My Soul to Win

by Robin Roseau

  “I was in Hell for two and a half decades, Kate. I would think I’d look different.”

  “You don’t smell like a demon or a corpse.”

  “That’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said.”

  “I’m sure that’s not remotely true,” she replied. Then there was a knock at the door. She opened it a crack, peeked, and then let another woman in.

  And I felt… a rushing. I don’t know how to explain it. Beth looked at Kate and then turned to me. She froze.

  And then the room lit in bright light, appearing to come from behind me, but some behind Beth. There was rustling, and I felt fresh weight at my back, and movement from the corner of my eyes.

  Beth stared then dropped to her knees, looking up at me. “Teigan,” she whispered. “Is that really you, Teigan?”

  I looked left and right. “What the hell?”

  “Well, that answers that question,” Kate said. “Angels can swear.” She grinned. “Impressive wings. I like the red.”

  The wings were mostly white, but trimmed in red along the leading edge and tips. I did… something. I don't know what. They moved. They were long, quite long, the tips pressed against the wall at both ends of the room, and I felt constrained besides.

  “Beth,” I whispered. “How do I put them back?”

  “How am I supposed to know that?” she asked.

  “You’re half angel!”

  “Quarter,” she corrected. “And don’t look at me. I never had any.” She got up and moved closer, but I could see the awe. “I thought that demon said you weren’t an angel.”

  “I wasn’t,” I said. “I was the great-great-something-or-other great granddaughter of Alathea.”

  “Who is Alathea?”

  “Greek god of Truth,” Kate said. “Veritas. Seriously?”

  “That’s what she told me, anyway,” I said. “Beth, what did you do? I didn’t have these before you walked in. Kate, does that door lock?”

  Kate laughed but didn’t answer. Beth stepped closer, still staring at me, but she kept glancing at the wings. I tried shrugging. Or something. Anything to put the wings away. “This is ridiculous? How am I going to ride a bus now?”

  “You could always fly,” Kate said.

  “I don’t think you’re helping,” I told her.

  Beth put her hand to my cheek. “You’re an angel, Teigan.”

  “Don’t say that too much,” Kate suggested. “You know it will go to her head.”

  Beth spun. “She was dead!”

  “I wasn’t dead,” I said. “I was in Hell. Okay, I was dead, but that was later, and apparently, I’m all better. Beth, what do I do with the wings?”

  “How am I supposed to know?” she said. But she ducked under one and pressed against my back, examining them. “Your blouse is tailored for them.”

  “It wasn’t ten minutes ago. Beth, I swear. No wings before you walked into the room.”

  “Beth,” Kate suggested. “Maybe step back out. See what happens.”

  “In a minute,” Beth said. She was still looking at the wings. “Do they hurt?”

  “No.” I tried shrugging again. “This room is too small.” I looked over my shoulder at her, tucking the edge of my left wing down a little. “Beth. Help me.” I think I whined.

  “You know,” said Kate. “This is funny as hell. You’ve never asked anyone for help in your entire life, Teigan. I don’t think it’s really you.”

  “I’ve been through Hell, Kate,” I said. “For two and a half decades. I’m not the woman I used to be.”

  “Clearly not,” Kate said, gesturing to the wings. “What the hell happened?”

  “I’m pretty sure this isn’t a remnant from there,” Beth said. “Teigan, can you feel this?” She set her hand on my wing.

  “Yes, I can feel that,” I replied. “You did this to me.”

  “Teigan,” she said gently. “Relax.”

  “You relax. You’re telling me to relax? I’ve got angel wings growing out of my back, and I guarantee they weren’t there before you walked in.”

  “She’s right,” Kate said. “No angel wings filling the hallways. I think maybe this is far more interesting than whatever was on my schedule for after this. Maybe the three of us should go somewhere more… expansive. We’ll meet you there, Beth.”

  “The church,” I said.

  “Perfect,” Kate said. “Our Lady of Divine Truth. Corner of somewhere and somewhere. Hmm. Wonder if I can cross the threshold.”

  “You’re giving them my money, but you’ve never been inside to see what they’re doing with it?”

  “They’re feeding people,” she said. “I thought you’d like that.”

  “I do, actually. Thank you, Kate.”

  “You’re quite welcome, Teigan.”

  “They’re attached,” Beth said.

  “Wiggle one, and I’m turning around. We’ll see how fast you can duck.”

  Kate laughed. “You don’t sound like an angel.”

  “How many angels do you know?” I asked her.

  “Before you, just her,” Kate said. “Ever sprout wings, Beth?”

  “No,” Beth said. She ducked back under my right wing and came to a stop in front of me. “Teigan,” she whispered. And then she threw herself on me, wrapping her arms around me. “Don’t do that again!”

  “It wasn’t exactly my idea,” I reply, holding her every bit as tightly as she was holding me. “How are you, Beth?”

  “That’s what you want to know?” she asked.

  “It’s right up there with knowing how to put these things away.”

  “I’ve missed you,” she said. She released me. “You’re an idiot.”

  “Because I don’t know what to do with these things? Am I really wearing wings?”

  “I know what you did.”

  I looked into her eyes. “How is your cousin?”

  “Troubled.”

  “I’m sorry about that,” I said. “We’re getting the band back together. Bring her.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Evaline’s in Hell,” I said. “And I’m going back to get her.”

  “And you’re going to trade my cousin for her?”

  “Does that sound like me?”

  She looked me in the eye. “No. You’d trade yourself. You did trade yourself.”

  “I had my own reasons,” I replied. “And I was happy, up until…” I trailed off. “Did you ever marry?” She smiled and nodded. “Kids?”

  “Two. A boy and a girl. Edison just finished his second year at Princeton, and Pennie is going to MIT next year.”

  “That’s great,” I said.

  She looked to the side. “You never did anything in halves. Anyone else would have dainty little wings.” She smiled then leaned forward and kissed my cheek. “Are you all right?”

  “No, not really,” I said. “Beth, I need you, but no judging.”

  “I’ll try,” she said. She stepped back. “You really want me to bring Rachel?”

  “I think she should be there.”

  “It might be a few hours.”

  “That’s fine,” I said. “I hope those go away when you step out.”

  She backed away from me slowly, stopping with her back nearly to Kate. “Teigan,” she whispered.

  “I’ll see you at the church.”

  “At the church,” she said. Then Kate opened the door and guided Beth through it.

  And nothing happened with the wings.

  “She’s just outside the door, isn’t she?”

  “I think so,” Kate agreed.

  “Send her further.”

  It took another minute. I could actually feel Beth move further away, and then the wings began to contract. They had appeared rather suddenly, but they folded themselves more slowly, Kate watching the entire time. Then she looked at her phone. She spoke quietly to it for a moment.

  “Beth?”

  She nodded. “Yes. Turn around.” I turned a slow circle. “I c
an’t even see where they were.”

  “If Beth isn’t coming for a while, there’s little need for you to disrupt your schedule.”

  She laughed. “You’re kidding, right? You were the most interesting event in the entire city, and that was before those.” She spread her hands to indicate my wings. “I’m keeping an eye on you. Who knows what else you’re going to do?” She stepped closer. “What happened, Teigan?”

  “Can we get out of here?” I asked.

  “Yes. Absolutely.”

  “Maybe make sure we won’t run into Beth on the way.”

  “She’s in her office. Ready?”

  I nodded, and then I let her usher me from the offices.

  We took her car back to the church, parking in the lot. We came to a stop and turned to each other. She shook her head. “I can’t believe you found this church of all churches.”

  “It called to me,” I said. “The others, not so much, although I really only drew near one.”

  “You were in Hell.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “It’s not like what people think.”

  “I bet it wasn’t a picnic.”

  “No. It definitely wasn’t a picnic. Parts of it were interesting.”

  “Interesting? You seem to be aging well.”

  “Sufficiently powerful demons are close to gods, within their individual domains. She preferred me like this. Kate, if you need a meal, don’t take it from anyone inside.”

  “I wouldn’t touch anyone here, Teigan. That’s not the sort of attention I would ever want. I’m fine. Teigan, I may not be able to enter.”

  “I think you will, but if not, we’ll figure it out. Could we go in?”

  “We can try.”

  We climbed from the car. Kate took a big breath, and then we headed around the side of the church for the front door. At the front door, Kate stopped. We turned to each other. “Teigan, I have never offered homage to any gods. None of my kind do. But we’re also very careful to avoid offense.”

  I pulled out the badge and handed it to her. She stared at it.

  “Katherine Everest,” I said formally. “On my authority, if you come in peace and good intent, be welcome upon these sacred grounds.” She nodded and returned the badge to me. “Let no one take offense when no offense is intended.”

  “Thank you, Teigan St. Claire,” she said. “I come in peace and of wholesome intentions. I offer no offense.”

  “Thank you, Katherine Everest,” I replied. And then I opened the door and gestured her inside.

  She didn’t burst into flames as she crossed the threshold. I certainly hadn’t expected her to. We strode forth together. It was Thursday, and so the after-school kids would be downstairs, but there was no one in the nave. Still, I led Kate towards the sanctuary. We came to a stop right at the steps.

  “How are you doing?”

  “No one is screaming at me,” she said. Then her voice changed, becoming low and gravely. “Get out.”

  I smiled. “Good.”

  “There’s no cross.”

  “This isn’t strictly a Christian church,” I said. “It’s far more inclusive.”

  “I guess I knew that.”

  “Do the fae worship gods?”

  “No. Well.”

  “Yes?”

  She smiled. “Some of us consider ourselves gods.”

  I laughed. “You?”

  “Oh, no. I can be awfully conceited, but not that conceited.”

  “Kate, maybe I’m not remembering properly, but…” Then I realized I was about to say she looked older, and I trailed off.

  “Oh, this should be good,” she said. “Teigan, are you all right?”

  “Everyone keeps asking that.”

  “Well, do you blame us?”

  “I’ve changed, and not just in my appearance,” I explained. “I think the woman you once knew died nearly twenty-five years ago.”

  “I’m very sorry about that. I liked that woman.”

  “I don’t know if I liked her,” I said. “She was an imperfect person.”

  “We’re all imperfect people. Teigan, you’re not going to offend me. You want to ask about my appearance.”

  “Kate,” I said gently.

  “The world has become smaller and smaller,” she said. “If humans in general realized just how many monsters they have living next door, there would be a shit storm of epic proportions.”

  “So you let yourself age?”

  “Only my appearance,” she said. “Most fae have some amount of control over how we appear.”

  “Are you immortal?”

  “No, no. Long-lived, but not immortal.” She looked around. “Where is everyone? I understood there were people here all the time.”

  “Downstairs,” I said. “This is a good room for services and celebrations, but there are other spaces for classes and the other youth and outreach programs. Want the tour?”

  “Sure.”

  I gestured with my head. We retraced our steps, and I led her downstairs. We were halfway down when the singing became clear, and I couldn’t help but smile. I glanced over at Kate, but I couldn’t read her expression.

  We found, well, everyone in the main meeting room, the one that held our prayer breakfasts and other outreach programs. They had cleared all the tables and chairs and were seated in a double circle. Several of the kids had a variety of instruments, and they were at the center of the circle.

  Marley was sitting beside Sue Ellen. Grace was in the outer circle, singing with the kids. She noticed Kate and me, but instead of getting up to greet us, she gestured to the circle and whispered to the girl next to her. And without missing a beat, the circle widened.

  I leaned to Kate. “Does your dignity handle sitting on the floor with a bunch of human teenagers?”

  “If you can do it, I can do it.”

  “Kate,” I said.

  She turned to me. “Angel,” she said.

  “Please don’t call me that, not even to make a point. I’m just a very broken woman, Kate.”

  “I don’t know the songs.”

  “That doesn’t matter.”

  She didn’t answer. Instead, she strode forward, walking around the circle. Some of the kids turned to look at us, but most of them continued to watch the kids at the middle, and all of them continued to sing.

  As we drew closer, Grace’s eyes widened for a moment. She offered a hand to Kate, just a simple clasp, and then I received a hug as I took my place between them. I didn’t know the song, but that didn’t matter. Grace put her arm around me, and mine went around her shoulder, and then she laid her head on my shoulder, still singing. She had a pleasant voice, and the song was lovely.

  It came to an end, and then the kids clapped together. Kate and I joined them, and then Grace stood. “That was lovely, absolutely lovely,” she said. “You all know Teigan Dove by now, but with her is a woman who has been very important to the church. Katherine, would you stand, please?”

  Kate stood. Grace took her hands. “Was I expecting you?”

  “Yes, but you didn’t realize it.”

  Grace offered a moment’s expression of puzzlement, but then she said, “Katherine is a lawyer and has been a benefactor of this church since we opened. It is through her largesse that we are able to operate many of the programs. Our members are very generous, but we couldn’t pay our bills without Katherine’s help.”

  “That’s not really right,” Katherine replied. “I simply manage a trust set up from the estate of an old client of mine from twenty-five years ago.”

  Grace’s gaze snapped down to me, and I nodded slightly. Her mouth made an ‘oh’, shape, but then she pulled it together. She shifted her attention back to Kate. “And yet you support our programs, Katherine.” And she hugged Kate. “And now you’re here, for, I believe, the first time.”

  “The singing is lovely. Do you mind if I stay? I don’t know any of the songs.”

  “Everyone is welcome,” Grace said. “I think Ezra Hendrick
was going to offer a solo, but then we can teach you and Teigan Dove a song or two. Do you like to sing, Katherine?”

  “In my younger years,” Kate replied.

  “Well, Ezra Hendrick, are you ready?”

  A boy of about sixteen stood up. “Pastor Grace, would you play guitar for me?”

  “Of course, darling,” she said. “But for that, I’ll need a chair.” One of the kids grabbed a chair, setting it in the center of the circle. A girl gave Grace a guitar. She briefly checked the tuning. Kate and I sat. Ezra moved into place beside Grace. He nodded to her, and then Grace began to play.

  Grace was a fine guitarist, and Ezra had a beautiful, beautiful voice. He sang a sweet song of love and friendship. I found myself brushing tears away.

  When the last notes faded away, everyone applauded wildly. One of the girls popped up and ran to him, hugging him tightly for a moment. And then he did something very lovely. He turned and said, “Thank you, Pastor Grace.”

  “Thank you, Ezra Hendrick.”

  Kate leaned to me. “Are those tears, Detective?”

  “That woman is dead,” I whispered to her.

  “Replaced by Teigan Dove?”

  “That’s Grace’s thing. Everyone has a middle name, even those who don’t. If you don’t share yours, she’ll assign one to you. She’s fond of alliteration. I might recommend Katherine Keesha.”

  “However did you know?” Kate asked with a laugh. “Legally, it’s Marti.”

  We didn’t have a chance to discuss that further. Ezra and the girl moved to sit down, and Grace said, “Well, what song should we teach Marley Jae, Teigan Dove, and… Katherine, do you care to share your middle name?”

  “Marti,” Katherine offered.

  “What song should we teach Marley Jae, Teigan Dove, and Katherine Marti?”

  “One of the clapping songs,” offered Lisa Jean from her place beside Sue Ellen.

  “An excellent suggestion.”

  It took a moment, but then from the inner circle, some of the kids started to clap, following a pattern. The other kids recognized it, as they all joined in. But then it morphed, with the kids on the inner circle clapping one pattern, and the kids in the outer circle clapping in syncopation.