by Aurora Rey
Olivia walked down the hall and into her office. While her computer booted, she grabbed a notepad and started jotting things down. She made one list for groceries, another for the liquor store. She’d stop by the mall to pick up some new towels. Were the guest sheets nice enough? Thinking about linens made Olivia’s mind jump to the furniture in the guest room. It was pretty tired. She hopped online and started looking for stores that could do immediate delivery. After finding a store that delivered locally and had photos of their full inventory, she chose a set that she liked. She picked up the phone, chatted with a very nice sales guy and, within fifteen minutes, had it ordered and delivery scheduled.
Olivia walked into the kitchen feeling satisfied with everything she’d accomplished. She looked at Joss, who had just come in and was taking off her boots. “I ordered new furniture for the guest room.”
Joss raised a brow, unsure how making lists had turned into buying furniture. “You did? Is there something wrong with the furniture that’s in there now?”
Olivia made a face. “No, it’s just old. It was the furniture I had in my apartment when I was in grad school.”
To Joss, that was exactly the kind of furniture you’d put in the guest room. “Oh.”
“I convinced my parents to stay with me instead of in a hotel. I want it to be nice for them.”
Olivia was making less sense rather than more. It wasn’t the first time in the last couple of weeks, so Joss decided to let it go. She also shoved aside the weird feeling she got at the realization that Olivia had and would spend money on new furniture at the drop of a hat. “I’m sure it will be really nice.”
“I think so. Unfortunately, the only day they can deliver it is next Monday, but I have my last class before break and a meeting. And my parents will be here the next day. Any chance I could sweet talk you into being here for the delivery guys?”
Joss hated to give up a whole day of work, but the Patels were out of town, so there was no reason she couldn’t go over later in the day or over the weekend to make up the time. “Sure.”
“Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’ll leave instructions on where I want everything and money to tip them.”
Olivia was probably trying to be thoughtful, but Joss cringed. It felt like a clear statement about who was in charge. Olivia saw it as a favor and not as something Joss would do because they were in it together. “What about the furniture that’s in there now?”
“Crap. I knew I was forgetting something.”
Joss shook her head. She’d tried not to notice how flighty Olivia had been in the last couple of weeks. At least, flighty about everything that wasn’t school. “Even if you’re tired of it, it’s a nice set. I can take it to the secondhand store in town for you if you want to put it on consignment.”
“That would be great. When it sells, I’ll take us out for a nice dinner.”
“You don’t have to do that. I offered to help.”
Olivia kissed her. “Think of it as a token of appreciation.”
Olivia went back to making her lists and Joss stood in the kitchen. Again, she didn’t think Olivia meant it in a bad way, but the choice of words made Joss feel more like a hired hand than Olivia’s partner. Joss had a flashback to the party with the people from Olivia’s department—the awkwardness and the insinuation, the queasy feeling it gave her. Then there was the way Olivia reacted to it. After the fight that ensued, Olivia had convinced her it was an anomaly, that some of the people she worked with brought out the worst in her. Could the same be true of her parents?
Joss shook her head. She hoped not. For one thing, it could make the next couple of weeks close to unbearable. For another, it would say things about Olivia that Joss wasn’t sure she could accept.
Chapter Thirty-one
Since she’d promised to wait for the furniture delivery, Joss stayed in bed and watched as Olivia flitted around getting ready for work. Since she was always heading off to work herself, she’d never taken the time to study Olivia’s routine. It was fun to watch her pick out clothes, put on makeup in just a bra and panties.
“I have to run. I’m meeting with a student before class. See you tonight? I’ll make dinner.”
Joss smiled. See? That was better. “Sounds great.”
“I’ll pick up wine, too, and we can enjoy a relaxing evening before my parents descend.”
“And by relaxing, I hope you mean sexy.”
“You know it.” Olivia kissed her long and slow. “I’ll see you later.”
When she heard the back door close, Joss climbed out of bed and pulled on yesterday’s clothes. Since she was stuck at Olivia’s until the furniture guys arrived, Joss decided to head out to the barn. Pierre and Bill were happy to see her, which made her smile. She freshened their water and hay, gave them a brush and some attention. When they bleated, she talked back, enjoying the nonsensical banter. She’d never have bought—or adopted—goats herself, but she was starting to understand their appeal.
After, she took a snow shovel to the driveway. Although Olivia hired a service, they couldn’t help but leave a mess at the garage door. She cleaned up the edges, then shoveled the sidewalk. Even though there wasn’t much, keeping it clear would prevent ice buildup as winter trudged along. She didn’t know if Olivia didn’t understand that or if she’d let it slide in her perpetual state of hurrying to campus.
Feeling like things were in order, Joss headed back into the house. She took a shower and dressed, then powered up her laptop. She pulled up the plans for the Patel project. She was still struggling to come up with a floor option. Because the space was small, she wanted to do a single material throughout, including the kitchen area and bathroom. The Patels weren’t crazy about tile, but Joss always hesitated to put hardwood in a basement. A single sewer backup or water heater blowout could mean having to rip everything out.
Joss suddenly remembered something she’d seen at her last home show. She went online and did a search. Although she had yet to use it in a project, it looked like wood grain tile was becoming quite popular. She browsed the options, pleased that some of them looked more natural than laminate. And with the radiant heat in the floor, it wouldn’t even have the cold feel of tile underfoot.
Pleased with herself, she jotted down a couple of brands and styles to check out. She was plugging away on an email to the Patels outlining her thoughts when the doorbell rang. She opened the door and found two lanky guys standing on the porch. They didn’t look much like delivery guys to her, but she resisted making judgment.
“Hi. Uh, we’ve got some furniture for you.”
Joss smiled at them, trying to be nice. “Yep. We’ve been expecting you.”
“Great. So, like, where…where do you want us to put it?”
Joss led them upstairs to the room she’d emptied the day before. She pointed out where things generally needed to go, then stepped back to let them work.
Twenty minutes later, she wished she’d never have agreed to be the one to deal with them. Joss gritted her teeth and willed herself not to yell at the delivery men who acted like they’d never moved a piece of furniture before. In truth, the two guys—boys, really—didn’t look much over sixteen. And while they were nice enough, they clearly had no idea what they were doing. She couldn’t imagine what company would hire them to maneuver heavy and expensive merchandise into small spaces. Joss didn’t know where Olivia ordered from, but she was certain it wasn’t one of the handful of local companies she knew and trusted.
By the time they left, there were marks on three walls, a gouge in another, and a huge scratch across the guest room floor. Apparently it hadn’t occurred to them to check the feet of the dresser for staples before sliding it across the room. They apologized, but it was clear they had no interest or investment in making it right.
She gave them half the tip money Olivia had left. As irritated as she was, she blamed the company more than the kids. In addition to poor training, she guessed they weren’t paid very well either.
Joss cleaned up the snow they’d tracked into the house and up the stairs. She peeked in the room, hoping it was maybe not as bad as she thought. No, it wasn’t as bad. It was worse.
She stood for a moment and rubbed her temples. It wasn’t anything she couldn’t fix, but it still drove her nuts. She decided to head over to the Patel house and bang out some of her annoyance. Joss jotted a quick note for Olivia and left.
*
Olivia pulled into the driveway. It was empty; there was no sign of Joss’s truck. Her first thought was one of worry. She hoped nothing had happened. When she got inside, Olivia found Ethel dozing and a note on the island.
Delivery boys a mess. Furniture looks great. Floor less so. I’ll be back in a couple of hours.
Olivia had no idea when Joss wrote the note, so she had no idea when to expect her. She set down her things and went upstairs. She saw the marks on the walls, the dent at the top of the stairs. When she walked into the guest room, she didn’t even notice the furniture. A huge scratch—probably three feet long—arced right across the middle of the floor. Fuck.
Olivia traced her fingers over the line. It wasn’t wide, but it went all the way down to bare wood. She took a deep breath. It would be okay. Joss would know how to fix it. She stood up and took in the furniture. At least it looked good. The detail on the white headboard matched the trim on the dresser. The handles of the dresser drawers matched those on the nightstands. Perhaps it was a little Pottery Barn for her tastes, but it looked clean and fresh. And her parents would like it.
She headed downstairs, trying not to be annoyed that Joss had taken off. Maybe she was getting whatever she needed to fix the scratch. Olivia hoped it didn’t require sanding the whole floor. She went to the kitchen to start dinner. Once Joss got home, they could make a game plan.
Olivia stood at the kitchen island chopping vegetables for a riff on ratatouille. Each time her mother’s face invaded her thoughts, complete with raised brow of judgment, Olivia willed it away. By the time she was sautéing garlic and onions, she felt a little bit calmer.
She hated being so on edge. The last month had felt like an endless tightrope walk. Her body and mind seemed stuck in overdrive and she had to keep reminding herself that the worst was over. She was in control and wasn’t going to get shoved out of the driver’s seat again. Everything was going to be fine.
Joss walked in an hour later, just as Olivia was pulling her casserole from the oven. Apparently, Joss had gone to work on another project as a distraction. Olivia swallowed her annoyance that she didn’t have any floor-fixing supplies in hand. They went upstairs and stood in the doorway, surveying the damage.
“Can’t you just put the rug over it until after they leave?”
Before coming back, Joss had gone to her house and picked up one of the rugs from her bedroom. It was a thoughtful gesture, but still. Olivia could just see her mother flipping it back, then lamenting how hard it was to find good help these days. She cringed at the thought, considering her girlfriend and the help were one in the same. “I don’t understand why you can’t just fix it.”
“I can, but I kind of have my hands full at the moment with a project that’s on a tight deadline.”
Olivia fisted her hands on her hips. “Will it even take you that long?”
Joss huffed. “It will to do it right. What’s the big deal? I thought you didn’t care what your parents thought.”
“I don’t.”
Joss merely raised a brow.
“I need them to understand that I made a good decision. I don’t do things their way, but I still do them well.”
“Are you talking about the house? Or me?”
Olivia rolled her eyes. Why was Joss being so unreasonable? “Of course I’m talking about the house. What a ridiculous thing to say.”
Joss shook her head. Given how things had been between them for the last few weeks, it didn’t feel ridiculous at all. It felt perfectly, painfully in line with how Olivia had been treating her. The hallway, the guest room, began to feel claustrophobic. Joss turned away and walked downstairs, taking deep breaths and trying to calm the anger that seemed in danger of consuming her.
Olivia followed her into the kitchen. “I can’t believe you’re picking a fight right now.”
“I’m not picking a fight and I’m sorry if my timing isn’t convenient for you. Clearly your convenience is the utmost priority.”
“I thought you said my job was the utmost priority.”
“Actually, you said as much last week when you were apologizing for putting all your energy into your job.”
“And now you’re turning it around on me just because you’re annoyed.”
“I’m not annoyed.”
“Then what are you?”
What was she? Joss wasn’t sure she could—or wanted to—put it into words. “Olivia, you’ve stood me up two nights in the last week. On top of that, you’ve just assumed I would be around and wouldn’t mind taking care of the furniture delivery, the damage from said delivery. Not to mention shoveling snow, feeding the goats, and whatever projects are still laying around.”
“I thought you liked the goats.”
“I do like the goats. That’s not the point.”
Olivia’s hands went to her hips. “Then what is the point?”
“I’m not your hired hand.” Just saying the words made Joss’s stomach turn over.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Is the problem that I’m not paying you?”
Something in Olivia’s eyes sent a chill through her. It wasn’t anger so much as condescension. “That’s not what I said, or what I meant.”
“Because if being here—being with me—is just an extension of the job, you should say so.”
“That is completely out of line. You’re the one who expects that I, or someone, will be around to take care of everything. I have a job and responsibilities beyond your house. And my work is just as important as yours.”
“Don’t you get it? Everything relies on me getting tenure. If I don’t get it, all of this,” Olivia spread her hands to either side, “goes away.”
“You’ve got a serious case of tunnel vision.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that if your job is the only thing you’re worried about, all of this,” Joss moved her hands up down to indicate herself, “goes away.”
“Is that a threat? Or an ultimatum?”
“It’s me being honest with you. I understand that your career is important. It’s one of the things I love about you. But if it’s the most important thing, then we are not going to work out.”
“You’re telling me that your work is not your highest priority? That’s bullshit.”
“No, it’s not. Family comes first, always.”
“The family you work with every day.”
“Family no matter what. There is no project or contract that would trump family, especially the family I build with my wife. I can’t be with a woman who doesn’t feel the same.” When it came down to it, it was as simple as that. And if Olivia felt differently, no amount of talking or negotiation could resolve it.
“You’re making it sound black and white. It’s more complicated than that.” Olivia’s anger took on a shade of fear. She tried to pull the edge out of her voice. “Isn’t family what started this whole fight? Me freaking out about my family?”
“We aren’t fighting about your family and you know it. And if your version of worrying about your family is trying to make your house seem like a high-end bed and breakfast to impress them, we don’t even have the same definition of family.”
The criticism nudged Olivia back toward being angry. “That’s unfair. Just because I don’t have the same perfect relationship with my family that you do, you don’t have to be so judgmental of mine.”
Joss pressed a thumb to her temple. “I’m not being judgmental.”
Olivia’s indignation grew. “Really? Because it sounds like you have a problem with
my family and my job and pretty much everything else about me right now.”
“Look, we’re not getting anywhere. I don’t want to do this with you.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I don’t see any resolution to this right now and I need to walk away before I say something I really regret.”
Olivia swallowed. “Are you saying we’re breaking up?”
“I’m saying if this is who you are, who you want to be, we can’t be together.”
“You know who I am.”
Joss’s face softened, the anger giving way to something that looked more like sadness. “I thought I did. Now I’m not so sure. I don’t know if you are, either. And until you have that sorted out, there isn’t much I can do.”
“I don’t know what you want from me.”
Joss nodded slowly. “Yes, you do. What you have to figure out is whether you want the same thing. When you do, you know where to find me.”
Joss put on her coat and boots, picked up her keys. She hooked a leash up to Ethel, who must have heard their raised voices and had come lumbering into the kitchen. When the dog hesitated to step out into the blowing snow, Joss scooped her up. She didn’t slam the door, but she didn’t look back either.
Chapter Thirty-two
Olivia was left standing in the kitchen. Hurt and anger vied for dominance. She couldn’t believe Joss had walked out on her. Even worse, Joss was leaving her in a lurch to deal with everything and didn’t seem to care. And even though she said she did, Joss clearly didn’t understand why Olivia needed things to be just so for her parents’ visit. Just like she didn’t get why work needed to be a priority right now.
It was like Joss wanted her to be everything to everybody at once. Olivia was a lot of things, but she wasn’t Wonder Woman. Of course, that wasn’t what Joss wanted, either. She wanted Olivia to focus all of her energy on their relationship, and that simply wasn’t possible. She wasn’t going to be some doe-eyed wife who sat around all day, tending the house and waiting for the bread winner to come home. She’d seen enough of that in the girls she grew up with. And she refused to be handled, either. Her ex had tried to handle her, gently coaxing her towards the friends and activities and job that she decided were suitable. She’d fought tooth and nail to be her own woman, and she sure as hell wasn’t going to change that now.