Saying Goodbye, Part One (Passports and Promises Book 1)

by Abigail Drake

  His gaze landed on Gabriela, and he let out a cruel laugh at the shattered look on her face. Fortunately, the laugh didn’t last long. Max morphed into an airborne missile and slammed into Zach, punching him so hard Zach fell to the ground. I’d never seen Max hit anyone, but now he almost pulsated with fury. Greg joined Max, standing by his side.

  “He’s right, Zach. Just leave.”

  “Some brothers you are.” Zach’s eyes searched the room until he found Dylan, doing shots at the bar. The only person in the room not paying attention to the drama unfolding on the dance floor.

  “What about you, Dylan? Are you going to tell me to leave?”

  Dylan raised a shot glass to him and then drank it down. “No way, McGaffrey. I’ve got your back.”

  He walked over and stood behind Zach. He no longer had on his jacket or bow tie. His shirt appeared filthy from all the rolling around he’d done on the dance floor, and he was drenched in sweat. He swayed slightly, barely able to stand up at this point.

  He was completely trashed, but it didn’t make his actions any more acceptable. I shot him a dirty look and he stared at me, perplexed.

  “I think Sam is mad at me,” he said in a very loud stage whisper.

  Zach laughed, a show of pure bravado. His cheek still bore the angry mark from my hand and his eye had begun to swell from Max’s punch.

  “Sam is a bitch. You’re all bitches.” His blue eyes scanned the room, landing on Gabriela. “And whores”

  “Then it’s a good thing you’re on your way out.” Mary Grace gave him a little finger wave. “Goodbye, Zach. You’ll never attend a Theta function again. Ever.”

  He straightened his jacket, shot me one more evil look, and stomped out of the room. For just a second, we all heaved a collective sigh of relief, then the music started again, and everyone attempted to go back to what they were doing. Dylan stood with an empty glass in his hand, completely confused. I turned around to look for Gabriela and ended up slamming right into Max. He put his hands on my upper arms and studied my face. We were exactly the same height, so it was easy to look directly into his eyes, no neck strain involved.

  “Are you okay?” His voice was low and full of concern.

  “No,” I said. “I didn’t know what I’d do when I saw Zach again. I guess that question is answered, huh?”

  He laughed and picked up my hand. My palm was still bright right. “You hit him hard. Nice job.”

  “So did you. Thanks, Max.”

  He shrugged. “It was the least I could do.”

  Dylan had started dancing again, swaying to the music by himself, and my heart sank. He was completed wasted.

  “What’s wrong with him, Max?”

  Max sighed. “He shouldn’t drink.”

  Dylan decided to lie down on the floor and stare up at the lights on the chandelier above him. He spread out his arms and made imaginary snow angels. I swallowed hard, trying not to cry. Tonight had been ruined, but in my heart I knew other things had been ruined, too. Dylan had turned into someone I barely recognized.

  Max gave me a gentle kiss on my cheek. “I’ll take care of him. Go find Gabriela.”

  “Thanks, Max.”

  I found Gabriela and Bethany in the ladies’ lounge with Mary Grace and several other Theta sisters. Emma was among them, her blue eyes enormous and worried in her heart-shaped face. I patted her shoulder as I joined them. Her first Theta formal and it had been nearly ruined only minutes after she’d chosen me as her Big Sister. I’d have to talk with her about it later. Right now, the focus had to be on Gabriela.

  Mary Grace and several other Theta sisters surrounded her in a protective cocoon made of taffeta and lace. The lounge, full of red velvet chairs with gold accents on the walls and in the carpet, was like stepping back into the past, to a time when women really did powder their noses. I sank down onto a velvet chair, and took Gabriela’s hand. She shook from head to toe.

  “I didn’t realize it would be so hard to face him.”

  I stroked her hand. “You handled it magnificently.”

  She let out a tortured little laugh. “No, I didn’t. I just stood there. You were the magnificent one. Thanks for smacking him.”

  I snorted. “The least I could do. Castration was my second option.”

  Mary Grace had an arm around Gabriela’s shoulders. “You should have told us. We all would have stood up for you. What are you going to do now? Will you press charges?”

  Gabriela shook her head, a thread of panic creeping into her voice. “I can’t.”

  “He deserves punishment for what he did to you,” I said.

  “I agree with you, Sam, but I can’t do it.” Her dark eyes filled with tears. “I can’t face him again. I can’t see him again. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

  I grabbed a tissue from the table next to me and handed it to her. “What do you mean?”

  She let out a shaky sigh and dabbed away her tears. “I want to move back home next semester. Transfer to the Johnstown campus.”

  “No.” My voice came out louder than I intended. I lowered it, trying to calm down. “You can’t. It’s like letting him win.”

  “I don’t care about winning. I just want to feel safe again.”

  She put her head on Bethany’s shoulder, and we waited with her until she felt ready to go back to the party. When we reentered the ballroom, we stayed only long enough to gather our purses, and then went back to the suite. Greg and Max remained at the party to keep an eye on Dylan. I wanted nothing to do with him.

  I followed Gabriela and Bethany into their room, twisting my fingers. They shared a king sized bed, and their room was an exact copy of the one I was supposed to share with Dylan.

  “Would you two mind if I slept here?”

  “Of course not,” said Bethany, slipping out of her heels. “You don’t want to stay with Dylan, I take it.”

  I shook my head. “Not after what just happened.”

  Gabriela took my hand. “He was trashed, Sam. He had no idea what was going on.”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  I brought my bag into the room, and now it seemed a bit like a slumber party as we put on our pajamas, and cleared our faces of all traces of makeup. We sat in a row on the giant bed, our backs against the headboard. Gabriela, in the middle, rested her head on my shoulder. The only light in the room came from a small lamp on the bedside table.

  We locked the door. I didn’t want Dylan barging in during the night and scaring Gabriela. I didn’t want to see him at all. He would be drunk and smelly and want to have sex. The idea made me ill, but it was about more than just the drinking. I still hadn’t recovered from the incident at the party, the way he’d supported Zach instead of taking my side. He knew what had happened to Gabriela, and he should never have defended her attacker, even if he was completely drunk. Max, on the other hand had been a complete hero. Gabriela seemed to think the same thing.

  “I’m glad Max punched him. And I can’t believe Mary Grace stood up for me. I didn’t think she even liked me, but I’ll actually miss her next year.”

  “When did you decide you wanted to go home?” I asked.

  She sighed, playing with the edge of the comforter. “I’ve been thinking about it since it happened, but tonight it seems so clear. I don’t want to be here anymore. It’ll be so hard to leave you guys, but I know my own limits. I just can’t do this.”

  “If Zach weren’t here…” Bethany began, but Gabriela interrupted her.

  “It would be a different story, but he is here and he’s not going to leave. I’m making the right decision, B. Trust me.” She turned to me. “What happened tonight with Dylan? He acted so…crazy.”

  “Dylan has…issues and he gets a little out of control when he drinks.”

  “A little?” She snorted. “He was talking to one of the potted trees in the lobby, Sam.”

  “He was?”

  She nodded. “And it appeared they were having an argument.”

&nb
sp; Bethany’s eyes met mine. She knew almost as much about Dylan’s mental health history as I did, and even she looked surprised. He’d told me about the depression and the anxiety. I’d learned alcohol and Dylan didn’t mix well. Now, it appeared he hallucinated or became delusional, too. I was way out of my league here, and scared about what might happen next.

  We turned off the lights and chatted until Gabriela and Bethany started dozing off, but I couldn’t fall asleep. I kept picturing Dylan on the dance floor staring up at the chandelier, mesmerized, as he waved his arms like he had wings. Other people had laughed, thinking he was just drunk or acting silly, but I saw the truth in the hollow depths of his dark eyes. It wasn’t just the alcohol or whatever he’d smoked with Max. Something seemed terribly wrong.

  The guys returned a few hours after Gabriela and Bethany fell asleep. I was still awake. I’d been tossing and turning, waiting for them to come back but worried about what might happen when they did. Greg and Max tried to keep Dylan quiet, but his voice echoed throughout the suite.

  “Where is she? I need to find her. I need Sam. She’ll make everything okay.”

  To my horror, I realized he was sobbing. Max murmured something to him. I couldn’t make out the words, but I recognized the coaxing note in the soft rumble of his voice. Whatever he said seemed to soothe Dylan enough that they got him into his bedroom and shut the door.

  I lay awake a long time, wondering if I should check on him, but I didn’t want to see him at the moment. I slept fitfully and woke just as the sun started to rise. I dressed quietly, not wanting to disturb Gabriela or Bethany. Bethany slept on her stomach with her blond hair covering her face like a veil. Gabriela was curled up in a ball on her side, and even in sleep her eyebrows were pinched with worry.

  Zach McGaffrey had done this to her, and Zach was the reason she had to leave. The idea filled me with rage, and the way Dylan stood next to him last night was something I didn’t think I could ever forgive.

  I picked up my bag and put my dress over my arm. I’d packed it in a garment bag on a hanger. I left the room, closing the door softly behind me. I couldn’t lock it, but I hoped Dylan would be sober and lucid enough this morning not to bother my friends.

  I paused when I saw Max sleeping on the couch right in front of our room. I was going to tiptoe past him, but his eyes opened and he looked at me. Max had bedroom eyes, and there was nothing more luscious than seeing him all rumpled and drowsy. He stretched, and gave me a sleepy, sexy little smile.

  “Good morning, Sam.”

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  He yawned. “It’s okay.”

  “Why are you sleeping out here?”

  He shrugged. “Dylan was a little messed up last night. I was afraid he might try to bother you guys.”

  “Oh.” He’d protected me from my own date.

  He looked at my bag. “Where are you going? The limo won’t be here for hours.”

  “I’ll get a cab. I can’t stay. I don’t want to see him. Last night…” I took a deep shuddering breath. “Thanks for punching Zach.”

  “It was my pleasure. He’s a douchebag and deserved it.”

  I shifted the bag in my hands, staring down at my toes. “It meant a lot to Gabriela.”

  He nodded. “But did it mean a lot to you?”

  My face shot up, and once I looked at him I couldn’t turn away. “Of course it did.”

  He stared at me with those sexy eyes the color of caramel and I knew if I didn’t leave right away I would end up kissing him again. Max grinned, probably reading my thoughts. He knew me well. I couldn’t hide anything from him.

  “Goodbye, Max,” I said as I rushed to the door.

  “Goodbye, Sam. What should I tell Dylan?”

  I paused, my hand on the doorknob and my back to Max. “Tell him whatever you want.”

  “Are you breaking up with him?”

  I looked over my shoulder. Max rubbed a hand over his closely cropped dark hair, something he always did when he was worried about something.

  “I don’t know.”

  He let out a long breath. “Be gentle with him, Sam. He’s…different.”

  “Yes, he is.”

  I left the suite, closing the door softly behind me, and ran all the way to the elevator, my feet barely making a sound on the plush carpet. By the time I got to there, tears ran down my cheeks. I pressed the down button over and over again until the doors opened and I stepped inside. When the doors closed behind me, I leaned my head against the mirrored wall and sobbed.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  I knew he’d come to see me, but I didn’t think it would take so long. Late Sunday night, he finally showed up. He called and asked if we could talk. I found him sitting under the tree on the bench outside the Theta house, the leaves falling around him. I sat down next to him, and it took a while before he spoke.

  “It wouldn’t be enough to tell you I’m sorry.”

  His face was pale, paler than I’d ever seen it, and he had dark circles under his eyes. He looked terrible, but at least he was clean, calm, and sober.

  “No, it wouldn’t.”

  I’d spent most of the day crying, and the rest angry. Now I just felt numb.

  “Last night…” he began, and then cleared his through. “I can’t remember very much of it, but I know from other sources I was a complete ass.”

  “You drank too much.”

  “It wasn’t just that.” He kicked away a stone with the toe of his shoe, and then turned to look at me. His eyes no longer had that hollow, empty look. They were filled with pain and sorrow. “You know I take a lot of medicines, right?”

  I nodded. “I saw them in your bathroom.”

  “Some of those don’t interact well with alcohol.”

  “Then why do you drink?”

  He shrugged. “Because I like it? I don’t know. Sometimes, I’m fine. Last night, I wasn’t.”

  “You were pretty messed up on my birthday, too.”

  He raised a dark eyebrow at that. “I seem to remember we were both a little messed up.”

  I winced. “Fair enough. But last night was different.”

  “It was.” He let out a long sigh. “I smoked beforehand. With Max. I think that’s why things got so out of control.”

  “You stood up for Zach when he insulted Gabriela.”

  His body got very still. “Zach was there?”

  “Yes.” I gave him a steady look. I couldn’t decide what scared me more, the way he’d acted or the fact he didn’t remember any of it.

  He straightened out his long legs and hunched his shoulders. “There’s no defense for what I did, other than to say I had no idea what was going on. I was basically out of my fucking mind. I don’t even remember going down to dinner.”

  “You didn’t even seem buzzed at that point.”

  “And then, without any warning, I was trashed?” he asked and I nodded. “That’s because of the medication. I feel nothing, and I think I have it under control, then…”

  “It’s out of control?”

  “Yes.” He stood up, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. “I assume you don’t want to see me again, but I thought I should explain and tell you how sorry I am that I ruined your night.”

  “It’s not that I don’t want to see you again.” I hugged my arms around my body. “You scared me.”

  I thought about other things, too. The way Dylan had to tap his fork three times to his plate before he ate. The way he cleared his throat when he got nervous. The way he had to rearrange his books and papers over and over again whenever we studied together. The way his moods could swing from elation to sadness to elation once again. I should have seen his problems were greater than I anticipated. I’d assumed his time at the mental hospital cured him, but I watched him get a little worse every single day, and I ignored it. I had no one but myself to blame.

  “I feel like you’re changing, Dylan. Day by day. Bit by bit. I don’t know who you are anymore.
Sometimes you’re my Dylan, my sweet, wonderful, thoughtful Dylan, and sometimes you’re a person I’ve never met. I can’t understand it. I don’t know what to do.”

  I’d promised myself I wouldn’t cry in front of him, but I did anyway. He fell to his knees in front of me and gathered me into his arms.

  “Please, Sam. Give me one more chance. I won’t drink. It’ll be like it was before. I promise.”

  I leaned back and studied his face. I knew the best thing for me was to end it right now, but I also knew that could be the worst thing for Dylan. He had problems. Serious problems. Scary problems. As much as I didn’t want the responsibility, I was the only thing keeping him on track. It terrified me, but what might happen if I broke up with him frightened me even more.

  “Can you really do that?”

  He stroked my cheek with his hand. “For you, I can do anything.”

  He kissed me, and I sensed everything sweet and good about Dylan in that kiss. He begged me, with his lips, to forgive him. I wasn’t quite there yet.

  I took his hand in mine. “I don’t want you to do it for me.”

  “You don’t?” His voice had just a trace of panic in it.

  “No. I want you to do it for yourself. And one more thing.” I took a deep, shaky breath. “If Zach is in your life, I can’t be. You have to choose. Zach or me.”

  His relief was almost palpable. “Well, that’s an easy decision. You. I’d always choose you. Does this mean you’ll give me another shot?”

  I nodded, and he held me close, clinging to me like I was a life preserver and he a man lost at sea.

  He didn’t ask to come up to my room, which was a good thing. He didn’t ask me to come home with him either. Instead, he kissed me goodnight in front of the Theta house and went home alone.

  For the rest of the week, he was the perfect boyfriend. He sent me flowers. He made me a card. He told me funny stories and packed me picnic lunches. It was almost too cold to eat outside, but we bundled up in sweaters and sat on a warm blanket, surrounded by leaves.

  During one of these picnics, he lay back on the blanket and stretched out, staring up at the clear blue sky. “I love fall. It’s my favorite season.”