Box Set #3: The Serenity Deception: [The 4 book 3rd Adventure of Egg and the Hameggattic Sisterhood]

by Robert Iannone

  “Yikes.”

  Egg looked at Syl. “What?”

  “Listen,” and she held up her hand. It was ringing.

  “Good grief . . . he’s calling you.”

  “What should I do?”

  “Answer it,” said an exasperated Egg.

  So Sylvia put her hand to her face like the clown had done. “Hello?”

  “Hello. It’s me . . . Zeke.”

  In as much as the clown was standing about five feet away, they could hear him well enough without the make-believe phone. But she played along. “Hi, Zeke. What can I do for you?”

  “I need a riddle . . . preferably one that has no answer.”

  Egg slapped the sides of her head in disbelief. “I’ve got one. When is a clown not a clown? Answer – when he’s him,” and she pointed at the Japing Jester.

  “You are such a goof.” Sylvia closed her eyes for a few seconds then said into her hand that was now a phone. “Why is a raven like a writing desk?" It was a famous riddle from Wonderland.

  “What?” repeated Zeke.

  “Why is a raven like a writing desk?”

  “Why?”

  “ZEKE . . . if I tell you, the Magician will hear the answer. Just ask the riddle.”

  The Clown shrugged and said “Okay.” He turned to look at Mobius and repeated the riddle. Then he added, “And remember, you have one minute to answer.” He reached inside a pocket and pulled out an hourglass (though presumably this one measured only a minute of time), turned it over and the sand began to trickle out.

  The Magician looked furious as he feverishly searched his mind for an answer. The girls could almost hear the gears of his brain clanking and turning. As it became apparent that he couldn’t come up with the solution, his big blue face became red. He finally bellowed, “Fool, the riddle has no answer. You forfeit your turn.”

  The clown smiled angelically and said, “The answer is obvious . . .,” then turned to Sylvia and said, “Tell him.”

  “Because both can produce a few notes, though they are very flat; and neither is ever put with the wrong end in front!"

  “What?” cried Mobius

  “What?” echoed Egg.

  “Huh?” said the Clown.

  “That’s the answer.”

  “Are you kidding me?” asked her friend.

  “No. Lewis Carroll who wrote Alice in Wonderland came up with that solution. The riddle was never meant to be answered because the Hatter was mad as a . . . well, as a Mad Hatter. But everyone wanted an answer and that’s what he came up with.”

  “Well, it’s stupid.”

  They turned back to the Clown and the Magician who were arguing.

  “I refuse to accept that answer. It’s ludicrous.”

  “It’s the answer. Now . . . go away.”

  “I will not,” but apparently by the rules of this weird simulation he had no choice. He slowly dissolved into a cloud of little sparkles that faded out.

  Sylvia was all smiles as she received congratulatory hugs from the other two.

  “That was still a stupid answer,” insisted Egg. “It makes no sense.”

  “It worked, didn’t it?”

  “Yeah, it did.”

  “Hey, if you’re giving out hugs, shouldn’t I get one . . . or two . . . or three?”

  They turned back to the clown . . . and his horrifying face made them shudder involuntarily.

  “Don’t you ever smile?” asked Egg. “Clowns are supposed to be happy.”

  “What are you talking about? I am smiling.”

  And that made the girls giggle. Egg went up to Zeke and gave him his hug. “Thank you.”

  “I aim to please, Eloise. So, are we even now?”

  “Yup. Even-Steven. No, I take that back. I think we owe you one.”

  “Really? Are you sure? Absolutely, positively, unconditionally, irrevocably, unequivocally sure?”

  “Wow, that was a mouthful. Yes, I’m sure. You helped save us from the Red Queen.”

  “I did, didn’t I? You know, I’ll let you in on a little secret. Sometimes clowning around and trying to make people laugh makes me sad. Most don’t appreciate how hard that is. So, if I could, I rather be something scary . . . it’s much easier to scare people. Didn’t know that, did you?”

  Egg had no idea what Zeke was talking about but decided that out of gratitude for his help, she would play along. “No. No I didn’t. How about you guys?” she asked her friends.

  “No.”

  “Me neither.”

  “So . . . why are you telling us this? Is there something we can do to help?”

  “Funny you should ask . . .” He stopped and harrumphed. “See. That’s what I mean. I just made a joke and what do I get for my troubles? Nothing. Zippo. Zilch.”

  “It wasn’t much of a joke. Maybe you need better material.”

  “Sheesh. Everyone’s a critic.”

  “Zeke . . . we really have to get going. So if there’s something you want from us . . . spit it out.”

  “Yuk. Spit?”

  “It’s an expression . . . JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT,” she cried out in frustration.

  “No need to get grumpy. All I want is for one of you to wear my hat.”

  “Why?” Egg asked suspiciously.

  “Forget it. If it’s too much to ask . . . considering how I helped you girlies . . . well, forget it. Go. Leave me to my misery.”

  “Egg, I’ll wear it,” said BreeZee.

  “You sure?”

  “It’ll look cute on me. Hand it over, Zeke.”

  “You’re a doll, doll face. By the way, how do you make a butterfly?”

  “How?”

  “Flick it out of the dish with a butter knife.”

  “What?”

  “Geez, it’s a joke. Don’t butterflies have a sense of humor?”

  “I’m not a butterfly.”

  “Hate to burst your bubble . . . but if you’re not a butterfly then I’m not the best looking clown that ever was. Here,” and he pulled out a mirror, “take a peek.”

  “Give me that,” and an annoyed Egg grabbed the silly thing out of his hand.

  “You don’t need it. You’re definitely no butterfly . . . more like a drab moth. Just my opinion.” Turning back to Bree, he said in a very sweet voice, “So, let’s see how it looks.”

  She took the hat and put it on . . . but it was way too large and her entire head disappeared. The other girls giggled until Bree screamed as she struggled to remove it. “Get it off. Get it off. Hurry. Please.”

  Egg and Sylvia rushed over and yanked it off . . . then they shrieked. Half of BreeZee’s face had turned into that of a primate . . . as in monkey.

  As she continued to scream, the transformation completed itself. The Wind’dancer was now a flying monkey.

  “BREE,” yelled a horrified Egg.

  It’s hard to say what she was expecting as an answer. What she got was something like “Aaaaccchhh! Ooooccchhhh”. It was definitely monkey talk but its meaning was not obvious. Even the translation crystals couldn’t decipher it.

  “Oh, Bree,” sighed Egg. She then whipped around to confront the Clown but he, too, was transforming. “Oh my gosh”.

  Zeke the Japing Jester had become the zombie dragon that Prince Z’kkk had ridden when Mobius had turned him into the wraith K’aos.

  The creature eeked once at the girls (including the flying monkey) and bounded into the night sky and disappeared. Apparently, Zeke got his wish. No more trying to get people to laugh; now he could scare the heck out of them.

  “Aaaaccchhh! Ooooccchhhh”.

  Egg and Syl turned back to the monkey girl. “What can we do, Bree?”

  “Aaaaccchhh! Ooooccchhhh”. Whatever that meant, it was her last message as she, too, bounded into the air, and flew away.

  The girls watched her disappear. “Then there were two,” whispered Sylvia.

  “Come on, let’s go,” said Egg as she grabbed her friend’s hand and they continued dow
n the red brick road. “I’m getting really mad.”

  Back in the room, BreeZee disappeared and followed her other sisters to wherever they were taken.

  *****

  As they walked quickly down the path, Syl said to her friend, “I guess I’m next.”

  “Not if I can help it.”

  “Egg, you know you can’t. It’s . . . it’s . . . ummm.”

  “What’s wrong? You’re not trans-whatever-ating, are you?”

  “Trans-configurating and no. Egg, I know what’s going on. I think I figured it out.”

  “You do? You did? What?”

  “She’s not testing the sisterhood. The big cheese is testing you.”

  “Me? Why me? We’re in this together – like Spirit said, it’s the power of seven”.

  “Obviously, that’s not how she sees it. Face it, you’re our leader. Without you there would be no sisterhood.” She held up her hand “stop. Don’t argue. We all know it’s true. None of us have what you have. In fact, none of us even knows what you have. Whatever it is, it makes the sisters into a sisterhood. The Empress doesn’t care about the rest of us. She’s doing the opposite of what most enemies would do – she’s not attacking the weak links. She’s going after the strongest one – you.”

  “Syl, you’re nuts. I’m completely lost without my brain. And that would be you.”

  “Egg, I may be quicker to find the answer to a problem or riddle. But, in the end, you would figure it out too. I truly believe that.”

  “Well, in a way you might be right.”

  “How so?”

  “After all these years I always thought you were crazy . . . and, ta-da, I’m right.”

  “You’re such a goof.”

  “In a good way?”

  Sylvia smiled at her companion. “Thank you for being you . . . for being my best friend. All that I will be is because of what the two of us have experienced together. I’m a much better person for having known you.” She pulled Egg close and hugged her.

  After a few seconds, Egg reminded her friend “five, ten seconds tops.”

  “Oh, yeah. Sorry.”

  “Promise me you’ll reconsider what you said about retiring from the Sisterhood.”

  Sylvia wiped the moisture from her eyes. “Sure. I promise,” but that was a not-so-little white lie. Her mind was made up.

  Egg wasn’t fooled for a moment. “Liar.”

  “We definitely spend too much time together,” replied her Feminion. “Like you tell Grammy, we share one brain in two different bodies.”

  “I wish I had your brain. I think we’re more like Ham and Egg.”

  “Yeah, we are.”

  “Come on, let’s see how far we get before you turn into . . .” She stopped and asked, “What do you think it’ll be?”

  “Hope it isn’t the Red Queen. I’d feel really bad if I had to whack off your head.”

  “Not as bad as I’d feel,” and they both giggled.

  *****

  They continued for more than an hour and they were both exhausted. And now they faced another small hill.

  “We need to rest,” panted Egg and she fell to her knees.

  “I think we’re almost there – not sure why. It’s just a feeling.”

  “Give me a few minutes.”

  “Okay. I’m just going to the top to see if I’m right.”

  “For a smart person, that’s the dumbest idea you’ve ever had.”

  “Why?”

  “Cause if you’re next, when do you think it’ll happen? I’m guessing when you reach the top of the hill.”

  “Are you getting goose bumps?”

  Egg checked her arms. “No. But that doesn’t prove anything.”

  “I’ll be back in a minute. I won’t let you out of my sight. Okay.”

  “No, but go ahead.”

  So Sylvia trotted up the little hill and stopped. “EGG” she yelled.

  “You okay?”

  “Yes. There’s a wall here. Come take a look.”

  “Don’t move. I’ll be right there.”

  As she walked up the hill, Egg started thinking about Oz and Wonderland. Then her eyes flew wide and she yelled “SYL. SYL. SYL.” No answer other than goose bumps. “Oh, please let me be wrong. Please.”

  Sadly, when she got to the top, she was proven right. “Oh, Syl.”

  Guess what egg sat on a wall, and had a great fall? And all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn’t put you-know-who back together again.

  “Egg . . . I’m an egg, too.”

  “Yeah, I figured that out when you said there was a wall.”

  “See, you do have a brain.”

  “If I had a brain, I would never have let you come up here by yourself.”

  “That was my fault, not yours.”

  “I’m the leader . . . you said so. So, it’s my fault for agreeing to it.”

  Ignoring her friend’s mea culpa, the egg on the wall said, “Did you notice the tombstone?”

  “Geez, how did I miss that?’

  “And, the sun’s coming up.”

  “Good. Didn’t like playing this game in the dark.”

  “You know what that means, don’t you?”

  Egg was about to say something smart-alecky but changed her mind. “It means that Spirit’s vision of the future is about to come true, right?”

  “Such a brainiac. You’re right – only you made it out of the dark.”

  “Uh-uh. You’re still here.”

  “One thing about us eggs is that we can’t sit very well. Our butts are round.”

  “Well, come down. I’ll catch you.”

  “Silly, that’s not how this works. Oh, and Egg – show her why the Hameggattic Sisterhood can’t lose. Show her that there’s no one in the entire universe like my BFF. See Ya.”

  “SYL”.

  But the egg on the wall fell over backwards and landed with a very sickening splat. Our Egg couldn’t get up the courage to look. She called out “Syl?” but as she expected received no answer.

  Back in the room, Sylvia joined her other sisters in those strange pods while a replica replaced her.

  “Well, let’s get this over with,” said Flying Girl to herself. She started to trot down the path singing, “I’m off to see the Queen, the terrible Queen of Hearts. If ever an evil queen there was, the Queen of Hearts she was, she was. Oh, I’m off to see the Queen, the terrible Queen of Hearts.”

  Egg might be a great leader, a wonderful friend and fearless defender of good . . .

  But she really couldn’t sing very well.

  Chapter 3 – Queen of Hearts

  Thirty minutes later, the last surviving member of the Hameggattic Sisterhood crested one more hill and came face to face with the Metropolis of the Crystalline Edifice.

  Since Spirit had warned her, Egg wasn’t in the least bit surprised that it looked exactly like the Crystal Mountain. In a strange way, it was kind of reassuring . . . if only because it was a familiar sight in this weird simulation.

  But how the heck was she going to cross the lake to reach it?

  She sat down, taking advantage of this time to rest, while she considered the problem. Syl had said she, Egg, was smart enough to figure out things like this. So, not wanting to disappoint Humpty, she went through her options with deliberate care.

  The only thing she could come up with was a great desire to be Flying Girl again which, of course, would render this predicament solved.

  “BUT . . .,” she said out loud, “if I can’t fly, I know someone who can.” Though it was a very long shot, she had nothing to lose at this point. She stood up, cupped her hands around her mouth and screamed “Hey, CLOWN. CLOWN.” She gazed skyward but saw nothing. She tried again, only this time using his name “ZEKE. ZEKE.”

  And lo and behold, the jester-turned-zombie dragon showed up.

  “Hey, you ugly, scary thing . . . you owe me a favor. Get down here.”

  Five minutes later, Egg was walking through the m
assive doors that led into the crystal edifice. She looked around expecting to see the Queen but all there were was an army of lance-carrying playing card people (like Spirit had turned into).

  “Morning. Anyone order an Egg for breakfast?” She smiled at her little joke and the memory of what Syl would say to her at a moment like this – ‘you’re such a goof’.

  “You impudent little thing . . . I should have your head hacked off,” came an imperial voice.

  Egg took a deep breath before she turned around . . . in anticipation of who the wicked Queen would be. But in a sudden insight from her newly activated brain, she knew the answer. “Meggy” she said and spun around . . .

  “Nailed it,” she squealed in delight at her mental victory. “Who’s a goof now?”

  “How dare you address me without permission?”

  “My bad.”

  “Your bad what?”

  “What?”

  “Don’t toy with me. I may be a warm and gentle Heart . . .,” The Queen stopped for someone had barked out a laugh at her wrong-footed description of herself. “Who dares laugh at me?”

  Not surprisingly, no one volunteered to take credit.

  “You, Minister, find me a club or a diamond, preferably a four or seven, and remove his head.”

  “But, your Majesty . . .”

  “Do not argue, you fool. Either his head or yours . . . feel free to choose which one to lose.”

  The Minister nearly fell down as he ran through the army of Cards looking for a club or a diamond. He finally found a seven that suited his needs and grabbed the poor fellow by the arm. “Follow me . . . and be quick about it.”

  “But . . . but . . . I’ve done nothing,” protested the poor fellow.

  “Not to worry,” whispered the Minister.

  “Easy for you to say . . . it’s my head not yours.”

  “Be a good fellow and follow me. I’ll hide you till morning and she’ll have forgotten the whole thing.”

  “You’re not just saying that to confuse and befuddle me, are you?”

  “If I had everyone beheaded that she commands, there would be no one left but her and me. And I will simply refuse to behead myself. I find the whole concept disagreeable.”