Saying Goodbye, Part One (Passports and Promises Book 1)

by Abigail Drake

  “Me, too.” I curled up next to him on the blanket.

  He laughed. “Of course. Your birthday is in the fall.”

  “When is your birthday?”

  “Valentine’s Day.”

  “You’re kidding.”

  He shook his head. “February fourteenth. It’s true.”

  “That is a great birthday.”

  “I’m glad you approve.” He pulled a leaf out of my hair. “It’s usually a tough month for me. I don’t do well in the winter. It’s too cold and dark. It makes me…worse sometimes.”

  “Oh.”

  I didn’t want to think about the possibility of Dylan getting worse. I wanted to ignore it and pretend everything would be fine.

  “It’ll be even harder this year, since you’ll be gone. Maybe I’ll fly over to Japan and surprise you so we can spend Valentine’s Day together.”

  I gave him a smile, but I couldn’t quite meet his eyes. “Maybe.”

  Dylan, mercifully, changed the subject. “We’re having a Halloween party at the Sig house Saturday.”

  I rolled onto my stomach and lifted myself onto my elbows so I could look down at Dylan. “I know.”

  He played with a stand of my hair. “Can you come?”

  I shook my head. “I can’t. Gabriela…”

  He turned to his side, resting his head on his hand. “Zach won’t be there. He’s going home this weekend. I guess news about his behavior reached his father’s ears. Mr. McGaffrey is not happy. The university is getting involved. Also, someone reported him to Sigma Alpha Alpha headquarters. His status is currently under review.”

  “Really?”

  Relief flooded over me. Maybe Zach would finally get what he deserved. Maybe Gabriela’s life could return to some semblance of normal. Maybe the knot of hatred lodged in my chest ever since she’d been raped would ease eventually. I’d been powerless for weeks. I wanted revenge, but mostly I just wanted those feelings to end.

  “Really. Do you think Gabriela would come, since he won’t be there?”

  My shoulders slumped. It would be a great party, but I questioned whether Gabriela was emotionally ready or not. Her therapy had been going well, and she loved her support group, but she still had scars no one could see.

  “I’m not sure.”

  “Let me know.”

  I picked up a leaf and turned it around in my hand. A Japanese maple, brilliant and red. I sat up and tucked it into my book.

  “Are you sure you can handle going out, Dylan?”

  He came close to me, so close I felt the warmth of his body and caught a hint of the familiar smell of his aftershave.

  “I won’t drink. I promise.”

  It turned out the problem with Gabriela was solved before it even really materialized. She stopped by the Theta house on her way back from class and told me she’d be going home for the weekend.

  “Why?” I asked.

  “It’s the Day of the Dead, a Mexican thing. We have to do some family stuff. Also, I need to talk with them. I’ve decided to press charges against Zach.”

  “Are you sure you want to do this, Gabs?” I tried to keep my expression neutral.

  She nodded. “More than sure. I’m stronger now, and I’m not scared anymore. I’m mad.”

  I had to press my lips tightly together to keep from crying. “I’m so proud of you.”

  “Don’t be,” she said. “I should have done it a long time ago. I decided to do it after I had a long talk with one of the other girls in my support group. Zach…hurt her, too. She’s already filed charges against him.”

  “Dylan told me something was going on. He said Zach was in big trouble. Even the fraternity is investigating him.”

  “Good,” said Gabriella. “But my friend feels super guilty she didn’t do something sooner. She kind of blames herself for what happened to me.”

  I put my arm around her shoulder. “The only person who should feel guilty about that is Zach.”

  She leaned against me and I caught the sweet scent of her hair. “I know, but I don’t want to ever feel the way she does. I don’t want to have that sort of guilt on top of everything else. I’m not the first one he hurt, and if I don’t do something about it I won’t be the last. I’m going home to talk to my parents about it this weekend to let them know. They wanted me to do it from the start, but I just wasn’t ready. I am now.”

  I put my arm around her shoulder. I’d been so preoccupied with Dylan I hadn’t realized any of this had been going on. I was officially the worst friend ever.

  “I’m sorry, Gabriela. I should have been here for you.”

  She looked surprised. “You were. Always. It’s just that…” she paused, letting out a sad sigh. “The girls in my support group are different. They’ve been through this, too. They understand.”

  I put my head on her shoulder. “Stay for Halloween. We don’t have to go to the Sig party.”

  She shook her head. “I’m not in the mood this year, but I want you and Bethany to have fun. I know it’s your favorite holiday.”

  “It won’t be the same without you.”

  “I’ll bring you back some food. Promise.”

  She gave me a gentle nudge with her arm, obviously trying to cheer me up, which was ridiculous. I should be the one cheering her up, but she always beat me to it.

  I sighed. “I do love your mom’s cooking. I think I might love it even more than Halloween, which is saying a lot.”

  “What are you going as this year? A witch? A DZ?”

  Last year, I’d gone as a member of one of our rival sororities, Delta Zeta. I’d worn a blond wig and put the letters “EZ” on a pink and green sweatshirt just to be mean. It hadn’t gone over well. The ladies of Delta Zeta still hated my guts.

  I frowned. “I haven’t thought about it yet.”

  Bethany and I decided to go as pirates, a little generic, but a safe choice. I wore a short, pleated mini-skirt and high black boots. Bethany had on tight black pants. We both wore loose white shirts and had one giant hoop earring in our ears. Bethany found a black eye patch and tied a brightly-colored scarf around her waist. I had one holding back my hair. Bethany bought some silly plastic swords at a nearby shop. We decided to forgo scars and blackened teeth and dress as cute pirates instead of nasty pirates.

  “I wonder about the historical accuracy here,” I said as I adjusted my mini-skirt. It was shorter than what I usually wore, and the high-heeled boots made me look even taller. Bethany barely came up to my shoulder, even in heels.

  “Well, you look adorable,” she said. “And so freakishly tall. I hate being short. I wish I could steal just a couple of inches from you.”

  We saw Emma before we left. She waited for us with a bunch of the new Thetas, and they’d all dressed as Hogwarts students. They even had broomsticks. Adorable. I stole a minute to chat with her privately.

  “I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am about the formal.”

  She looked confused. “Which part?”

  I winced. “All of it. My boyfriend, the stuff with Gabriela…” I let out a long sigh. “If you don’t want me to be your Big Sister now, I totally understand. I wouldn’t judge you for it.”

  She looked at me in surprise. “Are you kidding me? After seeing the way you stood up for Gabriela, I want you as my Big Sis more than ever. And how your boyfriend behaved isn’t really your fault, Sam. You can’t help that he got wasted.”

  I gave her a hug. “Thanks, Em.”

  We walked up to the Sig house together. Dylan had wanted to pick me up, but I preferred to arrive with Bethany, and I didn’t want her to feel like a third wheel. As soon as we got there, I knew the night would not turn out well. Dylan had a beer in his hand and his eyes looked bleary and bloodshot. He didn’t have a costume on.

  “Sam. You’re finally here.”

  He pulled me close and I smelled the combination of alcohol on his breath and pot smoke on his skin. I wiggled out of his embrace. Bethany took off to the bar. Sh
e could tell something was about to hit the fan.

  “You said you weren’t going to drink.”

  “But it’s a party.”

  He waved his arms, sloshing some of his beer. He had trouble keeping his balance and swayed on his feet.

  “Have fun, Dylan.”

  I started to walk away, but he grabbed my arm. “What’s your problem?”

  “I’m not going to do this again. If you plan to drink tonight, I’m hanging out with my friends.”

  He let go of me. “Fine. Have fun.”

  He muttered “bitch” under his breath, but I ignored it. I found Bethany and a bunch of other friends and we danced and drank together, but I monitored myself closely, not wanting to get trashed. Dylan stood against a wall, downing beer after beer and watching me. His dark eyes were on me the whole night, and it made me uncomfortable. Bethany and I decided to walk home with a group of Thetas, but first I had to use the restroom. I was washing my hands when Dylan barged in, locking the door behind him.

  “What are you doing, Dylan?”

  I continued washing my hands, but my heart skipped a beat. I wasn’t frightened exactly, but his behavior made me nervous.

  He came behind me, his hands on my hips and rubbed against me, slowly. Erotically. He leaned forward to kiss my neck, and then nuzzle my ear. Our eyes met in the bathroom mirror.

  “Do you remember how we did it at my parents’ house?”

  He circled his hips, pushing against me. He tried to lift my skirt, but I shoved his hands away. I knew it would be easier just to do what he wanted, but something inside me had changed. When Gabriela decided to stand up to Zach, I realized it was time for me to stand up for myself as well. I was done being a pushover, and sick of being manipulated. By everyone. Especially Dylan.

  “Stop it.”

  His hands slid under my skirt, touching the line of my panties. “You look so sexy. So hot.”

  “I’m not going to have sex with you in the ladies’ room of the Sig house.”

  I elbowed him hard in the stomach, not enough to hurt, but enough to throw him off balance. I turned around and went for the door. He stopped me, yanking on my arm and spinning me around to face him.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I’m leaving. I can’t be around you when you’re drunk.”

  He pushed me against the cold tile wall of the bathroom, his hands on my shoulders. He wasn’t hurting me, but he was rougher than he’d ever been and a tremor of fear went through me at the detached and cold look in his dark eyes.

  “Do you love me, Sam?”

  I stared at him, unable to lie to him again. I knew I probably should, but I just couldn’t. I watched the realization hit him like a blow to the stomach. He actually exhaled in a huff and staggered back a few feet.

  “You don’t. You never did. It was all a lie.”

  “I care about you, Dylan…” I said, but he just laughed at me.

  “Fuck you, Sam. Fuck this.” He punched a wall with his fist, causing his knuckles to bleed. He didn’t seem to notice.

  “You’re hurt.”

  When I reached for his hand, he snatched it away. “Don’t touch me.”

  “But I want to help you. You’re bleeding.”

  “I don’t need your help. I don’t need you. We’re over, Sam. Get the fuck out of my life.”

  He left the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. I leaned against the wall, trying to calm down. My hands shook and my heart pounded in my chest. I didn’t feel like partying anymore. I just wanted to go home.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  I stepped out of the bathroom and right into Max. He dressed as a big yellow chicken, just like he did every year. At this sight of his sweet, freckled face, the tears I’d held back spilled down my cheeks. He gathered me into his arms. In my heels, I stood just a bit taller than him, and I rested my cheek against his head. He had a hood on as part of his costume covered in bright feathers. They stuck to my skin, but I didn’t care.

  “Are you okay? I heard yelling.”

  Dylan’s voice echoed through the hall and I shivered. He was screaming at someone downstairs.

  Max pulled me into his room. “Did he hurt you?” His brown eyes scanned my face, looking for any sign of injury.

  “No. I was mad because he promised he wouldn’t drink. We fought.”

  He squeezed my arm. “I’m sorry, Sam.”

  “Can I stay here a little while? I’m afraid to go out and face him right now.”

  “Of course,” he said. “I’ll walk you home after he cools off.”

  “Thanks, Max.”

  He took off his costume and slipped into a pair of sweats and a long sleeved t-shirt. He undressed in front of me without even thinking about it. A little strange, but it really didn’t bother me. I’d seen him naked more times than I could count.

  He poured me a shot of whisky and I accepted it gladly, holding my hand out for a refill as soon as I finished. It took the edge off what had just happened with Dylan in the bathroom, and made sweet, welcome warmth creep through my belly.

  I texted Bethany. She and the other Thetas had gone outside to wait for me, but they couldn’t find Emma. She’d been dancing with a big group of girls, but they lost track of her. They decided to leave when Dylan started screaming, but didn’t want to abandon Emma and me. I promised her I’d stay inside until it was safe, find Emma, and text her as soon as we got home.

  I put down my phone and sank onto Max’s couch, my face in my hands. We were on the second floor, but I could still hear Dylan’s voice below. It sounded like he was fighting with someone, or maybe even several people.

  Max sat next to me and put his arm around my shoulders. I leaned against him, burying my face in his neck. “Where’s Greg?”

  “He went home for the weekend,” he said. “He’s missing all the fun.”

  I laughed. The sound of a person on the edge, inches away from being hysterical, and Max seemed to sense it. He turned up his music as loud as it would go to block out the sound of Dylan’s voice. Then he held me close, murmuring soothing words and stroking my back. The sound of his voice and the effects of the whiskey worked. Eventually, I managed to calm down, my arms wrapped tightly around his waist.

  Being with Max had the same comfort level as slipping into an old pair of jeans. We knew each other well. We fit in all the right places. There were no questions or confusion or drama or doubt. I’m not sure how it happened, but as I snuggled closer, I began planting soft kisses on his neck. He laced his fingers through my hair and tilted my chin up to kiss my mouth. The music pounded as our tongues danced, and the whisky made me bold. I pulled his t-shirt off over his head and climbed on his lap, straddling his legs with my own. I still had on the high boots and they made me feel sexy and a little wild. Max kissed a path down my neck as he unbuttoned my blouse. When he reached my breasts, I arched my back, desperate for his mouth. He complied, sucking on my nipples through the lace of my bra as he stroked the sides of my breasts with his hands. I wiggled out of my blouse and unhooked my bra, wanting his mouth on my skin. He licked and teased my nipples as his hands slid up my bare thighs. When he reached between my legs, stroking my wet undies, I lifted myself higher on my knees so he’d have better access.

  “Oh, Sam,” he said, looking up at me. “You are so fucking hot. I missed you so much. I never realized how much I wanted you until you were with Dylan. It’s kind of sick, but the whole idea of doing someone else’s girlfriend really turns me on.”

  I froze, staring at him, as a terrible realization took hold. He only wanted me so badly because I was now with someone else. Everything I thought I’d felt for Max had been a complete illusion. Passion was quickly replaced by regret and disgust. I wondered if there was a patron saint of slutty sorority girls somewhere who might be inclined to start looking out for me. Maybe I needed to invest in a medallion.

  Max evidently didn’t have the same qualms. “Come on, baby. What’s wrong?”

  “Th
is. Everything. We almost made a huge mistake, Max.”

  I got up and started getting dressed. Max stared at me, confused. “So we aren’t going to have sex?”

  I let out a sharp bark of a laugh. “Uh, no.”

  “Well, that sucks. Is it because of Dylan?”

  He sat up straighter on the couch, reached for his bong and took a hit. With that one action, it all came back to me exactly why I’d broken up with him.

  I pulled on my blouse and began buttoning it up, my movements brisk and angry. “No. Dylan and I broke up. I’m not with him anymore.”

  Max got very still. “When?”

  “About five minutes before I started making out with you.”

  “That’s messed up.”

  “I know.”

  I was so mad at myself my hands shook. Max came over and helped me with the last of the buttons.

  “So, what does this mean? Are we getting back together or something now?”

  I almost laughed at the worried expression on his face, but I held it back. “No. It means I just made a really bad decision. One of several, actually.”

  His relief was almost a palpable thing. If I hadn’t been on the edge of losing it, I would have found the whole situation comical.

  “I care about you, Sam. I really do.”

  I stood up and walked to the door. “But we aren’t good together. We both know that, and we need to stop…this.” I waved my hands around the room, indicating his bed and Max still in his boxers.

  “I kind of enjoy....this.” He waved his hands around as well. “But I get your point. We’re better as friends.”

  I folded my arms across my chest. “Yes, we are.”

  He pulled on his t-shirt and sweats and grabbed a jacket. “And now I’m going to walk you home. Like friends do.”

  I heard the sound of muffled laughter outside. It sounded like it had come from right next to the door. I thought I heard someone say, “meep.” A sickening thought occurred to me.

  “Is someone recording this, Max?”

  Max’s face wrinkled in confusion. “What are you talking about, Sam?”