My Soul to Win

by Robin Roseau

  “No!” Sue Ellen said. “You can’t.”

  “Darling, she deserves forgiveness.”

  “They don’t have any protection. You can’t send a soul of Hell to Pastor Grace.”

  “Darling,” I said gently. “Beth is part angel. She can handle one soul. I think Grace could, too. I’ll send her to Grace and Beth, and they’ll help her with the rest of the journey.”

  I think Kate knew the answer, but she asked, “What journey is that, Teigan?”

  “To Heaven, of course,” I said. “She never belonged here in the first place.”

  “Suicide is a mortal sin.”

  “No, Sue Ellen, I have it on very, very good authority it’s not.” She looked up at me, and tears began crawling down her face. “I’m going to need everyone here to help. Sue Ellen, do you think you can forgive this lost soul for her mistakes? She hurt so much.”

  She nodded, and then Poppy wrapped arms around her daughter. Sue Ellen leaned against her.

  “Kate,” I said. “Please keep a lookout.”

  “I’m already on it. Do what you need to do.”

  “Thank you.” I lifted my hand, looking closely at the soul, the poor thing. I stroked it, my fingers passing through the mist. “Souls don’t really think, at least not here. I think it was a long time after I arrived at my destination before I began to think.”

  “Heaven?” Naomi prompted.

  “No. Maybe. I don’t think that’s the right word. I think Heaven is a very specific place. But perhaps a heaven, if you like.” I paused. “Little soul, you were not evil. You weren’t even bad. Society should have helped you, but you were abandoned, and it can be very difficult to forgive something like that.” I talked to the soul for several minutes, and the longer I did, the more of her life I saw.

  It was a sad, sad story. I didn’t talk about it.

  “Many of us here have seen sorrow,” I told it. “We have felt the pain of abandonment, of helplessness. We have made choices, some good, some bad. No one can blame you for wanting those who most hurt you to understand what they had done to you.” I looked up. “Tell her.”

  “I’d be mad,” Sue Ellen said.

  “Not only mad,” Hyacinth added.

  “Scared,” Naomi said.

  “Hurt,” Jake offered.

  “Helpless,” Griffen said, a whisper. At that, I turned to him, and I saw a flash of pain in his eyes. “We understand what it is to feel helpless, little soul. Teigan, could I hold her?”

  “It hurts, Griffen.”

  “I’d like to hold her.”

  I nodded and then unwrapped the soul from my arm. She didn’t want to release me, but I pulled away, as gently as I could, but then I offered her to Griffen. It took a moment, but she sank her fangs again. He gave a hiss and flinched, but then nodded, and I finished releasing the poor soul. It wrapped around his arm, holding tightly. He lifted and looked at it.

  “You poor creature,” he said. “You never deserved any of this.”

  Sue Ellen pulled away from Marley, looking very closely at the soul wrapped around Griffen’s arm. “We forgive you,” she said. “Don’t we, Teigan.”

  “She did nothing that requires our forgiveness,” I said. “But we are here as agents for someone else.”

  “God,” Sue Ellen said. “We’re here as agents for God.”

  At those words, I felt my wings appear. They spread behind me. “Hey!” Kate complained.

  “Sorry.” But I pulled out my badge, and held it for the soul to see.

  At first, it shrank from the badge, but it didn’t release Griffen’s wrist.

  “Talk to it, Sue Ellen,” Poppy said, her hands on her daughter’s shoulders. “Talk from your heart.”

  “We understand your pain,” Sue Ellen said. “You got screwed. You didn’t deserve how you were treated in life. You deserved a mom like mine. You deserved a chance at a good life, and you got screwed. And then you got screwed again. You don’t deserve any of this. You haven’t hurt anyone here.”

  “She needs to try to forgive herself,” I prompted. “And to let us forgive her.”

  Sue Ellen nodded. “Forgive yourself, little soul,” she said. “You’ve more than paid for any poor choices you’ve made. It’s time to go to a better place than this, a place where you will be cherished.”

  “A place you can heal,” Naomi said.

  “Yes,” Sue Ellen said.

  I don’t know if it was the words, or the combined will of all of us, but the soul began to take an interest in my badge. It reached out a tendril, almost as if it were sniffing.

  “Yes,” Sue Ellen said. “It’s time to forgive yourself, little soul. It’s time to let us forgive you.” And then she simply crooned gently, interspersed with encouragement for the soul to forgive herself, and to accept forgiveness.

  And, slowly, the soul began to unwrap from Griffen’s arm, and then it pulled the fangs from his arm. He lifted it to look closely, but of course, there was no wound, no blood. “We’ll talk in a minute,” I whispered, and he nodded.

  The soul hovered there, and then it moved closer to the badge.

  “We forgive you, little soul,” Sue Ellen said. “It’s time to go home now. This is not your home.”

  The soul began to stretch, and when it touched the badge, it was as if it were sucked into it.

  I felt it, I felt it all the way to my soul. And then I felt Grace and Beth and everyone still at the church. Then the soul, in a metaphysical streak, left me. I felt surprise, and then Grace said, “Oh, you poor thing.”

  The connection broke, and I slumped.

  Hyacinth set a hand on my arm. Poppy whispered to Sue Ellen, who stepped forward, not to me, but to Griffen. She wrapped arms around him tightly. More slowly, he wrapped his around her, and he closed his eyes. I looked at Poppy and nodded.

  “Where did it go?” Jake asked.

  “Grace,” I said. “I don’t know what will happen, but I imagine she’ll be in Heaven very soon.”

  “Beth and Grace will take care of her,” Kate announced. “Teigan, I think we’ve drawn some attention.” She had wandered to the pit and gestured.

  “Really, Kate,” I said. “Do you have a wish to join that demon?” But I stepped forward. Six or eight of the souls were trying to climb from the pit. So far, they hadn’t succeeded, but Theophania had told me they sometimes get free. “I think maybe we should get a move on.”

  She and I backed away, and I led us to the main road. It was there I turned to Griffen. “How are you doing?”

  “I’m fine,” he replied. But he rubbed his wrist.

  “It’s not a physical attack,” I said. “I don’t really understand all of it. I suppose in a way, it is physical, but at the same time, it isn’t.”

  “It wasn’t that bad.”

  “Not when it’s just one,” I said. “One is… a distraction.”

  “That’s what you’re calling it?”

  “Sure,” I said. “Why not? They can’t feed on you above ground. So they drag you away from the rock and then begin to form a pit. Then they feed. That hurts like you wouldn’t believe, and then it only takes one before…”

  “Before?” Jebediah prompted.

  “One is enough to make me scream,” I said. “Let’s leave it at that.”

  “Teigan,” Poppy whispered.

  “We have to find the right demon. I wonder how long before Theophania decides to pay us a visit.”

  “You spent twenty years in one of those pits?” Jake asked.

  “No, not even close to that. Over those two decades, maybe a month.”

  “Fuck,” Hyacinth said.

  “Language,” I said with a smile.

  “Sorry, Poppy,” she said with a glance at Sue Ellen.

  “Fuck that,” Sue Ellen said. “Do you really think I haven’t heard that word before? Teigan, shouldn’t we free some more?”

  “I don’t know if we have that kind of time, honey,” I replied. “And that was just one pit.”


  She looked into my eyes and then nodded.

  “Do you have a plan, Teigan?” Griffen asked.

  “We need to find the demon that killed me. I have no idea how many pits there are. But I imagine at some point we’ll acquire a little more help.”

  “From where?” Naomi asked.

  “Theophania.”

  * * * *

  It took a half hour to find the next pit. Everyone was deeply subdued, which I could understand. Once we found the pit, I gathered them around and said, “I want all of you to remember something. We’ve already done something momentous.”

  “We have?” Sue Ellen said.

  “Darling, we helped one poor soul. She would probably be here for eternity if we hadn’t come to help her.”

  At that, she stood straighter. “We did that.”

  “Our mission is already a success, at least as far as that soul is concerned, don’t you think?” She nodded. “This seems daunting, but remember something. I was a very, very good cop. Poppy, do you remember the games we played?”

  “Which games are those, Teigan.”

  “Clues.”

  “Oh,” she said. I could hear the relief in her voice. “Yes, I remember.”

  “You follow the clues, one at a time. Police work can be fast. At times, it can be exciting. But most of the time, it requires diligence. You work from clue to clue. You leave no stone unturned.”

  “Or, in this case, no pit unvisited,” Jebediah offered.

  “Exactly. Now, let’s each drink a little water, and then we’ll see who is at the bottom of this pit.”

  We pulled out water bottles. I made sure everyone drank. When I got a chance, I whispered to Kate, “How are you doing?”

  “Don’t worry about me,” she said. “I’m fine.”

  “I’m counting on you.”

  “I’m not going to let you down. Why are you acting like I am?”

  “I’m not acting like you are. I’m reminding you that while I’m down there, I’m leaving you up here to watch over everyone for me.”

  “I know,” she said.

  “Kate, it’s inevitable some of the souls are going to get free.”

  “I figured.”

  “Your sword isn’t going to do a thing.”

  “I know, but if any demons wander by, that’s a little different, isn’t it?”

  “Ever fought a demon?”

  “One or two.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Long ago.”

  I nodded. “I’d rather it not come to that, but I’m glad you’re here with us, Kate.”

  “I’ll see to things here. Do what you need to do, Teigan.”

  I nodded, and then I roped up.

  * * * *

  I didn’t perform an exhaustive search, and in my cursory look, I didn’t find any souls I wanted to forgive. Frankly, I wasn’t really that forgiving a person when someone had truly deserved punishment, and if that was why I was here, I was probably the wrong person. If these souls wanted redemption, they were going to have to find it another way.

  It was two pits later that I found the next soul I wanted to forgive, but before that, one of the souls got away, and two more followed it.

  I was at the bottom of the pit when I heard screaming. I’d already verified this wasn’t the right pit, either, so I yelled, “Pull me up.”

  “We’re fine,” Kate called down. “Get away from her!”

  “Pull me up!” I screamed.

  “I’ve got it, Naomi,” Kate yelled. “I’ve got it. Damn, that does hurt.” Then she appeared over the edge of the pit. “Just a second, Teigan.”

  “Kate.”

  “It’s under control. Ready?”

  “Get me up there, Kate.”

  “Heave-ho, guys.”

  I began to rise. At the top, I saw Kate had one soul latched to her shoulder. Griffen had the other two, one on his wrist like the first, and the second on the same shoulder. He was grimacing, but two barely slowed him down.

  “Teigan,” Sue Ellen said, staring at Griffen, Poppy’s arms around her.

  “We’re fine, honey,” I said. “How you doing, Griffen?” He gave me a nod, so I moved to Kate first. I pulled the soul from her, then held it up and looked at it.

  “Who was it?” she asked.

  “No one I’m forgiving,” I said. Then I took a lesson from Theophania. I threw the soul back into the pit, and I willed it to stay there. I don’t know if that part did any good, but it got lost in the mix of other souls, and I decided not to worry about it.

  “Kate…”

  “I’ll keep an eye on things.”

  “Back further away.” I waited until she was a safe distance, and then I turned to Griffen. His features were tight, but he was handling it.

  “God, Lacey,” he whispered to me.

  “I know.” I reached for the soul on his shoulder then recoiled. “Shit.”

  “Get this thing off me, Lacey!”

  “I will,” I said. “Shit, she was a mean witch. I mean that in the meanest of mean ways. This might hurt.”

  “It already hurts.”

  I reached for the soul. I could see it digging in further, but I got a hold on it and pried it loose. Griffen gave a grunt, but I lifted the soul. “You belong here,” I told it. I walked to the edge of the pit and threw it down. I watched for a moment and then backed away.

  The final soul wasn’t remotely as disturbing. I pulled it from Griffen and gave it a look. Finally I said, “You might be able to find forgiveness, but I don’t know how to do it for you.” I stepped to the pit and threw the soul, although more gently than I had the previous one. Then I stepped away, collecting Kate on the way. “Are you all right?”

  “Damn, Teigan.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m fine. Where’s the next pit?”

  I nodded to her and then walked to Griffen, stepping right into him. He hugged me tightly and kissed the top of my head. “You’re a good man,” I told him.

  “I didn’t used to be,” he said, loudly enough for everyone to hear. “I could have ended up here. Evaline is why I became the man I am. We’re not leaving her here, Lacey.”

  “No, we’re not,” I agreed. “How is everyone doing.”

  “Not very well,” Naomi said. “But Griffen is right. We have work to do. Lead on, Detective Lacey.”

  “Right.”

  * * * *

  A soul got away. Kate immediately called out, “I’ve got it, Teigan. Do what you need to do.”

  It wasn’t the right pit, but I pulled a soul from the bound demon and held it up. Then I gave it my arm. A cursory glance at the other souls didn’t show me one obviously worthy of attention, although I’m sure if I’d sorted them carefully, there were others who didn’t really belong in Hell.

  I didn’t have that kind of time. My force wasn’t going to last forever.

  “Haul me up,” I called.

  At the top, I saw another soul had gotten loose. Jake had intercepted it and was staring at it in horror.

  “How are you doing, Kate?”

  “I’m fine,” she said. “Maybe see to Jake first.”

  “That’s what I was thinking. Can you handle another one?” I gestured to the one I had.

  She gave a grimace but nodded. However, by the time I got it peeled from my arm, Naomi was between me and Kate. “Give it to me.”

  “I can handle it,” Kate said.

  “We’re forgiving this one, Lacey?” Naomi asked with a gesture.

  “We’re trying.”

  “Give it to me.”

  “It’s going to be harder to forgive if I do, Naomi.”

  “We don’t need Kate more distracted,” she replied.

  “All right.” I took two steps. She held up her arm, and I guided the soul to her. When it sunk in, Naomi gave a yelp, but then she grew quiet, holding her arm away and staring at the soul. “I can take it back,” I whispered.

  “Jake’s about to panic, Lacey,” she whisper
ed. “I’ve got this one.”

  I nodded and turned away. When I stepped in front of Jake, his eyes were wide. “Lacey, get this thing off me.”

  “No problem,” I told him. “It’s going to hurt.”

  “It fucking hurts now.” He began to wave his arm, but I grabbed it and then peeled the soul from him. I wasn’t gentle about it, and once I pulled it clear, he jumped up and down, waving his arm. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!”

  I looked at the soul. It took nothing more than a glance before I walked to the pit and threw it back.

  “Man up, man,” Jebediah said.

  “Leave him alone,” I ordered. I walked to Kate. “How are you doing?”

  “Little sucker is trying to feed from me.” She looked at it and gave it a shake. “No one feeds from me without my permission.”

  I gave the soul a quick look. But then Kate put on a smile, a very fae smile. “Let’s see how you like it.”

  “Kate.” She froze. “I wish you wouldn’t.”

  “Would that make me evil, Angel?”

  “I’m not one to judge,” I said. “It’s not the soul’s fault.”

  “You want to forgive this one, too,” she said. “Teigan, it’s trying to feed off of me.”

  “I can take it from you.”

  “No,” she said. “Fine. I won’t show it what it’s like, but I wouldn’t mind topping off from the next one.”

  “I wish you wouldn’t,” I told her.

  “Fine, fine,” she said. “I’m fine. Take care of that one.”

  “It’s going to be a few minutes,” I said. “Do we need to give it to Griffen?”

  “I won’t feed from it.”

  “You’re looking a little wild, Kate.”

  “Shit,” she said. She took a deep breath. “I’m fine.”

  “Kate.”

  “I will tell you when I can’t handle it,” she said. “I’m fine.”

  “Thank you, Kate.”

  She nodded, and I turned to Naomi, although I noticed Hyacinth was holding Jake. I stepped to Naomi and took the soul from her as gently as I could. As soon as she was free, Poppy and Sue Ellen began to hug her, one from either side.

  “I’m fine,” she whispered. “Who was it, Teigan?”

  “A man,” I said. “A young man.” I paused. “Not a good story.”

  “Just tell us,” she said.

  “He cursed his murderers.”

  “Fuck,” Sue Ellen said. “See? I can use that word, too.”