A Man You Can Trust

by Jo McNally

  “And I was doing that...until you walked in. Which makes me think maybe you really want to join me in here before the water gets too cool.”

  Her mouth opened, then closed again and she stood. “Soak up a little more warmth and relaxation, and I’ll see you in the kitchen when you’re ready.” She moved to walk past him, but he reached out and grabbed her hand. She was the only comfort he craved.

  “Don’t go, Cass. Being alone with my thoughts is not... It’s not relaxing.”

  She sat again, this time behind his shoulder. “Why don’t you tell me about it. Tell me what happened in LA.”

  “Not much to tell. My partner died because of me.”

  “I don’t believe that.” Her answer was quick and sure.

  “It’s true. I made a bad call, and she paid the price. Jada was shot. Killed. Because of me.” Her fingers traced patterns through his hair, her words barely a whisper.

  “Tell me.”

  He told her about the night that replayed in his dreams over and over again. When he’d heard uniforms were called to Beth Washington’s house earlier that night, he’d felt sick. He and Jada had been there a dozen times in previous years, but, with their encouragement, Beth had dumped her bastard of a husband. Nick and Jada had been there the day Earl moved out, to make sure there wasn’t any trouble.

  “Let me guess,” Cassie said. “She took him back, because he promised he’d change?”

  “She seemed like such an intelligent woman, but...” Nick glanced up at Cassie and grimaced. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to say you aren’t intelligent, but at least you left and didn’t go back. I don’t understand how someone can go back to a guy who does that. He broke her freakin’ arm twice, and she still took him back.”

  Cassie sighed. “I had plenty of opportunities to leave before I finally did it. Abusers are very good at convincing you they’ll change. They’re the world’s best apologizers. They play head games better than anyone else. They make you think you were the one who caused it, so if you just behave the way they want, things will be fine. But things never are.”

  Nick couldn’t imagine forgiving someone for beating on him. But he’d heard all the science supporting what Cassie was saying. His head knew she was right, but his heart couldn’t get past that night at Beth Washington’s. Couldn’t get past Jada paying the price.

  “Jada and I drove by the house a few hours after the patrol unit responded to the call. The report said a neighbor had complained about a loud argument and crashing sounds next door. Of course, Earl gave them some BS story. He said they’d been watching a movie with the volume way up, and that was what the neighbor heard. His wife and kids backed him up, so the patrol told him to keep the volume down and left.”

  “But they weren’t watching a movie, were they?” Cassie’s fingers stopped moving. She knew what was coming next. Too bad he hadn’t been smart enough to see it. It was only supposed to be a wellness call at the end of their shift. Jada had already taken her vest off. They’d argued about that constantly—she hated wearing a vest.

  “We knocked on the door and Beth answered. I told her we were just checking on things, and she told us the same movie nonsense. But there was something about the look in her eyes. In the eyes of those kids lined up on the sofa. Jada took the youngest girl down to her room, and I asked Beth where her husband was. She said everything was fine. Kept saying we needed to go.”

  And just like that, Nick was back in that living room again. Nice house. Nice neighborhood. No sign of the horrors that had occurred. No warning of the horror to come. Jada returned from putting the baby to bed, stopping at the end of the hallway. Nick was lecturing Beth about how they couldn’t protect her if she wouldn’t protect herself. Beth looked up at him, tears and terror filling her eyes. That moment was his first clue that something was wrong. Really wrong. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end when she grabbed his shirt, hissing that Earl had a gun. He’d said he was going to kill them all, and if she couldn’t get Nick and Jada to leave, he’d kill them, too.

  “I looked up at Jada. We both reached for our weapons. There was a shotgun blast, and Jada...” Cassie stroked his head again. “When she fell, Earl was right there behind her, reloading the shotgun. I shot him in the chest, then grabbed the two kids and Beth and hustled them out the door. Everyone was screaming. I went around to the back door to get the baby from her room. The neighbor took a picture of me running out of the house with the screaming kid in my arms, and the media went nuts, making me out as some kind of hero cop. It was all bullshit.” He swallowed hard. “I did everything wrong, and my partner...my friend...died in my arms. Because of me. My colleagues on the force knew it, too. I could see it in their eyes when the story hit the news. I could see it at the funeral. The way they looked at me. The way her wife, Shayla, looked at me. They all knew.”

  “Nick...” Cassie waited until he turned to look up at her. “Are you sure you weren’t just projecting your own guilt into their eyes?”

  * * *

  Cassie watched Nick consider her words. He weighed them, almost gave in to the temptation of believing them, then dismissed them, opting to hang on to his pain.

  “Good cops don’t let their partners get shot in the back. That was on me.”

  “That’s a lot of weight to carry around.” He shrugged, staring at one of the candles that were burning low. She’d almost forgotten where they were. What a bizarre place to be having this conversation. “It’s why you left LA.”

  “I was done being a cop. I didn’t have the fire for it anymore. I started blaming the victims for putting themselves...”

  Cassie nodded. “You blamed them for putting themselves in danger. For being victims.” It certainly explained why he’d reacted so angrily to discovering her ex-husband had assaulted her.

  Nick raked his fingers through his hair. “I know it’s bad. It’s wrong. And it sounds even worse when you say it out loud. But the fact is, if Beth hadn’t taken Earl back, Jada would still be alive.”

  “So now you’re saying it’s Beth’s fault that Jada is dead, not yours.”

  “Don’t twist my words. It was my fault. I walked us right into the middle of a disaster.”

  “Did Jada not want to go? Do you think she had any idea what was going to happen when she took the baby and left you alone in the living room?”

  “No, of course not.”

  “Then how is this all your fault? You both stopped at the house out of concern, and Jada agreed to it. Neither of you expected to run into a lunatic. Something terrible happened, but I don’t see how you made any huge mistake that led to it.” She tugged at his hair gently until he looked up at her, his dark eyes troubled with memories of a night too horrible to imagine, much less witness. She leaned forward, resting her forehead on his. “Nick, if you and Jada hadn’t stopped that night, that whole family would be dead. Those innocent children would be dead.”

  He closed his eyes. He didn’t want to feel better about it. He wanted to hurt.

  “Shayla tried to tell me that, but it doesn’t help.”

  “Because you don’t want it to?”

  He pulled away, looking at the bathtub with a flash of surprise, as if he’d forgotten he was in there. She didn’t want to push him any further. They’d both shared a lot, and he was probably feeling as raw and wiped out as she was. She stood and handed him a towel.

  “I imagine that water’s pretty cold by now. I’ll make some grilled cheese sandwiches and warm up some tomato soup, and we’ll sit and relax for the rest of the afternoon. That will square us up on the deal we made.”

  He stared at the towel before reaching for it, avoiding eye contact with her.

  “It might be better if I head home.”

  “And I think it would be better if we both had some food and took some time to recover from all the soul-baring that’s gone on today. And since this is my day
to call the shots, you don’t get a vote.”

  He looked up, one brow arched, his mouth sliding into a devastating grin. And then he stood, glistening wet and completely naked. A small cluster of bubbles slid slowly down his chest, and she watched their journey in fascination. He sounded amused.

  “I think I liked you better when you were timid. This bold-and-bossy Cassie makes me think I’ve created a monster.”

  Cassie licked her suddenly dry lips. Her mind was empty of coherent thought. The bubbles were below his ribs now, gliding towards...

  “My eyes are up here, babe.”

  She blinked and looked away from him, which finally freed her tongue. “I know where your eyes are. They’re right above your smart-ass mouth. Get dressed and...”

  He stepped out of the tub. The combination of hard male body and floral-scented bubbles was frying her brain cells. Nick chuckled.

  “Are you sure you want me to get dressed? Or did you mean to say you want me just like this?”

  Oh, yes. She wanted him alright. Just like this. Just exactly like this. The crooked grin. The mischievous light in his eye. The vulnerability he’d shown earlier. The tenderness when he’d held her in his arms. The strength of those arms, the safety she felt when she was with him. It was all so new.

  Nick was her friend. He was her safety net. The man she’d made love to. No—had sex with. No. Made love to. The man she was falling for. Freefalling for. She had no right to. She was a fool if she did. But it was too late. He was her everything. And she was falling in love with him.

  The realization caught her by such surprise that a nervous giggle bubbled up. She covered her mouth to keep from blurting the words out loud, since this man always left her thoughts in chaos and her mouth with no filter whatsoever. She giggled again as she, for some reason, remembered a Sun Tzu quote from her self-help book.

  In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity...

  Chapter Fifteen

  Nick was standing naked and wet in a bathroom with a woman who was giggling at him.

  It wasn’t exactly great for his ego, but he tried not to take it personally. She seemed as surprised by it as he was, the way her hand came up and covered those soft lips. The way her eyes went wide. The way her cheeks flushed pink. He cleared his throat loudly.

  “So the sight of me standing like this makes you laugh, huh?”

  “I’m sorry. I really am. It’s been such a...day... Hasn’t it?” Her hands went wide. “I don’t know what we’re doing, Nick. I don’t know what’s happening, or what comes next, or how to...”

  “Shh.” He put his fingers over her lips this time. “Let’s not overthink this, okay? One day at a time seems like a good place to start. Let’s take it a day at a time, together, and we’ll figure it out as we go.”

  Her eyes went more gold than green, her brows furrowed. “But shouldn’t we have a plan?”

  She’d been on the run for a year now, planning for all kinds of contingencies. All sorts of what-ifs, ready to flee in the middle of the night. Letting their relationship simply play out was clearly scaring the daylights out of her. But he needed time to sort through his own feelings, and he couldn’t do that while laying out some master plan of how this might work. He decided to distract her.

  He kissed her softly, his hand pushing her hair back from her face. She trembled when his lips touched hers. And that was it.

  That little tremble was his moment of truth. He was falling for this woman. Not because she trembled at his touch. That was just his wake-up call. He was falling for her because she was strong and tough and kind and funny. Because she made him want to be a better man. Made him want to be her protector. Forever. He’d known lots of women. But only one made him think of forever. And it was this woman. Right here. Right now.

  “You’re naked.” She said the words against his mouth, and he felt her smile. He’d gotten her to smile again. And it made him feel like a god. He grinned.

  “I am. It’s generally the way to bathe, or did I do the bubble bath thing wrong?”

  She shook her head. “No. You did it just right, Nick.” She was still smiling, but there was something else going on behind those eyes. Something deep. She blinked and straightened. “I’d like to think we can do more than hop in bed every five minutes, though. So let’s eat and sit and have that quiet afternoon together, okay?”

  He didn’t want her thinking they were just bed bunnies. He knew now that he wanted more. He wanted all of her.

  “This is your day and I’m at your command.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “And I know that we can do more than hop in bed every five minutes, Cass. We’re more than that.”

  She looked into his eyes intently. He wasn’t sure what she was looking for, but she seemed to find it. She nodded and relaxed against him. Then, remembering his nakedness, she pulled back and gave a nervous giggle. Glancing down, she noted his physical response to their close proximity. It was pretty tough to hide while naked, and he didn’t bother trying. The corners of her mouth tipped up. “Who knows? Maybe I’ll decide on some bed hopping later.”

  “Whatever you want, babe.”

  The rest of the day passed in quiet, peaceful time together. They were both exhausted—emotionally from all the sharing they’d done, and physically from a night full of activity. Nick was shocked at how much he enjoyed settling onto the flowered sofa and having another glass of wine while he watched Cassie read her book in the armchair by the window. She’d explained that the furniture all belonged to her landlady, Nora, who owned the coffee shop downstairs. Much of the main floor of the apartment was open to the beamed ceilings two stories above. There were metal stairs leading to a loft where Cassie slept every night. He wanted to see that loft, but, surprisingly, he wasn’t in a rush. It was nice to be here with her, each lost in their own thoughts, but together. And the together part felt really good.

  He glanced toward the door and frowned at the duffel bag sitting there. The only dark spot of the afternoon had been when Cassie explained it was her “go-bag,” packed and ready to grab if Don ever tracked her down here. Nick wanted to tell her to unpack that thing and forget about leaving, but he could sense the security it gave her to feel...prepared somehow. They’d discuss it some other time, when he’d convince her it was no longer needed, because she had him to protect her now. Now and forever.

  Damn, that word kept moving through his thoughts. Forever. They’d had one night. One night, even one amazing night, couldn’t possibly lead to a forever. Could it?

  He dozed off for a while, and when he woke, the lake outside the windows was peach colored from the setting sun. Cassie had fallen asleep, too, her book open in her lap, her head back against the corner of the wingback chair. He got up as quietly as he could and took the brightly colored throw from the back of the sofa, wrapping it around her. He figured he’d leave a note and slip out before she woke. They both needed the sleep. But as soon as he straightened, her eyes swept open and she stretched, yawning before smiling up at him.

  “Whatcha doin’, Nick?”

  “I figured it’s time for me to head to my own bed. We’re both wiped out.”

  “Stay.” It wasn’t a question. Just one simple word that could lead to a whole lot of complications.

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure I don’t want to go to bed alone tonight. Do you?”

  She had him there. He knew he’d be reaching for her in his dreams.

  “No, I don’t.” He helped her to her feet. “But be sure, Cass. Because one night together is...one night. Two nights is a relationship. Even if it’s not a long one, it’s a relationship. It means something.” This already meant something to him, but he wasn’t certain where Cassie’s head was. If they were doing this thing, they were doing it. All or...nothing? He didn’t even want to think about what nothing might feel like.

  Luckily, he didn
’t have to worry about it. Cassie took his hand and led him up the long flight of steps to where a huge iron bed sat, facing the arched windows on the top level of the loft. She turned to face him by that bed, repeating the only word he needed to hear.

  “Stay.”

  * * *

  Cassie smiled into her tea, staring at her computer screen, struggling to focus on work. She and Nick had settled into a happy routine over the past few weeks. Most of their free time was spent at Nick’s house, to avoid the prying eyes of Nora and Aunt Cathy. Nora and the cousins were delighted over their being together. Amanda reminded Cassie that now the apartment really was an indisputable “love shack.”

  Aunt Cathy, on the other hand, was not delighted. She worried that Cassie was jumping into a serious relationship too soon. That Nick was “smothering” her by being around all the time. Cassie tried to explain that the difference between this and her former marriage was that she wanted Nick around. Cathy reminded her that Nick was a cop, just like Don. But that wasn’t fair. There were thousands of honorable police officers out there, and Nick was one of them. Cathy had finally agreed to reserve judgment until she had a chance to get to know Nick better. Which would be happening that weekend.

  Here at work, things were easier than she’d anticipated. They made a deal to stay focused on the job while at the resort, and, for the most part, it worked. Nick still hid her stapler every damn day, just like always. They continued to have sparring sessions in the gym like always. He continued to borrow flowers for her desk. Other than Blake, no one would ever know things had changed. Unless they saw Nick pull Cassie into his office for a lunchtime make-out session.

  Blake wasn’t exactly enthusiastic about the new office dynamic, but he didn’t post any objections, either. Other than a quiet warning that first Monday to keep it professional and to save their personal life for their personal time, he’d stayed quiet.