Sarasota Dreams

by Mayne, Debby

  Shelley looked at Jeremiah but couldn’t think of anything to say. She just stood there, silently making eye contact with him for what seemed like eternity until Jeremiah got up, brushed off the back of his trousers, and pulled William to his feet.

  “Come on, buddy,” Jeremiah said. “Let’s go inside and help Shelley cook you some supper.”

  Chapter 6

  Jeremiah saw that Shelley was just going through the motions of cooking, so he did everything he could think of to engage William in the process. William’s sweet nature and innate desire to please others made the task not so difficult.

  Once they had everything in the oven and cooking on the stovetop, Shelley went back to check on her mother. That left Jeremiah in the kitchen alone with William.

  “Is Mother going to die?” William asked.

  Not sure what was wrong with Mrs. Burkholder, Jeremiah hesitated before answering. He finally spoke some carefully chosen words. “Only the Lord knows the answer to that, William, but I don’t think so. I just think something is making your mother very sad.”

  “But she can’t get out of bed. When my grandmother was like that, she died.”

  “Do you ever feel sad?” Jeremiah asked.

  William scrunched his face as he thought about it and then nodded. “Ya, sometimes.”

  “When you feel sad, do you ever feel like being alone?”

  “One time I did.” William paused before continuing. “I remember when my big brother, Paul, moved out and stopped coming to see me. That made me very sad, and I wanted to sleep all the time.”

  “I think that’s how your mother feels right now—like sleeping all the time because she’s sad.”

  “Oh.” William folded his arms, leaned against the cabinet, and frowned. “Is she still sad about Paul?”

  “I don’t know, but that could be part of it. As people get older and their children grow up, things change. Some parents don’t know how to react to those changes.”

  William puffed out his chest. “I’m growing up.”

  Jeremiah smiled at him. “Yes you are, and although your parents are proud of you, I’m sure they’re sad they don’t have a little boy anymore.”

  A look of understanding replaced William’s worried expression. “Now I get it. Mother feels like she doesn’t have a child to take care of.”

  Before Jeremiah could say anything, Shelley reappeared. “I think Mother is doing better. She asked me to bring something to eat when it’s ready.”

  Jeremiah pulled her to the side as William stirred the contents of one of the pots. “Where is your father?”

  “He’s been working evenings lately. The store is having to stay open later, and they rotate who works the late shift every six weeks.”

  “I think that might be part of the problem,” Jeremiah said. “Not only is her youngest child about to be an adult who still needs help, but also her evening routine has been drastically changed.” He glanced up at the stove. “Look at how well your brother is doing. He’s such a kind person, and he doesn’t mind pitching in when he knows what is needed.”

  Jeremiah’s thoughtfulness tugged at Shelley’s heart. His past transgressions still lingered in her mind, but his current actions pushed them further back.

  “I’m starving,” William said. “I think supper is ready.”

  “Then let’s eat,” Jeremiah said.

  Shelley cast a teasing glance his way. “I thought you already ate.”

  “I’ve worked up an appetite.” He handed her a serving spoon. “For scooping the beans,” he explained.

  Shelley laughed, planted her hands on her hips, and gave them a playful stern expression. “Who is in charge here?”

  Jeremiah lifted his hands in surrender. “You definitely are.”

  Once again she laughed. “Good answer.”

  “I would never take that away from you.”

  William had the plates out of the cupboard and on the table. He headed back to the drawer and pulled out some flatware while Shelley handed Jeremiah some serving bowls for the food. The scenario felt right to Shelley—almost as though God had set them up as a small family. Her gaze met Jeremiah’s, and she shuddered because she thought he might be feeling it, too.

  “Here is a plate for Mother,” William said. “Do you think I should cut her meat for her?”

  Shelley was about to say no, that she’d do it, but Jeremiah spoke up. “That would be very nice, William. Thank you.” He turned to Shelley and grinned.

  After the food was ready for Mother, Shelley carried it to the bedroom, where her mother sat up in bed. Shelley pulled the blinds open to let in some of the early-evening light without making it too bright in the room.

  “Do you want iced tea or lemonade?” Shelley asked.

  “Some buttermilk would be good.”

  That was odd. Her father always drank buttermilk, but her mother rarely did. “Okay, I’ll go get it. Do you need anything else while I’m in the kitchen?”

  To Shelley’s surprise, her mother smiled back at her. “No thank you. This looks and smells very good.”

  After she delivered the buttermilk to her mother, she joined the men in the kitchen. “Will you please say the blessing, Jeremiah?”

  Jeremiah’s forehead crinkled. “I already asked William to, if you don’t mind.”

  “Of course I don’t mind.” Shelley was pleased that Jeremiah had taken that step of action. Her parents had never asked William to say the family blessing, which she suspected was because he was the youngest person in the family. Jeremiah was giving William more responsibility, and she could tell that made William happy.

  After the very sweet, short, but heartfelt prayer, they passed the food around the table. William took larger portions than usual, but he was obviously hungry since they were eating an hour later than normal.

  “The food was delicious, Shelley.”

  Shelley’s attention shot up to the voice behind her. When she turned around, she saw her mother standing there, half-smiling, holding an empty plate.

  “Mother, are you feeling better?”

  Her mother closed her eyes and nodded. “Much better, now that I know my family cares enough about me to bring me food.”

  Shelley was surprised that her mother spoke so freely in front of Jeremiah.

  “Mrs. Burkholder, why don’t you join us?” Jeremiah said.

  Shelley’s mother blinked as though having to refocus. Her smile faded for a few seconds, but she managed to recover. “I am not so sure that’s a good idea.”

  “Please,” William begged. “It’s just not the same when you and Father aren’t here.”

  Shelley held her breath as her mother looked first at William then at Jeremiah. When her gaze settled on Shelley, she finally nodded. “I suppose I could join you for dessert.” She sat down. “There is dessert, isn’t there?”

  “There’s always dessert,” Shelley said as she stood to get the banana cream pie out of the refrigerator.

  “Just a small piece for me, please,” her mother said.

  “I want a big piece,” William added.

  Jeremiah lifted a hand. “Make that a big piece for me, too, and I’ll do the dishes.”

  “All that hard work must be giving you an appetite,” Shelley said as she sliced the pie and placed the servings on the dessert dishes. “Why don’t you tell Mother about your plans?”

  Jeremiah lowered his head and appeared bashful, something Shelley hadn’t expected. She wondered if she’d messed up by talking about something he didn’t want to discuss with anyone else yet. She was about to apologize when he started talking.

  “I’ve been working on Abe’s farm for the past few months. He knows I don’t have enough money to buy my own farm yet, but it’s something I’ve decided I want to do. So he offered to sell me a piece of his land that he hasn’t been farming.”

  “If you don’t have the money, how can you buy Abe’s land?” her mother asked.

  “Mother …” Shelley said, wish
ing she hadn’t brought it up.

  “That’s okay, Shelley. I don’t mind telling her,” Jeremiah said as he lifted his hand in acceptance. “That’s an excellent question.” He turned back to her mother. “Abe is allowing me to go ahead and plant some crops after I finish working for him. When the crops are ready to harvest and sell, I’ll pay him back with the profits.”

  “That’s all good, Jeremiah, but after your past decisions, I’m surprised Abe has that much confidence in you. I certainly don’t.”

  Once again, Shelley held her breath. She dared a brief glimpse in Jeremiah’s direction, but he didn’t look upset. He tightened his lips but nodded. “I understand why you feel that way. I’ve made more than my share of mistakes, so I fully expect to be scrutinized.”

  “At least you know that.”

  “Oh, I do. And I won’t let Abe down. He has been very good to me.”

  Shelley carried William’s and Jeremiah’s pie to them first and then went back to get hers and her mother’s. As they ate their pie, William told their mother all about how he’d helped cook supper.

  Three weeks later, Jeremiah stood in front of the land he’d plowed with the help of Jonathan Polk’s son, Charles, who was right next to him. They both remained silent for several minutes.

  The clearing and plowing had been much more difficult than Jeremiah had expected, but now that it was done, he felt better than he had in years. He’d accomplished something without anyone standing over him. In fact, he’d been the one giving direction to a very kind person who asked quite a few questions about the Mennonite church.

  Jeremiah was pleased to have someone coming to him for answers, since he was often the one asking the questions. Charles said he liked the simple life of the Mennonite people, and he was considering adopting it. Jeremiah said that was a decision only he could make, and he needed to pray about it. Charles said he had.

  The land was mostly flat with a few very small hills and some trees in a cluster near where Jeremiah thought would be a good place to build a house. He envisioned a family home with a grassy front yard and a backyard where the children would run around, chase each other, and play ball.

  Charles broke the silence. “Not bad for a couple of guys and some borrowed equipment, huh?”

  “We got a lot done, with the Lord’s help,” Jeremiah said.

  “Yes we did.” Charles turned to him and smiled. “And it feels mighty good.”

  “Thank you for helping me.”

  Silence fell between them once again. Jeremiah knew Charles had a huge decision ahead of him, so he gave his friend a chance to think without interruption.

  “Do you think I’ll be accepted since I wasn’t raised in the church?”

  Jeremiah nodded. “After what I did and being welcomed back, I think there’s a very good chance … that is, if you’re sincere. How do your parents feel about it?”

  Charles sighed. “My dad is totally okay with it. In fact, if it weren’t for my mom, I suspect he’d want to do it, too.”

  “Your mother doesn’t approve?”

  “It’s not that she doesn’t approve. She just isn’t willing to make the change herself, so my dad can’t very well do it alone.”

  “At least you have your family’s support,” Jeremiah said. “And it’s something you need to pray about.”

  “I’d appreciate it if you’d pray for me, too,” Charles said. “It’s a huge decision that keeps me awake at night.”

  “The Lord doesn’t want you to stay up all night worrying.”

  Charles placed his hand on Jeremiah’s shoulder and bowed his head. Jeremiah had no doubt his friend was sincere.

  “What’s got you all tight-jawed and moody?” Jocelyn asked as they cleared away a large table together.

  “All what?” Half the time Jocelyn said things that made no sense to Shelley.

  One corner of Jocelyn’s lip slanted upward in a half grin. “Sorry. Why are you so quiet? Did I say something that bugged you?”

  Shelley shook herself. “No. I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately.”

  “Is your mom feeling any better? I overheard someone saying she’s been sick.”

  “She seems to be doing a little better, now that my father has switched back to an earlier shift at work. She likes it when we’re all home at night.”

  Jocelyn made a snorting sound. “I wouldn’t know what that was like. My parents split before I could walk.”

  “That must have been awful,” Shelley said.

  “Not really. I didn’t know any better since I don’t remember a time when they were together.”

  Shelley wasn’t sure what to say to that, so she finished wiping her side of the table without talking. Jocelyn was on the other side watching her.

  “You confuse me,” Jocelyn said.

  “I do? What do you find confusing?”

  “Everything. You never lose your temper, but I know you get upset. When I mess up, you never let me have it. When I first met you, I thought you didn’t know any better, but now I know how smart and aware you are. You could level me out if you really wanted to.”

  Shelley shrugged. “What would be the point?”

  “I don’t know. But most people would tell me off or at least get mad. Do you ever get angry?”

  “Of course I do,” Shelley replied. “I’m human.”

  “Well, that’s a relief.”

  Shelley glanced up in surprise and noticed the teasing expression on Jocelyn’s face. She smiled back at her coworker. “You’re funny.”

  Jocelyn giggled. “I’m glad you think so. Let’s get this place cleaned up so you can get outta here.”

  Shelley appreciated Jocelyn’s understanding and respect for her time. After she filled the last of the saltshakers, she hung up her apron, said good-bye to the other people in the restaurant, and took off for home.

  She stepped off the curb, half expecting Jeremiah to pull up and offer her a ride, but he didn’t. He hadn’t done that in several weeks. The only times she’d seen him were when he came into the restaurant when he was picking up something in town to take back to the farm and after church on Sundays. But even then, he was only civil toward her and offered her a few brief comments.

  “I should be glad about that,” she mumbled to herself as she strode home. Jeremiah had intruded on her heart, and with all the worries at home, she didn’t need something else to think about. She was better off without the feelings he evoked when he was around.

  By the time Shelley arrived home, she’d talked herself into thinking she was happiest without the complications of having Jeremiah in her life and acting like he was in love with her. Love? Where had that word come from?

  “Shelley, is that you?” Her mother’s voice pulled her from her thoughts.

  “Yes, Mother. I’ll be right there. Let me put my bag and shoes away first.”

  Shelley went to her room, hung her tote on the peg, took off her shoes, and put on some sandals as she mentally unwound from her day. Then she joined Mother in the kitchen.

  “What can I do to help you?”

  She was greeted with a smile. “Nothing. Have a seat, and I’ll join you. Want some tea?”

  Shelley slowly nodded. “Ya, that would be very nice. Want me to fix it?”

  “Neh, I have the tea in the pot, and I’m just waiting for the water to boil.” She carried a couple of cups to the table and set one in front of Shelley and placed one where she normally sat.

  Shelley watched her mother move around the kitchen, light on her feet, as though she didn’t have a care—completely opposite from her behavior a month ago. Several things had helped, including her father’s shift change, William’s increased doting, and being nurtured by a small group of women from the church. They’d heard about her depression, so they’d made it their mission to check on her daily.

  A few minutes later, Shelley and her mother sat adjacent to each other at the kitchen table, blowing on their tea in silence. It felt nice knowing that things were goin
g well—at least for now.

  “How was your day?” her mother finally asked.

  “It was good. Normal. Nothing happened.”

  Her mother smiled and lifted her cup to her lips, taking a sip. “Sounds peaceful.”

  “How about you? Did you have a good day?”

  “Ya. The women from church checked on me this morning, but they didn’t stay long.” Mother’s smile faded, and she sighed.

  Shelley touched her mother’s arm. “Is something wrong?”

  “I’m not sure. I’m grateful to have your father home nights, and William seems happy. Paul has been stopping by whenever he gets a chance, and he’s even offering to bring the children by more often.” Her mother licked her lips and slowly raised her gaze. “The only thing I have left to worry about is you, Shelley.”

  “Me? Why are you worried about me?”

  “I’m concerned about you and Jeremiah.”

  Shelley leaned back and shook her head. “I haven’t seen much of Jeremiah lately. He’s been working very hard on the land he’s getting from Abe, so he doesn’t have much time for anything else.”

  “I’ve heard he’s doing that so he can take a wife and have a family.”

  “Maybe,” Shelley said slowly. “But that’s not my concern.”

  Her mother tilted her head, raised her eyebrows, and fixed her focus on Shelley. “Are you sure it is not your concern?”

  “Why would it be?”

  “According to one of the women from church, Jeremiah has his sights set on making you his wife.”

  “Something so serious requires more than Jeremiah’s sights.” Shelley tried to keep a light tone to her voice, but the impact of her mother’s words and concern hit her hard. “And I haven’t given it a thought.”

  “I wondered about that. Sometimes you can be so secretive I don’t know what you’re thinking or even doing.”

  “I would never do anything wrong, Mother. I thought you knew that about me.”

  “You are a good girl, Shelley, but I know what it’s like to be a young woman. It might have been a long time ago, but sometimes the years between then and now seem so short.”