My Soul to Win

by Robin Roseau

  “And I love you,” she said.

  And then we smiled at each other for a long time.

  * * * *

  “Let’s walk through the park,” Grace said with a gesture. And so, holding hands, we did. It was a nice, June evening. There were other people about, but no one paid us any mind. We walked for a while, Grace steering us, eventually heading back to the church.

  It was as we approached the church that I grew nervous. But beside me, Grace grew angry. She dropped my hand and hurried forward. I readily kept up with her, but my cop instincts were shit, absolutely shit.

  I suppose two and a half decades of belonging to a demon of Hell does that to a girl.

  “I’ve told you not to do that here,” Grace yelled, storming up the steps of the church. And that was when I saw the danger.

  She was interrupting a drug deal.

  “Grace,” I said.

  “Mind your own business, old lady,” one of the young men said, and before I could react, out came a gun.

  Some things never change. He held the gun elevated and turned sideways, waving it around besides. What an idiot.

  I’m not sure which was the dealer and which was the buyer, but a second gun came out, and in that instance, I knew gun number two was about to fire.

  “Grace!” I screamed. I grabbed her, wrapping around her, and turning her away, my back to the two thugs. There was the bang of a gun, a cheap gun, and then more shooting, much more shooting.

  I felt the slugs slamming into my back.

  Grace screamed. I held her tightly, wrapping around her as well as I could, protecting her with my body, as slug after slug slammed into my back, a few in my butt, two in one leg, one grazing my arm, one nicking my ear.

  Then one of the thugs yelled, “Let’s get out of here.”

  There was the sound of sneakers on the stone steps, and then the only noise was Grace, screaming.

  “Grace!” I said. I looked over my shoulder. They were gone. There were ejected casings all over the steps. My back hurt like hell. But I relaxed my hold of Grace and slowly lowered her to the steps. “Grace!” I said again. “Are you hit? Are you hit?” I began searching her.

  She stopped screaming. I kept searching.

  I didn’t find any blood, not so much as a nick, except upon one knee, a scrape from the steps. “I’m sorry,” I said when I saw it.

  “Teigan,” she whispered.

  There were sirens. I heard them, but all I could think about was getting Grace to safety.

  “Sit down.”

  “I need to get you inside.”

  “Teigan Dove,” she ordered. “You’ve been shot. Sit down!”

  “I’m fine. They missed.”

  She stood and then stepped behind me. She gave another scream. “Teigan!”

  I straightened and turned around. She had her hand over her mouth. “We need to get you to the hospital, Teigan! You’re in shock.”

  “They missed.”

  “They didn’t miss, Teigan! I felt the bullets hitting you.” She stepped around and began fingering my back. “Why isn’t there any blood. Teigan, why isn’t there any blood?”

  “They missed.”

  “They didn’t miss! Your jacket has a million holes.” And then she knelt down. On the steps were flattened pieces of lead. “What’s this?”

  “Grace.” But I knelt down and began collecting the slugs.

  “No!” she said. “That’s evidence.”

  “I know,” I said. As Grace tried to fight with me, I calmly collected the flattened slugs. Then I looked up at her. “Do you want to explain these?” I held them where she could see them.

  She stared, and that was probably when we both noticed the sirens drawing closer.

  “Go inside,” she said firmly.

  “We’re going inside together.”

  “Do you want to explain this to the police?” She picked up another slug and handed it to me.

  “No.”

  “Go inside.”

  “Lying to the police is a crime.”

  “Are you able to lie to them, Teigan Dove?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “So what are you going to tell them?” she asked. “What are you going to tell them? I bet you can’t tell them the truth, can you?”

  “No, I don’t think I can.”

  “Then go inside.”

  “Grace.”

  “We’re out of time. Go inside.”

  “Not without you.”

  “Go!” she pointed.

  “Not without you!” I said. “You can wait inside with me.”

  “All right,” she said. And so, together, we climbed the steps and let ourselves into the church.

  “People will have seen both of us, Grace,” I said. “I need to leave.”

  “If you leave, you’ll be breaking promises to me,” she said. “I was alone. The steps aren’t really visible from across the street now that there are leaves on the trees. Go to the house. I’ll be back when I can.” She gave me a little push then stepped back outside as the first squad car arrived.

  * * * *

  I fretted. I fretted terribly. It was hours later that Grace came back to me. As soon as I saw her, I ran to her and pulled her into my arms.

  We didn’t talk about it, not then. Instead, I took her to the bathroom. We undressed, and then I gave her a long, slow bath.

  It was while I was drying her that she said, “I want to tell you something. That’s not the first time I’ve chased away drug dealers from the steps of the church. And it’s not the first time I’ve gone to dinner at the café. I did nothing any differently than I would have if you hadn’t been here. But they’ve never pulled a gun on me before. Teigan Dove, if you hadn’t been there, I’d be dead.”

  “I know,” I whispered.

  “Nothing that happened was your fault. Not one bit.”

  “I should have seen them sooner. I had my gun, Grace.”

  “So a shootout, and with me exposed. No, Teigan Dove. You saved my life the only way you could have. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” I didn’t know what else to say.

  “Nothing that happened was your fault. The only result of your actions tonight is that I’m alive and here with you to appreciate your kind care.”

  At that, we kissed, gently and tenderly.

  “Teigan, you didn’t take a scratch.”

  “I know.”

  “What are you, Teigan?”

  “Can I just hold you tonight? I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

  “Promise.”

  “Promise.”

  “All right. Tomorrow.”

  A Few Answers

  We attended the morning prayer breakfast, but then Grace cancelled everything else for the day. Then she took me home and brewed tea. Finally we sat, the pot nearby, and sipped at our cups.

  “Grace, I might be insane.”

  “Bullshit,” she said. “Did you look at your jacket?” I nodded. “You’re not human.”

  “I used to be, mostly,” I said. “I am Detective Teigan St. Claire. About thirty years ago, I traded my soul to a demon.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Her name is Evaline Marsh, or at least that’s what she called herself here.” And then I told her the entire story. It took a long time, broken here and there by the necessities of life, including lunch.

  I managed to tell her the whole thing, although I glossed the details of two and a half decades with Theophania.

  Partway through, I handed my badge to her.

  Finally, after I wound down, she looked up from the badge to me. “You met God.”

  “I might be insane,” I said.

  She didn’t say anything. Instead, she reached into her pocket and pulled out the slugs from last night, laying them down on the coffee table, one after another. I thought I’d hidden them, and had no idea when she’d found them.

  She looked up at me. “Let’s assume no one is crazy.”

  “Hall
ucinations.”

  “Uh, uh,” she said. “Those are not hallucinations. Nor is your jacket. I searched every inch of your skin, Teigan. There isn’t so much as a bruise. So let us summarize. In your first life, you were the distant offspring of the Greek god of Truth.”

  “Mostly human.”

  “And yet, partly a god.”

  I held up my hand, two fingers a microscopic gap apart. “But you’re glossing over something, Grace.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “I died,” I said. “I know I died. Or it was all one huge hallucination.”

  “Do you believe that?”

  “No. Dying like that is traumatic. I don’t think we should trust everything I’m saying.”

  “I tell you what,” she said. She picked up one of the flattened slugs. “When you can explain these, we can consider alternative explanations.” She smiled broadly. “You, Teigan Dove St. Claire, are an angel.” She buffed her fingernails against her chest. “I’ve been sharing my bed with an angel.” Then she began to laugh. “I always knew I was right about that. Sex is a sin? Ha! Sex is joy!”

  “While I agree with you, Grace,” I said, “We don’t know that I’m some sort of angel. I’m a special agent with one task. That’s all. I don’t speak with any divine authority. None.”

  “Your badge has angel wings, Teigan Dove.”

  “Symbolism.”

  “True. So?”

  “I don’t think I’m an angel. I’m just a woman, Grace. I can’t explain that.” I gestured to the slugs. “But that could easily have been a moment of divine intervention, nothing else.”

  “A miracle.”

  “Call it what you want,” I said.

  “Fine. I’ll call it an angel. And by it I mean her, and by her I mean you.”

  “I got it,” I said. “Grace.”

  “I do not believe you are insane, Teigan Dove. I don’t believe you were hallucinating, either. I believe it all happened just the way you said, within the vagaries of your clearly traumatized memories.” She sat up straighter. “Where do we begin?”

  “We don’t begin anywhere,” I said. “You are staying here, where you’re safe.”

  “My role here is not over!” she said. “And do not think you’re going to tell me, ‘stay home, honey, while I go off to slay dragons.’ I won’t have it.”

  “I don’t anticipate a single dragon.”

  She pointed a finger at me. “No. Just no.”

  “Grace, I need to know you’re safe.”

  “So what’s your plan?” I stared at her, not wanting to answer. “Uh, huh. All right. Try this. Do you have a plan?” I didn’t answer that, either. “Teigan, you owe me.”

  At that, I dropped my gaze. She was right. “I need to talk to a few people,” I muttered.

  “And then you think you’re going to Hell without me?”

  “Damned right, I’m going without you.”

  “How is it you can’t lie to me, but you can swear?”

  “I don’t make the rules,” I said. “Grace, I need you here.”

  “You need me at your side, Angel.”

  “Please don’t call me that. I’ve let you saddle me with that middle name, but please don’t call me that.”

  “I’m going with you.”

  “No.”

  “You’re not going alone.” I looked away. “I mean it, Teigan Dove, you are not going alone. You don’t even know if that gun works in Hell.”

  “I bet the badge is the only thing I need.”

  “Is it your intention to go to Hell alone?”

  “You’re staying here,” I replied firmly.

  “Who is going to stand by your side, Teigan Dove?”

  I turned back to her. “You are needed here.”

  “Who do you think you’re taking with you? Are you going to trade someone?”

  “That’s a disgusting suggestion.”

  “I know it is, but I can come up with more disgusting suggestions if you don’t tell me the truth.”

  “I haven’t lied.”

  “You also aren’t answering reasonable questions.”

  “There’s nothing reasonable about any of this,” I fired back.

  “Teigan Dove, answer me. Is it your intention to go to Hell alone?”

  I stared at her. “I need to raise an army.” Grace folded her arms. “And I need you here.”

  “No.”

  “Grace, I need you here. Where else can I send souls?”

  She said nothing for a while. She busied herself with the tea. I said nothing. Finally she looked up at me, her tone deeply subdued. “You will share your plans with me. You won’t go anywhere until I’m satisfied.”

  “I’ll share my plans,” I said. “I’m going to need you here, on hallowed ground, Grace. And I’m not sure you’re going to be enough.”

  “You’re probably right,” she said. “You build your army. I already have mine.”

  “Promise me. You won’t leave hallowed ground from this moment until I return.”

  “Are you done hiding things from me?”

  “Do we have an agreement?”

  “Are you?”

  “I’ll make my promises if you make yours. You will remain on hallowed ground.”

  “And you’ll answer any question I ask, and you won’t leave until I give you permission.”

  “I can’t promise that. You could hold me here.”

  She sighed. “Do you really think I would stop you on a mission for God?”

  “I won’t leave until we’re ready,” I said. “And I’ll tell you anything I am able.”

  “What happens when you get back with her?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “What happens between us, Teigan Dove?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Until you leave, will you please share my bed?”

  “As long as you still want me there, Grace.”

  She nodded. “I will remain on hallowed ground.”

  “And I will share my plans as openly as I am able. I’m going to start by finding people who loved Evaline.”

  “Do you have a place to start?”

  “Yes. This is what I’m good at, Grace. It’s been a long time, but I have a start.”

  “When?”

  “I begin tomorrow.”

  “Good. Take me to bed.”

  Sue Ellen

  I stood on the street, looking at the house. It was cute. I could see Marley living here. There weren’t any clues Poppy lived here, only Marley, but that wasn’t terribly surprising.

  I checked the address once more, then I stepped forward. At the door, I hesitated, and then I pressed the bell. Windows were open, and from inside I heard the chimes. It took a half minute, but then the door opened.

  “Sue Ellen,” I said.

  “Teigan Dove,” she replied. She stepped outside, and we hugged. “What are you doing here?”

  “Sue Ellen,” I said. “Do you know someone named Marley Mann?”

  “That’s my mom. You knew that, right? Why are you here?”

  “This is really important,” I said. “Is your mom home? How much do you know about her?”

  “Teigan, is this about the stuff I told you once, how she thinks she’s going to Hell? Did Pastor Grace send you?”

  “Sue Ellen, please,” I said. “How much do you know about your mom from when she was, oh, a little older than you are now?”

  “Teigan Dove, why are you asking?”

  “Please, just tell me. Do you know if your mother was ever a professional dancer?”

  Her eyes widened. “She’s not going to be happy if Pastor Grace told you about that.”

  “I need to talk to her, Sue Ellen.”

  “I think you should go.”

  “Sue Ellen, go tell your mother Teigan is here. Don’t say Teigan Dove. Just Teigan. Go tell her.”

  “No,” she whispered.

  “Let her decide.”

  “You’re not Teigan,” she said. “Te
igan is dead. Teigan is dead and in Hell. So is Evaline. And Mom thinks she’s going there when she dies, too. This isn’t funny. I want you to leave.”

  I had photos. Frankie had printed them for me. I reached into my inside pocket, my fingers brushing the hilt of my gun. Sue Ellen stiffened, but then I pulled out a sheet of computer paper. I made sure I had the right one then turned it to her. “Do you know who this is?”

  She took it from me, and then she compared the photo of me, dressed as Lacey, to my face. “This isn’t you. This isn’t you, and this isn’t funny.”

  “Do you know who that woman is?” I gestured.

  “She’s dressed like Lacey, kind of like Mom…”

  “Used to become Poppy,” I finished for her. “Please, Sue Ellen. Please, I really would like to speak to your mother. I’m begging you.”

  “You’re not her.”

  “It’s a very long story,” I said.

  “You died!” she said. “You and Evaline both died and went to Hell!”

  “You’re partly right,” I said. “It’s a long story. Did you know Evaline?”

  “We lived with her,” she said. “Did you know she was a demon?”

  “Yes,” I said. “Your mother’s soul is safe. I promise you.”

  “Are you a demon, too?”

  “No. Please, is she home?” She stared at me, then nodded. “I’d like to see her. I think she’d like to see me. Don’t you think?”

  “No.”

  “Please don’t lie to me, Sue Ellen. I won’t lie to you. Please let me see Marley.” She said nothing, but she turned to the door. She stepped inside, but she blocked my path. “Please invite me in.”

  “Are you some sort of vampire?” she asked. “Do you need an invitation to come in?”

  “No,” I said. And then I demonstrated by opening the door and stepping in, Sue Ellen backing away from me. “I am most decidedly not a vampire. However, I really would rather not be rude.”

  She nodded. “Wait here.”

  “Right here,” I promised.

  She stepped away. I followed with my ears. She stepped in back. I couldn’t hear the conversation, but then there were two sets of footsteps.

  She came to a stop. She was old. Of course she was. Well, not old. Fifty isn’t really old. But I remembered her from thirty years ago. “Poppy,” I whispered.

  “Teigan,” she said. Then she was screaming. “Teigan!” she ran to me, threw herself on me, wrapped around me tightly. “Teigan! Teigan!”