Don't Look Back

by Wendy Vella

  “So welcome to the family, Mrs. Gelderman.”

  Brad was talking with Annabelle now.

  “You about ready to forgive me for being a dickhead when we last met?”

  Annabelle gave him a dazzling smile and then wrapped her arms around him. He accepted her hug but wasn’t comfortable with it.

  “Mom, me and Mikey are hungry.”

  Billy appeared, looking cute in his little red tie, white shirt, and checkered shorts. Beside him was the long gangly form of Mikey Tucker.

  Branna had dressed him in long shorts and a collared, pale blue shirt. On his feet were white sneakers. He was a local boy who had adopted Branna as his sister, and the rest of them as family, because his was dysfunctional.

  “We’ll be eating soon, but first, what have you got to say to Annabelle and Ethan, Billy?”

  “’Gratulations, Ethan. ’Gratulations Annabelle.”

  “Thanks, buddy,” Ethan ruffled Billy's hair and Annabelle kissed him. The boy withstood it because it happened a lot, but at four, he was starting to challenge Macy and assert his independence. Hugging, he’d told her two days ago, was for babies.

  “Who are you?”

  “Billy, don't be rude,” Macy gave her son a look as he stared up at Brad Gelderman.

  “No, it's all good. Kids are curious, and I'm new in town.”

  Much to the surprise of the three adults, he then dropped to his haunches and held out one hand.

  “I'm Ethan's brother, Brad. It's a pleasure to meet you.”

  Macy could feel the confusion in both Ethan and Annabelle as they watched Brad, and knew where it stemmed from. The last time they'd seen him he'd been belligerent and rude, nothing like this man. She had heard all about the arrogant man that Brad Gelderman had been at his sister, Hope's, wedding.

  Macy watched the two youngest Gelderman siblings appear. They hugged their brother and new sister-in-law. Brad rose to his feet.

  “Hi.”

  “Brad?” Taylor took a step closer to study his brother, and Hope just looked stunned.

  “The very one,” he drawled.

  “Christ, look at you.” Hope stepped closer. “You look so different.”

  “And married life suits you, sister.”

  She brushed his words aside. “Every time Taylor or I phoned home, or went there, you were out or visiting friends. I'm wondering now what you were really up to.”

  It was only a small gesture, but Macy saw his fingers clench briefly.

  “They didn't tell you?”

  “They being our parents?”

  He looked uncomfortable.

  “Let's talk about this later,” Brad said. “It's Ethan's wedding day, and people are lining up to congratulate him and Annabelle. We don’t need to air the family laundry in public.”

  Three of the Gelderman siblings didn't want to, but they relented, and Brad slipped away before they could stop him.

  Macy looked at the rear view of Brad Gelderman, which she had to admit was pretty damn fine, and wondered at the change in the man.

  “Mom.” Billy tugged her hand, so she bent until her face was level with his. “That man Brad is nice.”

  “He certainly seems nice.”

  “He'd be a good daddy.”

  “We talked about that, Billy. You promised you weren't going to mention that again to anyone.”

  He scuffed the toe of his new shoe, his brown eyes solemn.

  “I know, but he's kind of nice, don't you think.”

  No, he's disturbing, handsome, and terrifying.

  “Just because someone is nice doesn't mean he's going to be your daddy, Billy.” Macy straightened the small red tie. “He may have a wife or girlfriend, or even children of his own. You can't just ask people to be your daddy. That's not how this works, remember. We discussed it before.”

  “’Kay, but he’d be good at playing catch and building stuff.”

  His husky little words made her want to smile, but she swallowed it down. The “father” discussion was very serious to Billy.

  “I’m not that bad at those, am I?”

  He shook his head.

  “And you play ball with our friends. Just two days ago, you, Cubby, and Katie went to the park.”

  “I know. It’s just that if I had a daddy, I could do it all the time, and even in the house.”

  “I think we’ve covered the matter of you throwing balls in the house, Billy, and it didn’t go in your favor.”

  “’Kay.”

  “And no more daddy talk, okay?”

  “’Kay.”

  She didn't hold out much hope he would leave the subject alone, but for now she had a reprieve. Billy had a lot of men around him, but he wanted a father. Macy wasn't sure where this had come from but suspected it was from the daycare she sent him to. Fathers of the other children probably picked their kids up, and Billy had seen this.

  She'd married a monster once, and the only good thing to come out of that union was Billy. Macy was in no hurry to repeat the performance any time soon.

  “I'm gonna ask Ethan to take me up in his helicopter again.”

  “You can't keep asking people to do things for you, Billy.”

  “But Ethan doesn't mind.”

  “I know that, baby, but it's best if people offer first.”

  “’Kay.”

  “You look lovely today, Macy.”

  Macy straightened to accept the kiss from Declan O'Donnell. Branna's father was an author like his daughter. Late to Howling, he'd taught here for a few years before he left again. Now he was back, after patching things up with his Branna. He was pushing a stroller with his granddaughter seated inside. Dressed in a pretty white dress, Rose McBride gave Macy a wide smile, displaying several teeth. One year old, the child had all the signs of getting the best of her parents’ looks. Billy dropped down beside the stroller and started making faces for the little girl, which had her giggling.

  “You all certainly make a handsome bridal party.”

  “They should really be on the cover of some magazine,” Macy agreed with Declan; her friends did look pretty special all dressed up.

  “You should really be on the cover of a magazine, Macy. You’re the prettiest of the lot.”

  “Okay, we should all be on the cover,” she said to make him happy. Macy knew her limitations, especially when standing next to Annabelle and Branna.

  “All right with you if I take Billy with Mikey to get something to eat at the reception? Ellen’s coming too.”

  “Sure, and thanks, Declan. I think we’re having photos now.”

  After they’d gone, Macy turned to look over the lake and study the mountains beyond. This was her haven, the place she called home. Here, she’d healed, and here she would stay, and it would be enough if she had to do so with just her boy and friends at her side.

  She looked at her town. Small but compact, it had everything a person could want, and plenty they didn’t need, but lured people to buy. Tourists visited Lake Howling year round, and as she had a business that relied on them, she didn’t mind.

  “How you doing, Macy?”

  “All good thanks, Jake.” Macy felt a large arm slip around her shoulders.

  “But seriously, how you doing?”

  She sighed. Jake was a doctor and had treated her when she'd first left her husband. He'd seen her bruises and the mess she was both inside and out. Sometimes she felt embarrassed, but most often she was just relieved that someone had realized what her life was like.

  “I'm okay, Jake, really. In fact, I think I'm better than okay. At least that's what Dr. Milo said.”

  He took her shoulders in his hands and looked at her with serious eyes. Why had she not married someone like him? Or any of the others who shared her hometown. The friends she had only been close to for a few years.

  “You certainly look good, and Dr. Milo's the best for getting heads straight.”

  “She really is.” Macy wouldn't have got through the mess that was in her he
ad without Jillian Milo. “We catch up every month.”

  His smile could melt a thousand hearts. “That's really good to hear, Macy, and I know what you mean about feeling better than okay. It took me a while to get there, but it was worth the work to do so.”

  “You still seeing your doctor?”

  “Of course I still see my head guy. It helps, and I do it for Branna and Rose.”

  “Just as I should do it for Billy?”

  He didn't answer, just kissed her forehead.

  “How’s your dad?”

  “He was okay yesterday, but frail, and every time I see him he’s weaker, Jake.”

  “I’m sorry there’s not more I can do for him, Macy.”

  Her father was dying; Macy knew that but it was still a bitter pill to swallow. Especially as it was only the last few years that she’d grown close to him as well.

  “So, do you want to tell me who the dark-haired biker is? I haven't been able to grill Annabelle or Ethan yet, and you know how I hate not knowing something.”

  “He's Ethan's brother Brad.”

  The shock on Jake's face matched Ethan's.

  “That is not the picture I had formed of the middle Gelderman sibling. My guess is that a lot’s changed in the last two years since Ethan lost touch with him.”

  “That's my guess too.”

  “Well, well, well, the day just got a whole lot more interesting. Smile now, sweet cheeks, it's camera time.”

  “Sure, I’ll be over soon.”

  She watched Jake walk away then let her eyes study the guests. Some had bought their outfits from her shop, others had picked them up in Brook or online. Color was everywhere. Some wore hats, others flowers. Macy recognized every face, just as they knew her. Knew she'd been a spoiled, stuck-up bitch who’d been beaten and abused by the man she’d married. Brian Delray had fooled everyone, especially her.

  There were definitely positives and negatives for living in a small town. A huge positive was that it was safe for Billy, and that was the main thing.

  “Photos, Macy!”

  “Coming, Buster.”

  Her eyes found Brad Gelderman again, and then she looked away as his eyes locked on hers.

  Do not look at him again, Macy Reynolds, she told herself as she hurried over to the wedding party. It’s just that he’s new in town, nothing more than that. Plus, he’s Ethan’s long-lost brother, and that’s it, end of discussion.

  The photographer moved the wedding party into position.

  “I'm hoping you can work miracles,” Buster said. “The others in the group are butt ugly, but with some added tweaks you may be able to get a decent shot.”

  “Son,” Ethan drawled, “we all know who the lookers in this posse are, and you are not one of them.”

  “He gets the pity vote though, you got to have one butt ugly person in every group,” Jake added.

  “And here's me staying up all night icing your cake, Gelderman. Ungrateful is what you are.”

  Macy listened to her friends annoy each other. This was the way they communicated, and had for as long as she'd known them. She posed, smiled, and did as she was told while everyone bickered, teased, and generally annoyed each other.

  “Your brother’s a seriously good-looking man, Ethan. Do you think he’d let us all spend some time alone together? You, me, and him?”

  “Willow, honey, what have I told you about saying stuff like that in public.”

  Macy laughed at Buster’s pained expression. Willow Harper was an artist and was constantly asking people to pose for her.

  “What did I say?”

  Her long caramel-colored hair hung down her back and she wore a wide-brimmed apricot hat with matching sundress. Nude sandals finished the outfit. She looked beautiful, and a lot of that was from the fact that her face lit when she looked at her man.

  “You just propositioned me and my brother,” Ethan said, smiling, “and the answer is yes, if I can get him to stay long enough to sit for you.”

  “Oh goodie!” Willow clapped her hands.

  “Goodie? Who the hell says goodie?”

  “I do, now be quiet and smile, lover boy.”

  Everyone hooted with laughter as Buster blushed, but the smile on his face told Macy he wasn’t unhappy with his lady’s words.

  She’d like to see that drawing, Macy thought, looking for Brad again. He and Ethan together would be pretty special. She found him away from the other guests, watching. He wasn't with his brother and sister, but a little to one side. He stood still, nothing moving, no flick of fingers or twitch. He appeared isolated, even surrounded by all the smiling, talking guests. Lonely, she realized, just like she often was.

  Just looking at him made her feel edgy.

  As if sensing her, he turned his head, and even though he wore sunglasses, she was sure he was looking directly at her. She had the foolish urge to poke out her tongue for no other reason than to get a reaction, but of course she didn't. She was a mother, a member of this community; besides, if Billy saw he'd think it was okay to do the same.

  There was also the small sizzle of heat in the pit of her belly that she hadn't felt for many years. Actually, she didn't think she'd ever felt it before, not even when she'd thought her ex was a good man.

  Go out and have fun, Macy.

  Her psychiatrist had said those words at their last appointment. A bit of harmless flirting, Jillian had said. Just take small steps, and then you’ll feel safe.

  She hadn’t, but looking at Brad Gelderman she wondered what it would be like to flirt with him.

  Macy had been single for four years now, and Jillian told her it was okay to start feeling attracted to men again, and if the right man appeared, consider having a relationship with him. Macy had shaken her head, vowing that she was in no way ready and may never be, but Jillian had given her that steady look and disagreed.

  “That's a wrap, team, fall out.”

  “He's one of Ethan's old army buddies,” Annabelle whispered as the photographer called a halt to the photo shoot.

  Deciding she needed to put some distance between Brad Gelderman and herself—and the crazy thoughts inside her head—Macy said she was going to check on Billy and headed to where the reception was being held.

  The Howler, the local hotel, bar, and restaurant, had erected a marquee outside, and it was there the reception was to be held. Summer meant the weather was perfect, and she knew the night would be spent laughing, dancing, and enjoying her friends’ company. Macy inhaled. She never tired of the clean, fresh air she got just stepping outside her door. It steadied her now and helped her refocus.

  “Nice little town you have here.”

  He'd caught her, and suddenly her body was tense again. She looked out the corner of her eye as Brad fell in beside her, his long stride easing back so he kept pace with her shorter ones.

  “We like it.” Macy tried for calm. He was just another handsome man, and she'd been surrounded by them for years. No need to get all flustered about it, Macy.

  “Those trees are something special.”

  “Some of them are older than this town. You should walk the trails while you’re here, if you have the time.”

  “I might take you up on that. Any chance you could be my guide?”

  “I haven't walked them in years.”

  “All the more reason to then.”

  “Are you here long, Mr. Gelderman?”

  “Brad, and I'm not sure how long yet, maybe a day or two, maybe less.”

  They walked a few paces in silence and Macy felt the ridiculous urge to speak, to say anything that would break the tension she felt in the air. Was it just her that felt it?

  “Billy's a nice boy, ma’am. You and his father must be proud.”

  “Macy, and we're divorced, and yes, he's wonderful. I-I'm not sure what I'd do without him.”

  Macy tended to babble when she was nervous, and now was definitely one of those times.

  “Is he going somewhere then?”

>   “Who?”

  “Billy. You just said you didn’t know what you’d do without him.”

  “Oh right. No, he’s not going anywhere except daycare.”

  “Then I'm sure he'll be around, leeching off you, until he goes to a university or decides to travel. Having said that, I can't imagine anyone wanting to leave here.”

  She often took her little town for granted, but when someone said something like that she took another look around her and saw the beauty. “Yes, it's special.”

  Macy took the last step and reached for the door handle of the Howler. A large hand beat her to it.

  “A gentleman always opens the door for a lady.”

  “Thanks.”

  Macy walked through and into the bar area. She nodded to a few people as they passed the large stone hearth that in the winter months roared with fire.

  “I hadn't expected Packers’ stuff on the walls.”

  Macy stopped because Brad Gelderman had. His eyes were on the wall that held NFL paraphernalia.

  “It gets to Ethan too. He put up a Longhorns cap once, and Noah Harris, he owns the Howler, threatened to ban him if he did it again.”

  The side of his mouth kicked up. “Ethan's passionate about what he loves, and the Longhorns have always been important to him. I'm glad to hear they still are.”

  He looked thoughtful as he studied the wall. Like he was looking but not really seeing, and his mind was someplace else.

  “The owners of this place, the Harris family, had a member try out for the Packers years ago, and Howlers have supported them ever since. We’re loyal that way.”

  “You’re messing with me?”

  “No, it’s just the way of things here.” Macy shrugged. “Like you probably support the Longhorns.”

  “I did, but haven't in many years.”

  “Well it’s never too late, even if it is a loser’s team.”

  He may have her strung tighter than banjo wire, but she could still hold a meaningless conversation. Macy was good at those, and had perfected them when she’d been married.

  The side of his mouth kicked up as he looked at her, those blue eyes running over her face. The man had no right to be that good-looking, Macy thought. He even smelled nice.

  “I do believe those are fighting words, Miss Macy.”