She Took My Heart and Went Crazy 4

by A'zayler

  Logan’s tears were evident on her face. She’d sat up and was looking at him while still holding her head. Both of her hands were clenched on both sides with fists full of her hair as if she was on the verge of snatching it all out. Her tears were uncontrollable as she shook her head.

  “Egypt! Come on,” she yelled.

  “Logan!” Yeshi screamed as he lost his mind.

  He snatched at the door handle again and even stepped back and balled his fist up. Luckily, Killian was right there.

  “Bruh, you can’t punch this man’s window out of his car. That glass is going to go everywhere. Chill out, she’ll be back.”

  Yeshi looked at him with wild eyes and a wet mouth. “How you know? Did she tell you that?” Spit flew from his mouth as he raised his voice at Killian. “Did she tell you she was coming back?’

  “Aye, fam, we need to pull out,” Egypt told Killian from the other side of the car.

  “Gabrion, move this nigga’s whip.”

  “Don’t touch my shit!” he yelled at Gabrion before going back to Logan’s window. “I was stupid, Logan. I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.”

  Killian allowed Yeshi to stand there screaming long enough to give Gabrion time to move his truck. The moment it was out of the way, Egypt hopped in his car and shifted gears.

  “Nigga, get back before this nigga hits your feet.”

  Yeshi snatched away. “He gon’ have to hit me if he wants to take her.” Yeshi marched toward the front of the car.

  He didn’t even give a fuck no more. If Logan stayed away from him, he’d die anyway, so might as well get that shit over with.

  “Nigga, no!” Killian hurried to snatch Yeshi from the front of his car. “You were just hitting with this nigga. You think he won’t hit your ass?”

  Yeshi stared into the windshield of the car at Logan with water in his eyes. “I don’t give a fuck.”

  Logan was a mess in the front seat, shaking her head and pulling at Egypt’s arm simultaneously. All of it was way too out of hand, but Killian knew Yeshi, and if anybody could handle him, he could. With Gabrion back where they were, they were able to pull him out of the way long enough for Egypt to peel off. It was as if the taillights set him off because Yeshi fell to the ground on his knees and grabbed his head.

  He was going crazy. Literally going fucking crazy. He’d never been loved before in his life other than by Katana, and even that hadn’t been anything like what he and Logan had. Without her, he had nothing. Loneliness and pains took over his heart and handicapped him. There was no energy left in his body to even move. There in the parking lot of his best friend’s gym, Yeshi remained.

  Though he could hear everything going on around him, he couldn’t feel it. Nothing in him worked right anymore. He was way too attached to that fucking girl. He’d been seeing the signs for a while but kept them hidden, scared to run her away, and look at what happened.

  “Yesh, it’s gon’ be alright, bruh. This shit ain’t gon’ last long. It’s just all still so fresh right now.” Killian’s voice made him raise his head a little.

  “She’s gone.”

  “Not forever.” Killian lightly slapped his back. “You’ve been through worse. You can shake this shit.”

  Yeshi shook his head. “That’s exactly why I can’t take it.” Yeshi’s voice was low and sullen. “I really can’t do this, Kill.”

  Yeshi’s wet eyes pleaded with his best friend to understand the dark point he was at right then. Literally, the lowest he’d ever been. He hadn’t even felt that bad when he’d tried to kill himself. He was more tired than anything that day, but the pain he felt right then had wiped out everything inside of him. The emptiness he felt was indescribable, and it was only getting worse.

  13. God Still Hears a Sinner’s Prayer

  The darkness in the living room matched the darkness in Yeshi’s soul as he lay on his back in the middle of the floor. It was almost eight o’clock in the morning, and he’d been in the same spot since ten o’clock the night before. Only moving to take a bathroom break. He’d been consuming so much liquor with no energy to move that he’d momentarily thought about pissing on himself, but the little bit of dignity he had left wouldn’t allow it.

  Otis Redding and Hennessy had been his life. All he did all day was drink and listen to Otis poke at the sadness in his soul with his music. On top of him being one of his favorite artists, the tone of his voice soothed every growing heartache Yeshi was currently enduring. There had probably been some li’l thick redbone who had broken that nigga’s heart too. Had probably come into his life, perpetuated feelings, made him think she was different, then left him after the first mistake he’d ever made.

  “Stern ass bitch,” Yeshi grumbled. “Li’l bitty serious hoe.”

  He was lifting the bottle of liquor again when he heard his phone ringing. When he looked at it, he saw Killian’s name and almost didn’t answer for him.

  “Yooo,” Yeshi slurred.

  “Man come on, I know you ain’t over there drunk?” The exasperation in Killian’s voice made Yeshi suck his teeth.

  He was a heartbroken alcoholic. Of course, he was drinking.

  “Aye, I’m about to come over there.”

  Yeshi’s mood lowered. The fuck was this nigga trying to do? Why wouldn’t he just let him sulk in peace?

  “You heard me?”

  “Yeah… yeah, cool. I’ll be here.”

  “Bet.” Killian ended the call.

  Yeshi tossed his phone onto the floor next to him then zoned back in on the old school singer and allowed himself to relate to the pain in his voice. With his eyes closed and drunk past any logical thinking, darkness welcomed him. Not an inch of light seeped through, and that was the way it would remain. In a depression so deep, Yeshi kicked his legs lazily in front of him before twisting the cap off again and gulping from it.

  The burn wasn’t as bad as it had been, nor was the taste, which only helped him consume more. He was numb now; he could drink all he wanted without stopping. There was no real way to tell how long he’d been on the floor drinking when he heard knocking on the door.

  “Agggh.” He grumbled while slowly pulling himself from the floor slowly and going to open it. “What she doing here?” he asked nastily as soon as he laid eyes on East.

  “Fuck you, you drunk, heart-broken bitch.” East pushed right past him and Killian and walked into the house.

  “I don’t know how the fuck you married her. She talks too much.” Yeshi frowned at the back of East’s head as she headed for the kitchen.

  Killian was in the same spot chuckling to himself. “Leave my wife alone, bruh. She’s been pissed all week. Too much shit has happened that she can’t recover from. The baby’s gone, she’s pregnant, Logan won’t respond to her, and a bunch of other shit.”

  “Well, she don’t need to take that shit out on me.”

  Killian stepped in and closed the door behind him before flipping the light on. “Bruh, you started with her.” He looked around the living room. “The fuck you been doing up in here?”

  Yeshi’s eyes squinted from the light as he hobbled back to the sofa, looking at the messy living room along the way. He already knew what Killian was asking, but he was in no mood to explain that shit.

  “You need to clean this girl’s house up.” East came around the corner with a trash bag and began tossing things into it.

  “Don’t throw that away,” Yeshi warned her about the bottle of liquor he’d just bought hours prior.

  East stared at him with a nasty look. “Nigga, if I could throw your ass away I would so shut up.”

  “You ain’t got no business with that junk anyway,” Killian scolded.

  “I told you he was probably over here drinking himself to death.”

  Yeshi frowned at East again as she moved around the living room tossing all his things into the trash bag. Even though he wanted to object, he didn’t. He didn’t even care; she could throw all of it away. Him too if she found a big enou
gh trash can.

  “Yesh, you need to get a fucking grip. You had kicked this shit. Why you go back?”

  “I hadn’t, though.” Yeshi sat up. His vision was a little blurry, and his head was swimming from all the liquor he’d drunk. “I been sneaking on this shit for months just to stay afloat.”

  East paused and looked at him with her mouth open before closing it and quickly looking away. It wasn’t fast enough, though. He’d seen the water in her eyes.

  “Being sober makes me remember everything, and that shit be fucking with me too bad.”

  “Damn, Yesh.” Killian’s voice sounded as dejected as Yeshi felt. “I ain’t even know. I thought you was doing good.”

  Yeshi flopped back on the sofa. “Nope! Still out here fucking up.” Yeshi’s tone dropped. “It’s like I ain’t gon’ never get over this shit. I’m a grown ass man, still fucking off over old stuff.”

  “That’s your fault, Yeshi. There’s only so much other people can do if you’re still going to do what you want to do.” East sat on the sofa next to Killian.

  “I’m trying!”

  “No, you’re not.” East shook her head. “Trying would be not drinking, not cheating, not doing a lot of the same stuff that ends you up in this position. Logan was good for you. Perfect for real.”

  Just the mention of her name had him doing hoe shit again. His eyes watered and his hand had just circled his stomach. The sick feeling that encompassed him every time Logan crossed his brain made him feel weak.

  “Aww, Yeshi.” East fanned her eyes with her hand. “Don’t cry. Killian, he’s crying,” she whimpered as if they weren’t all in the same room.

  Her compassion made it worse, and he really crashed out. The tears actually came down his cheeks. Yeshi leaned forward and held his head down to shield his face. He cried silently for a few seconds before he felt East next to him. He knew it was her because he could smell her, for one, and because she’d leaned her head on his shoulder and held his arm.

  “It’s okay, I’ll cry with you. That’s what friends are for.” She sniffed, and Killian laughed.

  Moments later, so did Yeshi.

  “Get out of here. You know you ain’t my friend.”

  “Yes, I am. I’m just the friend who gives tough love. Plus, me and Kill are the same person, so if you’re his best friend, that means you’re mine too.”

  Yeshi looked at Killian, and the smile on his face was of pure admiration as he watched East. He looked just like one of those niggas on a commercial advertising some fake shit. The big smile and everything. Yeshi shook his head. He wanted so badly to be a fake advertiser too.

  “Y’all have to tell me what to do, because right now, all I want to do is get drunk and backflip over that balcony.”

  East wasted no time slapping the back of Yeshi’s head. “You need to cut it out now. You can’t kill yourself every time something doesn’t go right.”

  “Shits weak as fuck, Yesh,” Killian chimed in a serious tone.

  “Y’all just don’t understand.”

  “We may not, but we do know that ain’t the only solution.”

  “What’s another one?” Yeshi countered East’s statement.

  “You can start by taking a bath, getting a haircut, handling your stankin’ ass breath, and driving to Miami to get Logan.” She looked around the whole living room before looking back at him. “The rest of this shit we can figure out after you do that.

  Killian laughed, but Yeshi did not.

  “She’s in Miami? How you know? Kill said she ain’t been responding to you.”

  East shrugged. “She hasn’t, but she answers for his ass every day.” She pointed at Killian.

  “Bruh, why you ain’t tell me?” Yeshi exclaimed. “I would have been gone down there.”

  “Which is why I ain’t tell your ass,” Killian told him as if he should have already known.

  Yeshi sat back on the sofa in disbelief. “Nigga, what the fuck?”

  “Same shit I said. She better be glad I halfway trust her, or else I’d curse her out for talking to my man and not me. I’ma let her have her moment, though, because this is a jacked up situation.”

  Yeshi didn’t say or do anything. His mind had already left him and was headed to Miami.

  “I ain’t tell you before because she needed some time. I’m only telling you now because I feel like y’all need each other, and because my gym needs her.” Killian scratched his head like he was stressed out. “My business is suffering because of your unfaithful, fucked up ass.”

  Yeshi’s laughter sounded foreign to his own ears when he heard it. It had been weeks since he’d last heard it, and it actually felt good.

  “So, y’all saying I should go?”

  “Nope, we’re saying you better go.” East stood to her feet and resumed her cleaning.

  “I’ll go with you because I already know you’ll get down there and fuck up again,” Killian suggested.

  Yeshi nodded and was actually thankful for that because he would most definitely do what Killian said. He knew himself. For another couple of hours, while East cleaned, he and Killian talked about Logan and all the other problems Yeshi had been hiding but needed to address. He felt so much better after it was all out. Had he known he would feel that free, he would have told Killian a long time ago. It’s all in God’s timing. Killian had told him about waiting so long to disclose his problems, and surprisingly, Yeshi agreed.

  By the time they left, it was going on eleven o’clock, and Yeshi was headed to the barbershop. Still slightly drunk, but an expert drunk driver, Yeshi cruised down the street. Since it was Sunday and the streets were somewhat clear, it made his route a little easier. The radio was up and playing while he drove and sorted out his thoughts. He was at rock bottom and could no longer really see a way up. He’d tried everything he could think of, and nothing had worked. His eyes began to water as he reminisced on his life, Katana, his mother, and Logan. All of it was so heavy. Too heavy, so Yeshi wiped his face and turned the radio up. Maybe some music would take his mind off his problems.

  Yeshi was just about to turn it when he heard that it was gospel but changed his mind. He needed some comfort from somewhere, and the man on the radio was singing about a sinner’s prayer. If Yeshi didn’t know anything else, he knew for a fact that he was a sinner.

  I could have been dead, sleeping in my grave, but God blessed me to see another day. Even when I did him wrong, he was still there. I’m so glad that God still hears a sinner’s prayer.

  The words brought the waiting tears down his cheeks. It was as if God knew he needed relief and sent that song for him. Every single word matched how Yeshi felt on the inside. If he’d thought he could relate to Otis, he’d been wrong. He was definitely connected to that song. So much so that he could feel it in his chest. His heart was beating fast, and his stomach felt funny. Tingly or nervous… something, he’d never felt before.

  All have sinned and fallen short of his glory, I’m just glad that I’m here to tell the story

  “God!” Yeshi cried from the depths of his soul. “God, I’m sorry.” He cried even harder. “I need you, God. Forgive me, please. Please forgive me.”

  Yeshi’s cries bellowed out from the deepest parts of his hurting heart. It had gotten so bad that he was barely able to see while he drove, so he looked around for somewhere to pull over. His eyes frantically searched his surroundings and landed on the last place he’d even thought he’d be. A church. Yeshi’s heart rate grew faster. All of this was happening so fast and so right.

  “Is it you, God? Are you telling me something?” he questioned, still broken.

  In the front seat of his truck, Yeshi sat and stared at the church, trying to figure out was he really going to go inside. One minute turned into five as he looked down at his clothing and realized he wasn’t dressed to go in. He immediately cranked his truck and prepared to pull out, but thoughts of Logan came rushing to him. He could see her face clear as day smiling at him. She would be s
o happy to find out that he’d gone o church.

  “Good morning, family. That was Deitrick Haddon with his hit song, Sinner’s Prayer. I know we’ve all sinned before and can relate to that song. Find God today, people. He’s here for the taking. He loves you and wants to change your life. Let him. We’ll be right back.” The radio personality’s voice sounded through Yeshi’s car, making him realize how loud his radio had been. He quickly turned it down and looked at the church.

  “God, I need my life changed,” he whispered with his head down.

  Even with his head still down, he felt something pulling at him. An urge to go inside overtook him, so Yeshi turned his truck off and hopped out before he could change his mind. The moment he was on his feet, the liquor made him feel dizzy.

  “Man, I can’t go in church like this.” He stopped in his tracks and contemplated turning around. “Let me just go.” He hit the locks to his truck and had the door open when he heard his name called.

  He turned around quickly because who could possibly know him? When he saw his sponsor, Mr. Middleton, his head dropped. He was half drunk right then, and he was definitely going to know.

  “Where you running off to? You not coming in?” Mr. Middleton asked with his hand on Yeshi’s shoulder.

  Afraid of what he was going to have to say, Yeshi kept his head down. “Nah, I’m not dressed right.”

  “The Lord says to come as you are. You look nice. Come on, let’s go in.”

  Yeshi looked up slowly until he found his eyes. Mr. Middleton smiled.

  “I know, Yeshi. You don’t have to tell me. It’s a process, and you’re in the right place. Come in with me.”

  Yeshi paused before closing his door back and following him to the steps of the church. He could hear the music the closer they got and became afraid. It had been years since he’d been on the inside of a church, and even then, he hadn’t given it much thought.

  “You don’t have to be afraid. Nobody is going to judge you here,” Mr. Middleton encouraged him just before opening the door.