by Taylor Dean
Chloe, Chloe, Chloe. She permeated his mind and dominated every waking thought.
I wish this baby was mine and Chloe’s.
Jack chastised himself, knowing it wasn’t a thought he ought to entertain. It was useless to wish for a different outcome, and he felt it somehow diminished the importance of this child. He tried to push the thought out of his mind, but it persisted anyway.
Taryn laughed loudly, smothered in the crowd of people, just the way she liked to be—the life of the party. The past month of bed rest had been hard on her, and she was thrilled to be out and about. She wasn’t throwing up anymore and she’d even met a friend for lunch the other day, her first outing.
At least he wouldn’t have to wait on her anymore, thank goodness. Being at her side was one thing, waiting on her hand and foot while she acted as though she was languishing was quite another.
“Read to me, Jack. I’m too weak to hold the book.”
He hated these parties. Everyone got drunk and everyone flirted with each other’s spouses. The beat of the music pounded in his ears painfully. Taryn had begged him to come with her and here he was. He wanted to be able to watch over her, just to make sure she didn’t have another dizzy spell and faint.
Jack moved to the sunroom where he was able to watch the party through a layer of glass, observing, not participating. The pounding base in the music still thumped in his ears, giving him a headache.
Taryn reminded him on a daily basis that she was only going through with the pregnancy for him. Her sentiments always implied that he owed her for her efforts, big time. In turn, Jack had to constantly remind himself why he was with Taryn and that he was doing this for his child. Otherwise his time with her would be unendurable. His heart was with Chloe.
He knew her heart was with him also and that was the only thing that made this experience survivable.
But he’d hurt her with his decision, that much was obvious, and it weighed on him heavily. Even across the miles that separated them, he often felt as though he could feel her angst. The thought killed him.
What would happen after the baby was born? Once his child had safely entered the world, would he be able to leave Taryn? Could he trust her with his child? Would she take care of him or her properly? These things weighed on his mind.
Technically, in the state of Arizona it was illegal for her to abort after twenty weeks gestation. But if he left, he didn’t trust her to not find some way of getting rid of the baby, some illegal method that would leave her scarred for life. As a matter of fact, she’d threatened as much, confirming his fears.
Would he be able to get custody? The law almost always favored the mother. At first he’d just assumed Taryn would hate the demands of being a mother. Frankly, he assumed she’d forget to feed the baby, or change the baby, or forget that it even existed. She’d never taken care of anyone but herself.
But what if she didn’t? What if she loved being a mother? It would be beyond cruel to take her child from her.
The best he could hope for was joint custody. Except he was pretty sure Taryn would fight him tooth and nail even for that. In the midst of the battle, he’d risk never seeing his child.
And he will have done all of this for nothing.
No, not for nothing. At least his child would be born, at least his child would be alive. That part of the decision had definitely been in his hands.
Still, he’d been thinking like a lawyer and letting it govern his actions. If this turned into a custody battle, it would look good that he’d immediately returned to Taryn. The thought had been in the back of his mind the entire time.
He cringed. It sounded so cutthroat.
However, it didn’t change the fact that he regretted not holding onto Chloe. He could’ve been secretly seeing Chloe all along. Deceitful, yes. But then, Taryn wasn’t exactly playing fair either.
But Chloe hadn’t been able to go through with it. Oddly, it had nothing to do with the ugly fact that he’d returned to his pregnant ex-wife. Surprisingly, that part of the equation she’d understood.
In the end, it was Taryn’s pregnancy that was the last straw for her. He knew Taryn having his baby would be difficult news for her. But he hadn’t anticipated her complete withdrawal from his life. He should have though. He knew her feelings were complicated when it came to other women having babies. It had been a huge mistake to share any details with her. He should have known better. But he hadn’t exactly been thinking clearly himself. Everything had happened so fast.
He didn’t blame her for cutting off all communication. It was, perhaps, for the best. For now anyway. It would’ve been difficult to divide his time between Taryn and Chloe. With how much help Taryn had needed, he would’ve felt as though he was neglecting Chloe.
Regardless, he knew in his heart that Chloe understood his choice. But it didn’t mean this was easy on her, nor did it mean she would be willing to take him back when the time presented itself.
And the time would come. He had every intention of ensuring the safety of his child, and then begging Chloe for another chance.
Her tears on that last day haunted him. The vision of her sleeping in her bed, hugging her pillow tightly with her tear streaked face and swollen eyes made for several sleepless nights. Jack hated that he’d caused her so much heartache. He was supposed to have been the man who’d brought happiness back into her life. Instead, he’d broken her heart.
Taryn never spoke of the baby. She never once expressed joy or love towards it. It didn’t take a genius to reach the conclusion that once the baby was born, she wasn’t going to be interested. Perhaps he was worrying over nothing and it wouldn’t be hard to get custody. Sometimes he even wondered if Taryn would willingly give him the child. As a matter of fact, it was more than likely. All he had to do was ask. But then she’d know he had absolutely no intention of getting back together with her—or of staying forever. Not that it wasn’t blatantly obvious to her already. He’d been upfront on that score. He’d spent so much time politely rebuffing her advances, he felt mentally depleted.
“Jack, come snuggle with me. I get so lonely lying here all day.”
She wore sexy negligees every day and positioned herself on top of the covers as if she were posing for a picture.
He wasn’t even tempted. She left him cold. All he could think of was Chloe.
When Taryn had finally confronted him over the issue, he reminded her that she was the one who’d left him. He told her outright that he wasn’t interested in resuming a relationship. She’d pouted for a bit, but she’d accepted it. But she’d also made it clear that she wanted him back.
That wasn’t going to happen.
It was obvious she felt he’d give in soon, in fact she seemed sure of it. She assumed he was stalling out of a sense of revenge. She’d even begun to speak of plans for their second wedding. Yesterday she’d shown him a picture of the wedding dress she wanted.
A day of reckoning was looming, but he wanted to put it off, at least until after the baby was born. Then all hell could break loose—and it probably would.
What a mess he’d made of his life. Not just his life, but Chloe’s too. Would Chloe be willing to give him the time of day when this was all over? Had he lost the best thing that had ever happened to him?
Movement in his peripheral vision made him look to the side.
Mark Brennan stood there, his eyes glued on Taryn as she socialized like the butterfly she was.
“You broke Chloe’s heart,” Mark said without glancing his way. His voice was as smooth as ever, as if he was imitating Clint Eastwood. Apparently it made women swoon. For some reason it struck his funny bone. It brought back the memory of sitting on the floor of his house with Chloe, laughing and covered in paint.
I miss her.
“I guess that makes us even,” Jack said, wondering what Mark was doing here. Then he remembered that he and Taryn ran in the same social circles. That’s how they’d met in the first place. “Have you seen her?” Ja
ck asked casually. Inside he was dying for even the tiniest tidbit of information. The crumbs his family shared with him left him starving.
“Yes, I’ve seen her,” Mark answered and Jack felt a stab of jealousy. Had they been spending a lot of time together? “She’s on vacation. She took off for the Caribbean, I don’t know which island. She said she needed some time alone to think and sort out her life. She said it was high time she did something for herself and it was her turn to take off. She announced quite proudly that she would be gone for three weeks and, no, I could not contact her while she was gone.”
Jack smiled. “Good for her.” His family had not told him about Chloe’s trip. Interesting. Probably a wise choice though. He’d be tempted to follow her.
“Yeah,” Mark agreed. “Good for her.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I asked her for a second chance, you know,” he added casually. “Once upon a time, we had a good marriage. I thought maybe we could try again. I love that girl.”
Jack felt his blood turn cold. “And?” He couldn’t look at Mark any longer. He turned and faced the crowd, watching Taryn dance with the beat of the music.
“She said she needed time to think, that she had feelings for someone else now. Strong feelings.” Mark rocked back on his heels. “Wonder who that could be?”
She loved him, she really did. Jack tried to hide a victorious smile, and failed. There wasn’t a chance she’d take Mark back, not after what he’d done.
Was there?
Surely not.
After a minute of silence, Mark said, “You brought her back to life. How’d you do it?”
“I loved her. I didn’t leave her side. That’s all.”
“I couldn’t reach her. I tried.”
“I don’t think you tried hard enough,” Jack told him bluntly.
Mark didn’t say anything for several moments. “Her sister once told me that when Chloe was in the fourth grade they had a career day at school. Each child was allowed to wear a costume that represented what they wanted to be when they grew up. Chloe wore an apron, with her hair in a bun. She said she was a mother. The other children told her that being a mother was not a job. She corrected them and told them that it was.”
Jack closed his eyes as pain shot through his heart.
Mark continued. “Of all the women in the world, why did it have to happen to her? She’s one of the few who would do anything for her child. I’ll never understand that.”
“Maybe because she is one of the few women who would give her baby the short life he was destined for.”
Mark mulled on that thought for awhile. “I went back that night, you know,” he said abruptly.
“Excuse me?”
“I assume Chloe told you our story.”
“Yes, she did.”
“Then you know I left her at the hospital. But I went back that night. She doesn’t know that, though.”
“You went back?” Jack repeated.
“I did. It was late. I went to her door and there she was, still holding Christopher. It had been hours. I couldn’t believe it. She held him in her arms, talking to him softly and kissing his forehead.”
Jack could picture the scene in his head perfectly, the love, the angst, and the beauty.
“I said to the nurse, ‘Why is she still holding him?’ And she explained that she was allowed to hold him for as long as she’d like, for as long as she needed to.” Mark expelled his breath as if disgusted. “I couldn’t go in. I couldn’t hold him. I didn’t even want to see him. So I left.”
Jack didn’t say what he wanted to say. Anything he said to Mark right now would only increase his obvious guilt. And he should feel guilty. Tremendously so.
“I deserted her. I couldn’t look at her, I couldn’t touch her, I could hardly stand to be in the same room as her and her belly of death. It made me sick.”
Jack’s hands formed into fists and he felt an overwhelming urge to knock this jerk across the room.
“I was wrong. I should have been there for her. And for our son.”
Jack relaxed. At least Mark realized the error in his ways. He couldn’t help but think that Chloe had made a lucky escape from Mark Brennan.
No, that was harsh. It wasn’t a crime to feel squeamish, to not be able to handle witnessing and holding death. Few people deal with it well. But it was a shame that he hadn’t been able to be supportive of Chloe at the very least.
Mark went on as if in a confessional. “The look on her face after Christopher was born; I don’t ever want to see that look on her face again. It was an expression I’d never seen before, a look of utter sorrow. It haunts me.”
“I can only imagine,” Jack said, thinking of the expression on her face the last time he’d seen Chloe. It haunted him as well.
“She loves me, you know. And I love her too,” Mark said confidently.
“Yes, I know.”
“You have some competition, Jack. I plan to win her back,” Mark said, throwing down the gauntlet. “Once she’s had some time to herself to think, she’ll see things clearly again. I think we owe it to ourselves to give our marriage a second chance.”
Jack’s stomach clenched. He didn’t feel as secure as he’d like to feel. Would Chloe give Mark a second chance? They had a history, a child, and a love for one another that transcended trivial events. The loss of a child had a way of making you see things differently. Their grief had torn them apart. Perhaps their grief will now bring them back together. “We’ll see about that,” Jack uttered softly.
“She thinks we’re watching her, talking about her,” Mark said suddenly, nodding towards Taryn.
Jack’s eyes adjusted to the present. He and Mark stood in the sunroom, gazing out upon the dance floor. Taryn was laughing and jumping, twirling her hair in a seductive manner, her eyes on the two of them.
“She’d be so disappointed to know we’re talking about Chloe,” Jack commented.
“She’d be livid,” Mark agreed.
They both chuckled at the thought.
“Are you gonna go back to Chloe?” Mark asked bluntly.
“When I’m free again. If she’ll have me.”
“I thought the baby was mine at first. Scared me.”
“Chloe thought so too. Knocked her for a loop. Finding out it was mine…well…”
“It destroyed her,” Mark stated flatly. “But she’s a strong woman, stronger than she realizes.”
“Yes, she is.”
“I know she loves you, Jack.”
“I love her too.”
“May the best man win,” Mark stated flatly.
“I just want Chloe to be happy, whatever she chooses to do,” Jack said, feigning an altruistic outlook. In truth, he could hardly stand the thought.
“How far along is Taryn?” Mark asked curiously, changing the subject.
“Five and a half months.”
“Huh. She sure doesn’t look pregnant.”
The roundness to her belly was barely visible beneath her carefully chosen loose clothing. Taryn moaned about her baby bump, saying she was getting fat. In truth, she was rail thin, the thinnest he’d ever seen her. “She lost a lot of weight during her bout with morning sickness. She’s barely regained her normal weight.” But, Mark was right. Shouldn’t she be much bigger by now?
“Hmmmm. Can’t tell she’s sick now.” Mark faced him. “Well, I’m outta here. I have an early morning. I’ll see you later, Jack.” He extended his hand. Jack took it and they shook.
“Mark,” Jack nodded. He really had nothing else pleasant to say to the man.
Jack turned back towards the dance floor, and watched Taryn, something niggling in the back of his mind.
She sure doesn’t look pregnant.
Jack’s eyes narrowed and his face darkened. In spite of her weight loss, shouldn’t she be showing more by now? She was tall like Sydney, and Syd never started showing till late in her pregnancy.
Taryn had complained about feeling dizzy all day. Yet, she was tw
irling around on the dance floor without feeling ill.
Could she have…?
No. She’s been treated by doctors. It’s impossible.
Wasn’t it?
Of course. It was preposterous. Unthinkable. She wouldn’t do something like that. Would she?
His eyebrows furrowed deeply.
Would she?
Chloe hesitantly clicked accept on her phone, unsure if she really wanted to take the call. “Hello.”
“Hey Chloe.”
“Hi Harper.”
“So you’re back in town. How was your trip?”
“It was…good. Relaxing.” It had been exactly what she’d needed; white sandy beaches, the sun on her skin, utter peace and quiet, early morning swims and afternoon naps. She’d spent all of her time thinking of Jack, and then alternately thinking of Mark. She had a choice to make. Her decision felt monumental, one that would affect the happiness of the rest of her life.
In the end, she knew exactly what she wanted and the dilemma turned out to be not much of a decision at all. Chloe realized she’d known what she wanted all along, but it was nice to have some time to consider all of her options.
Her time in the sun had done wonders for her peace of mind. Chloe now possessed a firm belief that everything was going to work out for the best.
“I’m glad. Hey, I was wondering if you’d like to join us on Sunday for dinner. Before you say no, you should know that Jack will be out of town and if you don’t come Sydney is going to come and get you. And she won’t take no for an answer. So you might as well say yes.”
Chloe couldn’t help but smile. She didn’t want to go to Jack’s childhood home. The memories were bittersweet. But his family was so wonderful to her, she couldn’t keep rejecting them. Besides, if Jack wasn’t going to be there, surely she could endure one afternoon. “All right, I’ll come. Thanks for asking, Harper. I do appreciate it.”