked up to Aashar’s room.

  This was my favourite place. I would simply lie down on his bed and forget the world. He was my best friend. I was so proud of him. He was just like me, with a great interest in technology and science. Sending him to the boarding school was a mistake that I will never forgive myself. He was very unhappy and protested until I sat with him and sold him the big picture.

  Aashar had his argument ready “But I don’t want to be away from home. All my friends are here. You are here.”

  I tried to show him the flip side “You will make more friends there. I am sure of that. We are just a few hours away.” I tried to show him the value “Aashu, this is a very exclusive school. Kids come here from all over the country. Very few children get a chance to study there. You are a smart boy and that’s why they have given you admission.”

  But his counter was solid “You did not go to that school. You are smart and know so much. If I am good then, I can do well anywhere, right”?

  How does one argue with a person as smart as yourself “About that I am sure, but when you go to these big schools you become better than the best”? I switched to an emotional angle “If I did not lose my parents maybe I would have also gone to that school? I don’t want you to miss out what I could not get.”

  Aashar sounded dejected and sad “I don’t feel this is right. Maybe it is okay if I don’t become better than the best. At least I will be with my parents who are better than the best.”

  He hugged me so tight I almost changed my mind. All this while Reema was watching and shook her head as I looked at her. She too joined in the hug and Aashar started crying.

  Reema stroked Aashar’s head “Listen Aashu. It will be just like home. Whole day school and sports keep you busy. Here we get together for only a few hours every day. In any case, we will be there every weekend. It may be a bit uncomfortable for a few years but the rest of your life will be glorious. Your real potential can be brought out in that school. Trust me it’s for the best. You will be fine.”

  Aashar continued hugging us as he mumbled “okay.”

  Maybe if we did not convince him so much, he would have finally created enough ruckus that we would back down. But he was a strong boy. Once he bought our spiel, there was no looking back. He had that blind faith in me. A faith that I betrayed. If he was at home then the health complication would not have killed him. We would have detected it earlier and got him the best treatment available anywhere. The whole thing happened so suddenly that by the time we reached him, he was already deep in the zone where it gets difficult to turn around.

  Back to present, Reema walked into the room just like she would do whenever she couldn’t find me elsewhere in the house. She strolled around looking at the action figures that Aashar had collected. His school science projects were preserved and the Star Wars posters were still hanging. Reema touched a few things and picked up the book that I had got for Aashar on his last trip home. This was his first book on coding called ‘Coding for Dummies’.

  The maid interrupts and announces that Inspector Madhav has come. Reema wipes away her tears and rushes downstairs and I followed.

  . . .

  As we made our way downstairs, I saw Inspector Madhav seated on the sofa and chatting with Shiv and Hemlata.

  Madhav looked relaxed and sipped on his coffee “So, you guys stay in Jammu.”

  Shiv was at his best behaviour “We are seasonal visitors and know very little about Nikhil’s work.”

  Shiv did not bitch about me knowing fully well that Madhav would then probe deeper.

  Hemlata is almost crying “Nikhil was a good person and he had suffered very badly after his son died three months ago.”

  Madhav was intrigued and wanted to know more, but his attention shifted to Reema’s arrival and he stood up like a gentleman would for a lady. Shiv’s phone started ringing. Shiv looked at his phone and immediately disconnected it. Madhav noticed the fear that came on Shiv’s face. Reema gestured to her parents to give her some privacy. They made their way up the stairs as Madhav strolled around the wall which had a lot of family pictures.

  The detective eye was taking in a lot of details as I followed him, trying to see what he would find interesting. I was playing a shadow d
etective. Reema was unsure whether she should interrupt Madhav or not. She must be curious to know what brought him here. Madhav without turning around spoke as he continued his browsing.

  “Did Nikhil have any enemy? Any business rivalry”?

  Reema didn’t have to think for this “No I don’t think he had any enemies. There could have been a business rivalry. There was some company in Bangalore that was very upset with Nikhil but...”

  Madhav turned around and looked straight at Reema “Did you find his mobile?

  Reema shakes her head and is perplexed

  Madhav in a quizzical tone “It was not found on him or anywhere near him. What about his car”?

  “He took it in the morning as usual to the office.”

  Madhav returned to the couch and sat down “Tell me exactly what happened yesterday morning.”

  Reema sighed deeply and replied “Yesterday was like any other normal day. Nikhil left for work about the same time as he did every day.”

  Madhav interjects “But he did not go to his office. The office people say he did not come to the office.”

  Reema looks confused and tries to guess “Then… Maybe he went for a client meeting”?

  Madhav recounts the facts “His car is nowhere to be found. Not near the office and it was nowhere near the scene of the crime.”

  Reema looks a little worried as she tries to imagine where it could be

  Madhav is looking for more details “Do you suspect anyone? Is there anything which seemed normal then but looks suspicious now”?

  Reema is unable to think of anything “No. Nikhil was a very friendly person. He wouldn’t even have any argument with anyone. I never heard him raise his voice on the phone.”

  Madhav is almost done “I will visit Nikhil’s office in a while.”