Beautiful Pain

by J. M. Walker

  The doors dinged open in time or I would have fucked her in the elevator, not caring in the least if anyone walked in.

  I placed her back on her feet, taking note of the flush in her cheeks and the swollen pout of her mouth.

  Her breathing ragged, her eyes bright with arousal, she walked past me.

  Inhaling deep, the scent of her sweet perfume wafted into my nostrils.

  I followed her out into the hall, watching her.

  Sashaying her hips, she glanced back at me, licking her lips.

  My cock lengthened to the point of painful. Grabbing my keys, I tossed them to her, needing some sort of distraction.

  Mae raised an eyebrow.

  “Unlock my door, unless you want me to fuck out here,” I said, taking a step towards her.

  “Is that what you want?” she asked, her cheeks turning pink.

  “I’m not into public humiliation but if you are, I’d be happy to accommodate.” Pulling my tie loose, I unbuttoned the top three buttons.

  Mae watched the movement, her nostrils flaring. “I…” She continued walking backward until she reached the door.

  “Mae, I suggest hurrying up because once I catch you, no matter where we are, I will fuck you. I will bury myself so deep inside of you, forcing a scream to leave your lips.”

  “We need to talk,” she said softly, her hand fluttering to her throat.

  “We do. But we both know you’d rather feel my cock moving inside of you,” I drawled out, sauntering towards her. “Isn’t that right, Mae? You’d rather have me fuck you than tell me how you feel.”

  “I want to forget. I don’t want to be reminded of what happened to me in my past.” She unlocked the door, backing up into my apartment but kept her gaze locked with mine.

  “And you think I do?” I demanded, a little more harshly than I would have liked. “You practically forced answers from me. You needed so desperately to find out what was going on inside of my head when I was only trying to protect you.”

  “Protect me from what?”

  “Me!” I shouted, banging my fist against the wall. A sharp pain shot up my forearm but I ignored it. “I have nightmares and one day they will consume me if I’m not careful. That’s why I never have women spend the night with me.”

  “What are you talking about?” Mae frowned. “I’ve spent many nights with you and you’ve never hurt me.”

  Scrubbing a hand down my face, I took another breath, remembering the many sleepless nights. I should have been used to them. “That’s because I don’t sleep. I hold you. I watch you. I listen to the peaceful sounds of your breathing because it’s the only thing that keeps me fucking calm.” I realized then that was the truth as soon as the words left my lips. Her curled up beside me, snuggling against me was the only constant thing in my life.

  “I’m not going anywhere, Matteo.” Mae headed down the hall. “Take a shower with me,” she called out, stopping at the door to the bathroom. Pulling the straps of her dress down her arms, she shimmied out of the fabric, letting it pool at her feet.

  My dick jumped at the sight before me.

  Mae’s eyes twinkled in the dim lighting of the hallway. So many words went unspoken. I needed her. In ways I never understood until now. And I still didn’t quite understand them completely. Walls had been built up around myself so long ago, I wasn’t sure how to break them down. The same walls that Mae had put up, cracked each time I touched her. I knew it. She knew it. I could see them breaking every time I looked into her beautiful eyes.

  Mae continued stripping, slowly, until she wore nothing at all. It was almost as if she were revealing a part of herself that no one had ever seen. Although I had seen her naked several times already, this moment was different. She was submitting to me in a way that made the sadistic beast inside of me roar and come to life. A wall that we shared, chipped apart, breaking piece by piece.

  But I needed to know…

  “What are we doing, Mae?”

  “Right now, you are going to take a shower with me and then we are going to talk.”

  “Is that what you want?” I asked, making my way towards her.

  “I would rather spend the night with you inside of me,” she lifted her chin defiantly. “But we both know that can’t happen.”

  “And why not?” I knew why. I was a psychologist for God’s sake but since meeting Mae, all of that knowledge seemed to disappear. No woman had ever affected me the way she had. Not even Morgan.

  “We need to talk,” she looked down at her feet before meeting my gaze once again. “I don’t want to though. But I know…I know it has to be done.”

  “Why don’t you want to talk?” If I told her everything, the nightmares that I ran from every single night, the fact that I actually needed to administer pain to feel somewhat normal, would scare her. I couldn’t handle seeing the judgment in her eyes. I wouldn’t be able to deal if she left me because of my past.

  Mae turned away from me, the black rose on her back stretching at the flex of her muscles. “I know I told you how I got this tattoo.” She looked at me over her shoulder. “But I never told you why.”

  I opened my mouth to respond, to tell her she didn’t have to tell me when I knew it would trigger a painful memory but I didn’t. I knew our pasts needed to be revealed. We couldn’t keep going the way we were. This powerful connection between us was toxic and I wanted to embrace it.

  “It was after my mom died. I assumed the…the men would leave me alone since they got what they wanted already. My father made them disappear. Increased security. Went on a war path and destroyed everything that even breathed in my vicinity.” She inhaled a shaky breath. “But it didn’t help. Andre was the one that ordered the tattoo. I remember seeing him standing in the corner of the room while his son and the other men held me down.” Tears welled in her eyes. “Andre ordered the tattoo because my mom’s name was Rose. He wanted me to be reminded of her…her brutal murder every time I look in the mirror.”

  At that point I closed the distance between us, wrapping her in my arms. Her confession changed things. And I knew that this was only the beginning.

  (Mae)

  Matteo’s gentle caress soothed the nerves racing through my body. My muscles became tight with anxiety as the words revealed so much. “I remember watching the life leave my mom’s eyes. I-I was strapped down, forced to do things and have things done to me that will never leave my mind. At night, I sleep although I’m always awake. I find myself pinching my skin to make sure this isn’t a dream. Some fantasy my mind has conjured up to protect myself. If…” I snuggled into his chest, inhaling the delicious scent of his cologne. “I wouldn’t be able to handle this if it were only a dream. Tell me this is real. Please.”

  “It’s real.” Matteo pinched my chin. “Everything about this is real.”

  Tears burned my eyes, a flood of relief washing over me. “I want more,” my voice broke.

  He searched my face, his jaw clenching and unclenching. I could only imagine what he was thinking. How much he had wanted to hurt the men that had destroyed my life. But with Matteo holding me and being with me helped. He knew that but I also knew that more needed to be done. In the short time we had been together, so much has happened, so many feelings and emotions bubbled forth. Finally. After all of this time. But it wasn’t enough.

  “How much more?” he asked softly.

  “I want you. All of you. I want to know what happened to you as a child. I want to know your favorite color, your hobbies. I want to see where you grew up in Mexico. But most of all, I want to help you escape your past. Like I know you can help me. And…I want…” My voice trailed off as I fell into the warmth of his gaze.

  “What?”

  “I want to fall in love with you.”

  Mae

  Falling in love with Matteo would be the best decision I had ever made…but giving him that part of myself would make me vulnerable.

  “Mae,” he said, his voice gruff.

  “I d
on’t expect you to feel the same way. We both have a history…but I…”

  “I refuse to give someone the chance to break me…again.”

  I nodded, swallowing past the lump in my throat and stepped out of his embrace. “Okay…well I…I’ll leave then.”

  “No.” Matteo grabbed my arm, spinning me towards him. “That’s not what I…shit.” He scrubbed a hand down his face. “Come.” He guided me to the living room and sat on the couch, pulling me down beside him. “I was raised to use women. They were for one thing and one thing only. After my mom died, I found out my dad changed completely. He loved her more than his own existence. I’m not a nice man, Mae. I’ve fucked women because I had nothing better to do. I would force their submission because their cries of protest turned me on. But you,” he pulled me onto his lap, running his fingers through my hair. “You’ve made me see that there is more. That not every woman wants to destroy me.”

  “I would never—”

  “I know.” He let out a heavy sigh.

  “Do you know that, Matteo?”

  “What?”

  “We’ve been dating for what feels like a lifetime even though it’s only been a couple of weeks. Sometimes we move forward and then something sets us back where we close off from each other.”

  Matteo looked down at his hand on my hip, his fingers brushing back and forth over my skin.

  When he didn’t say anything, I continued. “When Morgan came to you, I thought I lost you before I even found you. And then tonight Andre…he scared me, Matteo. I didn’t know who he was until he mentioned his son’s name. I should have known. I knew something was off at the restaurant. But I thought I was being paranoid.”

  “Marketa—”

  “No! I need to be strong. I can’t keep looking over my shoulder. I can’t keep living in fear. I moved here so I would be safe.” I rose from his lap, grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it around me. “Cello and Nika have done so much for me. My dad has done what he can even though he’s miles away. And you…I can’t begin to tell you what you’ve done. But something is missing.”

  Matteo pushed to his feet and grabbed my hand.

  “I can feel it,” I muttered, watching him slip his fingers between mine.

  “It’s like a hole in your chest,” he said finally.

  I nodded.

  “It’s like you can’t breathe. No air is there to take into your lungs.”

  I nodded again.

  Matteo cupped my cheek, brushing his thumb over my bottom lip. “What we have…whatever this is, I want more too. I’m willing to fight my demons for you. I refuse to give into the darkness.”

  “We can battle the darkness together.”

  “How? I’m man enough to admit that my darkness scares the shit out of me. I have no fucking idea how to battle this. But,” his voice thickened. “I don’t want to lose you.”

  “You won’t. I can’t…I need you.”

  “Mae,” he whispered.

  Leaning into his hand, my eyes fluttered closed. “I’m…” I couldn’t say it. I wasn’t even sure how I felt. Did I love him? Did I even know what love was? As soon as we said those words, everything would change. Walls would crash, leaving us open for possible heartbreak.

  “Marketa.” Matteo’s voice deepened, running over my name like melted chocolate.

  “I’m scared.” I gripped his shirt.

  He gave me a small smile. “I’m scared too. I’m almost forty and yet I’m like a teenager afraid his first crush will hurt him.”

  My eyes snapped to his. “I’m scared you’ll rip my heart out and leave me for…for Morgan.” Bile rose to my throat at the mere mention of her name.

  “Never. Please believe me. I don’t want her. I’ve never wanted her. Not in the way I want you. She forced herself into my life. And she forced her men into my body.”

  I winced, the image of Matteo being raped into submission was vile and disgusting. “Matteo.”

  “Please, Marketa. Don’t judge me for the broken man I am now. I’m opening myself to you. I’m giving you everything you need to…”

  “To what?”

  “To love me.”

  My breath caught. “I…”

  “Please, beautiful girl.”

  With fumbling fingers, I started unbuttoning his shirt. “Is that what you want?” I asked, pushing him gently onto the couch.

  “No,” he ripped the blanket off of me. “It’s what I need.”

  “Do you love me, Matteo?” My fingers brushed down his tanned, glorious abs before reaching his belt.

  “Do you want me to?” he asked, roaming his hands up and down my back.

  “No,” I unbuckled his belt. “I need you to.” Crashing my lips to his, I rose to my knees and pushed my mouth against his.

  He groaned, gripping my rear. His fingers dug into my flesh like he couldn’t get enough of me. Like it was me and nothing else.

  Embracing the moment of control, I deepened the kiss and ripped open the fly on his pants.

  A growl escaped him, rumbling from somewhere deep in his chest.

  Desire for the man beneath me roared through my body, exploding into the ultimate power of pleasure. Wrapping my hand around the thick veiny ridge of his length, I squeezed him until he bucked under me.

  “Mae,” he snarled in warning.

  I smiled against his mouth, lowering my body down his cock. Slow. So achingly slow until our hips met. My core tingled with pain at the tightness within.

  We both sighed, moving as one.

  “You’re so fucking wet and all I did was kiss you.” His hand gripped my hair, pulling my head back.

  “That’s all I need,” I breathed, staring up at him as his cock pumped into me.

  He licked along the ridge of my mouth, inviting my tongue to dance along with his.

  Moving my pelvis in small circles, I rode him, giving him that connection that I knew we both craved.

  Matteo wrapped his other hand around my throat, speeding up his hips and stared intently into my eyes. “Tell me how you feel, Marketa.” He pushed into me hard, forcing my head further back.

  “Wonderful,” I whimpered, digging my fingers into the muscles of his shoulders. “Matteo.”

  He thrust his tongue into my mouth, fucking it like he did my body. “Feels good. Oh so fucking good.”

  “Ma-Matteo, harder. Please.”

  “What does my girl want?” he purred, brushing his mouth down the length of my jaw.

  “I…oh God.” Undulating my hips against him, I took all of him in.

  “That’s it. Take my cock, Mae. This pussy is mine, isn’t it?” Matteo held me tight, thrusting hard and deep until all I felt was him. He was inside my body. My heart. My soul.

  “Yes,” I cried out.

  “Tell me,” he demanded, his voice taking on a rough edge.

  “It belongs to you.”

  “Say, my pussy belongs to you,” he ordered between thrusts.

  “My pussy belongs to you,” I screamed, an unexpected explosion hitting me full force.

  “Damn fucking right it does.” Matteo lifted me, lowering us to the floor and towered over me. “This body is mine. It was created to fuck me. And this cunt?” His thumb rubbed over my swollen clit. “It’s mine. You. Are. Mine. Say it.”

  “I’m yours,” I moaned, arching under him.

  “Tell me why.” Matteo spread my thighs, powering into me with so much strength, the carpet dug into my skin.

  “Because I’m in love with you,” I blurted, another release washing over me. The familiar tingle brewed, hovering in the pits of my belly while Matteo made use of my body.

  A wicked grin spread on his face, his eyes darkening. “Yeah you are.”

  “Matteo,” I whined, fighting back a laugh.

  “Yes?”

  “Tell me,” I said, rolling my eyes.

  “Don’t worry, beautiful girl. I will tell you. But first?” He released me and flipped me onto my stomach. Pul
ling me to all fours, he sank back into my body and kissed my nape. “I’m going to fuck you like I hate you.”

  (Matteo)

  Mae told me she loved me. Did I say it yet? No. I wanted her to squirm. I was a sadistic bastard and I enjoyed making her beg.

  She loved me. She actually told me that she was falling in love. With me.

  My heart jumped. A shiver of desire rippled down my spine. A sheen of sweat coated my skin at the nervous flutter racing through me.

  No one had ever told me they loved me. Not even my father. I knew he did in the way a father should but he was never affectionate. He cared about himself and that was it.

  As Mae slept in my arms, I couldn’t help but wonder why she allowed herself to fall in love with me. Not that she had a choice. The heart chose its own path.

  My inner Alpha roared with life over the fact that I was able to hurdle Mae’s walls. Some were still in place but at least I was getting somewhere.

  Mae stirred, letting out a deep sigh and glanced up at me through sleep-filled eyes. “Hi.” She smiled.

  “Hello, beautiful girl,” I said, rubbing her bare back. “How did you sleep?”

  “Amazingly.”

  I chuckled. “Amazingly?”

  “Yeah,” she snuggled into my side. “No nightmares,” she said, stifling a yawn.

  My heart began pounding. “Do you have many nightmares?”

  “Not as much since spending my nights with you,” she said, brushing her finger in circles around my nipple. “I usually have a recurring nightmare,” she confessed. “It’s pitch black. So black it’s almost impossible. It’s like it’s nothing. I can always feel it. My skin tingles. The darkness washes over me. It’s so thick, I can taste it to the point I can’t breathe.” She sat up, scrubbing a shaky hand down her face. “It crushes me, Matteo, and then I see them.”

  Sitting behind her, I wrapped my arms around her trembling body. I wanted to tell her to stop. To say that I didn’t need to hear anymore and that I understood but I knew she needed to get it out. “What do you see?” I asked, even though I didn’t want to know the answer.

  “Eyes,” she muttered, grabbing my hands and pulled me tighter around her. “I…it’s more of a memory. All different colored eyes of the men who…who…”