scilicet et tenui popano corruptus Osiris.
[511] And now, behold! in comes the chorus of the frantic Bellona and the mother of the Gods, attended by a giant eunuch to whom his obscene inferiors must do reverence. . . . Before him the howling herd with the timbrels give way; his plebeian cheeks are covered with a Phrygian tiara. With solemn utterance he bids the lady beware of the September Siroccos if she do not purify herself with a hundred eggs, and present him with some old mulberry-coloured garments in order that any great and unforeseen calamity may pass into the clothes, and make expiation for the entire year. In winter she will go down to the river of a morning, break the ice, and plunge three times into the Tiber, dipping her trembling head in its whirling waters, and crawling out thence naked and shivering, she will creep with bleeding knees right across the field of Tarquin the Proud. If the white Io shall so order, she will journey to the confines of Egypt, and fetch water from hot Meroe with which to sprinkle the Temple of Isis which stands hard by the ancient sheepfold. For she believes that the command was given by the voice of the Goddess herself — a pretty kind of mind and spirit for the Gods to have converse with by night! Hence the chief and highest place of honour is awarded to Anubis, who, with his linen-clad and shaven crew, mocks at the weeping of the people as he runs along. He it is that obtains pardon for wives who break the law of purity on days that should be kept holy, and exacts huge penalties when the coverlet has been profaned, or when the silver serpent has been seen to nod his head. His tears and carefully-studied mutterings make sure that Osiris will not refuse a pardon for the fault, bribed, no doubt, by a fat goose and a slice of sacrificial cake.
cum dedit ille locum, cophino fenoque relicto
arcanam Iudaea tremens mendicat in aurem,
interpres legum Solymarum et magna sacerdos
arboris ac summi fida internuntia caeli. 545
implet et illa manum, sed parcius; aere minuto
qualiacumque uoles Iudaei somnia uendunt.
[542] No sooner has that fellow departed than a palsied Jewess, leaving her basket and her truss of hay, comes begging to her secret ear; she is an interpreter of the laws of Jerusalem, a high priestess of the tree, a trusty go-between of highest heaven. She, too, fills her palm, but more sparingly, for a Jew will tell you dreams of any kind you please for the minutest of coins.
spondet amatorem tenerum uel diuitis orbi
testamentum ingens calidae pulmone columbae
tractato Armenius uel Commagenus haruspex; 550
pectora pullorum rimabitur, exta catelli
interdum et pueri; faciet quod deferat ipse.
[548] An Armenian or Commagenian sooth-sayer, after examining the lungs of a dove that is still warm, will promise a youthful lover, or a big bequest from some rich and childless man; he will probe the breast of a chicken, or the entrails of a dog, sometimes even of a boy; some things he will do with the intention of informing against them himself.
Chaldaeis sed maior erit fiducia: quidquid
dixerit astrologus, credent a fonte relatum
Hammonis, quoniam Delphis oracula cessant 555
et genus humanum damnat caligo futuri.
praecipuus tamen est horum, qui saepius exul,
cuius amicitia conducendaque tabella
magnus ciuis obit et formidatus Othoni.
inde fides artis, sonuit si dextera ferro 560
laeuaque, si longe castrorum in carcere mansit.
nemo mathematicus genium indemnatus habebit,
sed qui paene perit, cui uix in Cyclada mitti
contigit et parua tandem caruisse Seripho.
[553] Still more trusted are the Chaldaeans; every word uttered by the astrologer they will believe has come from Hammon’s fountain, for now that the Delphian oracles are dumb, man is condemned to darkness as to his future. Chief among these was one who was oft in exile, through whose friendship and venal prophecies the great citizen died whom Otho feared. For nowadays no astrologer has credit unless he have been imprisoned in some distant camp, with chains clanking on either arm; none believe in his powers unless he has been condemned and all but put to death, having just contrived to get deported to a Cyclad, or to escape at last from the diminutive Seriphos.
consulit ictericae lento de funere matris, 565
ante tamen de te Tanaquil tua, quando sororem
efferat et patruos, an sit uicturus adulter
post ipsam; quid enim maius dare numina possunt?
haec tamen ignorat quid sidus triste minetur
Saturni, quo laeta Venus se proferat astro, 570
quis mensis damnis, quae dentur tempora lucro:
illius occursus etiam uitare memento,
in cuius manibus ceu pinguia sucina tritas
cernis ephemeridas, quae nullum consulit et iam
consulitur, quae castra uiro patriamque petente 575
non ibit pariter numeris reuocata Thrasylli.
ad primum lapidem uectari cum placet, hora
sumitur ex libro; si prurit frictus ocelli
angulus, inspecta genesi collyria poscit;
aegra licet iaceat, capiendo nulla uidetur 580
aptior hora cibo nisi quam dederit Petosiris.
[565] Your excellent Tanaquil consults as to the long-delayed death of her jaundiced mother — having previously enquired about your own; she will ask when she may expect to bury her sister, or her uncles; and whether her lover will outlive herself — what greater boon could the Gods bestow upon her? And yet your Tanaquil does not herself understand the gloomy threats of Saturn, or under what constellation Venus will show herself propitious, which months will be months of losses, which of gains; but beware of ever encountering one whom you see clutching a well-worn calendar in her hands as if it were a ball of clammy amber; one who inquires of none, but is now herself inquired of; one who, if her husband is going forth to camp, or returning home from abroad, will not bear him company if the numbers of Thrasyllus call her back. If she wants to drive as far as the first mile-stone, she finds the right hour from her book; if there is a sore place in the corner of her eye, she will not call for a salve until she has consulted her horoscope: and if she be ill in bed, deems no hour so suitable for taking food as that prescribed to her by Petosiris.
si mediocris erit, spatium lustrabit utrimque
metarum et sortes ducet frontemque manumque
praebebit uati crebrum poppysma roganti.
diuitibus responsa dabit Phryx augur et inde 585
conductus, dabit astrorum mundique peritus
atque aliquis senior qui publica fulgura condit.
plebeium in circo positum est et in aggere fatum.
quae nudis longum ostendit ceruicibus aurum
consulit ante falas delphinorumque columnas 590
an saga uendenti nubat caupone relicto.
[582] If the woman be of humble rank, she will promenade between the turning-posts of the Circus; she will have her fortune told, and will present her brow and her hand to the seer who asks for many an approving smack. Wealthy women will pay for answers from a Phrygian or Indian augur well skilled in the stars and the heavens, or one of the elders employed to expiate thunderbolts. Plebeian destinies are determined in the Circus or on the ramparts : the woman who displays a long gold chain on her bare neck inquires before the pillars and the clusters of dolphins whether she shall throw over the tavern-keeper and marry the old-clothes-man.
hae tamen et partus subeunt discrimen et omnis
nutricis tolerant fortuna urguente labores,
sed iacet aurato uix ulla puerpera lecto.
tantum artes huius, tantum medicamina possunt, 595
quae steriles facit atque homines in uentre necandos
conducit. gaude, infelix, atque ipse bibendum
porrige quidquid erit; nam si distendere uellet
et uexare uterum pueris salientibus, esses
Aethiopis fortasse pater, mox decolor heres 600
impleret tabulas numquam tibi mane uide
ndus.
[592] These poor women, however, endure the perils of child-birth, and all the troubles of nursing to which their lot condemns them; but how often does a gilded bed contain a woman that is lying in? So great is the skill, so powerful the drugs, of the abortionist, paid to murder mankind within the womb. Rejoice, poor wretch; give her the stuff to drink whatever it be, with your own hand: for were she willing to get big and trouble her womb with bouncing babes, you might perhaps find yourself the father of an Ethiopian; and some day a coloured heir, whom you would rather not meet by daylight, would fill all the places in your will.
transeo suppositos et gaudia uotaque saepe
ad spurcos decepta lacus, saepe inde petitos
pontifices, salios Scaurorum nomina falso
corpore laturos. stat Fortuna inproba noctu 605
adridens nudis infantibus: hos fouet omni
inuoluitque sinu, domibus tunc porrigit altis
secretumque sibi mimum parat; hos amat, his se
ingerit utque suos semper producit alumnos.
[602] I say nothing of supposititious children, of the hopes and prayers so often cheated at those filthy pools from which are supplied Priests and Salii, with bodies that will falsely bear the name of Scauri. There Fortune shamelessly takes her stand by night, smiling on the naked babes; she fondles them all and folds them in her bosom, and then, to provide herself with a secret comedy, she sends them forth to the houses of the great. These are the children that she loves, on these she lavishes herself, and with a laugh brings them always forward as her own.
hic magicos adfert cantus, hic Thessala uendit 610
philtra, quibus ualeat mentem uexare mariti
et solea pulsare natis. quod desipis, inde est,
inde animi caligo et magna obliuio rerum
quas modo gessisti. tamen hoc tolerabile, si non
[semper aquam portes rimosa ad dolia, semper 614a
istud onus subeas ipsis manantibus urnis, 614b
quo rabidus nostro Phalarim de rege dedisti.] 614c
et furere incipias ut auunculus ille Neronis,
cui totam tremuli frontem Caesonia pulli
infudit. quae non faciet quod principis uxor?
ardebant cuncta et fracta conpage ruebant
non aliter quam si fecisset Iuno maritum
insanum. minus ergo nocens erit Agrippinae 620
boletus, siquidem unius praecordia pressit
ille senis tremulumque caput descendere iussit
in caelum et longa manantia labra saliua:
haec poscit ferrum atque ignes, haec potio torquet,
haec lacerat mixtos equitum cum sanguine patres. 625
tanti partus equae, tanti una uenefica constat.
[610] One man supplies magical spells; another sells Thessalian charms by which a wife may upset her husband’s mind, and lather his buttocks with a slipper; thence come loss of reason, and darkness of soul, and blank forgetfulness of all that you did but yesterday. Yet even that can be endured, if only you become not raving mad like that uncle of Nero’s into whose drink Caesonia poured the whole brow of a weakly foal; and what woman will not follow when an Empress leads the way? The whole world was ablaze then and falling down in ruin just as if Juno had made her husband mad. Less guilty therefore will Agrippina’s mushroom be deemed, seeing that it only stopped the breath of one old man, and sent down his palsied head and slobbering lips to heaven, whereas the other potion demanded fire and sword and torture, mingling Knights and Fathers in one mangled bleeding heap. Such was the cost of one mare’s offspring and of one she-poisoner.
oderunt natos de paelice; nemo repugnet,
nemo uetet, iam iam priuignum occidere fas est.
uos ego, pupilli, moneo, quibus amplior est res,
custodite animas et nulli credite mensae: 630
liuida materno feruent adipata ueneno.
mordeat ante aliquis quidquid porrexerit illa
quae peperit, timidus praegustet pocula papas.
[627] A wife hates the children of a concubine; let none demur or forbid, seeing that it has long been deemed right and proper to slay a stepson. But I warn you wards — you that have a good estate — keep watch over your lives; trust not a single dish: those hot cakes are black with poison of a mother’s baking. Whatever is offered you by the mother, let someone taste it first; let your trembling tutor take the first taste of every cup.
fingimus haec altum satura sumente coturnum
scilicet, et finem egressi legemque priorum 635
grande Sophocleo carmen bacchamur hiatu,
montibus ignotum Rutulis caeloque Latino?
nos utinam uani. sed clamat Pontia ‘feci,
confiteor, puerisque meis aconita paraui,
quae deprensa patent; facinus tamen ipsa peregi.’ 640
tune duos una, saeuissima uipera, cena?
tune duos? ‘septem, si septem forte fuissent.’
[634] Now think you that all this is a fancy tale, and that our Satire is taking to herself the high heels of tragedy? Think you that I have out-stepped the limits and the laws of those before me, and am mouthing in Sophoclean tones a grand theme unknown to the Rutulian hills and the skies of Latium? Would indeed that my words were idle! But here is Pontia proclaiming “I did the deed; I gave aconite, I confess it, to my own children; the crime was detected, and is known to all; yes, with my own hands I did it.” “What, you most savage of vipers? you killed two, did you, two, at a single meal?” “Aye, and seven too, had there chanced to be seven to kill!”
credamus tragicis quidquid de Colchide torua
dicitur et Procne; nil contra conor. et illae
grandia monstra suis audebant temporibus, sed 645
non propter nummos. minor admiratio summis
debetur monstris, quotiens facit ira nocentes
hunc sexum et rabie iecur incendente feruntur
praecipites, ut saxa iugis abrupta, quibus mons
subtrahitur cliuoque latus pendente recedit. 650
illam ego non tulerim quae conputat et scelus ingens
sana facit. spectant subeuntem fata mariti
Alcestim et, similis si permutatio detur,
morte uiri cupiant animam seruare catellae.
occurrent multae tibi Belides atque Eriphylae 655
mane, Clytemestram nullus non uicus habebit.
hoc tantum refert, quod Tyndaris illa bipennem
insulsam et fatuam dextra laeuaque tenebat;
at nunc res agitur tenui pulmone rubetae,
sed tamen et ferro, si praegustarit Atrides 660
Pontica ter uicti cautus medicamina regis.
[643] Let us believe all that Tragedy tells us of the savage Colchian and of Procne; I seek not to gainsay her. Those women were monsters of wickedness in their day; but it was not for money that they sinned. We marvel less at great crimes when it is wrath that incites the sex to the guilty deed, when burning passion carries them headlong, like a rock torn from a mountain side, when the ground beneath gives way, and the overhanging slopes fall in. I cannot endure the woman who calculates, and commits a great crime in her sober senses. Our wives look on at Alcestis undergoing her husband’s fate; if they were granted a like liberty of exchange, they would fain let the husband die to save a lap-dog’s life. You will meet a daughter of Belus or an Eriphyle every morning: no street but has its Clytemnestra. The only difference is this: the daughter of Tyndareus wielded in her two hands a clumsy two-headed axe, whereas nowadays a slice of a toad’s lung will do the business. Yet it may be done by steel as well, if the wary husband have beforehand tasted the medicaments of the thrice-conquered king of Pontus.
Satire 7. Learning and Letters Unprofitable
Et spes et ratio studiorum in Caesare tantum;
solus enim tristes hac tempestate Camenas
respexit, cum iam celebres notique poetae
balneolum Gabiis, Romae conducere furnos
temptarent, nec foedum alii nec turpe putarent 5
praecones fieri, cum desertis Aganippes
uallibus esuriens migraret in atria Clio.
nam si Pieria quadrans tibi nullus in umbra
ostendatur, ames nomen uictumque Machaerae
et uendas potius commissa quod auctio uendit 10
stantibus, oenophorum, tripedes, armaria, cistas,
Alcithoen Pacci, Thebas et Terea Fausti.
hoc satius quam si dicas sub iudice ‘uidi’
quod non uidisti; faciant equites Asiani,
[quamquam et Cappadoces faciant equitesque Bithyni] 15
altera quos nudo traducit gallica talo.
[1] On Caesar alone hang all the hopes and prospects of the learned; he alone in these days of ours has cast a favouring glance upon the sorrowing Muses — at a time when poets of name and fame thought of hiring baths at Gabii, or bakehouses in Rome, while others felt no shame in becoming public criers, and starving Clio herself, bidding adieu to the vales of Aganippe, was flitting to the auction rooms. For if you see no prospect of earning a groat within the Muses’ grove, you had better put up with Machaera’s name and profits and join in the battle of the sale-room, selling to the crowd winejars, tripods, book-cases and cupboards — the Alcithoe of Paccius, the Thebes or the Tereus of Faustus! How much better that than to say before a judge “I saw” what you did not see! Leave that to the Knights of Asia, of Bithynia and Cappadocia — gentry that were imported bare-footed from New Gaul!
nemo tamen studiis indignum ferre laborem
cogetur posthac, nectit quicumque canoris
eloquium uocale modis laurumque momordit.
hoc agite, o iuuenes. circumspicit et stimulat uos 20
materiamque sibi ducis indulgentia quaerit.
si qua aliunde putas rerum expectanda tuarum
praesidia atque ideo croceae membrana tabellae
impletur, lignorum aliquid posce ocius et quae
componis dona Veneris, Telesine, marito, 25
Delphi Complete Works of Juvena Page 35