You Send Me

by Jeannie Moon

  “Ah. His fiancée.” Elizabeth rose and nodded. “Come this way, please.”

  As soon as the word fiancée was said, Jordan’s stomach lurched. It was a lie, but was it? Whatever they were to each other, there she was, jumping the line of parents and children and being directed into a small, wood paneled office. Elizabeth closed the door and Jordan breathed out for the first time since she walked into the clinic.

  She examined the space and noticed the diplomas on the walls, the pictures of gorgeous seascapes, and as Jordan leaned her hip into the heavy cherry desk, she wondered what made her drive over here.

  This morning, Nick had cut her off. He’d folded in on himself, refusing to share anything he was feeling. What if he did the same to her now?

  Right then the door opened, and Nick walked in the room, stopping short when he almost smacked into Jordan.

  “Oh. Hi,” he said. Once the shock wore off, he stepped as close to her as he could without making contact.

  “Hi,” Jordan whispered closing the distance so their bodies just touched. “I’m sorry to bother you at work, but I… I just…”

  Unable to control herself, Jordan placed her hands on his chest and stood on her toes to kiss him. “Thank you.” She kissed him again. “Thank you for what you did for those children.”

  Taking her hands in his, Nick dropped his forehead to hers. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but…”

  “It’s okay. I understand. I had an early morning meeting and the psychologist and social worker told me what happened. Thank God you were able to help them.”

  “They really stepped up for their mom. I guess enough was enough.”

  Jordan marveled at the strength of those kids and at the compassion in the battle-hardened man standing in front of her. His warmth and his kindness penetrated deep. She could feel what he was feeling. It was intense and almost more intimate than spending the night with him.

  Nick had a lot of scars from his time in Afghanistan, and they weren’t all physical. Seeing how he reacted to the violence inflicted on this family told her he was wounded to his core.

  “What’s wrong?” Jordan asked, taking his face in her hands. “Tell me.”

  Shaking his head, Nick closed his eyes and drew a long breath. She watched as he crammed his feelings down, back where he kept them locked up tight.

  “I’m glad they’re all okay. Were the kids at school today?”

  “Nick, please. You’re deflecting. I can’t imagine how hard yesterday was for you. Let me help.”

  His face drawn tight, told her the kind of strain he was under, but she never imagined he’d snap. “You’re right, you can’t imagine, so please don’t push me.” His words, clipped and final, slammed the door.

  Jordan stepped back, creating the tiniest rift between them. “Push you?”

  Turning his eyes away, he didn’t respond, but went back to his original question. Cold and focused, he dismissed her concern. “How are the kids?”

  Feeling like she’d had the wind knocked out of her, she answered. “I heard from their aunt. Lacy and Eric will be in tomorrow.”

  “That’s good. They need to get back into their routine.”

  She could see he wasn’t going to give her even the slightest glimpse into what was troubling him. The closeness and the intimacy had vanished, creating a tiny crack in Jordan’s already fragile heart. “Are we ever going to talk about what’s going on with you? I want to help if I can.”

  “You can’t.” Moving around some papers on his desk, Nick didn’t look up. Once again, he’d shut her out. And it hurt.

  “I should go,” she said. “My father is expecting me.”

  “Any word on how he is?”

  “The same, I’m assuming.” She knew he was genuinely concerned about her father, but he was using it to change the subject. “I know you’re busy. I just wanted to see how you were doing.”

  “I’m fine…” He folded his arms. “How are you? Really?”

  Really? She wanted to cry—for him, for herself, for both of them.

  “I’m fine,” Jordan lied. Her stomach jittered with uneasiness and her body felt heavy. She wasn’t fine. If she’d felt hopeful about their chances to make a relationship work, that hope was fading. He’d gone back inside himself.

  “I’m done for the day,” he said. “I can go with you to see your dad.”

  “You don’t have to.” Jordan had to put some distance between them.

  “It’s not a problem.” He dropped a file on his desk, and picked up his jacket. “I can come back tonight and do my notes. I’m all yours.”

  “Nick, it’s fine. I’ll just go on my own.” It was Jordan’s turn to snap.

  He froze. “I’m not following.”

  “Sorry,” she said. “You stay here. I’m going to go see my father. I’ll talk to you later.” With a kiss on the cheek, she left, not giving him a chance to respond.

  As she passed through the waiting room, she spied two of her students, and waved to them. The flu had been running rampant through the school, so it was no surprise to see at least a couple of kids snuggled against their parents.

  Once she got outside, she exhaled, running her hand across her belly. The ache went to her core. How could he dismiss her that way? How could he reject her love?

  Closing her eyes, images of him the night before, desperate and sad, filled her mind. He’d come to her for comfort, but now Nick was pushing her away, and Jordan felt the rejection as acutely as any other she’d experienced.

  Vibrations from her purse had her digging out her phone, and she answered without looking. “Hello?”

  “Jordan, it’s Eileen. You need to come, it’s almost time.”

  It felt like the ground dropped out from under her. “But I just saw him yesterday.”

  “I know. We often have no warning, but all the signs are there. You need to come.”

  “O…okay.” The air left her chest, and Jordan struggled to stay focused on what she was being told. Her father was going to die. Probably within a few hours. Had she said enough? Done enough to help him?

  “I know you weren’t expecting this today,” Eileen continued.

  “No, ah… no, I just…” Swallowing her tears, she choked out a response. “I’ll be there as quick as I can.”

  Jordan had thought about this day a thousand times, but never really processed what it would mean when her father died. Without any warning, she doubled over, trying to get her bearings. Breathe, she thought. Just breathe. Only when she felt a warm hand slide across her back did she inhale.

  “Honey, what’s wrong?” Nick grabbed her shoulders and turned her to face him. “I saw you from the window.”

  The words spilled out. “I just got off the phone with hospice. It’s…” The words were caught in her throat.

  “Okay, let me get my things, and we’ll go.”

  She wanted to tell him he didn’t have to go with her, but truthfully, she was so grateful not to be alone. “Thank you. I can’t…” With a shudder and gulp, Jordan clasped her hand over her mouth. “Oh, my God, Nick. How am I going to do this? H-how am I going to stay strong for him?”

  “You will because that’s who you are. And I’ll be there for backup.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Eileen met them in the hallway just outside George’s room. She reached out and rubbed Jordan’s shoulder. “He’s still with us, but he took a bad turn a little while ago. I don’t think it’s going to be long.”

  “What happened?” she pleaded. “He was talking to me yesterday.”

  “Jordan, this disease is so awful. It’s unpredictable.”

  “Is he awake, Eileen?” Nick was hoping Jordan could at least say goodbye, but often the medications to ease the pain rendered a patient unconscious.

  “He’s drifting in and out. He’s waiting for you.” Eileen pressed her hand between Jordan’s shoulder blades while Nick slipped his arm around her waist. She was terrified.

  “I’m not ready
to say goodbye.” Her voice, hoarse and choked with emotion, broke Nick’s heart. “I can’t.”

  “I’ll be with you,” he assured her. “I’ll be right there with you. But he needs you, Jordan.”

  She bobbed her head quickly a few times, knowing she had to face this. Taking a deep breath, she swiped at both her eyes before entering the room. Nick watched her go to her father’s bedside and sit down in the large armchair next to his bed.

  The lights in the room were dim, and soft instrumental music played in the background, while the subtle scent of lavender filled the space. It was peaceful. Soothing.

  Jordan reached out and took her father’s hand. Examining it. From where he stood, Nick could see the mottling on George’s skin, turning it shades of blue and gray. It was a matter of hours now.

  Eileen’s eyes were filled with tears. Nick had no idea how these hospice nurses did their jobs. Their strength and faith were astounding. It was probably the hardest job in medicine. “Can you stay with her for a minute? I have to make a call.”

  Eileen shook her head. “You have to stay with her. Give me a list, I’ll call.”

  She brought him a piece of paper, and he wrote the names of the three people in Jordan’s circle who would bring her the support she needed—the three “L’s”—Lina, Liam and Lilly. “Liam and Lilly are probably at their shops. Nona is home by now.”

  “I’ll take care of it. Any message?”

  “No, just tell them where we are and what’s happening. They know what to do.”

  They knew because Nick had spoken to the three of them a week ago, anticipating what Jordan might need when her father passed. She needed support from her people.

  Including him.

  Taking his place behind her chair, Nick placed his hands on her shoulders.

  Glancing up for just a second, her gaze immediately returned to her father. “His hand is so cold.” Her voice was weak, small.

  “His circulation is slowing down.”

  She nodded. Nick figured she’d read a lot, trying to prepare herself, but now that it was happening, it was all surreal. Nick pulled her close and held her so tight, he didn’t know where she ended and he began.

  “Jordan?” Her father turned his head slightly.

  “I’m here, Daddy.” Turning to her dad, Jordan took his hand and leaned in. “Nick is here too.”

  “Good. I’m glad you’re both here.” He could barely speak, his breath rattled as he sucked in. Just a few words were sapping all his energy.

  “George.” Nick went to the bedside. “Don’t talk. Just rest. We’ll be here.”

  He motioned for Nick to come closer. “Just love her, son. Trust her. She’ll bring you home.”

  Her father’s words were like a knife, cutting clean to his heart. He hit Nick with the reality he’d been too scared to face. “I do love her. But I don’t know if anything can bring me back.”

  George coughed; his breathing was labored, shallow. “Yes, she can. Her love is magic. It saved me. Trust her.”

  Jordan’s head dipped forward as she wept quietly.

  “Don’t cry, baby girl. It’s going to be okay. It will.”

  He drifted out again, his eyes closing, and Nick dropped to his knees to gather Jordan into his arms. He held her close, letting her cry and feeling his own eyes fill more than once.

  He didn’t know how long he held her, but he didn’t let go, until Lilly charged in the room and went right to Jordan’s side. Nona and Pops were next. Then Liam and his father, Edward. Each person sat with Jordan, telling her stories about her dad. Talking to George. Making her smile.

  Nick, however, was staring at the man in the bed who had raised this exceptional woman who possessed his heart. She completely owned him. George was unconscious, but his spirit was in every person who’d shown up for his daughter.

  Soon the room was filled with so many people he lost count. The crowd was a testament to a life well lived. No one could ask for more. Adam and Jack joined him by one of the windows. It was growing dark, and Nona had the café send over sandwiches and snacks.

  “George would love this. Do you think he knows?” Adam wondered.

  Nick nodded. “I think so. I think he’s relieved that he’s leaving her with so many good people.”

  “And with you,” Jack added.

  “Yeah. That goes without saying.” He watched Jordan listen to Ed Jennings tell her how her father used Lucy’s compass to woo her mother. She was smiling through her tears, laughing at the memory. Having her people around, feeling all the warmth, knowing she was never going to be alone, was exactly what Jordan needed. And for George, what a celebration of life. “I’m so gone, man. I never thought I’d fall this hard.”

  “I totally get that.”

  Mia came over and took Adam’s hand. “It’s late. We should go.” Turning to Nick, she hugged him. “This was a wonderful thing you did, Nick. I’m so glad we could be here for her.”

  “Thanks, Mia.”

  One by one, people said goodbye and the room slowly started to empty. George was still hanging on, and by ten o’clock, only Jordan and Nick were left in the room. But this time, instead of sobs as she held her father’s hand, Jordan’s tears were accompanied by a smile. “So many people are going to miss you, Daddy. I heard wonderful stories about you, and could feel how much people love you.” She sniffled and drew a shuddering breath. “I love you and I will miss you, but you can go be with Mommy now. It’s okay. It’s okay to go home.”

  Nick watched Jordan say goodbye to her father. Brave and sure of what she had to do, she rose onto her toes, and kissed him on the forehead. A tear dropped from Jordan’s eye; it ran down George’s face. He saw George’s shoulders give a slight tremor, and then there was silence.

  *

  Jordan watched Nick rise from his place on the couch by the wall and approach the bed. He stood opposite her, and looking down at her father, he pressed his fingers to the side of her father’s neck, checking for a pulse. He checked his wrist. Checked his breathing.

  Jordan already knew her father was gone. She knew the minute he left.

  Nick nodded, pressing the call button on the wall. The staff at the hospice had to make it official. When the night nurse came in, Nick came to Jordan, folding her in his arms.

  The nurse did the same things Nick had just done—checked Dad’s pulse, checked his breathing—but when she listened with her stethoscope, there was a slight nod.

  “He’s gone,” she said, draping the stethoscope around her neck. Somehow hearing her say it made it more real. “I’m very sorry for your loss.”

  “Thank you. I…” The words stuck in Jordan’s throat.

  The nurse nodded as she started out of the room, but then stopped and turned back. “Your father was a remarkable man, and what I saw here tonight is exactly how I hope to go too. So much love. You have wonderful people, Jordan.”

  Jordan turned into Nick’s chest and knew the outpouring from everyone in town was his doing. He showed her how many people were in her corner. She didn’t have family in the traditional sense, but Jordan realized she had family in every way that counted.

  Her people. Boy, would she like to answer Grandma Toni’s question now.

  Stepping away, she picked up her purse and locked eyes with Nick. “I think it’s time to go.”

  “Do you need to make any calls?”

  She shook her head. “No, they take care of calling the funeral home for me. I’ll go there tomorrow morning.”

  He nodded. Taking her hand, they left the room, and surprisingly, Jordan didn’t feel the crushing weight of loss like she thought she would. There was no doubt in her mind that grieving would be a long process, but at that moment, she understood that her father’s time had come. He didn’t have to suffer any more. And she was okay.

  For now, she was okay.

  Chapter Twenty

  A week after her father had died, Jordan walked into the compass shop. It was the middle of a sunny Friday m
orning, and the weather was teasing them with glimpses of what summer would be like. It was warm with a soft wind coming off Compass Cove.

  She’d spent a lot of time alone since Dad died, appreciating everyone who wanted to help, but needing the space to process what it meant. In some ways, she was on her own for the first time in her life. In other ways, she’d learned she was never going to be alone. It was confusing, and comforting.

  Nick had come to her cottage last night, and they’d made love. She could still feel his large hands caressing her skin, and his strong body moving with hers. It was lazy and slow. Gentle and intimate, and Nick told her over and over that he loved her.

  He loved her. And she believed him. But that morning, when she asked about his nightmare—the one that drove him from her bed, and out to the back porch—he wouldn’t tell her. He wouldn’t share what tore at him night after night. He was wounded, but he wouldn’t tell her what was hurting him.

  He was in pain, and Jordan wanted to help.

  But Nick didn’t trust her. And no matter how much love there was between them, that was the deal breaker. Without trust, they had nothing.

  The bell tinkled overhead, bringing her back to the day just a little over a month ago that she came in here with Nick. Jordan looked around for Liam, but there was no sign of him. Unusual, since he was always in the shop.

  There was so much history here. Sure, the merchandise had changed since the Jennings family first came to Compass Cove, but the family’s heart was still in the shop, as well as the town. This place was an anchor to the past.

  To Jordan’s past in particular.

  “Liam?” she called out. No answer. Wandering over to the polished wood case, she looked in at the compass that meant so much to so many people. The legend was at the root of a lot of romantic fantasies, and for a while, Jordan thought she’d found her true north with Nick.

  “Jordan! What brings you here?” Turning when the booming voice traveled through the shop, Jordan was surprised to see Liam’s father, Ed. Mostly retired, Ed had been a wonderful comfort to her dad, and her, over the last few months.