Susan Clegg and Her Neighbors' Affairs

by Anne Warner

  PART SECOND

  THE AUTOMOBILE

  Mrs. Lathrop collapsed backward and downward, her eyes closed, her mouthopened, her hands fell at her sides, her feet flew out in front of her.Never in the history of the world were the words "This is so sudden!"more vividly illustrated.

  Susan sat bolt upright opposite and surveyed her friend's emotion withan expression of calm and interested neutrality.

  After a while Mrs. Lathrop's eyes began to open and her mouth to close;she gathered her hands into her lap, and her feet under her skirt,saying weakly:

  "Well, I never hear nothin' to beat--"

  "I ain't surprised 't your takin' it to heart like that," said theimparter of news. "I may tell you in confidence 't I was nigh to laid outmyself in the first hearin' of it. I looked upon it jus' as you did, an'jus' as anybody in their common senses naturally would. It was n't nomore 'n was to be expected that me, bein' neat like himself an'unmarried, too, sh'd 'a' struck him 's just about what he was lookin'for. I 'm younger 'n Gran'ma Mullins 'n' Mrs. Macy, an' older 'n 'LizaEm'ly an' Polly Ann. I 've got property, 'n' nobody can 't say 's I haven't always done my duty by whatever crossed my path, even if was nothin'but snow in the winter. All the time 't he was talkin' I was thinkin','n' I tell you, Mrs. Lathrop, it's pretty hard work to smile 'n' lookinterested in a man's meanderin's while you 're tryin' to figure on howyou can will your money safe away from him. I was n't calc'latin' onhavin' Deacon White get any of my money, I c'n tell you, an' I meant tohave that understood right in the beginnin'. Maybe he would n't 'a' likedit; but if he had n't 'a' liked it, he c'd 'a' give me right square up.Lord knows, I never was after him with no net; I don't set about gettin'what I want that way. 'N' I never for one minute have thought o' wantin'the deacon. I 'm used to lookin' everythin' square in the face, 'n' noone as has got eyes could look the deacon in the face 'n' want him. 'N'the more they turned him round 'n' round, the less they'd want him. Itain't in reason's the friend could be found to deny 't he 's asbow-legged as they make 'em. An' then there's his ears! A woman could,maybe, overlook the bow-legs if she held the newspaper high enough; but Idon't believe 's any one in kingdom come could overlook them ears. Mr.Kimball says Belgian hares an' Deacon White 's both designed to becatched by their ears. I looked at him to-day 'n' figured on maybe tryin'to tame 'em in a little with a tape nightcap; but then I says to myself,I says: 'No; if he 's to be my husband, I 'll probably have so much tooverlook that them ears 'll soon be mice to the mountain o' the rest,'an' so I give up the idea. I had bother enough with tryin' to see where I'd put him, fer I certainly would n't consider movin' down to his housefor a minute, 'n' it was a question 's to a stove in father's room orgivin' him double windows for a weddin' present.

  "'N' then, all of a sudden, he come out with wantin' you!

  "Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I jumped--I really did. Him so tidy 'n' goin' outon the porch half a dozen times a day to brush up the seeds under thebird-cage--'n' wantin' _you_! I couldn't believe my ears at first, 'n'he talked quite a while, 'n' I did n't hear a word he said. 'N' then,when I did find my tongue, I jus' sat right down 'n' did my duty by him.Mrs. Lathrop, you know 's well 's I do how fond I am o' you; but youknow, too, 's well 's I do 't no woman 's calls herself a Christian c'dsit silent an' let a man keep on supposin' 't he c'd be happy with you.I talked kind, but I took no fish-bones out 'o the truth. I give himjus' my own observation, 'n' no more. I told him 't it was n't in me totry to fool even a deacon; an' so when I said frank and free 't evenyour very cats soon give up washin' their faces, he c'd depend upon itsbein' so. I says to him, I says: 'Deacon White, there's lots o' worsethings 'n bein' unmarried, 'n' if you marry Mrs. Lathrop you 'll learnevery last one of 'em. Your first wife was deaf,' I says, ''n' Mrs.Lathrop c'n hear. She 's a very good hearer, too,' I says (for you know's I'd never be one to run you down, Mrs. Lathrop); 'but anythin' 's ismore of a' effort than listenin' never gets done in her house. You 'retidy in your ways, Deacon White,' I says; 'any one as's ever passed whenyou was hangin' out your dish-towels 'd swear to that; an' such bein'the case, how c'd you ever be happy with them 's spreads their wash onthe currant-bushes or lets it blow to the dogs?' Maybe I was a littlehard on him, but I felt 's it was then or never, 'n' I tried my best tosave him. It ain't in nature for them 's goes unhooked to ever realizewhat their unhookedness is to them 's hooks, an' so it 'd be hopeless totry to let you see why my sympathies was so with the deacon; but, tomake a long tale short, he jus' hung on like grim death, 'n' in the endI had to give up. He said I was your friend, an' he wanted 's I sh'dexplain everythin' to you; an' to-morrow, when he gets back fromMeadville, he 'll come up an' get his answer. He did n't ask 'f Ithought you 'd have him, 'cause o' course he knowed you 'd have him 'swell 's I did. He said 's he sh'd mention it about town to keep anywomen from takin' the same train with him. He says he has n't beenanywhere by himself for ever so long. He says jus' as soon 's he 'smarried he 's goin' off for a good long trip, all alone."

  Susan ceased speaking for a little; Mrs. Lathrop looked dazed anddubious.

  "It's so unex--" she said slowly.

  "The beginnin' o' gettin' married always is," said her friend; "but it's all there is about it 's is even unexpected. It's all cut an' driedfrom there on. Once you take a man, nothin' 's ever sudden no more.Folks expects all sorts o' pleasant surprises; everybody seems to getmarried for better, an' then get along for worse. They begin byimaginin' a lot 'n' then lookin' for the thing to be 'way beyond theimaginin'; it ain't long afore they see 't their imaginin' was 'waybeyond the thing, 'n' after that they soon have it all on top o' them tocarry till they die."

  "I never was no great hand at marryin'," said Mrs. Lathrop, faintly. "Iwas propelled into it the first--"

  "Well, nobody ain't propellin' you this time," said Miss Clegg. "I 'mhangin' back on your skirts, with my heels stuck in 's far 's they 'llgo." She rose as she spoke.

  "I don 't know what I shall--" began the older woman, looking up at theyounger.

  "You 've got all to-morrow to decide. He won't be back till fiveo'clock. I should n't worry, 'f I was you. O' course, it 's your lastlove affair, probably, 'n' you want to get 's much 's you can out of it;but I don't see no call to fret any. He ain't frettin'. He 's jus' in ahurry to get married, 'n' get rid o' Gran'ma Mullins 'n' Mrs. Macy an'Polly Ann an' 'Liza Em'ly, 'n' get started on that nice long trip he 'sgoin' on alone."

  "I shall think--" murmured Mrs. Lathrop.

  Susan was decking herself for going home.

  "I won't be over in the mornin'," she said as she tied on her cap; "I've got errands down-town; but I 'll come over after dinner."

  "Good-by," said Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Good-by," said her friend.

  * * * * *

  It was somewhat warmer the next morning. Mrs. Lathrop began the day on acup of extra-strong coffee, and continued it in an unusual mood ofclearing up. Her kitchen was really very close to exemplary when twoo'clock arrived, and she took up her knitting to wait for the promisedvisitation.

  It matured about half-past the hour. The visitor brought her knitting,too.

  "Well, Mrs. Lathrop," she said pleasantly on entering, "if it was n'tfor the automobile, you 'n' the deacon 'd surely be the talk o' the townthis day."

  "Whose aut--?"

  "Nobody 's; jus' two men's. One steers in goggles, 'n' the other jumpsin 'n' out 'n' settles for the damages. I see it first on my waydown-town this morning; only, as a matter of fact, I did n't see it, 'n'it was nigh to tootin' right over me, only I jumped in the nick o' time,'n' it went over my over-shoe an' split the heel open. I c'n assure youI was glad I was wearin' father's over-shoes, as c'n come off so easy,when I saw the split heel; an' them men was as polite 's could be,churned backward right off, 'n' settled with me for a quarter. I caneasy sew up the heel myself, so I went on down-town feelin' pretty good.There ain't many things about me 't I can sew up as I would n't splitfor a quarter any day. The automobile went on ahead, 'n' by the time Igot to
the square it had had time to run down the minister.

  "He was crossin' from Mr. Kimball's to Mr. Dill's, an' stopped short forfear it 'd run over him. Not knowin' the minister's make-up, they 'dcalc'lated on his goin' on when he see a' automobile comin'; an' so itwas all over him in a jiffy. I don' know what his wife'll ever say, f'rhis hat is completely bu'st. However, they settled with him--hat,feelin's, an' all--for ten dollars, an' he went on over to Mr. Dill's. Isaid 't if I was his wife I 'd anchor him in the middle o' the square'n' let automobiles run up 'n' down him all day long at that price. Isaid it to Mrs. Craig; she come up to ask me 'f it was really true aboutyou an' the deacon. She says no one can believe it o' the deacon. Shesays Mr. Jilkins was in town last night, 'n' he was very mad when heheard of it. He thinks it's a reflection. He says folks 'll say it lookslike his sister was n't wife enough for one man. I told her nobody couldn't say nothin' about it 't I would n't agree to, considerin' your agean' his ears. I told her 't it did n't seem to me 's marryin' wasanyways necessary to the business o' the world. If mother 'd nevermarried, neither she nor me 'd ever of had all them years o' work withfather. She says this about you 'n' the deacon was stirrin' up the towna lot. She says there's a good deal o' bitter feelin'. Seems Mrs. Allennever charged him nothin' for his meals on account o' Polly, an' Gran'maMullins made him a whole set o' shirts for nothin' on account o' the nut'n' the daguerre'type, 'n' Mrs. Macy did up all his currants fer nothin'on account o' herself. She says Mr. Kimball says he wonders what thedeacon 's a-expectin' to get out o' you.

  "We went across to look at the automobile together. It was standin'still in front o' the drug-store, 'n' the men was in buyin' cigarettesan' gettin' their bottles filled. I guess half the community wasstandin' round lookin' at it an' discussin' it. It's a brand-new one,for the price-tag 's still hangin' on the back. Billy said it was abargain, but it struck me 's pretty high. They had a wheel 's 'd comeoff hung on behind, 'n' nobody could n't see where it 'd come off of.Mr. Fisher got down an' crawled in underneath, an' while he was underthere the men come out. They asked what Mr. Fisher was tryin' to do, an'when Billy told 'em, they laughed.

  "They said that wheel was in case o' accidents. John Bunyan spoke rightup an' said, 'Why, does the accidents ever happen to the _automobile_?''N' the men laughed some more. Then they got in 'n' started to start,'n' it would n' start. It snuffed 'n' chuffed to beat the band, but itwould n't budge for love nor money nor the man in goggles. He jerked 'n'twisted, 'n' then all of a sudden it run backward, 'n' went over Mr.Dill's dog 's was asleep in the way, 'n' into the lamp-post, 'n' bu'stthe post off short. Well, you never see the beat! They wanted to settlethe dog for the same 's the minister, but Mr. Dill would n't hear to itfor a minute, 'cause he said his dog was worth suthin'. Judge Fitch comeup 'n' said the town 'd want three dollars for the lamp-post, 'n' theypaid that, 'n' then they tried to arbitrate the dog; 'n' in the end Mr.Dill took eleven dollars an' fifteen cents, 'cause his collar 's stillgood. Then they got into the automobile again an' twisted the crank theother way, an' it kited across the square an' right over Gran'maMullins. She was on her way to ask if it was true about you 'n' thedeacon, an' it was plain 's she wa'n't in no disposition to enjoy bein'run over by nothin'. I never see her so nigh to bein' real put out; 'n'even after they 'd settled with her for five dollars, she still did n'tlook a bit pleased or happy. Mrs. Craig 'n' me went with her into Mr.Shores' 'n' helped her straighten her bonnet 'n' take a drink o' water,'n' then she said she s'posed it was true about you an' the deacon, 'n''t, so help her Heaven, she never would 'a' believed 's either o' youhad so little sense. She said to tell you 't all she 's got to say is 'tif he deceives you like he 's deceived her, you 'll know how it feels tohave him deceive you 's well 's she knows how it feels to of had himdeceive her. She says she's goin' to take a hammer an' smash that nut'n' that daguerre'type into a thousand smithereens this very afternoon."

  "I 'm sorry 's--" said Mrs. Lathrop, regretfully.

  "While we was sittin' there talkin', in come Mrs. Macy, with her catover her arm, to ask if there was enough of it left to make a muff.Seems 't when the automobile headed out o' town they come on the catcrossin' the road, 'n' afore she knew 's there was a death in the familythey was tryin' to settle the cat at a dollar. Said she never see thebeat o' the way the cat was ironed flat; she jus' stood 'n' stared, 'n'then they offered her two dollars. She took the two dollars an' come totown, 'n' 'f there ain't enough for a muff, she 'll have a cap with thetail over her ear. She wanted to know if it was true about you 'n' thedeacon, an' she tried to swing the cat around 's if she did n't care,but it was easy seen she did. She said she would n't have the deacon fora gift, 'n' I told her 's there was others havin' to admit the samething. I says to her, I says: 'There's a good many in this town 's won'thave the deacon, but it ain't for lack o' tryin' to get him, Lordknows.' Jus' then we see the man with the cap 's does the settlin' fordamages tearin' by the window afoot. We run to the door an' sec him grabMr. Sweet's bicycle 'n' ride away on it; 'n' it did n't take no greatbrains to guess 's suthin' fresh had happened under the automobile. Alittle while after the man with goggles an' Mr. Jilkins come walkin'into the square, a-leadin' Mr. Jilkins's horse. The horse was prettywell splintered up, 'n' the harness was hangin' all out o' tune; the manwith goggles looked to be upset, 'n' Mr. Jilkins looked like he 'd beenupset 'n' was awful mad over it. Every one went to know what it was; an'I will say, Mrs. Lathrop, 's I never hear such a story o' unforeseenmiseries pilin' up. Seems 't when Mr. Jilkins went home las' night 'n'told his wife about you 'n' the deacon, they decided to come to townright off to-day 'n' try to argue common sense into him. Mr. Jilkinssaid 't he was n't afraid o' the property goin' out o' the family,'cause you 'n' the deacon could n't naturally expect nothin' butgrandchildren at your age; but he said they jus' did n't want himmarried, 'n' they was goin' to see 't he did n't get drug into it. Sothey took the horse 'n' the colt an' the democrat 'n' started up to townthis mornin', 'n' jus' beyond the bridge they met the automobile warmin'up from Mrs. Macy 'n' her cat. Mr. Jilkins says his horse ain't afraido' nothin' on earth only threshin'-machines, men asleep, 'n' bicycles;but it never 'd seen a' automobile afore, 'n' it jumped right into it.Well, him in goggles 'n' his friend in damages jumped right out, 'n' theautomobile run into the fence an' run over the colt, 'n' spilled Mr. andMrs. Jilkins 'n' the horse all out. The horse fell down 'n' Mrs. Jilkinscould n't get up, 'n' the man in the cap wanted to settle for fivehundred dollars right on the spot. Then they went to work an' got thetool-box, 'n' got the horse up, 'n' he seemed to be all right, onlypretty badly marred; an' they backed the automobile out o' the fence an'give Mrs. Jilkins a drink out o' their bottle, 'n' tucked her up warm inthe seat, an' then set to work on the democrat. They was gettin'everythin' all straightened out neat 's a pin when, all of a sudden,Mrs. Jilkins give a yell, an' they looked up to see the automobilekitin' off up the hill, 'n' her screamin' an' wavin' her hands; 'n' thenext thing they see, she went over the top o' the hill 'n' out o'sight."

  Miss Clegg stopped; Mrs. Lathrop drew in her breath.

  "Well, Mrs. Lathrop, seems to me I never hear nothin' to equal that inall my born days. Mrs. Jilkins off in a' automobile alone! 'N' the manin the cap see it jus' 's I did, for he wanted to settle for a thousand,spot cash, then 'n' there. But Mr. Jilkins would n't settle; there's nodenyin' Mr. Jilkins saw what a good thing he 'd got when his wife wentoff in that automobile; so then the man in the cap hustled in town, gota bicycle, 'n' scurried after her 's fast 's he could paddle."

  "Did they find--?" inquired Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Not when I come home they had n't. The man in goggles had took Mr.Jilkins to the hotel for dinner, 'n' Mr. Jilkins was tickled to death,for he never eat in a hotel in his life before. If he goes off, healways gets back, or else takes a lunch."

  "Are you goin'?" Mrs. Lathrop asked.

  "Yes; I 'm goin' down-town again. I 'm goin' right now. I want to knowthe end 's Mrs. Jilkins made. 'N' there 's lots o' people 's ain't hadno chance yet to ask m
e if it's true about you 'n' the deacon."

  "When's he a-com--?" Mrs. Lathrop asked.

  "On the five-o'clock; 'n' he said 's he sh'd come straight up here tosettle it all. I s'pose you 've turned the subjeck round an' round 'n'upside down till you 've come out jus' where I said you would at first."

  "I guess I'll take--"

  "I would 'f I was you. Mr. Kimball says Deacon White 's as good help 'sany woman can hope to get hold o' in a place this size, an' I guess he's hit that nail square on top. I don't see but what, when all's saidan' done, you can really take a deal o' comfort havin' him so handy. Helikes to keep things clean, 'n' you 'll never let him get a chance to goto Satan emptyhanded. 'N' we can always send him to bed when we want totalk, 'cause bein' 's he 'll be your husband, we won't never have tofuss with considerin' his feelin's any."

  "I--" said Mrs. Lathrop, thoughtfully.

  "O' course there would n't be nothin' very romantic in marryin' thedeacon; 'n' yet, when you come right square down to it, I don't see nogood 'n' sufficient reasons for long hair bein' romantic an' big earsnot. Anyway, I sh'd consider 't a man 's can clean a sink, 'n' _will_clean a sink, was a sight safer to marry 'n one 's whose big hit wasstandin' up the ends o' his mustache. 'N' besides, you can have the manwith the sink, 'n' the man with the mustache would n't even turn roundto look at you the first time."

  "I--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Romance is a nice thing in its place. I 've had my own romances--fouron 'em,--'n' not many women can say that 'n' still be unmarried, Iguess. I 've lived 'n' I 've loved, as the books say; 'n' I 'vesurvived, as I say myself; 'n' you can believe me or not, jus' as youplease, Mrs. Lathrop, but I ain't got no feelin' toward you this nightbut pity. I would n't be you if I could--not now 'n' not never. I 'dreally liefer be the deacon, 'n' Heaven knows 't he 's got little enoughto look forward to hereafter."

  "I--" expostulated Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Well, Mrs. Lathrop, if you keep me here much longer, I sha'n't getdown-town this afternoon; 'n' when you think how near Mrs. Jilkins 'scomin' to bein' related to you, it certainly will look very strange tothe community."

  As she spoke, Miss Clegg rapidly prepared herself for the street, andwith the last words she went toward the door.

  "If the deacon gets here afore I come back," she said, pausing with herhand on the knob, "you 'd better say 's what he told me yesterday inconfidence 'n' what I told him in consequence is still a secret; it 'llbe pleasanter for you both so."

  "I--" said Mrs, Lathrop.

  "Good-by," said Susan.

  Mrs. Lathrop slept some that afternoon and rocked more. She experiencedno very marked flutterings in the region of her heart; indeed, she wasastonished herself at the calmness of her sensations.

  The deacon had not come when Susan returned. Susan looked somewhatpuzzled.

  "Anybody been here since me?" she inquired, not facing her friend, butexamining the stovepipe with interest.

  "No; no--"

  "Mrs. Jilkins is all safe," she said next.

  "I'm so--"

  "That automobile run 'way past Cherry Pond, 'n' their hired man see herridin' by 'n' made after her on a mule. The gasolene give out before themule did, so he hauled her home, 'n' the man in the cap come 'n' tookthe automobile back to town."

  "So it's all--"

  "They all landed over at the drug-store 'n' got in 'n' started outfresh. Mr. Jilkins settled for the five hundred, 'n' they went offfeelin' real friendly. They run out across the square, an' then--" Susanhesitated. "You got a shock yesterday," she said, still not looking ather friend, but speaking sympathetically, "'n' it seems too bad to giveyou another to-day; but you 'll have to know--"

  "Heaven pro--" cried Mrs. Lathrop.

  "They run over the deacon comin' out o' the station. They did n't seehim, an' he did n't see them. He ain't dead."

  Mrs. Lathrop was silent.

  "Mrs. Allen took him home. Of course that means Polly 'll get him in theend."

  Mrs. Lathrop was silent for a long time. Finally she said verydeliberately:

  "Maybe it's just as--"

  "It's better," said her friend, with decision; "for the man settled withthe deacon for fifteen hundred."

  * * * * *

  OLD MAN ELY'S PROPOSAL