Carnival

by Jane Harvey-Berrick

  She wasn’t my biggest fan which was my fault, but she was really sweet to Sara, and I was grateful for that.

  We watched Dan setting the field alight and cheered ourselves hoarse. When he scored the winning touchdown, we were escorted several flights down to the field, yelling with the rest of the fans.

  There were TV cameras at the sideline and several reporters, along with Pam Oliver for Fox. She recognized me from the previous times we’d met at games and came over to chat. She was a big Falcons fan, being from Atlanta, although completely impartial when she was doing her sideline reporting.

  “Your brother is going to have an amazing season if he can hold that form,” she confided to me. “Play-offs and more—he could go all the way.”

  “Of course he could. He’s a Colton.”

  She laughed easily and I introduced her to Kes and the others. She knew all about the Daredevils, although I shouldn’t have been surprised—she took her research very seriously.

  “Any plans for trying to take back your World Record?” she asked Kes with interest.

  Aimee looked tense as Kes shrugged.

  “I haven’t decided. Robbie Maddison’s 346 feet jump is pretty awesome, but I heard that Alex Harvill is going to try and top 400, maybe even 425.”

  “You’re not tempted to try?”

  I could see the gleam of challenge in Kes’s eyes, but then he glanced at Aimee’s pale face.

  “No, ma’am. I’m going to be a father in a few months. My wife would kick my ass if I broke my back again.”

  Pam chuckled.

  “That’s a shame. I would have paid good money to see you regain the title. What about the rest of you? Well, obviously not you, Zef, as it looks as though another little Daredevil will be making an appearance soon,” and she smiled at Sara.

  Sara flushed beet red and looked miserable. I slung my arm around her and pulled her in tightly.

  “That’s right. I have other responsibilities now.”

  Pam smiled and carried on chatting with the others.

  “It’s okay, baby mama,” I whispered to Sara.

  “How is it okay? How are you okay with any of it?” she asked unhappily.

  “Because one day I’m going to be this kid’s father.”

  Her mouth dropped open, astonishment and confusion warring with pleasure on her face.

  I could see that she had a ton more questions behind those perfect pink lips, so I kissed her instead.

  It worked.

  And crazy as it may have seemed, I’d started to think of Peanut as my kid. I’d been around him for all but the first eight weeks of his young life. I’d cared for Sara and looked out for her, and I was with her in every possible way.

  Just then Dan shook himself free of his fans and came loping across the field, all eyes were on him as we cheered, clapped and yelled. I smiled to myself when he ignored everyone and swept Lisanne into a kiss that made her breathless, plastering his sweaty body against her much smaller one. My little brother had moves.

  I knew how he was feeling—the adrenaline of scoring, the rush of winning, the feeling that your insides were on fire, all poured into wanting to screw the brains out of your woman. Yeah, I definitely knew that feeling.

  Pam edged in next to him as they came up for air and started her interview. She’d obviously forgotten that he was deaf, because she began talking before he was facing her and he wasn’t wearing his cochlear implant.

  When she realized her mistake, she quickly apologized. He gave her his trademark smirk, the one that wet women’s panties regularly, even though only one woman warmed his bed these days.

  It made me realize how similar we were: how he’d been before he met Lisanne, never spending more than one night with a woman in case they despised him for being deaf; but he’d changed so much, and I just hoped that my relationship with Sara would be as good as the one he had with Lisanne. Although I reckon we’d jumped a few steps along the way seeing as Peanut would be making an appearance in January.

  It occurred to me that Dan didn’t know about the old friend I’d run into a couple of months back, and I knew I should tell him. Just in case.

  As the team left the field, we went back to the suite and the party was on. We stayed until Sara was falling asleep on a couch and Aimee’s eyelids were drooping. Tucker and Tera had disappeared for thirty minutes only to reappear grinning and disheveled.

  It wasn’t easy to pry Dan away from his fans for a moment, especially with Lisanne clamped to his side, but I managed it a couple of hours later.

  “What’s up?” Dan asked, puzzled.

  I switched to sign language.

  Zef: I forgot to tell you last night. But I ran into Roy up in Washington state.

  Dan: I bet that didn’t go well.

  Zef: No, he was pretty pissed at me. Things were getting ugly but Ollo and the guys helped out. Otherwise I’d be missing a few teeth now, and probably not be walking or talking.

  Dan: That bad?

  Zef: When I testified to get my sentence reduced, it put him in the shit with some bad people. He wasn’t happy.

  Dan turned to look for Lisanne, his worried eyes scanning the room until he found her.

  Zef: He’s got no reason to come after you, either of you, but just watch your back.

  “Everything okay? You guys are being all serious.”

  Lisanne hooked her arm around Dan’s waist, leaning into him.

  “Nah, we’re good,” Dan lied easily. “Just talking about Best Man duties.”

  We chatted for a little longer, then I hugged Dan and Lisanne and promised we’d fly out in time for the wedding.

  “I’m so excited for you, Zef,” said Lisanne earnestly. “You’ll make a great dad.”

  I couldn’t help noticing the disapproval on Dan’s face, and that cut me.

  We spent a second night together, just holding each other.

  Those early mornings settled into my soul so softly, so quietly, I didn’t even hear it happening. It was hard to believe that I used to hate mornings, back when it just meant another twenty-four hours where I’d fail or fuck up. Now, they were becoming my favorite part of the day. All the noise in my head, all the questions were silenced.

  Half in this world, half asleep, my mind roamed freely.

  I could feel the weight of Sara’s head on my arm, preferring it to a pillow. Yesterday, I woke with her sweet ass pressed against my ready cock, but today she was facing me, our legs tangled and her growing belly filling the space between us.

  In these silent moments, I whispered to Peanut without feeling like a fool. Just him and me, shooting the breeze. So far, it was a fairly one-sided conversation, but sometimes he’d join in, and I’d see a miniature hand or tiny foot pressing against Sara’s stomach.

  The former me would have found that creepy, having watched too many Alien movies, but I wasn’t that man anymore. He was still there, but these days he kept to the shadows where he belonged, and I was glad about that.

  Sara seemed certain that the baby was going to be a boy—a certainty born of some sort of female intuition, perhaps. I didn’t care which it was going be because I already loved the kid. But I talked to Peanut as if he were a boy. And it was growing harder to remember that I wasn’t the one who’d gotten Sara in the family way.

  My forehead creased with worry, thinking again about Dan’s reaction, and I knew that other people would be the same, coming to those uninformed conclusions like my little brother. It was no one’s business except ours.

  We hadn’t defined our relationship and I had no idea what label we’d put on it if we did. We were more than friends, not quite lovers; friends with fringe benefits? Was that a ‘thing’? I did know that I was prepared to take it at any pace she wanted. The trouble was, Sara herself had no idea what she wanted. She seemed scared to move forward. I didn’t know if it was because she was still hung up on ‘not deserving’ me. If it wasn’t so fucking sad, I’d laugh.

  So I didn’t try to expl
ain to myself or anyone else what we had: I just knew that it was special.

  But Fate is a tricky bitch, and she seemed to think that my run of good luck had gone on long enough.

  I woke early, not long after sunrise, and let the light filter across my eyelids. I was smiling. It was already becoming familiar and highly addictive.

  Sara was still sleeping deeply, her pink lips open, wisps of hair hanging across her damp forehead. I reached out to touch her cheek, but hesitated. She worried about so many things, so worried all the time. It made me happy to see her peaceful and untroubled.

  My fingers trembled with the desire to touch her, my body already alive with want.

  I cursed softly when my cell phone vibrated on the small bedside table next to me. I scooped it up quickly, hoping it hadn’t disturbed her.

  One small hand curled like a paw as she yawned, and I held my breath. But her eyes didn’t open.

  I slipped out of the room silently, taking Zach’s call in the bathroom.

  “What up, Zach? Why the early morning wakeup?”

  “Man, I’m sorry, but I got a call from a security guard at the performers’ entrance.” He paused and I could hear the concern in his voice. “It’s Sara’s family. They’re here.”

  And suddenly I was standing at the edge of a cliff, peering over at waves crashing over the rocks below, my mind thrashing with fear, knowing that one misstep would end me.

  “Zef, did you hear me? Sara’s family are on their way over with an escort.”

  A shot of terror zinged through my body and my heart stumbled for a second.

  “How the fuck did they get on the lot? Why didn’t security hold them?”

  “I don’t know, but you’d better hurry.”

  And then I knew why, because Liam was with them.

  And Liam was a Sheriff.

  “Thanks, Zach.”

  I strode back into our room, no longer caring to be quiet, and pulled on jeans and a t-shirt from the pile on the floor.

  “Why are you up so early?” Sara yawned, stretching her arms above her head, full of dream-edged sleep.

  “Your parents are here with Liam,” I snapped as I reached for my boots.

  She fell back against the pillows, her face drained of blood and she suddenly looked scared and very young.

  Guilt boiled through me.

  “Shit, I shouldn’t have said it like that. I’m sorry, baby mama, but they’re on their way right now. You don’t have to see them if you don’t want. Just say the word and I’ll kick them the fuck out.”

  She seemed dazed, as if my words weren’t sinking in.

  “No,” she said at last. “No, I should see them. But . . . will you stay with me? I don’t know if I’m strong enough . . .”

  “You’re strong enough, Sara. More than you know. But I promise I won’t leave you. I’ll stay until you tell me to go. Always.”

  She gave me a grateful smile, but her lips trembled and her hands shook.

  “It’s going to be fine. I’ll be with you. Now go take a shower and wear one of your new dresses. Take your time. I’ll deal with them until you’re ready.”

  She took a deep breath.

  “Okay, okay. I can do this.”

  Her voice sounded uncertain but I forced a confident smile.

  “Sure you can.”

  I jumped out of the RV just as one of the golf carts that security used to get around the massive fairground complex drove up. Next to the driver was a guy with thick dark hair and I decided he must be the asshole Liam. He wasn’t in uniform, but he had a familiar air of power and arrogance combined that immediately raised my hackles.

  Behind him was a thin man wearing glasses, two women, one of whom looked a little like Sara, and a kid about the same age as her.

  I was surprised to see so many of them and I wondered if Liam had come clean or whether he’d come with the Weiss’s to protect his own interests—and his dirty little secret.

  I stood with my arms folded, face shaded by the canopy that we used to give us a sheltered outdoor area.

  The young security guard climbed out of the golf cart and approached me, speaking rapidly, obviously uncomfortable.

  “I’m really sorry, Mr. Colton, but these folks insisted. I know it’s real early . . .”

  His words tailed off and I felt sorry for him. He was just a kid, probably working his way through college. He wasn’t paid enough to deal with this shit.

  I nodded and watched as he spoke briefly to his passengers. They were eyeing me warily and seemed reluctant to leave the relative safety of the golf cart.

  While they watched me, I watched Liam. He seemed to be trying to persuade the young security guard to leave them with the golf cart, and the poor guy was shaking his head and throwing worried looks toward the direction of the security office next to the performers’ entrance and then at me.

  I waited, wondering who’d be the first to speak, watching the sideshow, their voices too low for me to catch, and calculated how much time I had before Sara came out.

  I wished I could deal with this for her, but I knew that wouldn’t do her any good in the long run—she needed to show them that she wasn’t a kid and that she knew what she wanted.

  There seemed to be some sort of tense stand-off before the security guard shook his head with finality and climbed back in the golf cart, driving away with puffs of dust spinning up from the small wheels.

  Liam’s face twisted in fury and then he threw me a calculating, evaluating look as he walked over, leaving the others standing behind awkwardly.

  “Mr. Colton? Joseph Colton?” he asked, extending his hand.

  I ignored his greeting and continued staring at him.

  “My name is . . .”

  “I know who you are, Liam. I know what you are.”

  Surprise flickered behind his eyes but he hid it quickly.

  “Then you’ll know that I’m very good friends with Sara’s family. We’ve all been very concerned about her.”

  I cut through his bullshit and took a step forward into his personal space, speaking quietly.

  “So concerned that you’ve been harassing her by calling her cell phone all of the time. Telling her to get rid of the baby?”

  He breathed out through his nose, his nostrils flaring with anger.

  “I’m assuming it was you on the phone that night?”

  I didn’t answer and his eyes narrowed.

  “I know all about you Joseph Connor Colton. Thirty-two years of age; did two years in Georgia State Pen for drug dealing; plea-bargained your way out of there; now working as circus act.”

  I smiled thinly.

  “None of that’s a secret, but I don’t think anyone would say the same about you. Taking advantage of a seventeen year-old girl, your son’s girlfriend, when she was drunk and vulnerable. First time was the back of your cop car.”

  He blanched and his eyes flickered, but he shook his head as if disappointed.

  “The sad stories of a disturbed child. I was afraid of this.”

  I leaned even closer until our noses were almost touching and I could smell his sour breath.

  “I know you’re afraid. I can smell the stink of it on you. You’re so afraid that Sara is going to tell your wife and son what’s been going on.”

  “No one will believe the little slut,” he hissed. “It’s all in her head.”

  I grabbed the front of his shirt ready to hit him, but Sara called out behind me.

  “Zef, no!”

  I paused, my fist clenched, then gave him a little push so he stumbled, his eyes dark with fury.

  “I’ll have you arrested for that! Assault on an officer of the law!”

  “I don’t think so, Liam. You’ve got too much to lose.”

  His lips pressed together, fury raging behind his eyes.

  Sara’s voice was soft but I was surprised to hear the quiet confidence in her voice when she spoke.

  “Leave him alone, Liam.”

  Then, t
aking a wide circle around me, her mother hurried over.

  “Sara, darling! I’ve been so worried!”

  She hugged Sara stiffly.

  Sara’s arms hung at her sides until she raised them slowly, loosely circling her mother’s waist. It looked like a performance rather than true affection.

  Then Sara’s father walked over and pulled her into his arms, tears in his eyes.

  “Why did you leave, sweetheart? I know you were upset, but we would have supported you. We will support you.”

  “I had to, Dad.”

  “But why? Why didn’t you return our calls? We would have come for you, you know that! We had to see you on TV standing next to Pam Oliver! Once we had a clue, Liam worked day and night to find you for us. Oh, honey.”

  He held her locked in his arms, and Sara let him, just the two of them standing together. Then he kissed her forehead and reluctantly turned to me.

  “Mr. Colton, I’m Nathan Weiss, Sara’s father. I’d like to thank you for looking after our little girl.”

  He held out his hand and I shook it dubiously, giving him the benefit of the doubt.

  “This is my wife, Norah; and these are our good friends Liam and Tilly Cooper. And this young man is their son, Owen, Sara’s boyfriend and, um, the baby’s father.”

  I nodded at the rest of them and then turned to Sara. She gave a weak smile but I noticed that she didn’t acknowledge the others beyond a quick glance at Owen who was scowling at the ground, his hands shoved in his pockets.

  We all sat in the picnic chairs, Sara’s mom fussing about, swiping at the surface with a tissue, before Sara jumped up and said she’d make coffee. Normally I’d have done it for her, but I wasn’t leaving her alone with these assholes, not even for a second. I’d promised her and I intended to keep my word.

  Sara’s father turned to me again.

  “Would you mind if we talked to Sara alone before we take her home. We’ve come a long way to see her.”

  He gave me a friendly smile, but I wasn’t feeling friendly.

  “Yeah, I mind,” I said roughly.

  He blinked, surprised, and glanced at his wife nervously before trying again as if I hadn’t understood plain English.

  “This is a very delicate situation and Sara is a confused young girl. We really need to . . .”