by Sade Rena
“I’m not sure what else I can say other than—” he begins.
“Are you done loving her?” I force out, cutting him short.
He locks his fingers together and mulls over my question. “I mean, I’ll always love her. She’s the first girl I’ve ever given my heart to.”
“Can you, right here and now, tell me whether you love her or are in love with her? Because there’s a difference between the two.”
He pauses for several seconds, and with each breath, he glances away from me. He hasn’t figured that out for himself, so how can he give me the answer I want. My eyes sting as a tear trails my face. I wipe it away, not wanting him to see me upset. He deserves to find out for himself where his heart lies. And he should get to do that without the influence of my pain.
“Okay,” I say and suck air into my lungs. “I think you should spend some time figuring that out. You’re only 25 and still learning what you want in life, and a love like that doesn’t just die.”
“Renee—”
“It’s fine. We all go through it, and now it’s your turn.”
“I’m sorry. I never planned—” he adds, shaking his head.
I force a smile and sip from my coffee to fit back more tears. My voice tries to lodge itself in my throat, but I push through anyway.
“Don’t be. There’re no hard feelings.” I stare at the wall before turning my gaze to him again. The pain on his face nearly takes me out. “Listen, thanks for taking care of me last night. And I’m sorry I puked on your boots. Send me the bill, and I’ll have them cleaned, but if you don’t mind, I should get to work. Deadlines won’t meet themselves.”
He doesn’t want to leave; I can tell because even though neither of us says another word, he’s rooted in place. Both hands are in a tight fist, and every inch of his frame is rigid. But this is for the best. He needs to go through this to figure out if I’m who he wants. He’s young and has the world ahead of him. I’m at a point in my life where marriage is in my plan, and he’s barely begun to live. So as much as I want him, it wouldn’t be fair. If after a few days he decides he’s ready, then I’ll be here.
It isn’t until I aid him in his departure does he move. I guide us both to the exit, each of us remaining quiet. There’s not much else to say. The tension is thick, and I don’t want to make it any worse. He turns to face me, and I lift on my toes. Our eyes meet, but still, there are no words. I lean forward, plant a soft kiss to his cheek, and shut the door behind him.
I press my forehead into the hard surface and squeeze my eyes shut to stop the tears. They fall anyway as all the emotions I try to hold in surges from me. It wasn’t till this morning did I realize what he means to me, so it hurts to let him go. But I’ve been on the end of a broken relationship before. We can’t move forward without him addressing his situation.
While it hurts to see him walk out my door, it’ll crush me more if we continue to deepen our bond, and he doesn't pick me in the end. At least this way, I have some control. But it sucks because I may have pushed him into the arms of another woman for good. It’s better we do this now, then later, when it’s too late to take my heart back.
Chapter Twenty-One
Renee
I’m deep in a scene, ironically putting my characters through the emotional wringer when my phone rings and breaks my concentration. I let out a deep sigh, set my laptop beside me, and stand to answer it. If I had my way, I’d silence it, but my agent will call any day now.
Leah’s name displays on the screen. I’ve avoided her long enough. If I go another day without speaking to her, she’s bound to show up here demanding answers. So I put on my big girl panties and hit the accept button.
“Hey, Leah,” I say, feigning excitement.
She sucks her teeth. “Don’t you, hey Leah, me. Where the hell you’ve been? I ain’t spoke to you in damn near two weeks.”
I sigh with my eyes closed, unsure of how to respond to her. It’s been that long since Parker left my house. And while it was my idea, I hoped he’d come back to me by now. Coming to terms with the fact I was right about him still being in love with Madison has been overwhelming.
I let him walk out my door, so I have to deal with the roller coaster of emotions that comes with it. Leah wouldn’t understand; she’d tell me to fight and make him decide. But I’ve had enough of fighting. Now it’s time for someone to fight for me for change.
“My bad, I’ve been working on this book.” That’s half true.
“You’re that deep into it; you can’t let me know you’re alive over there,” Leah teases.
She’s said nothing wrong, so why does her statement annoy me? She’s not aware of what’s been going on with me; maybe if she did, I’d feel a lot better about things.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
“I just wanted to see if you were coming by early to help me set up?”
I frown and make my way into the kitchen for something to drink. “Help you set up what?”
“Uh, Denton’s birthday party is tonight. I told you about it weeks ago,” she says, her tone laced in shock.
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Shit.”
She huffs and lets out a soft chuckle. “You forgot, didn’t you?”
“I did. I’ve been so distracted.”
“Well, get undistracted. I need you here.”
Does she really need me?
I promised her my presence before things went south with Parker and I. When I was excited about life here in Coldbank. Now all I want is to get through the dreaded breakup phase alone. I want to bury myself in the pages of my stories, consume more ice cream, and occupy my time with the characters of my favorite TV show. At least then, I know what I’m getting, not like with the uncertainty of real-life people.
“Can I sit this one out?” I plead, even though there isn’t a chance in hell.
“Why? Everyone will be here; I want you here too.”
That’s what I’m afraid of.
My heart skips a beat at the idea of running into Parker after all this time. If I tell her what happened, she may understand and give me a pass. I prepare to let her in but change my mind. He’s her brother-in-law, and it’s her husband’s special day. Now is not the time for me to empty my bag of emotions on her.
“Okay. I’ll bring my nacho dip.”
She squeals. “Yes. See you tonight, come at six so you can help me.”
I nod, knowing she can’t see me. “Will do.”
We end the call, and I toss my head back while blowing out a heated breath. A quick check of the time only gives me an hour to make it to the grocery store and back. I down my water, grab my keys and slip on my sneakers before heading for the door. When I step outside, the sun shines bright, and I shield my eyes with my forearms. I press the biometric lock to secure my house and walk to my car.
It takes a moment for my sights to adjust to being outside. That’s how long it’s been since I’ve been among civilization. The last two weeks consisted of me sitting around in day-old pajamas. But at least I showered and considering the emotional assault I faced; I’m proud of that.
I hop in the driver’s seat, start the engine, and fasten my belt. The roads are empty, not a car in sight. Often, I’ll spot an animal of some sort wondering about or darting across the street, but not this evening.
The ride over is quick and serene, something I’ve grown to love. And even though the population here is under three-thousand, the town’s square is full of people. Vehicles line the circular center and along the front of the few available stores. Kids play in the courtyard while their parents watch from a bench.
I park in front of Piper’s Market, being sure to grab my wallet from the seat beside me. Pedestrians greet me when I exit, and once I’m inside, Piper passes me a smile. I’ve only been here a handful of times since moving to town, but by now, everyone knows me.
“Hey, there, sweetie. I was just about to call you?” she cheers.
“You were?” I smile a
nd stop by the counter.
“Yup.” She leans down to pick up something. “That wine you requested came in.” Piper plops a case in front of me.
My eyes grow wide at the number of bottles she ordered. I couldn’t find my favorite brand, but dang. And to think, this elderly lady toted that crate all on her own.
“Uh, Piper,” I drawl out.
“Oh, honey, this isn’t all for you. At least not all right now. I figured you’d go through what you take home today at some point. This way, I already have some in stock. Who knows, others might want to try it too.”
“Makes sense.” I nod and smack the counter. “I’ll take three today, but I need to get a few more things first.”
Piper squints her eyes and nods. “Deadlines kicking your butt?” she asks.
I chuckle, still surprised at how well informed the people here are. I’ve been here going on four months, and I swear these folks know more about my life than I do. It’s why I’ve stayed home for the last two weeks. I’m sure Parker wouldn’t announce to the world that we’ve stopped seeing each other, and neither would I. Yet still, somehow they know everything. People are nosey, and I don’t have the energy for answers.
“The wine gave it away, huh?”
“That and the bags under your eyes.”
Ooh, no, she didn’t, I think, while rubbing my bottom lids and turning, so she doesn’t witness me doing so.
“Oh, stop it. You’re still gorgeous. But take a break every now and again. All that hard work will only kill you sooner.”
“Yes, ma’am. I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Are you at least eating and staying hydrated?”
I sigh. She means well, I’m sure, but all I want to do is shop and get the day over with.
“I am,” I say coyly.
“Good. But, I know how you writers are. You’ll get lost in those books and forget to do basic human things. Did I tell you my late husband was a writer? He ain’t ever published anything, but he’d sit in his study for days.”
“You have,” I blurt, hoping she doesn’t recite the same story she’s told me a handful of times. “Thanks for the wine, Piper. I’ll check out in just a minute.”
Piper grins and brushes her hand in my direction, shooing me away. I can’t help but laugh; she reminds me so much of my grandmother. She’ll talk your head off, and the moment she sees you leaving, she tells you to get on as if it was her idea.
I search the aisle for the ingredients I’ll need for my famous dip. It doesn’t take but a few items, but it packs a big punch and is popular amongst my circle. I grab four bags of tortilla chips and add them to my cart. Leah didn’t say how many people we’d be expecting, but considering Denton has lived here his entire life, I imagine half the town will be there.
“Yeah, I should get more,” I say to the empty lane and snag three more bags.
I move on in hunt of everything else, being sure to get plenty of each. If I had the kind of time I’d like, I’d do it all from scratch with fresh veggies and cheese. But with only a little time, I’ll need to make this quick. So jars of salsa and loads of Velveeta will do the trick. But I refuse to skimp on fresh jalapenos.
A clerk is restocking the tiny meat section when I make it over. He smiles gingerly and wishes me a good day before disappearing behind the swinging doors to the butcher shop. I go through the selection, looking for those packages with just the right price. After picking out a few pounds of beef, I saunter over to the chicken and fill my basket with ground packets.
I turn, prepared to check out, but also not paying attention to what’s surrounding me. A grunt escapes me when I run into a hard body. My gaze trails up, landing on an obviously nervous Parker. He rubs his earlobe before clearing his throat.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” he says in a near whisper.
I swallow and avert my gaze. “No, I should have been watching where I was going.”
We both fall silent with nothing but the sound of other customers walking throughout the store.
God, he looks so good.
The realization of how badly I miss him hits, and my reflexes kick in. I want to kiss him and feel his arms around me. But I can’t tell him that, not when I don’t even know if he’s done what I suggested.
“How’ve ya been?” he asks to break our soundless state.
I fix my mouth to answer but fear nothing will come out. It’s like we’re meeting for the first time, and I have a schoolgirl crush. My nerves are all jittery, and my palms are slick with sweat. I take a deep breath to pull myself together.
Why am I being like this?
We’ve crossed the line of friendship and have been intimate. Surely I can have a conversation with him. I huff and gather myself to answer him.
“Hey, Parker,” a disembodied voice calls out, interrupting our train of thought.
We each glance toward the voice, and my heart plummets to the pit of my stomach. Madison approaches us, her sights set on him. It isn’t until she’s shoulder to shoulder with him does she acknowledge my presence.
“Oh, hi. You’re Leah’s friend, right?” she asks and holds a hand out to me.
I want to slap it away, but that would be immature. Sure, she showed up and ruined everything I was building with Parker, but is that really her fault? I don’t think she’s purposely sabotaging what we have, but in a way, she is.
So, instead of being a bitter bitty, I accept her handshake. “I am. Nice to see you again.”
The words leave my mouth, shocking Parker in the process. His brows raise, and he peers at me quizzically. I can sense he wants to say something, but he’s not giving a chance. Madison wraps her arm in his and steals his attention. I don’t stick around for anything else; I can’t stomach it. So I force a smile and storm off to pay for my things and go.
I rush home to shower and change before hopping right back in my car. I promised Leah I’d be there to help, and despite the burning desire I have to turn around, I won’t. If I’m lucky, I won’t see him tonight, and lose him in the sea of people there to celebrate.
Who am I kidding? It’s his brother, for Christ’s sake, and the party is happening at his home. Of course, I’ll see him. I’ll see every ounce of him, and it hurts to think about it.
I arrive at the McNeely Estate and pull my car in next to Leah’s. She texted me to tell me the door is unlocked and to let myself in. I find my friend in the kitchen, stirring a pot, and adding salt.
“What’s that?” I ask when I enter the space.
She glances over her shoulders. “Hey. Denton wanted Gumbo, so I’m making that. There’re wings in the oven, and I’m about to start the cold salads.” She pauses as she looks at all the bags in my hand. “Damn, how much dip are you making?”
“I can ask you the same with that big ass pot you’re working on,” I joke in return.
She laughs. “Fair enough. There’ll be quite a lot of mouths to feed.”
“I figured, now, scoot your boots.” I slide past her to the other side of the stove, where I sit my bags on the counter.
She helps me unpack and recycle the bags before I dig in. Food and empty containers are everywhere, and I see why she wanted my help.
“How many people are coming exactly?” I turn on the faucet that’s attached to the functional island.
“Um.” She taps the spoon on the pot and sits it on a paper towel then opens the oven to check on what’s inside. “Too damn many if you ask me. We have everyone who works on the ranch, which is about a dozen people. There’re folks from town coming, and that’s not to leave out the boys—”
I stare at her with one brow raised. “The boys?”
“Yeah, a few of them work here; I think you’ve met them. But it’s mainly Denton and Parker’s friends. Then there’re other family members coming. His parents won’t be here, though. They don’t get back from vacation for another two weeks. I think.”
“Oh, that sucks,” I add while using a cloth to dry my hands. “Okay. Do
you want me to start my dip or dive in on these cold salads?” I ask, awaiting her instructions.
“It doesn’t matter for real. As long as we get this shit cooked, I don’t care. But why don’t you cook your meat, and then we both tackle everything else while that’s on.”
“Deal.”
Leah moves out of my way, giving me access to the stove. There’re two large skillets on the burners, and I assume they’re for me. I rinse them both and set the heat to medium after dropping a few tablespoons of oil to the pans. I start the ground chicken on one kettle and the beef in the other. Typically, this would be a one-dish type of meal, but with the amount of meat I’m preparing, that isn’t possible.
“Leah, I’ll need two pots.”
“Oh, you’re making two kinds?” she asks and searches the cabinets for me.
“Yup, chicken and beef.”
She washes them out and hands them both to me. “Yum. Denton will love it. Be prepared for future requests,” she jokes.
“Yeah, right. I’ll stick to the words, and you stick to the cooking.”
“But, I can’t make your dip, though, not like you can.” She wipes her palms on her apron and moves on to cracking eggs. “So speaking of Parker.”
“Who said anything about Parker?” I blurt, her comment catching me off guard.
Her head snaps in my direction. “Uh, we did a second ago. Calm down,” she frowns.
I look away, deciding to focus on my task. I’m paranoid and extra for no reason at all.
“Does he have something to do with why you’ve been so weird and distant?” Her tone is soft and full of concern.
I wet my lips and tilt my head toward my left shoulder. “What are you talking about? I haven’t been distant.” I take a sharp breath. “Anyway, how were you expecting to prepare all of this by yourself with that many people coming?” I deflect.
“There isn’t anyone else to ask. I would have approached Charlie, but she’ll tell you in a heartbeat she doesn’t cook. And if Momma McNeely were here, she’d help.”