In The Dark

by Monica Murphy

  It’s a vicious cycle. One I’m not fully prepared to tackle, I guess.

  My cellphone rings and I pull it out of my pocket to check who it is. My mother.

  I hit the red button and slip my phone into my backpack. She is absolutely the last person I want to talk to. Nothing I say to her will make her happy. It’s all bad news and she’ll worry. Or worse, give me a lecture, and that’ll only make me feel worse.

  No thanks.

  I contemplate texting Jade and asking her to meet me later. She might understand but can I trust her with my secrets? She’s become a friend over the last few weeks and while I’ve enjoyed hanging out with her and Shep, and getting to know her especially, I’m unsure. I can’t imagine what she might think once I confess all my sins. Or what she might do—like run to Gabe and tell him everything.

  So she’s a no go. Even if I was comfortable telling her everything, she’d probably go to Shep and fill him in. I can’t risk it. What I must do is talk to Gabe. Tell him my fears. Tell him my truth. Let him know how stressed I am and how much I need him. Just being with him, sitting with him and resting my head on his shoulder calms me down. The more time I spend with him, the more I fall a little more in love with him every single day.

  To the point where I know that without a doubt I’m in love with him. Doing exactly what I didn’t want to do, that’s me yet again.

  Could I be any more stupid? I don’t think so.

  I’m walking across the quad toward the parking lot when I hear someone call out the name Gabe. A feminine, nasally voice. I stop in my tracks, watching as a tall, skinny blonde with giant breasts runs toward the man I thought I could consider my boyfriend, throwing herself at him so hard he nearly stumbles backward.

  I watch in horrified fasciation like I’m staring at a train wreck, unable to look away from the carnage.

  She loops her arms around his neck and he rests his hands on her hips. Is he pushing her away or is he…yep, I think he’s drawing her in. Oh my God. What an asshole! Anger suffuses me, making me see red and I march right up to the both of them, near vibrating with my righteous fury.

  “How dare you?” I breathe when I’m close enough to see that…huh. Maybe I was wrong. Gabe appears to be pushing her away from him, but maybe that’s just for my benefit? His gaze meets mine and he springs away from the blonde as if she just poisoned him.

  The blonde turns, her gaze meeting mine and I see nothing but ugly, black hardness in the depths of her eyes. “Aw, honey, don’t tell me you fell for his charms too? You know he’s a one and done type of guy.”

  That she even knows about the one and done theory makes my blood run cold. This girl knows Gabe—maybe even as intimately as I know him.

  And that realization breaks my heart.

  “Luce.” The expression on his face says it all. He’s pleading with his eyes, telling me without saying it that I need to have faith in him no matter what’s about to go down. He practically shoves the blonde out of his way and takes a step toward me. “I’ve missed you.”

  Please. We were just together since I stayed the night at his place and that was only a few hours ago. “But I just saw you earlier—” He cuts off my words with a kiss, his mouth claiming mine in the most delicious, primal way. I let him deepen the kiss, my tongue meeting his. Forgetting that the girl is still standing there, that there all sorts of people swarming around us. His arms come around me and pull me in close and that’s all that matters.

  He’s putting on a show. Claiming me publicly and I needed that. I needed that reassurance so badly it’s like he read my mind.

  “Unbelievable,” the blonde mutters just before she walks away, her impractical, high heel sandals clacking loudly against the sidewalk.

  I break the kiss as soon as she’s gone, staring up at Gabe with confusion. “What was that all about?”

  “Nothing, I swear to God. Audrey doesn’t mean shit to me. I met her last summer and my parents have been trying to pair us up ever since. I’m so not into her. She makes me crazy,” he mutters, shaking his head.

  I frown. “They tried to pair you guys up last summer? As in when we were together?”

  He looks uncomfortable, his gaze skittering away from mine. “Well, we weren’t really together at that particular moment.”

  Oh. Wow. I guess I need to get used to the fact that this man has women who want him like, all the damn time. And that he can have his pick of any of them, at any given moment. What gives me the right to think I’m so special? What inclinations have I had from him that he’d stick around if I were, for instance, pregnant with his baby?

  Nothing. That’s the answer to those burning questions.

  Absolutely nothing.

  Jade corners me in the backyard at Gabe’s house, a red Solo cup in her hand, her expression determined—like she’s going to dig all of my secrets out of me whether I like it or not. “You never texted me the other day.” She pauses, her gaze never leaving mine as she takes a sip from her cup before she asks innocently, “How’d your meeting go?”

  She says it like it’s no big deal but I can guess at what she’s thinking.

  Liar.

  Glancing around, I make sure none of the guys are around before I grab her by the arm and practically drag her into a deeper corner of the yard, where no one can see us. It’s late September, the nights are getting downright cold yet Gabe decided that it was a perfect night for a barbecue. He insisted that I come and bring my homemade potato salad, a recipe Mama taught me long ago that’s a hit at every outdoor party we bring it to.

  “But it’s a summer dish,” I’d told him when he made his request.

  “I don’t care. I love it,” he’d said with that adorable grin of his. The grin that could make me forget all my problems, even if only for a little while.

  “And you always get what you want, no matter what?” I’d asked.

  “You know it, babe.” His deep voice had sent tendrils of arousal coursing through me and of course, I’d catapulted.

  Pushing the recent memories out of my otherwise occupied brain, I let go of Jade’s arm and give her the stare down. A look I picked up from Mama and had perfected over the years. “Come out with it then. What do you really want to know?”

  Jade gives me a certain look in return, one that is all business, with her narrowed eyes and thinning lips. The girl is seriously intimidating when she wants to be. “How about you let me know what you were doing at the financial aid office?”

  I cross my arms in front of my chest. “Can I trust you with this information?” I pray my voice isn’t too shaky. I don’t want her knowing how nervous I am. I feel like I’m putting everything on the line just by talking to Jade. I can’t imagine how I’ll be when I’m finally telling Gabe the truth. I’ll probably faint.

  Or drop dead from nerves.

  She raises one delicate, perfectly arched brow. “I haven’t said squat to Shep since I saw you there and that was three days ago. I think you can trust me. I hope you can.” She pauses. “I thought we were friends.”

  Great. The guilt trip tactic. Works like a charm every time. “I was at the office because I need financial aid to pay for my tuition. Actually, I’m not even getting enough financial aid. I’ll most likely have to get a student loan for next semester and the next two years after that in order to pay for my schooling.”

  “So you don’t come from money,” Jade says slowly.

  I shake my head. “My mom had me when she was sixteen. I have no idea who my father is.” My throat grows tight. God, that was hard to admit. I don’t think Jade will judge me but it’s hard to let go of those old insecurities.

  Jade winces. “So you don’t have a rich father who neglects you and leaves you alone in his coastal mansion so he can tour the world with his young, beautiful girlfriend.”

  My mouth drops open. “How did you…”

  “Shep told me.” She shrugs. “And Gabe told him. They tell each other everything. That’s what friends do.”

&nb
sp; Her words aren’t lost on me, but they make me feel like crap just the same. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. Gabe and I were only supposed to be a summer fling. Nothing serious, just a few weeks of fun. I didn’t realize we would end up at the same school together.”

  Or that I’d have to keep up the pretense of pretending to be a rich girl. Not that I’d worked at it real hard. The clues to my true financial status are there, hidden between the lies. Gabe just never noticed.

  “So how did this all come to be anyway?” Jade asks.

  I tell her the entire story, keeping out the private bits—and not mentioning the current pregnancy scare. Yes, I’m still late, God, please kill me now and take me out of my misery for good. All I want is to start my period and prove that everything’s going to be okay. At least baby-wise.

  My future is still uncertain though, and I hate that.

  I explain everything to Jade, how Gabe and I met, how I became friends with his younger sister, the entire summer and how I pretended to be what I thought Gabe wanted me to be. How I now feel like a shit for all the lies, and how scared I am of Gabe’s reaction to the truth.

  “He’ll forgive you and accept you for who you are,” she says the moment I finish my ridiculously tangled up story. “You want my personal opinion? I think he’s madly in love with you. He just hasn’t realized it yet.”

  Ha, I wish. The knowing smile Jade gives me is supposed to be reassuring but it’s not working. I know he’s madly in lust with me. He downright worships my body and I love that. Really I do. I’m fairly certain I’m in love with him, I don’t doubt that for an instant.

  But does Gabe love me? I don’t think so. Not yet. He cares. That’s all that matters.

  Supposedly.

  “I’m not so sure about that,” I say with a faint smile. “And I’m pretty positive his feelings will change once he finds out I’ve been keeping this from him.”

  The look Jade sends me is painfully sympathetic. I think she feels sorry for me and I really don’t deserve her sympathy. “That’s why you need to tell him now. You can’t keep this from him much longer. It’ll be better if he hears it from you versus finding out the truth from someone else.”

  “Do you mean that you’re going to be the one who’ll tell him the truth?” Is she threatening me?

  “No, of course not. That’s up to you. I won’t tell Shep anything either,” she says. “I promise.”

  “I’m sorry. It’s just…I’m afraid he’ll be mad at me. And I don’t want to ruin this. I really care for him,” I admit, my voice so soft I almost can’t hear myself. My throat feels tight and my eyes sting. God, if I cry right now, I will be so pissed.

  “He won’t be mad. He’ll understand how your bogus story happened.”

  “I don’t think he’ll care about the money thing, it’s the fact that I lied. That I’ve been lying this entire time,” I explain, needing her to know where I’m coming from. The money situation is no biggie. He’s a bazillionaire and I’m a broke joke. That’s fine.

  It’s all the lies. I’m proving to him that I’m untrustworthy. And once trust has been broken…how will I ever get it back?

  “I don’t know what to say. I can only suggest that you tell him the truth, and soon. Before you find yourself digging an even deeper hole,” she suggests, her voice, her face kind. I know she’s trying to reassure me and I appreciate that, but I think I’m beyond reassurance. Everything is piling up on me and I feel like I’m about to lose it.

  Telling Gabe the truth now? Could cause me to lose him.

  And that’s a risk I’m not willing to take.

  “Why are you ladies hiding out here in the corner?”

  I whirl around on a gasp when I see Gabe approach, that ever present smile curving his mouth. He comes to me, dropping a kiss on my lips and sliding his arm around my waist as he turns to face Jade. “Why are you monopolizing my woman?”

  My heart beats triple time at hearing him call me his woman. I really hate when he says things like that. His words give me too much hope. “We were just talking,” I tell him before Jade can say anything.

  She raises her brows at me, her expression going neutral when Shep’s gaze meets hers. “Yeah. You can’t keep her all to yourself all the time, Gabe.”

  “Says who?” He tightens his arm around my waist and pulls me in so close I collide with his very warm, very solid body. “I’m selfish. Everyone knows this. If I want to keep Lucy to myself, I will.” He grins down at me, though I see something in his gaze. A flash of uncertainty, a hint of vulnerability that makes me wonder what he’s thinking. Is he still worried about the potential pregnancy? We haven’t really discussed it lately. I have no idea what he’s thinking. I’m completely in the dark.

  But then again, when it comes to me and what I’m thinking, so is he.

  “So I’ll be your kept woman?” I joke, but I sound tense, even to my own ears. “Is that what you’re saying?”

  His smile fades, replaced with a frown.

  “Um, I think that’s my cue to get out of here,” Jade mutters before she takes off.

  The moment she’s gone I pull myself out of Gabe’s hold so I can face him. “What’s going on with you?”

  He frowns. “Uh, dinner is almost ready? I was hoping you’d come inside and help me.”

  I close my eyes briefly, fighting back the stupid tears that have been lying in wait all day. All week. “What are we doing, Gabe?”

  “I thought we were hanging out with friends and eating and drinking, having a good time. But I’m starting to think you mean something else.” He pauses and I see the fire in his eyes. Are we actually having a minor fight? Yeah, I think we are. “Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong, Luce.”

  “I don’t know. Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s wrong.” I throw my hands up in the air, feeling stupid for making a big deal out of…nothing? I’m overly emotional and I can’t even begin to understand why.

  Oh, you know why. You just don’t want to face the truth yet.

  “So uh, have you started yet?” he asks, his voice low.

  “Have I started what?” I’m playing stupid on purpose. I know exactly what he’s talking about.

  He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. I love it when he does that. I love his hair. I love everything about him. But I don’t think we know what we’re doing when it comes to all of this serious stuff. “Your period. Have you started yet?”

  I slowly shake my head, not saying a word, and he blows out a frustrated breath.

  “How late are you?”

  “I don’t know.” I shrug. I do know. “Ten days?” More like twelve, maybe even thirteen. Oh yay, thirteen, a lucky number.

  Not.

  “Have you taken a test yet?”

  “No.” I don’t want to waste the money on one. I’m trying to save every penny because I’m going to need those pennies come next semester when money’s going to become even tighter.

  “Why not? We need to figure out what’s going on,” he starts, but I cut him off.

  “Don’t you mean I need to figure out what’s going on? Considering I’m the one whose dealing with all of this?” I take a step back when he reaches for me. “Don’t touch me, Gabe. Don’t try and play this off with a few choice kisses and reassuring hugs. I’m kind of freaking out here.”

  “I am too, Luce. Seriously. I want to help you. Be there for you.” He lets his hands drop to his sides. “But I don’t know what you want from me.”

  “I don’t know what I want from you either,” I return.

  “Yo, G!” Tristan yells from the back porch. He was manning the barbecue last I saw. He really irritates me sometimes. He’s just so…arrogant. And I don’t think he likes me much. Jade said he didn’t like her at first either so I don’t know what his problem is. “Where you at? Dinner’s about to be served!”

  I roll my eyes. “Your people request your presence.”

  Gabe glares and I immediately feel like a shit. I’m being awful, b
ut it’s like I can’t help myself. I’m an emotional wreck. “I’d like you to come with me,” he says. “That is, if you want.”

  Swallowing hard, I stand up straighter and tell myself to get over it. All the stress and bullshit of the past few weeks is getting to me and making me act like a jerk. “I’d like that.” I pause. “And I’m sorry.”

  He doesn’t even hesitate, just pulls me to him and hugs me, my face buried against his chest, his hand cupping the back of my head. “I’m sorry, too. For whatever I did. I don’t like thinking you’re mad at me, Luce. It sucks.”

  “I don’t want you mad at me either,” I confess, trying my best to push past the fear.

  But it’s no use. He’s going to hate me when the truth comes out. It’s something I have to deal with whether I want to or not.

  “Tomorrow I want to buy you a pregnancy test. We’ll do this together, okay?”

  I nod, pressing my face more firmly against his chest. He smells so good. Feels even better. Having him hold me like this would never grow old. “Okay.” His chest muffles my voice and I breathe deep, inhaling his fresh clean scent.

  “I’m here for you no matter what.”

  I hope he means that.

  I hate that Lucy and I argued tonight. I don’t like seeing her stressed and I swear at one point she was going to cry. That’s the last thing I wanted to see. Her tears would kill me. She’s extra emotional lately and that scares the ever-loving crap out of me. Seeing her act like that just reconfirms my suspicions.

  I’m pretty certain she’s pregnant. Not that I have any experience in dealing with pregnant women but I’ve heard stories that they cry over everything or get irrationally angry. That describes Lucy’s current emotional state perfectly.

  After calming her down, we went to the kitchen and she helped me set out the food, plates and silverware. I like having her in my kitchen fussing over me, helping me organize this last minute get together I decided to throw. I feel like we’re a real couple, like hosting this party is a declaration that we’re official.