A Kingpin Love Affair (A Kingpin Love Affair #1-5)

by J. L. Beck

  Lost in the words Bree had spoken, I hadn’t realized Tegan had come and gone until she came from outside with more bags. She handed them to me, and I took them, whispering another thanks as I sat my glass down on the table and got up, walking to my room slowly.

  Placing the bags on the bed, I took a seat next to them. I needed a second to catch my thoughts, to place everything back where it belonged.

  I wanted to go back out to the living room and socialize, become friends and make memories I had never had before. I wanted to know these two women’s stories, and for the first time, I wanted to share mine. I wanted to confide in someone without worrying if I would ever get the chance to do so again. Plus, staying in my room contemplating life wouldn’t be fair to them, especially after the way they had treated me.

  Standing up, I walked back out of my room toward the living room. Tegan and Bree were talking softly as I made my way down the hall. I could hear Jared’s name being spoken, and it forced me to stop right outside the entryway, listening intently.

  “He’s never called me. I mean he has, but it’s been months, Teg. Months. I really feel like Isabella might be the one thing he needs to set him free of whatever it is that’s holding him back. I don’t know why. Call me crazy if you want, but I feel it in my heart.” There was sadness in Bree’s voice that caused my own heart to ache. She cared for her brother—that much was true.

  There was a small pause, Gia and Taylor’s sounds filling the silence before Tegan responded. “Hey, I don’t think you’re crazy but listen to me. He has his own reasons for hurting. Just like you did, Zerro did, Devon and even I did. We all deal with things differently. Izzy, she’s something special for sure. Neither one of them may see it, but she is already changing him. The Jared we have seen these last three years would have never invited us over. He would have left her here and not cared. He cares for her even if he doesn’t want to acknowledge it. They are two broken people, just like all of us were.” Tegan paused briefly before carrying on. “Just remember, two broken people have the power to bring one another together, or they have enough power to take everyone and everything out. Destruction. Mayhem. Even love rests in their hands.” Tegan spoke far wiser than her age as if she understood what true brokenness really was.

  I turned my back against the wall, my hands clutching my chest. The way they spoke told me they had pasts, they had walked somewhere in the darkness all on their own. I didn’t know how they came to be or where they were from. They could’ve had the same upbringing as I had or worse. Just because they hid their pain better than me didn’t mean they weren’t hurting.

  “You’re right. I just hope the light I see inside of Isabella can pull Jared from the darkness that has surrounded him. If she can’t, then I don’t think there is any saving him.” Bree sounded so defeated that I could feel the sadness as it seeped into the room. It was then I wondered what had caused Jared so much pain.

  What caused him to push everyone he loved away?

  Chapter Ten

  Jared

  Music blared from somewhere inside the house, the beat causing the front door to vibrate as my mind wondered what exactly Bree and Tegan had done to Isabella. Had they transformed her? Had they caused her to lose touch with the reality of her dreams that plagued her?

  Without another thought, I unlocked the front door and pushed through it. Rihanna’s S&M instantly rattling my eardrums. Isabella was nowhere in sight, so I closed the door quietly behind me and headed further into the house. The music grew louder as I got closer to the hallway. I was just about to head toward my bedroom when a blur formed before me as her body slid right past me. My eyes were still directed to the floor, to the pair of sock covered feet before me. Then they were gliding up her body, taking in the fact that her legs were bare.

  Completely fucking bare.

  Holy. Fucking. Shit.

  They were tan and smooth—and long, and… Fuck! Was I drooling? I wanted to grab one and wrap it around my waist as I caressed the silkiness of her skin.

  A squeak filled the air as she noticed me, yet my attention was still on her legs. By the time I made it up to the hem of the shirt she was wearing, which happened to be mine, I was panting. Ready to fucking devour her in every way imaginable. She looked up at me innocently, her cheeks growing a shade darker than usual.

  “I didn’t…” She stumbled over her words, which just caused my dick to grow painfully harder. “I mean, I did know what I was doing, but I didn’t…” She attempted to talk again only to mumble the last bit of her sentence. She looked timid, maybe even a little afraid, but still there was a look of lust in her eyes that had me wondering if she was as innocent as she played herself out to be.

  I cleared my throat before talking, knowing she would be able to tell from my voice that I had a desire to taste her, to touch her, to bring every single dream I had ever had about her to life.

  “Why are you wearing my shirt, and why the fuck were you in my bedroom?” I covered the need with anger because there was no way I could allow her to burrow herself any deeper into my life, my feelings or my fucking head.

  “I just wanted…” She looked lost for words, and suddenly, I started to feel like an even bigger dickhead. I had treated her like shit since she arrived, and though it was for her own good, I needed to cut the shit. I needed to be protecting her and making her feel safe. With all she had been through, she deserved a sliver of happiness in her dark life.

  “I’m… I’m fucking sorry. Okay?” I ran my fingers through my hair, sighing. I wasn’t sure what the hell I was supposed to say to her to make her feel better. Apologizing wasn’t really my thing. I knew this was wrong—I knew that Zerro picked the wrong person when it came to her. She needed more than I could ever give her.

  “Okay. I just saw a girl in one of the shows on TV that I was watching with Bree and Tegan earlier. She wore her boyfriend’s dress shirt—not saying you are my boyfriend but anyway, she danced around the house. I just didn’t know you were coming home so early. I’m really sorry.” Her words were so sincere, I could almost feel myself cracking. I wanted to cradle her, to protect her in ways I shouldn’t.

  “No. No, it’s all right. I just…” Just what? What was I going to come up with? Another excuse for why I was being a dick? I mean, I couldn’t just come out and say ‘I want to stick my cock deep in your pussy.’ God no. That would be just crude. “I just wasn’t expecting it is all. It took me by surprise. I haven’t ever had a woman wear my clothing before.” My body was acting of its own accord as I took a step forward, coming into her space. I drank in her scent and the way her body reacted to my own as my fingers reached out to push a lock of her dark hair out of her face.

  God, I wanted her. I had never wanted a woman so badly. She looked up at me, her eyes growing wide with lust and a desire unfamiliar to even her. In an instant, I had her in my arms. I was holding her to my body, her curves molding to my hardness in the most perfect of ways.

  “I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to make you angry.” She tried to get the words out, but they were muffled against my shirt as I gripped her tighter. My eyes drifted closed as I thought over my next words. Was there an excuse for me touching her?

  “Never be sorry. God, don’t be fucking sorry. It’s I who should be sorry.” I cursed myself for allowing the admission to fall from my lips.

  She pulled away from me, confusion marring her face. “I don’t understand what you mean? You’re mad, right? I mean, I didn’t mean to cause you to be mad, but I just wanted to try this once, and I never expected you to come home…” Her voice fell from my mind. All I could see were her lips moving and then I was descending upon her. My hands cupped the sides of her cheeks as my lips sought hers.

  The moment they touched one another’s was when silence consumed her. I could tell the second she understood what was taking place. I could feel her walls falling and her mind opening up to me. Her hands clung to me as I softly nibbled on her bottom lip. That full bottom lip had be
en the death of me over the past few days.

  A soft purr left her throat and I smiled like a sick son of a bitch as my lips moved against hers in the softest, slowest strokes I had ever made. She gathered her own rhythm and pressed herself firmly against me, her grip growing tighter as the seconds flew by. I envisioned placing her on my bed and ripping my shirt away, possessing her body in every way that I possibly could.

  Still I forced myself to release her, knowing that if I kept touching her or allowing her to touch me—hell, if I had to continue to stare at her in this way, we wouldn’t be leaving this spot without something happening. With more restraint than I knew I ever had, I released her, stepping back until I was out of touching distance. She looked at me with a pout on her face, her bottom lip out a bit more than her top lip. My cock grew harder with every passing second.

  “I’m not the good guy in all of this, but even I know when enough is enough.” I paused, taking a deep breath before I allowed my next sentence to come out. “I just couldn’t go another day without at least knowing what you tasted like. I needed to know what you felt like under my hands, what your skin felt like against mine.” The words were nothing that I had ever felt or said aloud to another person before. Her expression turned to shock right away and then a soft smile formed on her face.

  “Does this mean we can be friends?” Her question was so naïve. What about, I want to fuck you until you can’t walk straight said I want to be friends? Yeah, maybe with your pussy.

  I shook my head. “I thought we already were friends?” I raised an eyebrow up at her. I couldn’t blame her if she said we weren’t. I had been the biggest jackass on the face of the planet. The truth was while I was away at work, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Even though I left the house to get away, I longed to be here. Hell, I hardly knew her so I could chalk it up to being alone for so long. But the reality was I craved someone who understood what it was like to be alone.

  “We were, I mean, we are.” She corrected herself, standing taller. The way she talked and acted and simply based on her past experiences I knew I needed to find a way to protect her when I wasn’t around. She might not be here forever, but when she left, I wanted to make sure she took something good away from this entire experience.

  “Isabella.” Her name rolled off my tongue so smoothly it was almost impossible to tell it was once foreign to me. A small voice in the back of my mind said, it’s because it’s not foreign.

  “Jared…” My mother’s singsong voice entered my ears.

  The memory was jarring causing me to take another step back. Maybe my anger toward Isabella had nothing to do with her but everything to do with what she reminded me of.

  “Jared,” Isabella called my name and my eyes lifted to meet hers. Alarms were going off in my head telling me I needed to push her away, to make her believe my desire for her had everything to do with finding comfort in someone’s flesh. Yet, as I formed the sentences in my mind, I couldn’t force myself to say them.

  “Are you okay?” Again, her voice soothed the chaos brewing within me. She took a step toward me, and I could feel my hard exterior cracking.

  No. Never again.

  The words hung in the air. I couldn’t. We couldn’t. It was too good to be true.

  “I’m fine. I just wanted to let you know I’m going to take you out to the gun range so I can teach you how to shoot.” I kept my voice neutral as I felt myself drawing back into my shell.

  The expression that formed on her face told me she wasn’t expecting that. My nonchalant attitude had hurt her. Dolefulness filled her features and in an instant disappeared.

  “Oh, okay. That sounds great,” she said it sounded great, yet her voice made it sound like I had just cut her deep and then spit on her. I backed up, not sure where to go from here. I had made out with her, felt her up, and now I was giving her the cold shoulder again.

  She had no idea what kind of fucked up I was. She had no idea that it wasn’t she who was the problem, but me.

  All me. Always fucking me.

  I couldn’t drag her through the dirt and mud, tainting her with the mess I had made out of my own life. With one last glance over my shoulder, I walked away, my footsteps deafening against the ground as if there was a hidden meaning behind them. It was as if every step I took away from her was causing a rift to grow between us.

  How was it one girl could cause everything to crumble that I had spent years building?

  She didn’t know her worth. She didn’t know the power she had over me, and I hoped she never would, because the second she did was the second there would be no saving either of us from the destruction I would cause.

  Chapter Eleven

  Isabella

  “I wish boss would let us fuck ‘em.” The man’s words rung in my ear. I could still feel his breath hot against my skin as his hand explored my body in ways that I never even had.

  “You’re a monster,” I whispered. I could hear his muffled laughter against my cheek. He lifted his face to stare down at me, preparing to beat me or punish me. I didn’t know.

  “You’re just as disgusting as she was.” The meaning behind his words was hidden, but the complete disgust in his voice told me whoever ‘she’ was, wasn’t someone he liked.

  “Isabella.” My name was being called. The voice was thick and smooth, a voice I would love to get wrapped up in breaking through my past.

  “You’re having another nightmare. Wake up.” Jared? The recognition took root, and immediately, I sat up on the bed, cradling my blanket to my body. I blinked my eyes open only to discover Jared was in fact standing at the foot of my bed. His chest was bare, and he looked less than pleased that I had woken him up from his slumber.

  “Goodness, I’m so sorry,” I said nervously. Jared had that effect on me. It didn’t matter what time of the day it was, or what I was doing. He caused a nervous tick to form in my body, one that only came on when he was near.

  He scrubbed a hand down his face and over the light stubble that marred it. His hair was a mess, giving way to just how asleep he was.

  “You know if you wanted a cuddle buddy that bad, all you had to do was say something.” He sighed, dropping down to the right side of the bed. I was still recovering from being awakened. I didn’t realize what he had said or what it was he was doing.

  “What are you talking about?” I almost yawned but stopped myself. It was when I felt his warmth against me underneath the blankets that I realized what he was getting at. Turning, I looked at him with a shocked expression written on my face.

  “What are you doing?” I questioned. This wasn’t supposed to happen again. No, there was no way it was supposed to happen again, it couldn’t.

  “Making sure you don’t have any more nightmares.” He stated nonchalantly as he pulled me down into his chest. Was I so weak that I wouldn’t even protest against it?

  “You know you could just buy me some lights to hang in here. It would be less…” I paused looking for the exact word to use, but my mind drifted just as Jared’s hand did. My hip. His hand. I almost couldn’t form a thought.

  “Less what?” He whispered into my ear, causing goose bumps to erupt all over my skin. I could no longer remember what it was that I was going to say.

  “Less…” I stuttered. “Damaging. Exhausting. Embarrassing.” The words left me without mere thought. I could feel his body tensing. Was he upset with me?

  “I’ll get some lights, but for now, you’re stuck with me.” He sounded so sure of himself and I almost budged.

  “I’ll be okay,” I whispered on the borderline of giving in. Was I so lonely I would allow him to lay with me, even if it was to calm me after a nightmare?

  “You’re right. You will be… now that I’m here.” He situated me against him, my hips lining up with his groin perfectly. One arm wrapped around me while the other cradled my head. Moments of silence passed between us, the only thing that could be heard were our breaths filling the air. My eyes drifted closed a
s I allowed the peace of what was taking place to sink into my skin. I wanted to soak up every ounce of joy.

  Jared’s heartbeat was loud, pounding against my skin. My mind drifted to the kiss we shared in the hall earlier and to the things he said to me. It was as if he wanted two very different things from all of this.

  “What causes your nightmares?” His voice was like velvet against my skin. I stayed silent for a moment trying to determine if I should share that with him. It was intimate to me. A secret really, and if others found out they could use it against me.

  “The darkness,” I finally answered. Silence formed between us again, and I wondered if he had fallen asleep, and then he answered me.

  “There’s a dark side to everything in life.” His words told me he understood the real meaning of darkness.

  “Even you?” I questioned, unsure where the question even came from.

  “Yes, even me. Even the brightest of people have a small part of them they keep hidden away from everyone, a dark hole that eats away at them piece by piece.” It was in what he said that I understood what tormented him. He was confessing his pain, his griefs without even admitting them to me.

  “Your secret is safe with me,” I muttered, allowing my eyes to drift closed. I could feel his breath on my neck and it caused me to fall deeper and deeper into a comatose state. Right before I fell off the cliff of darkness, I swear I heard him say ‘thank you.’

  *

  The next morning played out very similar to the first. It was awkward and even though he was a bit eager to get away from me, he hadn’t run from me this time—that alone caused my heartbeat to skyrocket.

  He wanted to touch me in ways a man had never been allowed to, and I wanted to let him, solely because I felt safe with him. I felt desired, and though he showed it strangely, I felt cared for.