by Taylor Dean
Chloe acquiesced as they marched her upstairs and into the bathroom. “Shower,” Sydney demanded.
Chloe took her time, letting the hot water run over her body like a healing balm. Once out and dressed in warm pajamas, she succumbed to Sydney’s ministrations as she combed out her snarled locks and plaited her hair into a neat little french braid.
She expected Sydney to say something snarky like, “My brother’s an idiot. He doesn’t know what he’s doing.” But she didn’t. She muttered soothing words, as if Chloe were five-years old.
They tucked her into bed, made her a mug of herb tea and a plate of toast, and commanded her to eat or they’d take her to the emergency room.
Chloe ate. She forced each bite and made herself swallow. Then she collapsed against her pillows and cried some more as they looked on worriedly. Losing Jack because of a baby, even temporarily, was a tough pill to swallow. Somehow she fell into an exhausted sleep.
The next morning she awoke to find Harper and Sydney still at her bedside, as if they’d needed to keep a constant vigil over her. They made her breakfast and watched her eat until every last morsel had been consumed. Chloe’s hands still shook from her food-abstinence-day and she felt as weak as a newborn kitten. She leaned back on her headboard and observed Sydney and Harper.
“I don’t know what to do now.”
“You don’t need to do anything. Just rest. We’re here for you, Chloe,” Sydney responded. It was a side of Sydney she didn’t know.
“I want Jack.”
Harper patted her hand. “I know, sweetie. I know.”
“Do you think he’s really in love with Taryn?” Chloe couldn’t help but ask.
“No, Chloe, I don’t think he even likes her very much,” Harper said with a scowl.
“He didn’t return to Taryn, he returned for his baby,” Sydney reminded her. “Don’t forget that.”
“He said I was the one person who would understand his actions,” Chloe said slowly. She wanted to cry, but she had no more tears left. “And he’s right, I do. But I wish I didn’t.”
Understanding his actions didn’t help. It made things worse. Jack was choosing the noble thing to do because that was the kind of man he was. She’d lost the best man she’d ever known, she was sure of it. And it hurt. “He’ll never leave her now.”
“You don’t know that, Chloe,” Harper chastised.
“I do. Because I know him. Taryn realizes what she lost. She wants him back and she’ll do everything she can to hold onto him.”
“Jack will figure this out. He doesn’t want to stay with Taryn. I imagine he’ll eventually get custody of his child. Then he’ll be free again. He feels horrible about putting you in this situation.”
Just one more thing that only reminded her that he was a decent man. “There’s one thing Jack hasn’t thought of yet.”
“What?” Sydney asked.
“Taryn might be spoiled, but she’s not an evil villain.”
“She kinda is,” Sydney said under her breath and Chloe ignored her.
“More than likely, she’ll embrace being a mother. I know him. He won’t be able to take a child away from his mother—nor will he be able to leave his child. He doesn’t have it in him. He’s trapped. And I’ve lost him.” Chloe knew it with surety. Jack Alexander. The one that got away.
“Maybe. Maybe not,” Sydney said quietly. “We don’t know exactly how this will all work out. Give Jack some credit. He’s smart, Chloe, and he knows what he wants. And it’s you. Give him time.”
“Don’t give up on him,” Harper begged.
Chloe held her head in her hands, feeling despair the likes of which she’d only known one other time in her life. Christopher was gone from her, with no way to return.
Jack wasn’t.
“I love him,” she whispered.
“He loves you too, Chloe. Don’t ever forget it.”
“He’s a lawyer. He must know another way out of this situation.”
“The law is on her side right now. She has all of the power.” Harper played with the comforter, tracing the design—deliberately not looking her in the eyes.
“The father has no rights concerning the unborn fetus whatsoever,” Sydney sighed with frustration.
Chloe felt a wave of guilt wash over her. Mark had wanted her to abort. But in the end, it was entirely her decision. She’d gone through with the pregnancy in spite of Mark’s desires. Now she was witnessing the other side of the coin—a woman who wanted to abort, and a father who didn’t want to see that happen. Yet, he was literally powerless, a puppet on strings.
Chloe had done everything within her power to save Christopher. Jack was a man who would do everything within his power to protect and keep his child. They were the same. Chloe couldn’t fault him for his decision. Not one single bit. He loved her, she knew he did. This was just as hard on him.
“I wanted to give Jack his first baby,” she cried, sounding pathetic even to her own ears.
“Jack wanted that too, sweetie,” Harper consoled.
“If it’s any consolation, he’s in worse condition than you, and he looks even more haggard than you,” Sydney blurted.
“You’ve seen him?”
Sydney stood and stretched her legs. “He was here last night, Chloe.”
“Syd, Jack asked you not to tell her,” Harper scolded.
“What? Why didn’t you wake me?”
“He didn’t want to wake you. He was worried about you. He just wanted to see you and make sure you were okay. He watched you sleep.”
“For how long?”
“A couple of hours.”
Jack had been here, watching her, worrying over her. The thought warmed her. She ached for just a simple glance of his face, a touch of his hand, a kiss from his lips.
Now that she was thinking clearly again, she felt a little embarrassed over her breakdown. Sydney and Harper couldn’t stay with her forever. It was time to take control of her life again.
“Where are your children?” Chloe asked.
“Mom has them. She felt you shouldn’t be alone.”
“Thank you for being here with me. Coming to terms with everything has been a little rough. But, I’m okay now.”
“Listen, Chloe, you’re our new sister and we love you. This will all work out and you and Jack will be back together again. Just you wait and see,” Harper effused while hugging her tightly.
Chloe hoped she was right.
Jack has returned to Taryn and his unborn baby.
Chloe couldn’t quite wrap her mind around the turn of events.
Yet, she and Jack hadn’t broken up. He still loved her and she still loved him.
What did that make her? It sounded so mistress-like.
All at once, she understood Jack’s repulsion for putting them in such an uncouth situation. He’d understood that it would make her look like the “other woman.” He’d given her an out, but she hadn’t taken it. How could she explain this arrangement to Renee, Sue, Jennifer, or even Mark? They’d tell her she was being kept on a string by a player, no doubt.
But there was no need to explain her life to anyone. She really didn’t care what other people thought. All that mattered is she knew how Jack really felt. And he loved her. She had to trust him.
Harper and Sydney had just left, only after she reassured them several times that she was fine.
She wasn’t. But she longed for some alone time to sort out her feelings. When Jack phoned late that afternoon, she felt eager to hear his voice.
“Hi sweetheart. I’m at the store, so it’s safe to talk.”
She cringed. It made their relationship sound so clandestine.
“Taryn wants asparagus, peanut butter, and a tuna fish sandwich for dinner. That’s what sounds good to her. She wants to dip the asparagus in peanut butter,” he laughed. “That’s right up there with pickles and ice cream. Disgusting, but that’s what she’s craving.”
Pregnancy cravings. Chloe remembered them wel
l. She’d craved string cheese and spinach, eating sometimes as many as three bowls of spinach salad a day. Everything else made her stomach turn. She shook her head, not wanting to embrace the memories.
When Chloe said nothing, Jack said, “Chloe, are you there? Did I lose the connection?”
Yes, but not in the way he thought. “I’m still here.”
“Aw, shoot. Taryn’s calling on the other line. Probably thought of another weird thing she’d like me to bring her. I’m spending all of my time catering to her appetite whims. I’m sorry, gotta go. I love you, Chloe. I’ll talk to you again very soon.”
The call was breezy and quick—and most unsatisfactory. Jack sounded harried, almost overwhelmed with his new responsibility.
A torrent of mixed feelings besieged Chloe, leaving her feeling more confused than ever. Unease settled in the pit of her stomach. The thought of Jack caring for Taryn and his unborn baby caused wild emotions to war inside of her all through the evening hours. She tried to shrug it off. Regardless, anger, jealousy, envy, resentment—all red hot emotions—left her struggling with herself. The loss of Christopher seemed to consume and envelop her. It felt so unfair that a woman who didn’t want a baby was allowed to have one. The thought made her burn.
She awoke early in the morning, unable to sleep any longer, called her client and insisted she was fine to return to work. It turned out to be her salvation. The job kept her busy and gave her something else to think about besides Jack, Taryn, and baby.
Jack had already phoned a few times. She hadn’t picked up—and she had no explanation for her actions. She threw herself into her job with renewed fervor, blocking out the world. Embracing work kept her focused, otherwise she would’ve sat at home feeling sorry for herself—and she just couldn’t do that anymore.
Once home, Chloe made herself a light dinner. Her cell phone came to life just as she was about to take her first bite. It was Jack and this time she had no reason not to answer.
“I missed you earlier and I’ve been dying to talk to you,” he blurted.
“Sorry, I was at work and didn’t have time to talk.” It was a reasonable excuse. At any rate, she looked forward to any type of contact with Jack, as long as he kept in touch, that was all that mattered.
Yet she couldn’t explain the feeling of dread building deep in her gut. Why did she feel so tense, so on edge?
“Can I stop by? I need to see you, Chloe,” he asked, a slight hesitation in his voice.
“Yes. I’d love to see you, Jack,” she answered, hating the slight distance between them.
“Wait, hold on,” he said, sounding distracted. “I just got a text from Taryn. She’s been throwing up all day. Dang, I never knew how bad morning sickness could be. My sisters never had it like this. I’m sorry, Chloe. I’d better go see if I can help her. Any suggestions?”
A few beats of dead silence hung between them.
“Uh, never mind. Y-you don’t have to answer that. I’ll ask my sisters,” he quickly corrected, as if he’d made a horrible faux pas.
On one hand, she didn’t want to give Jack pregnancy advice for Taryn. Not now. Not ever. On the other hand, she had experienced pregnancy, and she appreciated him asking her opinion. It made her feel validated, like he recognized that she was indeed a mother. She was one huge mess of contradictory emotions, as usual.
“Sipping ginger ale helped me,” she answered softly.
“Thank you, Chloe. I appreciate it,” he said, for a moment sounding more like himself. “I’m ready to try anything at this point. Sorry I’m in such a hurry. Life has been a little crazy with the preg…uh…everything.” Jack tripped over his words as he tried to be sensitive to her feelings.
“You can say the word pregnancy, Jack.” She immediately regretted her harsh words. He was trying.
“I, uh, guess I’ll see you tomorrow. Will that work?” he asked, a little restrained.
“Sure.”
“I love you, Chloe. So much. I’ll try to call again tonight.”
He didn’t.
Chloe lay in her bed, feeling restless, her thoughts churning. Jack knew how sensitive she was when it came to other women having babies. He was obviously a little overwhelmed with taking care of Taryn, and yet torn with the desire to share everything with Chloe. She couldn’t expect him to never speak of Taryn, or of her pregnancy. Could she? Of course not. This was his life right now. He was there to ensure that his baby was safe. The only way to do that was to take care of the mother. And that’s what he’s doing. He’s a good man. The best.
And he loves me.
So why did she feel so awful?
Jack called again the next day during her lunch hour.
“Hi Chloe. I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you last night.” He sounded weary and his voice was hoarse.
“Is everything all right? You don’t sound well.”
“Pulled an all-nighter. I ended up taking Taryn to the emergency room. She couldn’t hold anything down and was severely dehydrated. They’ve put her on an IV and ordered her to bed rest.” He exhaled sharply. “She’s home now and resting peacefully. But, I’m exhausted.”
At his words, Chloe felt something inside of her turn off. Memories of early pregnancy flooded her mind; the excitement, the joy, the awe of a new life forever entwined with hers. She remembered feeling morning-sick-miserable and having-a-baby-ecstatic all at the same time—such a strange combination of emotions.
But it didn’t turn out well and these were not memories she wanted to entertain or relive.
Jack continued. “It looks like she may be one of those women who have morning sickness for the entire nine months, poor thing. It may be a tough pregnancy.”
Not tougher than mine.
The thought was there and she couldn’t unthink it. Chloe felt her heart sink. This was really happening. Taryn was having Jack’s baby and he was taking care of her.
All at once, she knew she couldn’t do this. She didn’t want to do this. It’d been bothering her for days, weighing her down. In her heart, she’d known all along.
Jack kept talking. “I don’t think she’s taken very good care of herself for the last four months of the pregnancy and it’s all catching up with her now.”
“Jack, stop,” Chloe blurted. Her imagination went wild with visions of Jack at Taryn’s side, caring for her in a loving manner. He’d help her get through this rough spot. He’d see to it that she received the proper care and nutrition.
Then what? There were so many highlights that accompany a pregnancy. Chloe’s thoughts dwelled on just a few.
Soon, they’d find out if they were having a boy or a girl. Jack would be excited, bursting with the happy news.
In the natural scheme of things, they’d begin to discuss baby names. Who knows, Jack might even ask Chloe what she thought of their choices.
Next, they’d start purchasing baby items and begin decorating the nursery. Jack might ask for advice with the design of the room.
Then of course, there’d be that breathtaking moment when they felt the baby move or kick for the first time. It was such a miracle and Jack would feel amazed. Maybe Jack would call and tell her how incredible it felt, hardly able to contain himself.
Chloe was destined to hear about each and every moment, every single milestone in Taryn’s pregnancy. Jack would be careful; he was very aware of Chloe’s tender feelings. But somehow these things would seep into the discussion. How could they not? The baby was about to become the single most important thing in Jack’s life. She couldn’t expect him to not talk about it. He was already walking on eggshells, learning to choose his words carefully so the ticking time bomb didn’t explode.
Too late.
“I’m sorry, Chloe. That was tactless of me,” he said, immediately contrite.
What was she thinking? What made her think she could stand at Jack’s side while he helped Taryn through her pregnancy? Chloe knew herself well enough to know she absolutely could not experience Taryn’s pregna
ncy by proxy. And she certainly couldn’t feign happiness at each new development. She just didn’t have it in her. “Jack, I can’t do this. I just can’t,” she said, her voice cracking.
Jack remained silent.
“I’m sorry, I can’t be there for you and I can’t experience her pregnancy with you. I just can’t do it.”
“I know,” Jack said quietly. Perhaps he’d known all along, long before she’d realized it.
“It’s too much for me. I can’t stand on the sidelines and observe someone else’s happiness while I relive my loss.”
He said nothing.
“I love you, Jack, but I don’t want to know about…”
“I know, Chloe, I know.”
“I thought I could do this, but now I’ve realized that I can’t. I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t want to be without you, but…”
“Don’t say it, Chloe. I know,” he said resignedly.
“This is your life right now. Nothing is going to change that fact. But I can’t be a part of it. It’s just too painful.”
“I won’t talk about it again, I promise. We don’t need to talk about it at all,” Jack said in a pleading tone.
“No, that isn’t fair to you.”
“What do you want me to do?” he asked quietly.
Good question. Chloe knew what was best. She’d known it since his first phone call, she simply hadn’t been willing to face the truth. “Go and do what you need to do, Jack, and contact me when you’re free again.” Would that time ever come?
“Chloe, no, please…”
“Until then I think it’s best if we don’t communicate,” Chloe interrupted, her voice breaking and tears sliding down her cheeks. “It’s the best we can do under the circumstances. I can’t…I just can’t…”
She detested the ensuing silence. It was so unlike him.
“Jack?”