She Took My Heart and Went Crazy 4

by A'zayler

  There was another set of doors they had to pass through before entering the sanctuary, and the moment they were through them, it felt like all eyes were on him, when in reality, they weren’t. They’d looked and turned back around. Yeshi’s eyes scanned the sanctuary filled with people before stopping at the front. There was a young guy at the podium ushering people up the aisles while another one stood off to the side singing about bowing down and worshipping God. The same fuzzy feeling that had been in his stomach earlier had resurfaced.

  “Why everybody going up there and getting on their knees?” Yeshi asked Mr. Middleton.

  “It’s altar call, they’re praying. Giving all their troubles over to Jesus. Sometimes our loads get too heavy for us to carry, and we have to leave them on the altar.”

  “Leave them there to do what?”

  “For God to pick them up and work it out for us.”

  Yeshi was stumped. “It’s that easy?”

  Mr. Middleton smiled and nodded.

  Yeshi bit his bottom lip while watching the people pray and leave their burdens at the altar. Minutes passed as he thought hard about going up there.

  “I smell like alcohol.”

  “You’ve come here for something today, Yeshi. Don’t leave without it.”

  Yeshi nodded. “So, I just walk up there?”

  “How about this, I’ll walk with you and stand there until you feel like you’re ready to leave.”

  That was all Yeshi needed to hear to get his feet moving. The walk seemed long but was rewarding at the end. Instead of kneeling to pray, he stood behind the people and just bowed his head. He wasn’t there for two seconds before he felt someone grabbing his hands. His eyes landed on a short, heavyset lady with glasses and a smile on her face. Her hair was in a short natural style, and she was dressed in a floral print dress and purple shoes.

  “I’m so glad to see you, baby. How are you doing?” She spoke to him as if they knew each other. “You want to tell me what’s bothering you?”

  Yeshi leaned down so that they could hear each other better. “I’m… I’m an alcoholic, and I don’t want to be. I don’t really know much about God, but my girlfriend does. She left me because I cheated, and now I want to drink myself to death. I tried to kill myself before because my mother molested me as a child, but it didn’t work, and now I don’t know what to do. It’s like I want to die but can’t… I don’t know. I’m sorry. I just want to lay my problems here for God to pick them up because I can’t do this anymore.” Yeshi rambled his problems off to the comforting stranger as best he could without getting overwhelmed again.

  The moment he stood back to his full height so that he could see her, she enveloped him in a hug. Of course, he leaned down to hug her right back. With her squeezing him tightly to her, and Mr. Middleton’s hand on his back, Yeshi gave way to his weakness and allowed his vulnerability to show.

  “There’s such a purpose on your life, baby. God has big plans for you. I hear the spirit of the Lord saying that you’ve been trying to run, trying to fight, just trying to do any and everything to keep you away from him, but today it stops. Today you will submit, today you will be renewed in your mind and renewed in your body. Do you hear me?”

  Yeshi nodded and sniffed his tears back.

  “It doesn’t end here, baby. You have so much more to do. God wants you to stop living for the world because you’re not like them. He has something so much more special for you to do, and your disobedience is stopping it. He wants you to know today, baby, that he loves you, that he hears your heart, and that he is just to forgive you. There’s nothing you’ve done that can stop the love he has for you. Jesus! He loves you, young man, he loves you so much that he’s positioned angels around you to fight the battles that you’ve been too weak to do for yourself.”

  Yeshi’s mind immediately went to Logan. A waterfall of tears came then. He’d been abusing his angel all this time.

  “He’s a god of restoration. Everything that devil has tried to steal from you in this lifetime is about to be restored double time. All you have to do is believe in your heart that he can do it.”

  “I do.”

  “Yes, Lord, that’s a blessing. Do you want to give your life to God today?” she pulled away from him and asked.

  When Yeshi nodded, she smiled. “Do you believe that God sent his son Jesus to die on the cross for your sins?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you believe that with all of your heart?”

  Yeshi nodded before repeating a couple more things she was saying. By the time they were done, he and one other girl were the only two left on the altar. Yeshi wanted to be embarrassed as he walked toward the back of the church, but he couldn’t. He felt too good to care what anybody else thought. The only person whose feelings he actually cared about right then was hours and miles away, and he needed to get to her. With Logan on his brain, and more determined than he’d ever been, Yeshi walked right out of the church and straight to his truck. The moment he got in, he called Killian.

  “What up?” Killian answered coolly.

  “Aye, pack your shit. We’re about to jet.”

  He smiled when he heard Killian laughing. “Nigga, East packed my shit when we left Logan’s house. Go get your shit, and call me when you ready to hit the road.”

  “Aight, bet.” Yeshi ended the call with a large smile on his face.

  Yeshi was ready. He was going to get his baby, whether she wanted him to or not. Hopefully, she wouldn’t put up too much of a fight, but even if she did, he wasn’t going for it. She was his, and it was time they both started acting like it.

  14. For the Last Time

  “Why am I here?” Logan asked herself as she looked around the room.

  The white walls and dirty tiled floor were extremely unwelcoming and uncomfortable. Everything in there looked dirty, and she’d been dying to wash her hands from the moment she stepped foot in the prison. She had been in Miami for a little over two weeks, and Auto had been begging her to come see him ever since. Had it not been for her brother, he never would have even known she was there. But since they were best friends, and apparently talked every day, Auto was made aware of her visit and been calling her phone back to back screaming for her to come.

  “Just calm down and get it over with.” Logan moved around in the chair a little bit, crossing her legs and looking around while waiting for Auto be brought to their visiting cubicle. “Lord,” she held her head down in prayer. “I’ve been so outside of myself lately. Please guide me back to you.”

  Light taps on the glass made her lift her head. Dang. Logan’s eyes trailed over Auto’s ripped body. He had filled out so much, and she could see it all through his uniform. His arms and chest were way bigger than they had been along with the weight gain in his neck and face. He was just as fine as he’d always been, maybe even looking a little better than before. The free formed dreads in his head went in all different directions, and oddly enough, she liked them.

  The gold in Auto’s mouth shined as he smiled at her while taking his seat. Logan followed his lead and picked up the phone, so she could hear him talking to her.

  “What’s going on, beautiful? You’re looking pretty as ever. All filled out and shit.” He winked at her. “Got your li’l grown woman swag. I’m loving that shit.”

  Logan blushed. “Thank you, you’re looking handsome as well. I like the weight on you.”

  Auto looked at his arms before looking at her. “Ain’t shit to do but lift up in here.”

  “Well, it’s doing you well.”

  “Appreciate that.” Auto paused. “I ain’t think you was gon’ come.”

  “Now you know you wasn’t about to let me be here and not come. You only called me a million and one times.”

  When Auto laughed, it made her smile. He was so happy to see her, and it showed.

  “You fucking with me right now.” He laughed some more. “I had to see that face. You know you my heart. I couldn’t go down that road w
ithout seeing you again first.”

  Logan sat up straighter and leaned closer to the glass. “When do you leave?”

  “They supposed to be shipping my ass off next month sometime, but I know you ain’t gon’ make no special trip home for my ass.”

  Logan smiled at him but didn’t say anything because he was right. She wasn’t. Auto had been her high school sweetheart and the love of her entire life, but just like Yeshi, he’d cheated on her and broke her heart. Though, her heartbreak with him felt nothing like the one with Yeshi. She’d been young and immature with Auto; her love had been real, but not like what she felt for Yeshi.

  As an adult, she’d learned a different way to love, and it brought about different feelings. It had hurt her back then to find out about the different girls he’d been messing around with, but she’d been okay. Now, Yeshi, that had nearly taken her out. There was no way she’d compare that puppy love with the full-blown extraction of her heart with Yeshi.

  “You ready for that?” Logan asked sincerely. “I know that can’t be easy. At least here you’re around people we know from the city.”

  Auto shrugged. “It’s aight. Small thing to a giant, baby. Just pray for me.” He shined his golds in her direction.

  Logan’s smile resurfaced. “You know I’ll forever do that.”

  They were both quiet for a minute, just looking at each other until Auto addressed the elephant in the room.

  “So, tell me about this nigga you been sick over. My nigga told me you been all sad and shit, and I can tell you have. Your eyes look all swollen and shit. I don’t like that shit at all. You already know I was about to get some shit started about that.”

  Logan rolled her eyes. Her brother was always running his mouth. She hadn’t told him to tell Auto nothing about the problems she was having with Yeshi. There was no reason for him to even know. Him trying to defend her had gotten him in enough trouble in his life. Auto was one person not to be taken lightly, which was why when he said he wanted to get something started, she had to reel him back in. He really would do something dumb.

  “It’s not that serious. We’re cool. He just had some personal problems that I didn’t feel like dealing with, so I broke up with him. I’ve been sad about it, that’s all. You don’t have to worry about me.”

  Auto squinted and rubbed the hair on his chin.

  “Auto…”

  “You know it’s nothing to me to get that shit taken care of.”

  “I know, but that’s really not necessary.” Logan looked around, trying to make sure nobody could hear them. “You can’t spend your life trying to take care of me.”

  “Yes, I can. I owe you everything, and I swear I’ll die repaying you.”

  “That’s the thing, though, you don’t. I did what I did for you out of love. Not to be paid back.”

  Auto scooted closer and pointed at her through the glass. “People don’t do the shit you do for people. I ain’t never met nobody like you, and had you not been there for me, I would be dead today.”

  Logan’s mind went to the night she’d had to literally stick her fingers down his throat to make him throw up all the pills he’d taken. It had been a horrible experience, but she was just happy she’d arrived in time. Their relationship hadn’t been the same after that. Auto had changed. He continued to remind her that he loved her, needed her, and would value her above all else no matter what, but he was selective when he showed it. All of it was so weird because his cheating started after that, but he’d literally beat a man to death for trying to rape her. His love was hard to understand, and she’d blamed herself for years after his incarceration, but he reassured her every time that he’d do it again and again for her.

  Logan looked around the cubicle. “You still lost your life…because of me.” Remorse set in and she had to clear her throat to keep from crying.

  “Wipe your face right now. Don’t do that shit. I did what I did because I’m a real nigga. I wasn’t about to let another nigga try to harm what belongs to me and not do nothing about it. A couple of years ain’t nothing to a real one. I can do this shit on my head, baby girl. Chill.”

  If fifteen years was a ‘couple’ in his mind, she couldn’t imagine what life might have been. She’d prayed and fasted through Auto’s whole trial, afraid of his sentencing. When he’d gotten the fifteen-year sentence, she’d passed out in the courtroom. She’d been so afraid to talk to him after that, only to find out there was no reason to be. He had been just fine, happy even, about the turnout.

  “A few years, then I’m back home with you. At least it ain’t the rest of a nigga’s life.”

  Logan shook her head and looked at him again as she heard his voice in her head all those years ago.

  “Smile and tell me about this new nigga.” Logan laughed at the disgust in Auto’s voice. “The fuck kind of problems he got?”

  “Don’t be like that, Auto.”

  “Based off what Egypt told me, I already don’t like the nigga, so just fill me in.”

  Logan went on to fill Auto in on her and Yeshi’s relationship, purposely leaving out his name. She told him everything about Yeshi from his attempt at suicide to his escapade with Jerian. Once she’d finished, Auto was frowning.

  “You love that fool, don’t you?”

  Logan knitted her brows. “Why you say that?”

  “I can hear it in your voice, see it all on your face and shit. Egypt told me, but I ain’t believe him.” Auto sat back in his chair and stretched his free arm. “I dun fucked around and let another nigga get your heart. Fuck.”

  Logan wasn’t sure what to say, so she said nothing to that. Instead, she changed the subject. “So, what you think I should do? Take him back or not?”

  Auto exhaled. “I guess you can take him back. He fucked up, but that doesn’t mean he don’t love you. Hell, he probably loves the shit out you after all you’ve done for him, but he just has shit going on. We all have demons, ya know? He ain’t no different. Real love is hard to get and keep, so if you think he could be what you need, fuck with him.”

  Logan loved the sincerity in Auto’s voice. Mainly because she knew he’d incorporated himself in her and Yeshi’s story as well. He was referring to Yeshi, but that was probably how he felt as well.

  “You know I love you, right? More than anything.” Logan tapped her chest. “In here, it goes crazy for you.”

  Auto’s eyes were intense with love as he nodded at her. “Don’t let him take my place.”

  “Never.” she blew him an air kiss before swiping at the tear in her eye. “Stay strong. I’m here for you always. Know that. Whatever you need. Just like I’ve been.”

  “That’s until that nigga makes you stop answering my calls and letters and shit.”

  Logan thought about Yeshi and smiled. “He’s not like that. He’ll understand. I might have to tell him you’re my cousin or something, though.”

  They both laughed heartily.

  “Do whatever you have to do.” He smirked. “I can’t believe you let him get that box, though. He has to be some kind of nigga. I couldn’t even crack that shit.”

  Logan covered her face in embarrassment. “Don’t say that, Autooooo.”

  “Gotdamn, you sound like that when you moan?”

  Logan looked up and bucked her eyes. He winked at her. She wanted to put her head down but didn’t. Instead, she nodded and closed her eyes before he could respond.

  “Look at me. You know I like looking in your eyes and shit.”

  Logan looked up, and her cheeks flushed. Auto was so sexy, and the way he was staring at her made her miss Yeshi even more. It had been so long since she’d had sex, and even though she’d promised God after finding out about Jerian that she’d keep it to herself, it didn’t stop her from missing it.

  “I’m dreaming about you tonight, even though you in love with that nigga.”

  “You think I love him?”

  “Hell yeah. You let him fuck, he done had all types of retarded shit happ
ening to him, and you watch it, then you want to marry him. That’s love, bae.”

  “I guess.” Logan sighed just as the buzzer sounded signaling the end of visitation.

  She looked around wildly before looking back at him hopelessly. All he did was smile and start standing to his feet.

  “I love you.”

  Logan stood to her feet and pressed her hand to the glass; his larger one did the same. “I love you too. Let me know where they send you so I can make sure you’re good.”

  “Forever.”

  “Forever, my baby.” Logan blew him a kiss. “God’s got you here and there.”

  “Already,” he told her before placing the phone on the hook and holding his wrists out to be cuffed.

  Logan watched him until she didn’t see him anymore. She too was escorted out and back into the lobby. Once she received her ID card back, she exited and headed for Egypt’s car. As soon as he got in, she noticed she had more missed calls from Yeshi. Her heart beat wildly as she contemplated calling him back. After talking to Auto, she felt refreshed and a bit more open-minded to a relationship with Yeshi.

  Her days without him had been long, but she’d blamed it on herself. She’d gone against things that she knew were right, just to be with him, and that wasn’t right. Even with her old pastor reassuring her that God wasn’t the type of God who would punish her like that, she still felt it. In her heart, she felt that Jerian was punishment for all her premarital sex with Yeshi.

  It didn’t matter what anybody said, the relationship she had with God wasn’t to be determined by others. It was hers. Nothing like what he had with others. Each individual relationship was different because God knew all of them and all their individual needs, so if he allowed her to feel convicted by the sex, then that’s what she’d believe. Because of that, there wouldn’t be any more. If Yeshi didn’t think enough of her to marry her, then she wouldn’t think enough of him to go to hell for him.

  “What’s up, Kill?” Logan answered for Killian the moment her phone started ringing.

  He was her brother and had been making sure she was good from day one.