You Send Me

by Jeannie Moon

  “Do I need a reason?”

  Pulling her into a bear hug, Ed held tight. “Never. You belong here.”

  Once he finally released her, Jordan stepped back, resigned with what she had to do. Looking down at her left hand, she gave Lucy’s ring a tug, and then held it out to Ed when it slipped off her finger. “I’d like you to put this back in the safe.”

  The ring sat in the palm of Ed’s hand, and Jordan immediately felt its loss.

  “I don’t understand. It’s your ring.” Ed was baffled.

  “I know, but I won’t be needing it.” She took an audible breath. “I might as well tell you, Nick and I pretended to be engaged to give my father some piece of mind. It wasn’t real.”

  The older man tipped his head to the side, and his lips pinched together in a tight frown before heading to the glass case that doubled as the sales counter. He found a box to hold the ring, and slipped it inside, but not before examining it and snapping the clamshell shut. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “He’s a wonderful man, but there’s a lot that has to go into a relationship.”

  “Well, best as I can see, you two are perfect for each other. That’s why you were able to pull it off.”

  Jordan swallowed hard. “No, we’re not.”

  With a wink and a sweet grin, Ed picked up the box and nodded toward the back room. “Give me a minute to put this away. I’ll be right back. We’ll talk.”

  Ed wasn’t the only one who thought she and Nick were a perfect match. So many people had said the same thing. At the wake, and funeral, later in the week when she was running errands in town, but there was no way to make anyone understand why they would never be a perfect match. Because in so many ways, they were.

  Wandering around the shop, she plopped on a bench that was situated in the front window. From here, she could almost see the whole town. The view extended straight down Main Street toward the harbor.

  If only they had told the truth from the beginning.

  God, she felt foolish. Jordan should have gone with her gut and put a stop to the whole charade from the start. She did not need a man, and she certainly didn’t need the entire town thinking she was weak and helpless.

  Pressing her head against the cool glass of the window, Jordan shut her eyes and moaned. She’d been holding it together pretty well for the past week. Through her dad’s wake, and funeral, she’d been okay. The comfort from family and friends had kept her going.

  Now, she felt alone.

  And betrayed.

  And it hurt more than she ever imagined it could.

  Pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes, Jordan willed back the tears she’d been fighting all week. She didn’t cry, not in front of people, but that minute her determination was tested to its breaking point.

  Nothing was like she thought. Nothing. How did this happen?

  She’d spent the last month and a half of her life living a lie.

  And all at once as her heart fell to pieces, her resolve did the same. Her head, her body, ached with grief because she’d lost so much in so short a period of time.

  “No. No… not now. I can’t…”

  Feeling her body shake from within, Jordan clenched her fists, clenched her jaw. She tightened her whole frame trying to maintain control, but it was no use.

  She stood, thinking she’d get out of the shop, outrun the pain. But instead, her knees buckled and she crumbled to the floor, the antique bench being her only support.

  Tears flooded from her eyes, but she couldn’t speak. She was trembling, weak.

  Terrified.

  She heard the bell from the shop door, and within seconds someone was next to her.

  “Oh, no. Jordan.” It was Liam. His big hand clutched her shoulder, as he dropped to the floor and faced her. “Dad?”

  “What… oh boy.” Now Ed and Liam were there. Two men, staring at her, not knowing how they were supposed to react. Liam stayed close, his hand rubbing up and down her arm, behaving like a clueless big brother.

  “Jordan, this was bound to happen. You’ve been so strong.” Liam was totally out of his element. And she knew at some point she would break, but she didn’t expect it to be in public, where everyone could see how much she was hurting.

  When her father received the diagnosis a year and a half ago, Jordan didn’t cry. She was hopeful, optimistic, and felt positivity was the best way to face any crisis. Losing her mind wouldn’t do any good. Thinking about the future was pointless, because she didn’t know what the future would be. It was strange, how the mind worked, how it dragged you through memories and emotions and could-have-beens. How one minute you could be fine, and the next minute you were laid out in grief.

  That’s what this was. Pure and simple. Her father was gone, and he wasn’t coming back. All the emotions she’d been squashing came out in one massive rush. Everything she felt the day she found out her mother died swallowed her up. It was like she was dying herself. The pain was real, and it was everywhere.

  Jordan remembered the day as clear as a bell. Mom was cooking dinner, realized she was out of the cheese she needed, and called out that she was going to run to the store. Her father offered to go, but he was helping Jordan with her homework and Mom said she would do it.

  It was rainy, gray. But the market wasn’t far. On a nice day, her mother would have walked. An hour passed, and her mom didn’t come home. They didn’t think too much about it. Dad said she was probably chatting with someone she met at the market. Then the phone call came and they went to the hospital.

  Everything changed after that. Their family was in pieces. Her father was broken, and Jordan’s world was turned upside down. The sadness that surrounded that time had drifted away and settled someplace in her mind where it was safe and couldn’t bother her… until that moment.

  Rage at her father’s disease, sadness at his loss, anguish from her broken heart—they all swamped her at once, stealing her voice and her breath at the same time.

  With her eyes focused down, she found herself examining the imperfections in the wood floor, wondering if this was the same floor that Lucy and Caleb have walked on all those years ago. If they knew that the legend of their love would push the whole town into believing in ridiculous romantic fantasies.

  Ed was gone. Liam sat on the floor next to her, saying nothing, but with a reassuring hand resting on her knee. He was good people. She knew everyone in town cared about her, about her dad, about everything they’d gone through. But they didn’t understand.

  They couldn’t.

  And now she not only had to find a way to deal with her loss, but accept her own stupidity. Her broken heart was her own fault because she didn’t face the truth. Because she didn’t face her fear of being alone.

  Talk about a hot mess.

  “Can I get you anything?” Liam was sweet, and he was so confused. She had no idea what she should say. Nothing was comfortable, and as the tears streamed out of her eyes, she took cover in them, like the coward she was.

  The bell jingled again, but this time sounded more urgent. That’s when she heard him. “Where is she?”

  Of all the people she didn’t want to see, Nick was at the top of the list. Not because she was angry, but because she wasn’t. She knew his arms would provide comfort. She knew he would make her feel safe, and loved. But the simple truth was Jordan didn’t trust herself to stay on the course she’d just laid out.

  “Oh, baby,” she heard him say just before he sank to the floor behind her and pulled her against his chest. “Hold on to me. I’m not going anywhere.”

  He wouldn’t. That much she knew, but Jordan also knew that when it came down to it, she didn’t want to be an obligation. She wanted to be his partner, she wanted that more than anything. But she didn’t feel like one.

  There were no sobs. She didn’t cry out or scream. She just sat with him. Shaking. Feeling empty and scared.

  “I miss him,” she whispered. “I can’t believe he’s gone.”


  “I know. I know you’re hurting. Let me help.”

  She felt his kiss on the top of her head, so gentle and sweet. He wanted to make things better, but until they were on equal footing, that would never happen.

  “I need to go home,” she finally said.

  “Where’s your car? I’ll drive you.” Always the protector.

  Jordan shook her head. “I walked.”

  Helping her stand, Nick stayed close. “I’ll take you home.”

  “I’ll be fine…”

  With her hand securely in his, she knew his mind would be unchanged. “Let me take you.”

  She knew immediately when he noticed. His eyes locked with hers as his finger grazed over the place where her ring used to be. His question was wordless.

  She was going to hurt him, and her reason wouldn’t be enough for him. He wouldn’t understand. In some ways, she didn’t either.

  *

  Nick had a knot in his stomach the size of a basketball. When Ed Jennings called him at the clinic and told him about Jordan’s meltdown, he surprised himself at how fast he could get someplace if he needed to.

  It was just a matter of time before she crashed like she did. Her brave face wasn’t going to last, and he knew how hard she’d been fighting to hang on. She’d had moments over the past few days when she’d shed tears with some of her dad’s former colleagues, or with her friends, but for the most part, Jordan had been calm and composed.

  Too composed.

  Seeing her on the floor of the compass shop was almost a relief. Now she could begin to heal.

  She was quiet on the walk to his car, and when he finally got her settled into the passenger seat, Nick could clearly see that there was no ring on her left hand. She hadn’t said a word to him about it, but something told him the ring was back in the vault.

  If he asked her why, Nick was sure he wouldn’t like the answer.

  Jordan’s head was pressed to the window, her body turned away from him.

  “Do you want to talk?” he asked.

  “I don’t know what to say. I fell apart.”

  “I want to help if I can.”

  Turning her head toward him, she nodded. “I know you do.”

  “Do you want to tell me about your ring?” He probably shouldn’t have asked, but he wanted to know what he was up against.

  “I gave it back to Ed. He’ll keep it safe.”

  “I see.”

  Silence settled between them while Nick started the car and pulled away from the curb.

  “That’s what we agreed on. When my father died, we could stop pretending.”

  Slowing as he approached the one stoplight in town, Nick looked at her. “I’m not pretending. When I tell you that I love you, I mean it.”

  She nodded, gave him nothing more, and Nick didn’t know what else he could say. Not wanting her to feel trapped in the car, he decided to back off until he got her home. Everything was on the line between them, and he couldn’t help thinking their relationship was going to hell and there was nothing he could do about it.

  It was a short ride to the house, and once they pulled up in front of the cottage, Jordan turned to him. “This is hard for me,” she said, her voice weak and raspy. “You mean so much to me, but I can’t… I can’t be with you knowing there’s part of you you’ll never let me see.”

  “What the…?” His temples started to throb. “Jordan, let’s talk this through. There’s nothing we can’t talk about.”

  “No? Nothing?” She shook her head in disbelief. “People are going to think I’m crazy, because you really are perfect in so many ways, but I don’t need a savior, Nick. I need a partner.”

  “I don’t understand. I’ve tried to help…”

  “Yes, and you have. But you don’t let anyone help you. What do you need, Nick?”

  “What do I…? I don’t need anything.”

  As soon as he said it, Nick wished he could take it back. That’s what she was driving at. “That came out wrong. It’s not what I meant.”

  “I think it’s pretty accurate, though. You don’t need anything. You don’t let me in. I don’t know what drives you to do what you do, to be who you are.”

  Nick clutched the steering wheel and looked straight ahead. He didn’t know what to say, but he was going to lose her if he didn’t say something. “I love you. I…”

  Leaning in, Jordan kissed his cheek, her soft lips lingering for a moment against his skin. “I love you, too. But that’s not always enough.”

  Jordan got out of the car and went into the cottage without looking back. Nick wanted to go after her, but didn’t know what he would say. There was some truth in what she said. He didn’t open up, especially about what happened when he was in country. He didn’t think it mattered that much. Why relive it?

  Nick backed out of the spot and headed down the driveway, his head spinning as her words played over and over in his mind. Other than slicing open a wound that was not really healed, he didn’t know how he was going to get her to understand that she was everything to him.

  He drove back to the office on autopilot, and when he walked in the back door, he nodded to Betsy, headed to his small office, and closed the door. Patients were light for the next hour until school let out, and then there would be a full load of kids and parents to be seen. Until then, he could think about what to do next.

  A light rapping at the door had him groaning. “Come in.”

  The heavy wood door opened and Christine and Michelle slipped into the closet-like space.

  “Dude,” Christine said. “We need to get you a bigger office.”

  He shrugged. “This is fine. What can I do for you ladies?”

  Michelle pressed her hip into the desk. “It’s more like what we can do for you. A bigger office is a start.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Fine?” Michelle chuckled and waved her hand around in the windowless room. “No. Not fine.”

  “Nick, we want to offer you the opportunity to buy into the practice. We’re obviously doing this badly.” Christine had taken a seat on the opposite side of the desk. “You’ve been a great addition, and the families love you.”

  Michelle nodded. “We love you, you’ve made the workload much more manageable, and your experience is exactly what we’re looking for.”

  Buy into the practice? Could they have picked a worse day? If he lost Jordan, he was ready to head west instead of staying in Compass Cove. Even the thought of being on the same coast as his parents wasn’t as awful anymore. “Wow. I, ah, I don’t know what to say.”

  “Say yes!” Michelle said. “It’s a great fit, and you’re happy here.” She leaned in and drilled him with a stare. “You are happy here, right? And with the wedding coming…”

  The knot in his stomach had moved to his chest. Settling right around his heart. “There won’t be a wedding.”

  The sisters froze. “No wedding?” Christine’s shoulders dropped, her disappointment clear. Nick knew how she felt.

  “I’m confused. I’ve never seen two people better suited for each other than you and Jordan. What the hell?” Michelle was incredulous.

  “I don’t want to talk about it.” Nick looked around at his desk for something, anything to busy himself. “We’re not together. That’s all you need to know.”

  The sisters glanced back and forth.

  Michelle sat in the other chair and crossed her legs. “Come on, tell us. Maybe we can help.”

  Pressing his head to the back of his chair, a groan escaped. Why couldn’t they just leave him alone? “I don’t even know where to start.”

  “The beginning.” Chris leaned forward. “Always start at the beginning.”

  “Aren’t there patients to see?” How could he get these women out of his office?

  “Jimmy is seeing them, but there were only two.” Michelle wasn’t letting up. The Galetsky sisters had him outmaneuvered.

  “We’re not getting married. I guess we… want different thing
s.”

  “Different things?” Christine’s eyebrows pinched. “Did you do something stupid?”

  “No. No, I didn’t. And I’m not talking about this. Thank you for the offer to join the practice permanently. I’ll let you know in a couple of days.”

  “But…” Chris tried to draw him out, but he wasn’t budging.

  “I’m not talking about it.” He growled more than spoke, but that finally seemed to do it. They both clamped their mouths shut. Christine rose, and Michelle nodded and followed her sister’s lead.

  Turning back, Michelle looked sad, and he got that, he was pretty upset himself. “Whatever happened, I hope it works out. And take all the time you need to decide. We’re not offering the partnership to anyone else. You’re the best fit.”

  He nodded. That was all Nick could do without losing his mind and completely giving up his man card. Jordan had him on his knees. If he let his emotions take hold, there was a good chance he wouldn’t be able to breathe.

  He couldn’t tell her he was a coward. That he failed people. That he’d let children die. She’d hate him, and that was even worse than her walking away. Talk about a no-win situation. This was it.

  Leaning back in his chair, he stared at a photograph on his wall of the beach right behind his grandparents’ house. It was the beach where he first saw Jordan that night in the summer. It was where he’d seen her running. Where he’d kissed her only days before.

  In just weeks, she’d become part of him. If they were truly over, he wouldn’t be accepting Michelle and Christine’s offer, because he was going to get the fuck out of town.

  He wouldn’t do that to her, he wouldn’t stay. Too many people would be talking about the breakup; it would be better if it looked like he picked up and left.

  Doing that would leave him shredded, but there was no other alternative.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  When she was stressed, Jordan ran.

  That’s the way it had always been, and now, with her life falling apart around her, she needed it more than ever. She hadn’t seen Nick since yesterday; in fact, she’d blown off everyone. She didn’t pick up her phone, didn’t call people back… she needed time to regroup. And she needed time to make some decisions.