Why We Elect Narcissists and Sociopaths- And How We Can Stop!
Page 2
publish my book and sell it online.
Very quickly I saw that having a book and a website made a huge differ-
ence to getting my message out. I started to receive requests from around
the country asking me to speak to groups of lawyers, judges, mediators,
therapists, and others.
I taught them that high- conflict legal disputes don’t just happen. They are
driven by people with high- conflict personalities or high- conflict people (HCPs for short). Eventually I was contacted by human resource professionals, federal agencies, law enforcement, hospitals, universities, community groups, and
city politicians who all wanted to understand the bizarre and unpredictable
behavior of the difficult individuals who were draining their time, energy, and
resources. I explained that their high- conflict behavior was quite predictable,
once you recognized the warning signs, and it was simple to learn their patterns.
I started teaching my HCP Theory and developing methods for calming
and resolving HCP disputes. After one of my trainings for judges, the orga-
nizer, Megan Hunter, suggested that we form a training partnership, which
became the High Conflict Institute in 2008. The added visibility led to me
speaking worldwide, mostly to professionals, but also to ordinary individu-
als struggling with HCPs in their lives. We soon augmented our services by
adding a dozen trainers and online training.
Amazingly, the HCP pattern was the same everywhere. Were HCPs
increasing, I wondered? The people on the receiving end of high- conflict
behavior often tell us some variation of the following: “I wish I knew this
years ago,” “I can’t believe they deceived me for so long,” and “I had no idea
how dangerous they could be.”
It was around 2010 that political tensions seemed to erupt into high
conflict. Increasing incivility between liberals and conservatives seemed
to be occurring worldwide. Populism and authoritarian governments were
sprouting all over. Could populist politicians be HCPs, I wondered? Many
seemed to have these familiar personality patterns.
I began to wonder if it was possible to educate all voters about person-
ality disorders and their destructive potential in politics. I realized I was
having the same feeling as I did twenty- five years ago in the legal field. As I
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Preface xiii
began to think about writing this book, I asked myself if people would say
personalities are irrelevant to today’s problems. Or that I was just taking
sides, trying to help my favorite candidate win. Now that I have this written,
I guess I’ll find out. I don’t mind if this book creates these controversies.
I just want people to think about personality dynamics rather than simply
react to them.
About This Book
This book emphasizes extreme cases, but the fundamental patterns herein
can be applied to HCP leaders at all levels of government, business, and
communities. I wrote this book in three sections.
Part I: How Narcissists and Sociopaths Get Elected
Part I first covers the patterns of high- conflict politicians, how their nar-
cissistic and sociopathic traits can be extremely dangerous and extremely
deceptive, and how you can spot them early on (Chapter 1). Next, I describe
HCPs’ emotional warfare: how they seduce and attack and then divide and
dominate whole communities and nations (Chapter 2). This is made possi-
ble because voters tend to split into four groups that fight with each other
endlessly in response to this emotional warfare: Loving Loyalists, Riled- Up
Resisters, Mild Moderates, and Disenchanted Dropouts (Chapter 3).
I then cover how the high- emotion media attracts high- conflict politi-
cians from the fringes of society and launches them into leadership posi-
tions around the world, multiplying their emotional warfare thousands of
times to reach millions of people (Chapter 4). Finally, I explain how the core
secret of their narcissistic and sociopathic power is repeatedly promoting
stories about a Fantasy Crisis Triad (“there’s a terrible crisis caused by an
evil villain that requires a super hero to solve—me!”) as the only way to sell
themselves to voters, because of their lack of skills for solving real problems
(Chapter 5).
Part II: The Fantasy Crisis Triad Worldwide
In Part II, I provide eleven examples of how Fantasy Crisis Triads have been
used repeatedly by high- conflict politicians over the past hundred years
to gain unlimited power. First, I analyze the original examples of Adolf
Hitler, Josef Stalin, and Mao Zedong, including how their personalities
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xiv Preface
developed and how they rose to power (Chapter 6). Then, I examine five
present- day elected leaders from around the world who have taken their
countries in a simplistic authoritarian direction using the same strategies
(Chapter 7). I then delve into American examples that fit this pattern:
Joseph McCarthy, Richard Nixon, and Donald Trump (Chapter 8). Finally,
I review key mistakes that were commonly made in all of these examples
(Chapter 9).
Part III: How to Stop High- Conflict Politicians
Part III looks at how to end this pattern of giving power to HCPs. First, I
explain methods for building relationships among groups that have been
divided (Chapter 10). Next, I discuss how to identify and explain the pat-
terns of HCPs to the political parties who choose candidates, to those who
campaign for them, and to individual voters who want to discuss this prob-
lem with other voters (Chapter 11). Then, I go on to explain how anyone
can expose the Fantasy Crisis Triads of high- conflict politicians to others
(Chapter 12). I address how to be as assertive as high- conflict politicians
are aggressive to block their unrestrained aggressive behavior with a more
compelling message that is presented factually and repetitively with positive
emotions (Chapter 13). Lastly, I look at how individuals and news outlets
can analyze fake news, to shift the focus from promoting HCPs, their emo-
tional warfare and their fantasy crises, to presenting more useful informa-
tion about real problems and real solutions (Chapter 14).
Conclusion and Appendices
The Conclusion reinforces the need to remain aware of HCPs in politics and
the Appendices provide simple guides for recognizing their patterns and
manipulations.
A Cautionary Note
The personality pattern information in this book may make you think of
some people you know. Please make sure that you don’t tell them that you
think they are an HCP or have a narcissistic or sociopathic personality. This
always makes things worse, whether you’re right or not. Just keep this point
of view to yourself and learn how you can adapt your own behavior to deal
with them more effectively.
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Preface xv
On the other hand, if you are talking with others about a public official or
anyone who wants to be elected to a pos
ition of power, it can be very helpful
to say that you believe the person may have a high- conflict personality. Then
you can explain why this is such a big concern and describe the warning
signs and patterns that you see.
Of course, you might wonder if you have some of these patterns of behavior
yourself. This is normal when people are first exposed to high- conflict per-
sonality information. It’s healthy to reflect on your own behavior (people with
personality disorders don’t do this) and consider changing it if you believe it is
problematic (which they also don’t do). If you continue to feel worried about
anything you read in this book, I encourage you to talk about it with a counselor.
My Concern and My Hope
HCP politicians have the same patterns as HCPs in everyday life, but they
have much more power to harm and deceive people on a much larger scale.
That’s why this is the most important book I have ever written. I want people
to understand the seriousness of what we are all facing.
The greatest threat to humanity and democracy is narcissistic and socio-
pathic HCP politicians, regardless of their initial political identity (far left or
far right). They are above and beyond politics and, because of their extreme
personalities, they have been the cause of most of the world’s suffering
throughout history—especially the last hundred years—with no end in sight.
As you will read, the conditions are as present today as they were in the past.
Yet I also have hope for three reasons:
1. We have had real success teaching tens of thousands of legal profes-
sionals about HCPs, how to spot them earlier, how to manage them,
how to set limits on them, and how to help resolve their disputes.
2. For the last hundred years, as I describe in this book, HCP leaders
have not had the support of the majority of their populations. There-
fore, when the majority gets informed and organized, HCPs can be
stopped—and this is what has happened throughout much of history.
3. HCP behavior has simple patterns that are easy to learn and teach
to others. People like knowing and recognizing these predictable
behaviors. When they do, they respond much more effectively and
confidently in dealing with HCPs, rather than inadvertently escalat-
ing their dangerous behavior and making things worse for everyone.
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xvi Preface
You and Me
Throughout this book I speak of you, me, and us. This tends to be my writ-
ing style, but I also know from experience that we need to work together to
deal with high- conflict people effectively. Imagine a world where we don’t
allow high- conflict leaders to gain power to create chaos and bloodshed and
instead make room for reasonable leaders to join forces to solve real prob-
lems. We already know a lot about what works and what doesn’t work with
HCPs. We just need to spread this information much more widely. So let’s
get started. We may not have much time.
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Part
I
HOW NARCISSISTS
AND SOCIOPATHS
GET ELECTED
Narcissists and sociopaths are the two most seductive and deceitful
personalities on the planet. But most are focused on manipulating
the people around them. The ones that go into politics can become
extremely dangerous. They want to be on top—the very, very top—to
be superior and to dominate others with an endless drive for more and
more power. And yet their patterns of behavior are extremely predict-
able, including their inevitable and dramatic downfalls.
So how do they get elected? More specifically, why do we elect
them? Yes, all of us. I will explain this in the five chapters of Part 1.
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1
HIGH- CONFLICT POLITICIANS
I wrote this book to tell you about the personality patterns of high- conflict
people (HCPs) when they become high- conflict politicians. Warning people
about HCPs and how to deal with them has become my life’s work. In this
book, I want to tell you about how extremely dangerous they can be, how
extremely deceitful (lying and conning) they can be, and how compulsively
divisive they always are. Yet their personality patterns can be spotted early
on, so you can avoid electing them in any setting and giving them power
over your life.
Please note that this is not a book about politics. High- conflict politi-
cians can be Republicans or Democrats or Libertarians, independents, liber-
als, or conservatives. They are mayors and governors and senators and heads
of countries around the world. They are even elected to city councils, school
boards, and homeowners’ association boards.
They have high- conflict personalities because they have a pattern of
increasing and prolonging conflicts, rather than managing or resolving
them. They polarize communities, ruin the lives of thousands of people
(sometimes millions), lay waste to shared resources, and go to war against
their perceived enemies—verbally, legally, and sometimes violently.
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4 Part I: How Narcissists and Sociopaths Get Elected
A Worldwide Trend
This is also not a book that focuses on one particular politician, such as
Donald Trump, even though he is a classic example of a high- conflict politi-
cian and he is included as one of the examples in this book. It’s bigger than
him. He’s at the tip of the iceberg of a growing worldwide election trend that
has picked up speed over the past thirty years and will continue to get worse
until enough voters learn the warning signs of high- conflict politicians and
how to stop them.
The Power of Personality
How serious a problem could one personality be? Let’s look at what histo-
rians say:
[The] wars and . . . megamurders of the 20th century can be attributed in
part to the personalities of just three men.1
These three men were Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin, and Mao Zedong.
Hitler was responsible for at least fifty- five million deaths (by causing
World War II as well as the holocaust), Stalin for twenty million, and Mao
for at least forty million.2 Were their wars, famines, and genocides inevi-
table, regardless of each leader’s personality? Here’s what other historians
have said:
But without Adolf Hitler, who was possessed of a demonic personality,
a granite will, uncanny instincts, a cold ruthlessness, a remarkable intel-
lect, a soaring imagination and—until toward the end, when, drunk with
power and success, he overreached himself—an amazing capacity to size
up people and situations, there almost certainly would never have been a
Third Reich.
“It is one of the great examples,” as Friedrich Meinecke, the eminent
German historian, said, “of the singular and incalculable power of per-
&nb
sp; sonality in historical life. ”3 (Emphasis added)
Other historians concur:
As for World War II, the historian F. H. Hinsley wrote, “Historians are,
rightly, nearly unanimous that . . . the causes of the Second World War
were the personality and the aims of Adolf Hitler.” Keegan agrees: “Only
one European really wanted war—Adolf Hitler. ”4 (Emphasis added)
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1: High- Conflict Politicians 5
Similar conclusions were made about Stalin and the genocide he caused
in Russia and Ukraine through the forced collectivization of farms, which
artificially created famines that lead to the deaths of over four million Ukrai-
nians and more in Russia.5 Even Stalin’s wife committed suicide because she
was apparently so distraught over her husband’s ruthless policy.6
There is no doubt that the collectivization drive was ordered by Moscow,
imposed “from above,” and that it was Stalin’s personal policy, as first
outlined on his trip to Siberia at the end of 1928.7 (Emphasis added)
Likewise, Mao imposed a similar collectivization effort within China,
which he called the Great Leap Forward.
Impervious to signals from reality informing him that his Great Leap For-
ward was a great leap backward, Mao masterminded a famine that killed
between 20 million and 30 million people.8
This and the Cultural Revolution had one source:
As for China, it is inconceivable that the record- setting famine of the Great
Leap Forward would have occurred but for Mao’s harebrained schemes . . . .
[T]he principal responsibility for the Cultural Revolution—a movement
that affected tens of millions of Chinese—rests with one man. Without
Mao, there could not have been a Cultural Revolution. 9 (Emphasis added)
The Causes of Political Conflict
You may wonder, as I did, aren’t political problems mostly caused by simmer-
ing historical disputes? Or racial and ethnic hatreds? Or economic troubles?
The answer to each of these questions? Much less than you would expect.
For example, in Africa, from 1960 to 1979, when so many former col-
onies gained their independence from their European conquerors, at least
160 ethnic groups were living side by side with the potential for violence
between them: riots, civil wars, genocide. Yet violence broke out in less than