Almost Loved

by Mira Toria

  “I’m not going to lie by saying I wouldn’t want to sleep with you, but it would also be a lie if I said it was my only intention.” He put a single finger under Lyris’ chin and tiled it so that she was looking directly into his eyes. It was impossible for her to look anywhere else. His eyes were deep brown, warm and completely mesmerising. “This might shock you, but talking to you is refreshing and I like it. And if you’re wondering,” he added, “that wasn’t a line.”

  She was aware that he was holding onto her wrist and she made an effort to calm down. It was frightening that she wanted to know him better.

  He was different from what she had thought. Some of her assumptions seemed correct so far – Hale was certainly as charming as he was confident, but his confidence wasn’t simply from how he looked. He was sharp and it showed in the way he had easily countered her quips without falter.

  “Your honesty’s refreshing too.” Her hand twitched as she thought about what it would be like to simply kiss him if touching him already left her this shaken.

  “Hopefully in a memorable way.”

  A flash of her moment with Bradley crossed her mind. The way he brushed her hair from eyes as he leaned in to kiss her, the way he had danced with her in the streets and the way he made her feel. It was all memorable.

  It was so memorable, it haunted her every day.

  “I’d say too memorable.” Regretfully, she pulled away from him. The flashback timing was perfect. It served as a cutting reminder that she’d been thrown into this game before, and came out sorely beaten. Caution healed her heart and carried her scars, not impulse. “I think it’s time I leave.”

  Hale caught her fingers in his hand, gently holding her still, not ready to end on that note. “What do you say with chancing it with one date?”

  “One date?”

  A ghost of a mischievous grin played on his mouth when he realised she wasn’t turning him down. “I don’t think you have much to lose, do you?”

  “You don’t even know my name.”

  “That could be easily fixed,” he said pointedly.

  Lyris pulled away from him one last time, but she couldn’t stop the smile that slipped out. “I’ll take you up on the offer the next time we meet.”

  “The next time we meet?” Hale shook his head before laughing with bewilderment. “That’s what you’re going to leave me with? You want me to leave everything up to fate?”

  “Do you believe in fate, Hale?”

  “You know what?” He shrugged and ran a hand through his hair as he stood back to let her go, evidently amused at her response and how things ended. “I’ll tell you if I see you again.”

  His hands roamed past her ribs before they settled on her bare thigh, sending thrills to the bottom part of her stomach as he continued to press soft kisses up the valley of her breast. She withered under his hold – not because she wanted to get away, but because she needed to get closer. No matter how easily his body covered her – where he was touching – it wasn’t enough.

  She could hear him chuckling lightly, exactly the same way he did when she refused to give him her name. The laugh sent a thrill through her and she clung onto him so tightly, her nails dug into him.

  Her mind was swimming with his scent and touch, and when he leaned over to whisper something to her, she couldn’t even process it before his mouth crashed onto hers, effectively erasing anything and everything from her mind. His kiss was soft at first, teasing even, as he refused to give control to her. The more she tried to deepen it, he would pull back purposely, tugging on her bottom lip between his teeth and grinning wickedly as she scowled.

  Then everything started to change.

  His brown hair turned blonde, and the brown eyes that she was staring into faded into a familiar blue. A blue she had spent months looking into and believing.

  “No. No!” Panic rose in her throat and any of the warmth she felt before slipped away. Fear wrapped around her like a frozen sheet as the face became clearer. “Get off!”

  “You wanted this, Lyris.” Bradley refused to move, but made no attempt to stop her either as she tried to kick away from him. “Why else would I be here?”

  “Get out of my head!”

  “I’m always going to be here,” he promised, gripping her shoulders tightly as he forced her to look at him. There was an unfathomable sort of determination set in the way he stared at her, serving as a painful reminder that he always had a part of her heart and he didn’t want to give it back. “I’ll always be with you because you never want me to leave. You’ve never wanted to leave me and you know that.”

  “You’re wrong.” She wished her voice could sound stronger – more definite – but it came out as a feeble assertion. “You’re wrong.”

  “No matter what you say – what you think – it’s not what you would ever do.”

  “You’re wrong!”

  Lyris jerked awake from the sound of her own voice. She looked around her room, but it was as she had left it – empty. It was only just a dream, or a nightmare depending on whether she was looking at how it started and ended. Her touch was ice cold and she exhaled slowly, calming her heart down.

  It’s not real. It’s not real.

  It wasn’t going to stop. Her dreams were never going to stop and she was starting to feel the toll of them.

  She wasn’t sure what possessed her, but she reached over and pulled out the drawer to the shelf by her bed and took out a picture. It was battered at the edges, showing wear and tear, but despite that, anyone could see it was well loved.

  And she hated that.

  She hated that it looked well loved. She hated how if this picture ever flew out of her hand, someone would be able to pick it up and say it was a picture perfect moment that would stay with her forever.

  More than anything, she hated that she couldn’t throw it out.

  Bradley and her were in an empty park and he had her hand in his, twirling her midway. The sun was just setting and there was a flock of birds behind them that flew away just at the right time. It was a photo people spent lifetimes searching for.

  She believed in so much in that picture. She believed that love was something that could appear anywhere. She believed there was a person out there for everyone.

  More than anything, she believed in them.

  A single tear dropped and her hand crushed the bottom part of the picture. But as quickly as she clamped her fist around it, she released it, desperately trying to smooth out the crinkles.

  Why couldn’t she do it? Why wouldn’t she let go of something she so obviously didn’t want?

  Bradley’s voice in the dream came back to her, telling her something she didn’t want to hear; No matter what you say – what you think – it’s not what you would ever do.

  Throwing the picture back in her drawer, she grabbed a pillow and held it close to her chest. It still hurt thinking about him and thinking about how it was possible for him to have such a hold on her because she couldn’t find a way to push him out completely.

  It hurt because deep down she knew she wasn’t as strong as she wanted to be.

  The next morning started like any other and Lyris had no reason to think otherwise. At least that was what she thought until she heard Evey talking to someone in the front that was absolutely not Claire.

  Lyris peeked at the clock in the kitchen and frowned, it was far too early for West to be here and Leon was probably nursing a hangover from the night before. Evey was strict with not opening the doors until they were ready to go and Lyris’ curiosity always got the better of her so she peeked out.

  Lyris had several different people in mind, but she would have never guessed Hale would be the person Evey was speaking to.

  “West told me to come here early because he had an early meeting and he wanted to make sure we had time to catch up before he had to go.” He seemed at ease as Evey gave him a mini tour. “I’m sorry for intruding. I forgot that West had a habit of sleeping in.”

 
; “I’ll give him a call.” Even though Evey’s back was the only visible thing to Lyris, she could tell from her tone that she was rolling her eyes. “And I’m really sorry about the third degree earlier. I thought you were here because you followed Lyris and –”

  “I want to say that’s completely reasonable, but then I’d feel as if I’m endorsing stalking if I do,” Hale joked. “It’s alright Evey. I get it and I’m happy she has someone that looks out for her the way you do.”

  “You’re a sweet talker, I’ll give you that. I’ll just give West a call now and . . .” Evey trailed off, something that happened when a plan hit her. There was a slight hitch of excitement in Evey’s voice when she spoke again. “Ly’s in the back doing some prep work before the other guys get here.”

  Lyris turned into the kitchen just before Hale turned to catch her eavesdropping. She had expected herself to jump back into the kitchen, but what she couldn’t understand was the rush of heat that warmed her cheeks and the light flip flops of butterflies in her stomach.

  She had less than a minute to get her head back on and to make it seem as if she had everything together before Hale took Evey’s suggestion. She walked over to her bench, determined to appear calm before Hale.

  If someone asked her what she expected to happen, she would’ve given several different scenarios, but not one of them would come close to what Hale did. She expected him to come in and say hi and then strike up a conversation, but instead she waited on bated breath . . . for silence.

  You wanted him to come. Admit it, this is what disappointment tastes like.

  Pushing aside the voice in her head, Lyris focused on what she had to do. She was so focused on making up on the time she used to eavesdrop, she had a fright when she finally turned around.

  “Oh my heart, Hale!” Lyris fumbled and nearly dropped her tray. “How long were you standing there for?”

  “Not long enough to be a creep,” he promised. “If it makes you feel any better, I passed Evey’s stalker test.”

  “Anyone with a pretty face can pass that test,” she scoffed.

  The corner of his mouth twitched. “So you think I have a pretty face?”

  Lyris groaned, unable to stop herself from laughing softly under her breath. “I just set myself up for that, didn’t I?”

  “I would say no, but then I’d be lying.” He had a way of speaking that seemed earnest and she found that her shoulders relaxed from tension she didn’t know was present.

  “Most people start with good morning,” she pointed out. “Just saying.”

  “And most people usually leave me a name instead of a cryptic line about fate before they disappear.”

  Lyris bit her bottom lip from smiling. Her memory of him last night really didn’t do him justice.

  There was a part of her that believed the glamour of the fashion show exaggerated the best in everyone and hid the worst. Usually after the screen lifted, people would realise how generous they were with their memories.

  Standing in front of her was someone that completely dismissed her smoke screen theory. Last night Hale seemed too good to be true, and she thought that if she met him again, he would be a hopeless sleaze looking for a hook up. She’d come to the conclusion that he was what the night wanted him to be – a charming man that only existed for a few hours.

  Today he was real.

  He still eluded the same confidence he had yesterday but his actions seemed more sincere. He had a slight bashful tone and a smile that looked too wide and full to be practiced.

  “And you still haven’t told me.” Hale looked at her expectantly, the same way he looked at her last night.

  “Evey already – ”

  “I want you to tell me.”

  Lyris cocked her head to the side, narrowing her eyes as she tried to figure something out. “You’re kind of demanding.”

  “And you’re evasive.” He seemed to enjoy this too much for her liking as he leaned against the wall with ease. Despite how out of place he looked, in his dress pants and jacket, he was unfazed by the mess and her quips.

  His confidence was the opposite of what she tried to elude. She only appeared to be confident because she wanted to feel that way, not because she really was. Her doubts were confirmed when Hale cocked his head to the side.

  “You seem more nervous than last night. I wouldn’t have guessed that was possible,” he said.

  Honestly, of all the people I could’ve flirted with. I not only choose a guy that’s friends with West, but one that is perceptive and equipped with a smart mouth. Lady Luck, you must’ve been overdue for a laugh.

  “Last night was – ” she stopped abruptly, trying to find the right word to describe what last night really was. Evey would call it her finally being ‘herself’, and West would just comment on how she’s finally getting that stick out of her ass.

  “Was?” Hale probed.

  “It was . . . different for me,” she said, wincing at the word she settled on. “Maybe not different, but it was something I was doing to unwind.”

  “Really?” He seemed genuinely surprised at her explanation. “From where I’m standing now, seems that you were more comfortable unwinding than how you’re behaving now.”

  Lyris ignored the voice that popped up in her head saying Hale was more right than she wanted to admit. It was uncanny how he had caught onto something she had been trying to hide for months. “Champagne can make doing something different seem natural.”

  “You didn’t have any.”

  She peered at him, trying to figure out what he was implying. “Were you watching me?”

  “I wasn’t stalking you from behind that bar like a pervert, if that’s what you’re asking,” Hale said easily. If he caught onto how defensive she sounded, he didn’t show it. “I saw you at the show and I noticed that you didn’t have anything to drink until you came up to order one.”

  “There were a lot of people at the show,” she pointed out.

  “Yeah, but only one person had their friend come up to the bar asking for my number.” The lazy smile he had playing on his mouth made her want to slap and kiss him at the same time. The uncertainty bothered her, but there was something behind that confidence that was transparently honest.

  Honest enough to set her defensive instinct at ease.

  “I don’t think anyone could forget let alone not see the psychotic blonde,” she laughed.

  “It wasn’t too difficult,” he said. “I was too busy looking at the brunette.”

  A part of her wanted to back down, to stop talking to him so that he would be disinterested and leave, but the other part of her urged her on, telling her to live in the moment.

  “You’re still as relentless this morning as you were last night.” Lyris bit her bottom lip to keep from smiling too wide. “You really don’t have a filter, do you?”

  “I’m usually good at filtering my thoughts,” he admitted. “But I don’t know Lyris, I can’t tell whether you like or hate this.” He took a step closer to her, his eyes daring her to stay until he was only an arm reach away. “Which is it?”

  He was egging her on and . . . and she liked it. She had no idea she could enjoy someone challenging her the way he was.

  She knew her smirk was equally as infuriating to him as his was to her, because his eyes narrowed just enough to tell her he actually wanted to know her answer. Completely out of character for her, she took a step forwards, tip toeing so she could get as close to him as possible without touching.

  “It’s a secret,” she whispered. His scent made her dizzy; his cologne was light, but there was something undecidedly masculine about it, and she was tempted to lean in closer.

  As quickly has her courage came, it slipped away and she slowly backed away from him. She wanted to back up like a skittish kitten, but she still had enough sense to take slow steps. He looked confused by what she did, but under that confusion there was something else she couldn’t completely place.

  “A secret?” He r
epeated it like he was trying to see how it would feel to be said before the corner of his mouth curled up. “Definitely interesting.”

  Lyris snorted despite herself as she started to get busy with prepping. “Trust me Hale, I’m the least interesting person you’ll ever meet.”

  “Why would you say that?”

  “Haven’t you ever heard that people who play it safe are boring people?” Lyris lowered her eyes as a flash of her and Bradley dancing in the streets of London crossed her mind. It was a time when she was recklessly in love and as euphoric as that feeling was, the repercussions outweighed everything.

  “Something tells me you’re tired of saying that.” He didn’t sound discouraged. On the contrary, Hale sounded as if he knew what she was saying and that level of unspoken sensitivity touched her.

  Lyris held her head up high and shot him a tight smile. “Maybe I’m just reeling back from the girl you met yesterday night.”

  He took a cautious step towards her, slow enough for her to back up if she wanted to. He didn’t know much about her, but he had enough sense to see that she was someone that would run if things started to move too fast. “I don’t think so.”

  “Why do you say that?” She repeated his earlier question as he approached her. Her feet felt like they were cemented to the ground. She wasn’t sure if her body was petrified or if the refusal to move was because she wanted another excuse to get close to him.

  He leaned into her, effectively making her lightheaded with three words. “It’s a secret.”

  “Thief,” she whispered. “That’s my line.”

  “Are you suggesting I should steal your heart?” He chuckled, unaware of how Lyris stiffened at his comment. “A little cliché there, isn’t it, Lyris?”

  It took some effort to find her voice before she could speak again. “You can’t steal something that’s not there.”

  Why was she letting herself close up again?

  She was so close to taking a step and then she let herself go back to the start. He had no idea he even said something that was a trigger for her, but it was a trigger no matter who pulled it.